Patience!

Back from the dead!!

2010-09-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in ages and sure no one is around anymore on my blog but I did find a few of you on facebook or you found me! I couldn't even remember my password to log onto blogger but I finally figured it out.
I lost my interest in blogging for a while. Think I hit the depression this winter and haven't been working in xray either! Been being a mommy and wife and not too much else. I think I gave up when I couldn't find a job within the first few months. I am ready to start looking again though there seems to be nothing out there. I may have forgotten how to xray too. I may go and observe one of my friends to get the feel of it again and of course I will study my books to remind myself of everything.
It's been a helluva year and not a great one for me but I think things will turn around here soon. I'm trying to be positive.
I had a pretty good summer hanging out with my son and family and went to eastern washington a lot to Lake Chelan and Winthrop as I have access to a cabin there. And this weekend we got back from my dad's cabin which isn't too far from where I live so I got a chance to go out on the lake and did some kayaking. Anyway, I'm not dead and still kicking and will try to find out if some of you are still blogging.
I'm looking forward to the kid back in school this week! Yes, some alone time! Take care everyone.

Passed the test

2009-10-06T20:36:00.001-07:00

Yeah, passed my big radiology test last week and got licensed to practice xray as well as surgery and fluoroscopy so real happy that I passed on the first try. It was hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. Now, the task is trying to find a job in this economy. I can't believe how tight the job market is....even for healthcare. I did have one interview and have a second one this week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that. It would mean a move for us and prob. selling the house. It's a tough decision but I need to make some money and soon. The hard part is that I'm competing with friends from school for the job as we are all looking at the same few jobs. Oh well, what are you gonna do? We just wish each other well.

I continue to look all over the state for work and hopefully something will pan out. I hate the rejection you get....now it's via email too....ha....I guess that's painless compared to in person.

I'm still on the wt loss wagon but have been up and down a few pounds. I will weigh in tomorrow and should have a loss. Well, not many followers left to this blog, I think. I'm sporadic in my posting, that's for sure and just not into it that much but I keep hanging on a bit. I'm still following a few of you but every so often and I'll try to check out your blogs later this week. I hope you are all well in you corner of the world and take care.

heart is heavy

2009-09-20T11:31:00.001-07:00

My heart is heavy today. I had a classmate of mine at college die last week. It was a freak accident, a drowning. He got caught in a tide at dusk and no one could save him. We were unlikely friends due to me being old enough to be his mom, just about, as he was only 23.

A lot of us at the school went to the funeral yesterday and it was a celebration of life but it was really sad too. I can't help question why someone has to go so young. He just finished college, got his first radiology job and now this. I can't understand but I know there is no understanding why good people have to leave this earth too soon. I guess I can take comfort in that he was a christian man and he helped youth and had a strong belief in God. And, by the showing in the room he touched a lot of people's lives in his short life. He was such a uplifting, positive and funny person to be around. He will be missed!!

I can't help but feel down about this as it also brings back memories of losing my best friend as well as family. Why does it have to be so hard for those left behind? Of course, we will all die someday as is the natural course of life and we just keep plugging along. Hopefully, there is an afterlife, I like to believe there is. Where this is no pain and only loving.

Anyway, just feeling melancholy today. I need to get my butt in gear and go to the library. I'm still studying for my big test for my radiology license at the end of the month. I have been procrastinating too much so I'm off to the library to concentrate cause at home I find a million other things to do and interupted all the time.

I'm still taking guitar lessons but it's going slow as I don't seem that focused on that either. It is fun to think someday I can actually play a song I like. The weight loss is still going and down -15 but haven't progressed much past that. Probably having to do with me not going to the gym as much. I also need to write down everything I eat for those ww points values and quit doing it in my head as that's not accurate and I'm prob. eating more calories/points that I think.

I hope you are all doing well out in blogland and I'll visit later when I get a chance!!!!!

I have much to be thankful for.....

2009-08-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

You know when you are having a crappy day.....as I was the other day....my mood was down....I'm looking for a job and there is nothing out there in my area which I just got a degree in. I am going around the track at the gym and I see a guy who is on a walker with help from 2 of his family and just struggling to get around 1 lap which is 1/6th of a mile. I start to think.....how lucky, how thankful am I that I have my health. How hard his life must be to just walk, to just function as I could tell he had special needs, physically and mentally. This gym, the Y, brings me back to reality all the time as there are several people with special needs. I have much, very much to be thankful for. My health, my family, money to at least survive for now. It got me to thinking again....I would very much like to volunteer someday to help others. Especially special needs or the elderly. I find myself liking working with the elderly especially in the health care field.

Anyway, just need to get real once in a while and quit the negative thinking....and down moods. I have been doing pretty well on the average though. Got done with school on the 15th and then went to Lake Chelan and winthrop. I wish I had some pics but here are three from last year. One of the lake and one of Winthrop/town and one of my sister's cabin we stayed at on 2 nights. The others at the lake, we camped. I can't find my dang camera!!

I've just been enjoying my last bit of summer and studying for my licensing test next month. We are going to the gym a lot, went to an outdoor pool yesterday, had a bday party for my kid, etc.... We will go to my dad's cabin this weekend to work on improving the dock with a new cover and nails, etc. It probably needs new wood boards too but I think that will cost too much. Hopefully, we will get in some swimming or boating if the weather holds up but rain is forecast, bluck.

I am really relieved that school is over and I got my college diploma. Now it is going to be a chore to find a good job and will take some time though I'm working on what little leads I can find and will be relieved when I can get this big test over with and quit studying.

I have a few things to look forward too....my mom got me and my sisters a massage/facial thing for a graduation present and the sisters get the benefit too. ha! I might go to Seattle in early September and go to the EMP Music experience project. It is supposedly free the first Thursday night of the month. You can listen to music, play guitar and things. I've never been there. I am taking guitar lessons once a week just for a month and have learned a few basic chords/notes. I can tell this will take a really long time to learn the guitar. My teacher is a young rocker type guy but he knows his stuff.

My other news is.....yeah, wait for it.......I've been losing weight again!!!!! It's about time, huh???? I started on 7/7 at wt watchers and lost about 12 pounds. I think I will lose more this week as I've been exercising a lot again. I lost quickly the first month but that last few weeks and going on vacation I have been at a standstill with up a pound, down a pound. I am proud of myself that even on vacation I found a wt watchers meeting and tried to stay on track. I am feeling optimistic about this next year and getting off some major poundage. I have to....for my health, for my feet and working on them all day in my new profession and lots of other reasons. I'm tired of living in this fat cocoon.....and need to get back to really living life and liking the body I am in....someday.

I hope you all are well out in blogland and will visit you soon!!!

Officially not a blogger much.....

2009-08-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, life gets in the way. And I have lost interest in most of the blogging world due to working/interning a lot and just life in general. Also, the summer months gets me outside more and doing things away from the computer. Sometimes, I begin to loathe the internet world and not dealing with people face to face so I retreat a bit but I'm sure I'll come back sooner or later.

School is almost done and I can taste it. One more week or really 4 more work days as they have me on 10 hr days/wed-saturday. Then I will immediately go on vacation over to Lake Chelan and do some camping and swimming and maybe over to Winthrop where my sister has a cabin. We all went there last year and it was nice. I really wanted to take a plane ride anywhere, maybe Disneyland but I don't think it's gonna happen as I'm looking for a job. The job market sucks for x-ray and it may take me a while to find something. I'll be happy with part time if I can find it. It seems some of us classmates are all competing for the same jobs and there is like 1 or 2 so pretty grim but I'm trying to keep my chin up. I will take a month to study for my big registery/license test and hopefully pass that on the first try.

Other than that we have been going down to my dad's cabin when the sun was out and doing some boating and tubing and skiing. I'm not a skiier but I can drive the boat and do some tubing and lots of swimming. I may also try sky diving!!! As my graduation present...I'm looking for takers....anyone interested? ha. My cousin or neice may try it with me. You go tandem strapped to some guy but the downside is that it is like $250 and up so not sure if I can swing it. My mom said my present is massages and facials with all my sisters at the end of the month so that will be fun. I've got a bad case of senioritis and just praying the week goes fast!

I had a nice Sat. night going out with old friends for a bachelor/bachelorette party for friends of ours that were in our class in high school and got together all these years later and will go to Maui and get married next month. We drank quite a bit and danced a bit and gave some naughty presents. ha! Good to let loose a bit as it's been a while.

Also, my next hobby is learning to play the guitar. I thought I was getting an acoustic one and my hubby gave me an electric guitar for our anniversary this week. I'm like, what?????!!!! I think it is more for my son and him. I want to learn on a basic wooden one so we'll see.

I hope you are all doing well out in blogland and I will visit when I come up for air. Thanks for still reading.

hellooooooooooooooo..........

2009-07-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, yeah. Haven't been around the blogosphere as been busy working a lot. I guess I haven't been into the blogging thing for a while. But I will post once in a while so hope I can still keep in touch with all you bloggers out there that I have come to like!!

I'm on that darn facebook now and liking getting in touch with a lot of old friends and people that I have lost along the way and now finding through this internet world. It's nice. I'm just not into the the whole....'I've just made dinner' or I just went here and there. I like it more for saying 'hi' to friends that I haven't seen in ages.

My internship at the hospital is going well and have only 6 1/2 more weeks and done in August. Can't friggin wait!!! It's hard working 40 hours and not getting paid. I'm looking for a job for the future but the job market is pitiful!!! All of us in the state graduating in radiology and like 1 job up for grabs, it's the pits. Hopefully it will improve in the coming months as I don't want to be out of a job for long as I need to keep my skills current. Hope a move is not in our future but I would be willing to move for work but don't really want to move out of state. And everyone I know that is selling a house takes forever to sell it so that would be hard!

My boy is with grandma a lot during the week as I work and my hubby went to Alaska to fish and make some money on his vacation so it is nice to get some fun time for me. I'm watching movies at night and had a pedicure. Hmmmm....what will I do next? 4th of July will be spent with some family so looking forward to that. Anybody seen 'True Blood' from HBO? I rented the first two episodes.....about vampires and it is strange but I think I'll rent the next one. Next I will watch 'flirting with 40' - I had read the book and 'Gran Tourismo'.

Anyway.......I need to get to bed as I've been getting like 5 hours a night as I'm a night owl and have to get up at 5am these days. bluck. I hate dragging butt at the hospital as it's physical work but I can't seem to get to bed early.

Eight things to do.....

2009-06-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Eight things I am looking forward to:

Graduating from college in August!
Going to the movie 'Up' and maybe 'Hangover' this week.
Having a break from college next week!!!
Having sex....ha! Just checking to see if you are reading.
Starting wt watchers again....and losing a bunch.
Working out again.....it's been a long time. I'm gonna start riding my bike again this week.
Spending time with my son.
Going to the ocean in 11 days.

Eight things I did yesterday:

interned at the hospital
went to a bookstore
did errands
went out to dinner
watched a video called 'lucky you'
kissed my family
cleaned my car
made a friend laugh

Eight things I wish I could do:

Play the guitar
Play the piano better
Be a doctor.....ha, after watching the surgeons at work yesterday
Love what I do...still working on this
Lose weight once and for all
Be happy without so much effort
see friends more often instead of being a hermit
quit worrying about money

Eight shows I watch:

(this won't be easy as I don't watch much television due to school)

grey's anatomy
America's home videos
home makeover
ET/celebrity type news shows
Spongebob.....cause my son has it on all the time!
(I rarely watch tv......at all so I can't even make it to 8)

Eight favorite fruits:

strawberries
raspberries
grapes
peaches
bananas
apples
pineapple
kiwi

Eight places I’d like to travel:

Italy
France
Greece
Africa
Turks and Caicos
Indonesia
Australia
England

Eight places I've lived:

Oak Harbor, Washington
Pullman, WA
Seattle, WA
Tacoma, WA
Long Beach, California
Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
Tempe, Arizona
Cayman Islands, BWI

I tag: Diet coke rocks, Christie, Sarah, Sizzle or anyone else that would like to do!!!

Bad blogger

2009-05-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know....I'm a bad blogger. I really haven't been into the blog world for some time. But....I miss you guys that I've come to know thru the blogs.

Nothing too exciting happening in my world....it's school, school school. I'll be done with the quarter on June 8th so I'm looking forward to having 10 days off. My classwork will be done and all I have to do is my hospital work this summer and of course, pass the boards/big test at the end. Things are going well, I'm just tired of the school. Unfortunately, the job market is really tight and no job lined up for after summer yet but maybe something part time will come along. Everyone else in my class is in the same boat though a few are working part time.

I went to the play Grease last weekend. It was pretty good as I always did enjoy that movie. Of course, no one lives up to John Travolta. They had Taylor Hicks (from american idol) sing the 'beauty school drop out' song and he was good. We got up close to him after the show and he is a lot cuter than he looked on tv. My friend got a picture of him so that was cool.

I have been thinking a lot about my yo yo ing up and down in weight. I think I'm ready to tackle starting to lose weight again starting in June. I'm not sure if I am going the weight watchers route or on my own but summer with me working/intering so much would be a good time to start. I'm tired of the way I look, that's for sure!! It would be one thing if I was fat and happy but I am not.

Spring has finally arrived around here and we're having some 70 degree days which is awesome for our state. I need to to out an enjoy it. I'll visit the blogs soon and hope you are all doing well!

P.S. Hey Roly Poly man aka.....spider....what happened to ya??? I see you have a private blog now....what's up? Give me a comment if you are around.

Just been busy

2009-04-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

Just been busy with work, school and the like and haven't been around the blogs much. Not too much to say I guess. Been working on papers for school and getting all the tests/competencies (interning) I need to get done at work. I'm really enjoying learning and assisting in surgeries. From broken bones of the hands and legs, spine work, gallbladder removal's and kidney stones removal. Who knew I would like it rather than being grossed out...I think it's my favorite part of the intering lately.

We went to the annual conference for us future Radiology tech's. It was fun to let loose with our classmates and the booze was a flowing. We had a lot of fun just hanging out and went out to dinner and the bars and played pool and the next night we went dancing. I guess I'm not too old to boogie. It has been years and years since I've danced or let loose like that. It was nice and was a chance to let off some steam....a great stress reliever. And it was great to get to know some of ladies in my class better and just laugh a lot. Of course, the conference wasn't bad either during the day and we learned some new things.

Not much else happening.....had a nice Easter with family a few weeks ago and nothing exciting coming down the pike except for in June we will go spend the night out by the ocean at a place called Ocean Shores on the WA coast so that will be fun. I always love it out there and it's a great place to fly the more heavy duty kites.

The family is doing well and my boy right now is playing Star Wars with his light saber. He fought the Mommy and I lost so I have up the saber to the hubby. They are so rambunctious! I hope you all are well.....and I'll stop by and say hi soon.

back to the daily grind

2009-04-04T11:12:00.001-07:00

I'm back in to the daily grind of school and work. I'm tired already....and I don't like it. I guess I have a bit of senioritis and want school to just be over. I know it will be by the end of summer but then there is the big registry test I must pass so that adds a layer of stress to see if I can do it.

I rented the Twilight movie over my break cause I never have seen it. Even though it is mostly for teens I think, I really liked it. I'm a sucker for love stories anyway and it brought back some of that feeling when you were in love for the first time. The Edward guy would of been just my type, ha. Of course, I had to go buy some of the 4 books in the series and have been reading them all week. They are very long books but I am on the last one 'breaking dawn'. It's like I couldn't put them down much I had to keep on reading even though it they get weird as it's all about vampires and werewolves. Anybody else read these books? I guess they are working on the next movie 'new moon' now up north of us here in Vancouver, Canada. In the other movie I guess they shot it in Oregon and in Forks, Washington. I've driven through Forks and if you blink you will miss it. They are right though that it is really green and old town and rains a lot there. They are smack dab in the rain forest. Maybe I'll wonder out there this summer and go out to La Push beach area or hike around the rain forest; really want to go camping out there. There is a hot spring area out there that I've been wanting to go to. In the summers as a kid, I used to go out to the Makah reservation.....it's above where the forks area is...kind of the point/tip of washington. My dad used to salmon fish in the summers there and we would camp there a lot waiting for him or go out in the boat with him. It does have some pretty areas. Here's some pics of the area. There is a lot of the area I haven't seen too. I've been to Port Angeles and hiked up hurricane ridge and that is nice. I guess these books brought about a renewed interest to get out and see my state. We really aren't that far away from this area.

We did end up going to this Great Wolf Lodge. It reminded be of the 'grand california hotel' at Disneyland that looks like it is straight out of the northwest theme....it is rustic with lots of stone brick and fake animals. It is totally catered to kids. We went on a lot of water slides and the wave pool. The kids also did this magic wand thing where you have this wand and you go in a search for crystals and mystic figures and fight dragons. They also had a kid zone with dancing and interactive games like Wii games and rock star but that was more for the tweens so we didn't go in there.

Anyway, hope you all are well as I haven't been blogging or very often but I like to get on here occassionally and I'll visit you all soon. Now I have this sudden urge to go hiking.....spring is just around the corner and we will get out there soon and I'm tired of being cooped up inside.....I need to see the ocean.

bday celebrations and time on my hands

2009-03-21T13:26:00.001-07:00

Just some photos from our beautiful state, probably ones you've seen before. I really should get out and see the scenery but it's been dark and dreary here as of late.

My hubby's birthday is today so we have been celebrating a bit and will go out to dinner somewhere....maybe a steak. Outback or such? You auzzies and Kiwi's heard of this restaurant owned my Australians? They do have pretty good food and beer.
I gave hime his presents but he says he really only wants one thing....ya know what that is ladies. ha!!

We are just taking it easy today and haven't even gotten dressed yet! I'm on my spring break and got my hair highlighted yesterday and went to the movie 'slumdog millionaire'. It was really good. I then watched 'derailed' movie on video which was a bit disturbing. I'm reading magazine and doing a lot of things I don't have time for when school is on such as cleaning house. I thought I had a lot more time to myself next week of it's school conference week and so kids are in school 1/2 time. So, not sure if I will be out to visit friends I haven't seen in a while or not.

We did decide to go to that indoor water park/hotel next Saturday....so we are all looking forward to that! What else would I like to do....maybe get out and take some photos....I used to love doing that so we'll see how that goes. Also, I'm giving lots of thought to getting healthier again. Working out again and losing some poundage. School is taking my whole life over and it shouldn't keep me from accomplishing other things in my life which it has.

Take care and if you stop by....come on now leave a comment. Think I have lost most my readers! But, that's ok. Hope you are all well and having a great weekend.

light at the end of the tunnel

2009-03-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

Still waiting and waiting for spring break to come after the 18th of this month. I'm in the study mode now with finals coming up and I have a big one.

My interning is stressful at times and other days I really like it. It is physically hard most days as I'm on the move constantly. I keep pulling muscles in my right arm. Has to do with the machines and with the stretchers that are hard to adjust up and down. I can't really do anything about it but grin and bear it. I can't afford to be out sick as you get limited time off from school as they are really strict with attendance and interning.

The job market is tight even for hospital work. Except for nurses of course they always seem to be in demand. I can only hope I can eventually make some money when I graduate if not sooner. Working for free really sucks though I am still learning new things, like xraying during surgery, and that what this interning is all about. I almost lost my lunch the other day....sometime the barium enemas can be really nasty and make you want to gag. Sick people mean yucky smells throughout the hospital if you know what I mean. Maybe I'll end up at a clinic...it is a little easier I think but I think those jobs are few and far between.

No big plans for my break. I wish I had some but I will visit with some friends I haven't seen in a while. I would like to take my son to this hotel/lodge that has a big water slide in it. It is quite pricey so I don't think we will be able to go there.

Can you believe we had snow this past week? Our winter has had a lot of snow which is unusual for us. We usually have mild winters and lucky to get one day of snow and we've had a lot this winter. I'm a sun lover.....I'm wishing for spring. I hope all are well and I'll see how you are doing this weekend.

still around, still breathing

2009-03-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

Still around but haven't been into blogging much or looking at blogs, sorry! Life just gets in the way or maybe I'm gettin tired of it, I don't know.

Everything's going pretty good with school and interning....I will have a break coming up the week of March 21 so I'm looking forward to that. I do hate that my spring break and my son's are different and that will mean more daycare on his break which sucks. Sometimes my mom will help out but she went down south the California for the month. She's a snowbird as they call it....go down to get some good weather when ours sucks here in the north.

I had a chance to visit with friends on Friday night....my girls group (old high school friends) but was saddenned to learn than one of my best girlfriends is moving to Chicago in the summer. Her husband is in banking and he has to go where the job goes. I hope they can come back some day. They have lived quite the life and have lived all around the world but she was enjoying being a homebody here in Washington and is sad about leaving. I know they'll be back for vacations as their family is here and they have a nice cabin here up by the San Juan's. (If you don't know where that is...that is in northern washington up near Canada almost and is near where I grew up). It is beautiful up there and I can appreciate it now that I'm older. I remember when I was 18 I couldn't wait to get off the island I grew up on because there was nothing to do. Now, I like to visit the family there and just chill out. Maybe a move is in my future?? If there is a job up that way when I graduate, who knows? I still love the Seattle area though and all there is to do though.

I need to go study my stuff.....this week it is child abuse, yuck, yuck. Makes you sick to your stomach but something we might encounter in the health care world and I need to know the signs.

Not much else happening though I did have a birthday! I got to go out to a Japanese steakhouse (kind of like a benihana) where they cook and chop the food in front of you and have lots of fire and my son got to beat the big drums. I got some gift certificates to a local department store (Macy's) so I need to go spend them and I need some new tennis shoes as well as an outfit or makeup I guess.

Hope you all are well and will try to get around to the blog this week and see how your corner of the world is.

sick sick sick

2009-02-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

I've got a yucky cold that won't quit. It's going around I guess but it makes it hard to get my work done as I would rather just sleep!!
We had to go out of town to my brother in law's 50th bday party. It was a good time but the party was over by 10:45....man everyone is getting old. ha! He is one of those guys that usually doesn't stay up past 9pm as he works real early so that was good for him. It was good as I saw a few of his old friends that I have seen in in years....maybe decades.

I got to visit with my mom and dad too as they live in the same town as my sister and we got to try my dad's infamous crab dip....as he is an avid crabber and fisherman all his life. Now I am back home and finishing up my second long paper for class projects. Yuck, yuck, but it is done!!! I'm glad I have tomorrow off for President's day and I can study some more of my trauma book for a test on Tuesday and try to find time for something fun. I borrowed a movie from my mom called 'Derailed' with Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen. I hear it's naughty and violent....hmmmmm...don't know if I'm in the mood for that.

Not much else going on....just same old, same old.........hope you are all doing well!!!

rainbow

2009-02-08T19:03:00.000-08:00

Your rainbow is shaded yellow.

What is says about you: You are a joyful person. You appreciate optimism. You're good at getting people to like you.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Here's a quiz I found on Wannabeslim's blog. I guess it is right in that I'm an optimist.

Finally got my email fixed! Woooohooooo. We went to the movie "mall cop" as my son wanted to see it and then for a round of video games. I should get to my homework but I don't feel like as I just want to go to bed soon. I guess I should stop procrastinating......

not much to blog about

2009-02-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

Lately, I find myself not blogging much cause there's just not much interesting for me to blog about. Or maybe it's because I have limited time and don't want to think about what to blog. Another chore in a already busy day. Hmmmmmffffff.

I need to get my butt into gear here in a second and get to school and talk about my volunteer work and how that may enable me to get a voucher for school tuition. The funds are getting low that's for sure. I'm sure my husband can't wait till I get a real paying job intead of just interning. It is so hard to get by on one salary these days! I remember back in the old days, my mom was able to stay home while my dad work though I'm sure it was tight too but it was doable. These days, it seems impossible to pay all the bills and house payment, etc on one salary.

This weekend I'm looking forward to a play in Seattle that I get to go to called "Memphis". We go about 4 times a year. And I need to write a paper for this upcoming conference I need to go to for my profession. It's due on the 15th and I need to quit procrastinating on it. I hate papers. I'm getting senioritis.....or whatever they call it when you just want to get done with school/college.

My email is pissing me off. I'm not able to get any emails in for a week and this is creating havoc for the communication with my fellow students and work/school projects. The company can't fix it yet. I can't figure it out....I can get into my mailbox and send out emails but nothing can come in. The online help feature (comcast) had me talking to someone from India I think and they couldn't figure it out either. Hopefully, someone can! I started to clean out my saved emails to free up my space and found myself going back to old emails about my best friend's death in 2007. It made me more depressed.

Sorry this entry is boring and is a downer! ha! I hope you all are doing well.....I'll check on you soon.

still here

2009-01-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

Things are going pretty well this quarter at school. I'm liking the internship at the hospital more each day. I'm learning lots and think I will like the surgery and portable machine work. It is a physically exhausting work somedays as you are constantly on the go and running from here to there and helping to lift patients, etc. Who says I need to lift weights? But, I realize it would help me a lot to lose some chub and get in better shape so I'm not so wiped out.

I had a good day today visiting with friends as my old high school friend (ladies group) and had a Chinese new year's lunch. She is a really good cook and had the orange chicken, beef, fish (for good luck), special salad (for fertility) and the like. It's always good to get together with the ladies and the guys or significant other's were there too. My hubby isn't too social these days so he didn't go. What am I gonna do? Though I don't like to be solo....I'm not going to force him. He used to be social but these days he's turning into a recluse of sorts. My son went with me and got to hang out with one of the other kids.

Not much else happening besides my school and work. I'm trying to do some volunteer work to raise some money for my summer tuition as I don't have financial aid for that quarter. That will be the last quarter and I will be done, thank god. I am so ready to be done. It's been 4 long fricken years.

I hope you are all well and I'll get around to your blogs this week.

daydreaming

2009-01-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

Daydreaming a bit about the sunshine....the vacation....as my life is stressful again. What's new. Not many of the other pictures turned out...as it was an underwater camera. Here's a few. One of my son underwater....and a building in St. Martin though the pic is way too light. A pic of a street in st. thomas.....there's me in the little sun dress. Ha! Just kidding. Some pictures of the inside of the ship....had a little mini mall in there; my son in dreadlocks and the local wildlife. They aren't that great but thought I would share.

I'm back to the stress of life with school and working/interning. I'm finding it hard as there is a big learning curve learning all the different aspects of the hospital from xraying the ER patients, the out-patients, the stretcher/wheelchair patients, the babies, the critical care patients and using the portable xray machines. Soon I will go into surgery and see what that's like. What is hard is learning all the different machines/rooms and the procedures. I feel like I had it down at my last clinic and now all the rules have changed and I'm the newbie again. I know I will get the hang of it soon enough and will learn a lot. There are a lot more employess too and a lot more personalities.

I hope you all are well and thanks for commenting. I hope to visit all your blogs soon!

Aruba, bahama....come on pretty mama

2009-01-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, we're back! I wanted to stay longer....I could get used to the jet set life. We actually started the cruise in Puerto Rico and here's some photos of the beach and the older section of the town. Reminded me a bit of Miami.

We then cruised down to Aruba, Curacao, St. Martin and St. Thomas along with some days just at sea. Here's some pics. That weird pink building is in Aruba and the hillside shot with the cruise boat in sight is of St. Thomas. I think it was the prettiest harbor. The close up city view is Curacao and the other distant one is St. Martin. Also, here's a pic of my neice doing parasailing and I tried it also and it was great though it was blowing like a son of a gun and felt a little seasick as the parachute was up, down and all around.

I got to go scuba diving in Curacao and in St. Thomas and it was pretty good. I didn't realize how much I missed diving and felt so happy and at peace on those days. God, I miss that feeling and of course, it didn't help to get away from the stress of life. Ahhhh, if only I was wealthy I would visit a lot.

There was lots of shopping to do and great deals on buying jewelry in the island and I wanted some bad in St. Martin! I wanted this sapphire ring with diamonds. I used to have one that was lost or stolen...anyway I decided I couldn't afford it and am kicking myself a bit but oh well. We only bought a few cheap souvenirs but the memories and pictures will last a lifetime.

The ship was amazing, it was the Royal Caribbean, Adventure of the Seas. It was huge. The only thing I don't like is crowds and you can't avoid that on a boat. We had some awesome food and enjoyed the nightly shows. Saw a guy named El Gaucho and the Nelson brothers (son's of the late Ricky Nelson) and they were good.

I have more pics to develop so will share those later if there are any good ones. I'm just taking a breather before I start back to work and school on Monday. Hope you all are doing good and talk to ya soon.

Happy Holidays

2008-12-18T15:32:00.000-08:00

Wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holidays with your loved ones! Here's a picture of our tree. I wasn't sure if we were getting one due to going out of town but we decided to anyway as my son loves all the christmassy stuff.

We are off on our trip tomorrow night for that cruise! I can't wait to have a warm Christmas. The only problem is that we have been having SNOW for the last few days so I hope that doesn't cause us troubles flying. We usually have mild winters and not much snow so this year is shaping up to be quite different. Here's a pic of the snow out back of my house.

We are going to open presents early tonight....I think...as we don't want to be hauling many gifts on the trip. I don't think I have many readers left as I haven't been blogging much the last few months but if you're stopping by....say hi. I'll check back in with you all when I get back from vacation.

Survived the week!!!

2008-12-11T17:28:00.000-08:00

I survived finals week! Yes!!!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy. I think I got A's on all my finals tests....not sure about one of them as I won't get it back. For the class grades, I think I'm getting mostly A's and prob. one B but we'll see what happens when they post them next week.

For the comment from Spider/Ironman.....if I'm done with school yet....no, unfortunately not. Just a winter break. I have to take classes till June and then intership in the summer and be done in mid August. Then the big test I will have to study for to pass the boards....to get my license to be a radiology tech. We already kind of have started studying for this big test and it's an ongong thing.

We finished today and went out to breakfast with a lot of the other classmates...so it was fun. Would have been funner to have a party but that will come later. We have a conference in April in Wenatchee (in Wash state.) so that should be fun. People are already talking of the partying that will be going on. I'm sure there will be. There is quite the age gap from 21-50 year olds, so it should be interesting.

Now....I can get back to concentrating on my family and getting ready for xmas. We are going away this year but I'm still getting a little tree and have gifts to buy. I'm excited to have time to myself too. What will I do with myself? ha! It's back to the gym here soon, to the hairdresser. to the mall, etc. I need to get another outfit for the cruise as my mom wants us to dress up some nights. uggghhh. I'm just not that happy getting new clothes....I mean with this body. ha.

We are going out to dinner to celebrate the end of the quarter. Just some pizza or something but will be good to get out. Hope you are all doing well and I will make the blog rounds here soon!

Finals week

2008-12-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

Sorry, bad blogger but I haven't had much time due to school. It's the dreaded finals week and I am up late studying for exams. It'll be over by Thursday and then I can have some much needed time off.

We had a nice Thanksgiving with family and most of my other time has been spent on school projects and presentations/papers. Oh, my exciting life as of late. Since we will be away at Christmas I'm trying decide on getting a tree. I know my boy would like it so maybe we'll get a small one and decorate a bit at the end of the week. I haven't even started shopping!!! We are cutting down this year so I don't have as much to get but it makes me nervous that I haven't started yet. I can't seem to get into the xmas mood and I have to get this week over first. At least we aren't getting as much for the extended family as we are going on that cruise.

I'll come by and visit your blogs later in the week when I can come up for air! Hope you are all doing well.

Tired of it all

2008-11-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

Tired of it all! This is a comment I keep hearing from my hubby about his work at the moment. And I was thinking....this has been my mindset lately too. The school is tiring, the work is tiring, and there is not many moments of happiness as of late. I think winter bums me out too here in Wash. we get lots of gray skies.....you know what do they call it.....SAD disorder. I think I've just been too busy and not really enjoying life as much....it's just what I have to go through at the moment.

And of course, one of the things that brings me down is my weight and lack of controlling it. I was just making the rounds of blog of what I can fit in with this darn school schedule and studying and as I go to the weight loss bloggers I realize that I really have not been a wt loss blogger in a long, long time. But, I am still really unhappy with my weight. I've used stress and school and no time as a excuse to not try anymore, just keep the status quo and not gain. It just is so much easier to do. But, I'm tired of the nagging thoughts daily about how I look in these jeans, and who I have to see that hasn't seen me in a while and what they think of me at my larger size. I went to see some friends Friday night and I hate being one of the largest in the room. A few of my friends are skinny and happy and looking so good....and I think, where did I take a wrong turn. When did I let life's downs or just boredom cause me to soothe myself with food. The emotional eater.....that is me. I'm not talking huge quantities of food....just some of the wrong foods and over time it all adds up. How did I equate eating with joy. Where did my joy go? Sure, I have moments with my family and I feel happy but I'm not happy with myself. And if you are not happy with yourself.....are you really loving yourself? I don't know....just pondering things today and didn't get all the sleep I need. Things to think about....thinking I need to retry the healthy living thing and get back with the exercise.....This vacation is just around the corner and I'm tired of not wanting to get in my swimsuit! yuck, yuck but I do it anyway.

It should be a wakeup call to get put on blood pressure meds. My BP isn't really that high and I was prob. on the meds six months and lately I've been getting these bad night sweats where you wake up and just start sweating. So first though is, early menopause. Naw!!! too young for that. Then, I thought, it's the darn BP meds. So I went off of them and presto, no more sweats. I shouldn't have gone cold turkey but I feel like the side effects outweigh the meds. So, I'm monitoring the BP and will decide if I need to try another. Yeah, should be a big wakeup call for me to lose weight once and for all. I want to be around a long time for my family!

Tell me how you are all doing out in there in blogland! I haven't had much time and what time I do have I'm trying to spend with my family. Looking forward to Thanksgiving and being with extended family here soon and a short respite from school.

dreaming of christmas

2008-11-13T20:30:00.001-08:00

Dreaming of Christmas.....cause this is where I will be for xmas this year. I didn't know for sure if we were going the caribbean due to the economic situation but we've been planning this thing for over a year now, so it's a go. The whole family is going....parents, sisters and their families. You can't believe how much I'm looking forward to this. We are going on the southern route and damn right I will be taking lots of photos!! I hope I'm able to do some scuba but we'll see what happens. The only thing I don't have is some nicer clothes as we have to dress up from time to time for dinner. Not really my thing.....but everyone else is going to I suppose.

It's one of the very few things that is keeping me going on these last few weeks and feeling a bit down as I'm getting burned out from school and work. There is light at the end of the tunnel. This will be so awesome to have a warm Christmas now that the weather is cold here.

Other than that, not much happening but having homework, tests, papers and the like. We also have to do a group project in one of my classes where we do a skit or game show. So not looking forward to that! Also, looking forward to getting together with old friends in Seattle area next weekend. It's been a long time for a girls night out.

I'll get around to blogs here soon......seems like I never have enough time to be a part of the blogworld lately and I miss it sometimes. Hope you are all doing well!

Sorry, been busy

2008-11-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been around blogland much at all. Miss you guys though!!! It is this school, this has become my most challenging quarter, I think. I just had to put my nose to the grindstone and get all the papers and presentations done and that doesn't leave me much time for play or for blogging. Yeah, I know you are all right....I need to stick this radiology thing out and get my degree. They push me to the edge and I can't say I'm happy these days...but I know I will get through it. I do have a lot of inner strength and these wenches (ha teachers) can't take that away from me. One step at a time and try to smile while gritting my teeth.

I did have fun at our mini high school reunion and got to see some old friends as well as the old boyfriends, ha! I am still friends with the exes. Not that we socialize much but if we see each other we always have something to say. We had about 70 people show up....think we had about 300 plus grads.

We had a good night of trick r treating last night.....my son was cute, he was a clone trooper from Star Wars and got tons of candy with some of his friends. I was surprised how many parents were out in their driveways handing out candy and some had just the candy out and tried to scare us. (here's his pic)

Other than that, not much to say at the moment....gotta go spend some quality time with the hubby....think he's feeling neglected cause I'm always busy. Better give him some TLC.

Hope to visit your blogs here soon. Take care and thanks for commenting.

looking forward to the weekend

2008-10-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments from the last post. I was feeling really crappy last week. I'm feeling a bit better. But, this school pushes me to the edge sometimes and I wonder if I'm on the right track or doing the right thing....I mean is this what I'm supposed to do with my life? Will I like it? The pressure does get to me. When I'm interning...I have to put on my game face and do the very best I can or I can get reemed. Not the way it should be but it just the way it is. I'll survive. Something tells me this is not the end of my days when I just want to bawl.

I'm looking forward to the weekend though. We have a small reunion with my old high school class. We will go to the homecoming football game and sit with all our old classmates and visit and then out for some drinks with my old friends. I'll also get to see some of my family though my mom is somewhere far away in Bhutan. I probably will need to cut it short and just stay one night as I have a case study presentation and paper to write as well as study for 2 tests and ummmmmm read like 5 chapters for another class. Fun, huh? I am counting down the days till this quarter is over in mid December, that's for sure.

Hope you are all well out in Blogland....sorry I haven't been able to comment much due to school. This dang homework.....I best get to it.

Feeling low

2008-10-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so low tonight. It was a bad day at school. It was lab day and you go in and shoot difficult xrays on the old style film and get rated. It wasn't a good grade day for me. I guess I could handle that as other days on lab days haven't been so bad but the teacher made me feel small and dumb. I hate when people make you feel little. Is she mad that she didn't think I was prepared enough? Does she do it to make herself feel superior?

Granted, we have not hardly ever worked with old film and shot xrays with the dummy's and phatom things and then developing and critiqueing them. The critiquing is so dang hard. What is this fuzzy part here? Where should it be? What is this anotomy? How should this film be looked at, left to right? What is wrong with the image? What can't you see? What did you do wrong?
I was feeling so crappy after that class...I almost didn't go to my next one. One bad class and I'm thinking of chucking the last few years of school/and training down the drain. Then feeling bad about not losing weight and on and on. I am just on one negative roll right now. Ya know, like you can't have a worse day, that you can't do anything right.

I will fucking not let this episode make me fail. I have come to fricken far to let her derail me with her superior attitude. Unfortunately for me, she is also my clinical advisor....meaning she comes to visit me at my intern site and makes sure I'm on track. I so wanted to let her know how she made me feel....but she prob. knew by the look on my face and that I was starting to get emotional. I hate that I can't control my emotions today. Fricken hate it. It is best not to let her know how I feel....I'll get more backlash from it if I do.

I need to let go of this and move on. I need to go study this darn barium enema crapola that I must do tomorrow at work. I am so stressed out from school and interning that I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I have to pass this class and lab is 1/2 my grade in this class.
I just pray, pray, pray, that I get some sleep tonight as I've been burning the candle at both ends.....and have a better attitude tomorrow.

Ok, just needed to vent. Thanks if you got this far.

same old, same old

2008-10-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just been busy keeping up with my college coursework and working at the clinic. It feels really hard this quarter....so much new radiology material and the CT class and pharmaceutical class. I have some reports to write and I haven't started....yuck.

Other than that, haven't had much to write about. Been just spending time with my son and husband. Went swimming a bit at the pool/gym and mostly just studying a lot. I'm burnt out a bit and not sure why. Will I last till next summer's end? At least the bookwork will be done in June. I guess I'm getting faster at doing xray's but I feel I still have a lot to learn. Can't wait till January when I get to work at a hospital and get to work in surgery and ER and the like. Maybe a little more excitement.

I know...a bit boring life at the moment. Thought I would just give ya all an update and hope to get around the blogs to see what your up to. I have to go study my dang CT.....ya know used to be CAT scans. Who knows, maybe I'll end up doing CT work instead of general xray, could be good and a bit more money.

Back to school and a bit overwhelmed

2008-09-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

My college started back up yesterday....I do 3 days of clinicals/intership all day and then the other 2 days of the week I go to classes at the college. I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of homework and studying I need to do in addition to working. What especially freaks me out is the papers/case studies and situation type papers I will need to do on top of tests, etc. Aaaaaiiiiiii! I know I will get through it, just one day at a time and lots of weekend studying. I think I'm gonna like my CT (computerized tomography) class the best. I also like seeing all my classmates again.....missed some of them.

I did have a month long break from school so that was nice and I'm happy that I didn't forget how to xray people after that amount of time off. Now, I am busy doing my competencies which is where they test me on different xrays and rate me on how I did. It can be a bit nervewracking on difficult exams but so far so good....I took the bull by the horns and got 4 done yesterday. I have some unusual/diffucult exams to get in this quarter and these type of xrays don't come around often so I have to wait and wait and some day they will come in and then I will get the chance to test on them. It'll all pan out...it always does.

Sorry to bore you with my school news...but that is my life nowadays. My son seems to be adjusting to his new daycare now that I'm back in school and is enjoying 1st grade. My hubby has been so busy with his triathalons every weekend but I think it's the end of the season now, well we'll see. I don't have anything exciting to look forward to in the near future that I can think of, boo hoo!

As for weight loss news....I haven't been doing much in that department and I need to. I picked up the book 'Shrink yourself:Break free from emotional eating forever' by Gould. I don't know, I have so many books in my collection already but I was reading a bit of it at the book store last week and it was interesting. I don't have much time to read it with school and all but I'll let you know what I think of it when I get some time to read it more. I'm forever hopeful that I will just get with the program and quit my yo/yo syndrome of up and down in weight! Have you ever heard that we chose to be overweight or not. I mean, I'm doing the behaviours that keep me chubby, ya know what I mean. I don't know why I'm thinking about this at the moment but it seems lately that my 'switch is not flipped', meaning my heart is just not into the weight loss mode. I haven't lost hope.....I'm just tired most nights and not feeling like exercising when my feet are aching from all day on my feet and I need to get dinner on the table. Sounds like I'm making excuses but such is life. For the feet, I did get some orthodics made to put in my shoes so just waiting on them to be done and got some Dansko shoes which are supposed to make be good for people who are on their feet a lot so we'll see if these help.

What are all you out there in blogland doing this week....I'm not getting too much internet time but I'll try to make it around to the blogs here soon!

went to the fair....and just chillin

2008-09-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

It has seemed like work this week to blog. I don't know, just not into it as much. Sigh.... But I like to see how you are all doing and keep ya up to date with me too.

So, we went to the local, big fair here and these are some of the pics I took. My son is a big fan of Spongebob though he was asking me....'is there a man in there?' ha! I went on a lot of rides with him and was starting to feel sick. It's funny how we love the rides as kids but as we get older I don't so much. I did enjoy the roller coaster we went on and it was his first big roller coaster and he loved it. (I only had a pic of him on the kiddie coaster.)

Other than that been feeling a bit blah about things....just cleaning house and meeting up with friends before college starts up. I need to pick up my books for school and not looking forward to seeing how much they cost. Good news is that I will get some financial aid....a little of a grant but most I have to pay back so I will have tuition covered.

We will get ready here in a few hours to go meet my parents up north....it is there 50th Anniversary and we all will take them out to dinner, so that will be fun but pricey! Other than that I've been playing my kids Wii game and I'm liking the MarioKart, sports such as tennis, golf and bowling. It is kind a weird to not be really doing the sports but just simulating them. A lot cheaper, I suppose. If I really get into the tennis it gets you sweating....so much for a workout. I am going to the gym some but not as much as I could...I'll start back up on Monday with workouts but my son and I are fighting colds and are hacking a bit. The weather has been awesome so can't complain. Hope you are all doing well!

Here's a guy who was a human cannonball at the fair. We'll see if the video works here:

computer meltdown

2008-09-03T13:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry haven't been around as much but my computer was on the fritz. We had a friend fix it and it's working better but I need to download some more safety stuff. Hate the hackers or whoever they are messing w/ our computer!!

Been busy last weekend helping my mom and dad with their cabin. A bunch of our family and the cousins all painted it and did the need repairs. So, can't say it was a fun labor day weekend but it had to be done.

My son started 1st grade so that was exciting for him. I've got some time off before my school starts so I'm busy cleaning the house and getting things in order. Maybe I'll have a fun day soon and just do stuff I want to do not have to do! I do have some xray stuff to study before my clinical/internship starts up so I'll get to that too. I've just not felt like it as I'm a little burned out on it all. I'll get my mojo back and get geared up for another full year of xray fun. ha! Not so much but I'm looking forward to seeing all my classmates again.

I'll try to get around and see what you are all up to. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything I need to do done! Hope you are all doing well. We are enjoying some pretty good weather this week, I can't complain, though it seems the shorts weather is over. My plans for the weekend are to visit with some friends at a house warming party and take my son to the big, local fair this weekend; he loves the rides. What are you all up to??

Back from vacation

2008-08-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

We are back from our mini vacation over the mountains to eastern Washington. We had fun camping by Lake Chelan and then went over to Winthrop to my sister's cabin. The first few days were really hot, close to 100 degrees (F) and we got a lot of sun but then it cooled way down to the 80's and then the 70's and got a lot of rain in Winthrop. (Here's a few pics of camping, swimming and of Winthrop....I mostly just took pics of my boy....funny how I never get in the photos...ha!)

My son's 7th birthday was the other day so we opened a few gifts and did some things he wanted to do such as putt-putt golf and went out to dinner. We are having a kid party here in 2 days and they will go to a gymnastics gym and jump around so that should be fun for him.

My son is quite the water bug and we went swimming all the time. He said I was the hero of the day when I dove down 25ft to retrieve a boat paddle someone lost. Guess I still have some free diving skills...ha. Made me remember the scuba diving days and the days of also snorkeling and free diving and seeing how long you could last underwater on one breath. We got some sun and I got a little burnt but not too bad. How I miss the sunshine.....as our weather is iffy around here. I hope the summer weather isn't quite over yet.

My hubby did something to the computer when he tried to download something and now the computer keeps popping up messages and is running really slow. I was amazed I could still get on the internet. I guess a trip to the computer shop is in order. I really hate it when the computer does this. We have the antivirus software but it seems it can't protect us from everything.

My intership is done for the summer so that is a big relief. Now I'm just getting ready for him to go to school and doing the yearly dentist and doctor's visits. I really wanted to stay an extra day on vacation but I knew I had things waiting for me back home. Got the post vacation blues today, I guess. ha. Hope you are all doing well and hope to get around to see what you all are up to!!

just feeling burned out

2008-08-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry! Haven't been around the blogosphere much. I've been overworked and underpaid and too damn tired. Oh yeah, I don't get paid as I'm an intern. sucks. I am learning new things about xray and fluoro (barium studies, injections and the like) so that's all good. Maybe I'll get a bit of money this fall when I can work a little if I can fit it in with all the studying/school and interning.

I'm just counting down one more week till I get a break and then I will go camping like I talked about last time. I've been filling my extra time at night with getting a birthday party planned for my son and filling out paper and the like for his new school and daycare this fall. I'm really gonna miss the Christian school he was going to last year....he really learned a lot. So on to 1st grade at the public school and hope he likes it.

We did go to my parent's cabin last weekend but I forgot to take photos. I'm so slack lately. My hubby did do a race down there so here's a pic of him and our son so at least I remembered the camera then. My hubby wouldn't like this pic as he's acting goofy for sure. Oh well, don't think he reads this blog.

I'll try to take some photos when we do our camping trip. I like when you all take photos of where you go or what you do so I'll try to share.

We have our 17th wedding anniversary tomorrow!!!! Woohooo...it's a wonder we made it this far. Ha! No, just kidding. Maybe we'll go out to dinner somewhere but no big plans just to spend time with our son as he's been at Grandma's a lot.

Tell me what you are up to out there....and I'll get to your blogs here this weekend....and take care.

P.S. Anybody got any remedies for heel pain? I know it's from working on my feet full time and I'm trying different shoes but no luck so far. Anybody have ortho inserts made and do they work? I may have to go to the foot doctor as it doesn't seem I'm going to drop 50 pounds real quick. ha.

Another note!!! Does anyone know what happenned to Amanda from Australia and living in the Netherlands (I think) from 'what about your hips' blog?? Maybe she went private or doesn't blog anymore?? Miss that girl and if you are reading.....tell me how you are doing!!

staying positive

2008-07-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

Trying to stay positive this week though my work brings me down some days. Just too much criticism and negativity. I refuse to go there....life is so much better when you concentrate on what is going right in your life rather than what is going wrong, don't ya think? That's my new motto anyway.

We went up to Seattle today and went to the top of the space needle. My son hasn't been up there and I wanted him to see it. Think it is 550 feet tall and it has a great view of Seattle and of the ocean/puget sound. Here's an old picture of it as I forgot the darn camera in the car....dangit.

I plan on going to the cabin this weekend and will take some pics then....just 3 more weeks left of interning this summer. I was surprised that the supervisor at my clinic said she may want me to work part time this fall after my interning hours. So, maybe I can finally make a little money out of this xray thing. We'll see....gotta always figure out about daycare and the like. I'm counting down the 3 weeks as we will go on a mini vacation and go camping back at Lake Chelan and maybe a side trip to Winthrop....a cute little western themed town as my sister has a cabin there so wouldn't cost us much. Here's an old photo of the town.

I'm looking out the back yard and some deer have starting hanging out in the fields in the distance and just saw a coyote too. There isn't much forest left with all the housing developments going up around here but nice to see the wildlife though they are prob. hungry.

Hope you all have a great week and keep it real. Oh yeah, wt watcher this week....I haven't been in a while but will go soon.

super power

2008-07-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive.
You understand people better than they would like to be understood.
Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details.
You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on!

Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done

Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoursuperpowerbequiz/">What Should Your Superpower Be?

funny little trivia thing here to share.....saw it at Flo's place (step away from the cake) blog. Funny, some of this above does fit my personality, ha!

longing for the ocean

2008-07-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know but today....I'm longing for the ocean. Maybe it's cause I'm a pisces, maybe cause I just love the water....but I wanted to go down to the ocean and I didn't. I made the choice for the day up to my son and he wanted a play date at his friends so that's what we did.

He went up to Grandma's tonight as we've been doing every week of my intership and my hubby and I were going through Seattle and I saw Lake Union and the ocean in the distance....and still we didn't stop. It was getting late. Ah, but I will get to the ocean...maybe tomorrow after work...there is a ocean not far away...maybe I'll take a detour for my soul, ha. Something about the water makes me calm and let's me forget my troubles.

But, the good news is that I did have some fun yesterday when I met up with fellow students in my xray program and we talked shop and shared our good and bad stories of our internship. I'm glad I'm meeting some wonderful women and men in this program as we are getting close as we spend so much time together these two years in this program, or more like 3 or 4 years for the prerequisites. It's nice to commiserate and talk to others that are going thru the same things, it helps a heep.

I was reading a blog from a link of someone else's blog....think his name is Whit and he was writing about an uneasy feeling he was having and about not feeling like where he lives is home. And also, that the uneasy feeling is unhappiness. I know just what he is feeling. I feel that too....and just made me think of all the steps I need to do to get my future career/school completed and then probably a move to a new city is in order. We will stay in Washington but definitely I'm getting a strong feeling I need to move and my hubby is up for it too. We'll see what the future brings. Now, I hope the economy/house market will cooperate in a year or more. ha.

Other than that, went to "The Hulk" this weekend and it was pretty good. What I really wanted to see was the new Batman movie. Maybe we'll see it this week as I heard it was good. I spent 1/2 of Saturday using the weed eater and helping out in the yard....just made me want to move to a condo with no yard work. ha ha...... What did all of you do this weekend?? Anything fun? Hope you have a good week. I can't wait to go camping in 4 weeks and get away for a while but for now...back to grindstone of work.

the student dilemma

2008-07-15T22:49:00.001-07:00

One of the things that has been weighing on my mind lately at my internship, which I started in January, is how people treat other people. I've felt that I've always tried to be kind to others, almost to a fault sometimes and not getting my needs met. Anyway, when I meet someone that treats others callously without too much regard for their feelings, I just don't understand it.

The problem for me as a student/intern is to stay out of the fray. To stay out of office gossip as I'm just there to learn. It has been hard sometimes. But, now over the past few months there is one lady at work that just gets under my skin. She'll be overly critical and say things like 'you need more self confidence' and you 'need to develop a thick skin'. Now she has moved on to personal things....like she just knows where to jab. Like 'you seem unhappy?' or 'don't you like yourself'? I'm thinking 'what the frick?' what is she talking about. I've always done my job and by my evaluation I am doing well and got an A- last quarter and keep my personal life separate from work. So anyway, this lady is trying to get to me and being a student I can't speak up for myself...I feel like I have to take it and take it. Now, she isn't a teacher of mine or grading me but sometimes she jumps into the mix and wants to instruct me.

So anyway, I got peeved that she is trying to dig into my personal life and I talked to another person at work on how to handle the situation or deal with said person and the person I talked to in confidence went to the supervisor on her own. This morning the supervior talked with me and said it was not ok that how this tech was treating me and to steer clear of her. And, she wants to talk to the tech about it. God, this has gotten so out of hand....I guess I couldn't keep quiet anymore as I'm stressing about this even on weekends. And, even worse, the supervisor wants to talk to my school coordinator about the situation too. Damned if you do...damned if you don't it feels like. I'm interning at this site until December and I have to survive....I mean my mental health. So in the end, I guess it will get her off my back but she prob. hates me and will talk behind my back...and that's so not what I need but it's too late now. It sooooooooooo reminds me of high school and meeting that one 2 faced bitch you know is out to hurt you. They say they are trying to help you but I don't see it that way at all. I'm usually a good judge of character and I pegged this one from the beginning.

Anyway just venting....cause I can't get into all of it. I consider myself an easy going person so for someone to get under my skin is a rare thing. Usually, it's about them....about how they were treated as a child or what? Why would she want to dig into my life. I'm trying to be like a duck....and just let water slide off my back...it usually works but it's not working now.

So I hope your week is going better than mine. At least my hubby got home safe and sound from Alaska and that is a plus. I need to concentrate on what is really important in my life. Don't sweat the small stuff.....but sometimes the small stuff really adds up.

ok....one bright note....did go to wt watchers and down -2.6. Let's see if I can keep it up.

boobs are like magnets

2008-07-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Been out of the blogosphere for a while.....been busy with my interning/working and just tired every night!!

Had a great time at Lake Chelan last weekend. Wish I had some pictures and I brought my camera but noticed it was missing my digital chip/storage chip. Bummer! We had fun in the sun and just hanging with the family and going swimming.

I went shopping for a swimsuit the night before I left....and let me tell you it was pure torture. I'm sure some of you ladies will agree with me.....I hate trying on swimsuits!!! Especially if you aren't so svelte. I must have tried on 20 and finally found the basic black number....it covered a lot except it let the ladies....yes the boobs hang out a bit. Let me tell you....well, why not flaunt them if you got them, right? I never seem too but I guess they were last weekend as I got some long stares from some of the gentlemen at the pool. Boobs are as good as magnets I guess. I made my mom and sis laugh when I told them that an old boyfriend long ago said, "you should share them with the world". ha ha. I felt a little self conscious but I thought, 'hey screw it, just live a little for once'.

In other news, think I'm down a few pounds but won't weigh in till tomorrow due to work and my back issues I was having and just not feeling like going 1/2 an hour over to the meeting when I'm tired.

Got some bad news yesterday that my father in law has colon cancer and is due for an operation. I hope it goes well but you never know about these things. I tried to get a hold of my hubby as he's up fishing in Alaska but the cell phone reception is really iffy on the high seas of Bristol bay. I finally did connect with him to give him the news but maybe I should have waited till he comes home but I think time is of the essence with such news.

Other than that.....just hanging in and doing some things I need to do to stay healthy, physically and emotionally. What are you up to these days bloggers??????

going to chelan and thoughts on pain

2008-07-01T23:12:00.001-07:00

Two more days of work and then I am heading for Lake Chelan! It is in eastern Washington and is a nice spot to go and enjoy the sun and the water and just mellow out and get away from the big city.

Here's a picture of it from last year:

yes....it will be nice....I need to get away from it all....even if only for a few days!

It's been a sucky week since Sunday as I strained my back really bad. Have any of you out there done that? Think it's one of the muscles on the upper part of the sacrum/pelvis. Have you ever strained it so bad that it's tough to just get out of bed?? Yeah, that's where I found myself Sunday night. And alone...as the hubby has went to Alaska and my mom has my son. I was thinking....god, what if I just couldn't get up to go to the bathroom....I kept trying to get up and it felt like 10 knives were stabbing me in the back. I had images of me in 40 years from now and old and decrepid and in pain. God.....is this what it's like to get old. Share with me any and all back injuries and how you dealt with them. I tried ibuprofen, icyhot (lotion stuff), ice and Doan's pain pills. Nothing seemed to work but the pain pills knock you out a bit with a sleep aid in them. God, never been in this much pain since I had a baby....that was worse of course. I have a feeling that this isn't the end of my back pain as once you injure your back people tell me it just reoccurs. Oh happy, happy, joy, joy.

Well, the pain is easing up after a few days but I still can't get comfortable sitting or laying down.....argghhhh. I'll be the first woman to invent a way to sleep while standing up. ha.

On a brighter note, leave me a note and tell me what you are up to for 4th of July weekend! It should be fun.

my dogs are barking!

2008-06-26T20:28:00.001-07:00

Just trying to survive the week as I'm interning full time, 40 hours per week. My dogs are barking, my feet are so achy. I'm not used to being on my feet all the days of the week. It sure is harder than a desk job like I used to have.

I need to drop weight quick to help me with this job. I'm doing well as far as doing my compentencies/testing and should complete them next week. I like to get all the testing out of the way as I'm there for 8 weeks this summer and don't want to worry about having my xray/tests done.

I was thinking.....why do we blog??? Why do you blog??? Even if I don't have many readers, I think I blog cause I enjoy the interaction from you out there in blogland. I think it helps as years ago I moved out to the country and away from friends and family so it helps somehow. But why do we put in the work of documenting our lives.....it is a lot of work. Just a way to connect with others I guess.

Talk to ya later as I'm tired and don't feel like blogging......I did join wt watchers again so we'll see what Monday's weigh in brings.

Daveattle blog meet up!

2008-06-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

I did go to the Daveattle blog meet up last night in Seattle. I'm glad I went, it was fun to meet you all! I have to admit that I was really nervous and that my stomach was in knots. And for what? You all were very friendly and wonderful people. I'll share some pictures of the blog meet up and I had a chance to meet Dave, Sizzle and her fella, Nicole, Tracy, Dustin, Matt and Scott, Vahid, Kristin, Bryan and Chris. Think that was everyone...... That's me in the black shirt with the blondish hair.....we did a few tatoo's but didn't get too crazy.....

I'm a little worse for the wear...I drank a little too much and got a little goofy like I do when I drink. It prob. wasn't too wise to drive and I stopped on the way home for a break and caffeine. Let's just say I rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks so when I have more.....ha. Now I'm looking for all your blogs to add to my favorites as you'll have a new reader.....

Thought I'd post now as I have to go up north to Mt. Vernon to meet my sister for her bday dinner and give the kid to my mom as I'm back to work tomorrow. Not looking forward to the 2 hour, 30 min drive each way and being back late at night but I have to do the family thing.

Well Dave, now you've created a blogger groupie and I'll have to go to Tequila con next year, well we'll see. I've got too many pictures from last night....so I'll put the rest of them on the side bar in my flickr page....

It would be nice to meet all you other bloggers out there!!! But I know it is near impossible as some of you live in Australia and New Zealand....but ya never know, I've always wanted to dive the Great Barrier Reef.

guard your heart and your mind

2008-06-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Back to the weight loss....yeah, I'm always starting again....but at least I keep trying. Here's a wt loss story to share http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?sc=17&SuccessStoryID=9851
I would like to be like this lady....we have similar wt loss goals. I am going back to wt watchers on Monday after work. I think I'm finally ready to do this. ha.

Well, I talked a little of doing the therapy type stuff and though I don't go into a lot of details on why I feel like I need to go I'll share some from time to time. One thing I'm working on is self esteem and body image. He (therapist) was talking about some things from the bible....he's real religious...and one thing he said is 'not to sit in judgement of others' as that would be acting like God. I said I try not to judge others but I judge myself. He said we are the most critical of ourselves. He said to 'guard my heart and my mind' from negative thoughts about myself. If you hear that old familiar voice saying something negative about body size or just other things you are not liking about yourself just stop it in it's tracks. Don't let it into your heart or mind or you will poison the well. I'm sure he's talking about think positive thoughts. Say daily affirmations that are positive about yourself....keep saying them. It's that whole cognitive behaviour type stuff. I know it probably works but I seem to have trouble with this one. I was never one to put up positive signs and say them. Sure, I've put up thinner pics of myself and tryed to motivate myself that way. A year or so back I read 'you can heal your life' or something to that affect and it talked all about this kind of approach I just never adapted it. Not sure why I'm having trouble....just sometimes it seems kind of cheesy but I know there is something to it.

I'm going to the blog greet and meet tonight in Seattle. I prob. only know about 2 bloggers....and don't know them very well but for some reason I feel a need to go and meet these people. I'm nervous though as I always am sometimes with new people. I guess a drink or 2 will be in order to get me talking. ha! I'm sure it will be a fun time. I was dissapointed that my friend, Kim, who was going as my wing man (so to speak) probably can't make it. I was looking forward to seeing her as I have been missing my monthly ladies get togethers (the old high school friends).

I start my interning again full time on Monday. I'm feeling a bit apprehensive for some reason as I know it will be a long summer of working and I have a lot of tests, called competencies to do to prove I can do certain x-rays. It will be challenging. Also, my mom will be helping care for my son so I'll be missing him the days he's up at my mom's (3 hours away) but they will be here from time to time and I get him on the weekends. I hope he is going adjust to the schedule these next 8 weeks. God knows it'll save me a ton on babysitting money.

We went to my parent's cabin the last few days. Only 3 of use went as everyone was busy working...here's a few pic of my son, he's really getting the hang of kayaking.

Also, here' a pic of our toyroom...well someday it will be the living room...and why do we have a tent put up? We got a tent cheap at the REI sale and we have plans to go camping this summer so my hubby and son were anxious to put it up an try it out.

Tell me what you are up to in blogland this summer!?!! I've lost a lot of readers so comment if you stop by. Not like I have much interesting stuff to blog about but I like the interaction of all you bloggers! Have a great weekend!

The weekend

2008-06-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

Thx for the comments on the last post. I know it's normal to have thoughts such as those and on to the next thing. I'm so over that today and feeling pretty good but maybe some things are better left as thoughts in my head, right? And, yeah, I pulled the post as it made me nervous....ha. Those of you that read it, read it and prob. a lot of you didn't catch it and that might be a good thing. ha.

It does wonders for my mood to be around all my family for the weekend. We had 2 graduation parties...one for my neice (from middle sister) and nephew (of my oldest sister). Ya, that's right I'm the baby of the family.

Here's some pics of the grads. My neice in pink and my nephew is the tall one in blue with the wild hair. He loves to play guitar in a rock band, ha! It is unbelievable that these kid are all grown up...and going on to college.I remember when my nephew was a baby was the year that I met my husband. Wow, how time flies.
Congratulations graduates!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week is my week off from school, so it's time for more house cleaning and then we are off to ride bikes and go to the park. I have some meetings/therapy type stuff tomorrow and then on Wednesday I think me and my boy and my mom and whoever else will go to their cabin. I need time away from this house this week as I'm bored already. Maybe my grades are out from the last quarter...but I'm pretty sure I got A's and B's.

I'm also working of a photo thing for my friend Dawn's (who passed on from cancer) daughter who will be 11. I hope she likes it...just some photos of Dawn and her daughter together and photos from the past. I called down to check on how their lives were going and I got the answering machine....it still had my friend's voice on it. It made me sad as hearing her voice cause it made me feel like she was still alive....maybe they can't bear to erase it if they don't have a recording of her voice...I couldn't blame them. I was wishing that I still had a voice mail message from her last year congratulating me on the tri race and how proud she was of me. I wish I found a way to record/keep that. Ugggghhhhh. I'm still sad about losing her but of course it gets better with each passing month.

I had a little time in my hometown growing up (which is on Whidbey Island). It really is a beautiful place up near the San Juan Islands and had some time to meet 2 old friends, one for breakfast and one for coffee. I liked seeing them both as it is far and few between that I get up that way. I had thoughts of moving up there someday after I get done with college (it's about 3 hours north of where I live) but my hubby shot down that idea. I guess it's not practical as there aren't that many jobs but who knows what the future will bring.

I'm posting a lot more this week as I have more free time.....next time I'll post about weight loss I suppose or about the online bloggers I will meet next week if all goes well. I didn't realize I might have to celebrate my sis's bday on the same day as the blogger meet up but I'll swing it somehow.

Have a great week!!!!!!!!!!

Had a good time in San Francisco

2008-06-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

It was a quick trip to San Fran for the race. Here's a few pics of Alcatraz, my hubby and son and the infamous, Golden gate bridge. I didn't like the photo of me so it doesn't go up. ha! It gives me motivation to work out this week and start losing again. It was a good trip but only the weekend so we didn't get much time for site seeing but oh well. We got to see a lot of my hubby's family who live in Cali and he enjoyed that a lot. The weather was sunny and gorgeous and in the 70's so we liked that as our weather sucks here in Washington lately.
(Look at the pic of my hubby running....see the girl in the green top....she was the youngest to do the race (think age 11)....think my hubby beat her as she started the swim before him as they go out in waves/groups....but wow....this girl will be something if she keeps up these tri's!)

I just got done with my finals! Yes! I've been so stressed out and getting only 5 hours a sleep the last 4 days due to cramming for the tests and being out of town last weekend. Oh well, I'll try not to do that next time as it's too hard and I had to live on coffee lately. I've been getting those calf area cramps as too much caffeine I think!

This weekend is the graduation parties for my neice and nephew for each of my sister's kids. Should be fun. I got a chance to go up by Seattle/Lynnwood today and had a chance to meet with an old friend as I was picking up my boy from my mom. He's already done with kindergarten so we are starting on our summer vacation (mine is only 10 days, till next quarter!) but we will find some fun stuff to do like go to the zoo and do play dates.

Other than that.....I'm just beat and will take a rest on the couch if I can. (didn't happen as my boy wanted to ride bikes). Hope you all are doing well and comment, k??? Let me know if you are still out there in blogland....ha.

(Oh yeah, this is for you, Dave of blogography...though I don't think you read this blog....yeah, it's the Hard Rock that you like. We actually didn't go in there as we were meeting people at the restaurant down the way called wipeout.)

Excited to get out of town

2008-06-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Excited to get out of town to San Fran. this weekend. My hubby is getting really excited about his race/triathalon on Sunday by Alcatraz. I hope there are no sharks! I doubt it but you wouldn't see them coming if they were there. He's ready and fully trained that's for sure.

I'm stressing a bit as finals are Tuesday and Wednesday next week (yuck physics!) and I'm trying to pre-study as much as I can as I know I won't get much done in CA cause the inlaws and family will be there and watching the race and site seeing. But, I'll try on the plane but you know how it is if you have kids around....they want your attention but we'll see.

My last day of the quarter for clinical/interning is tomorrow so I'm happy I will have a short break from that. Can't wait till Thursday next week when all I have to worry about is keeping my son entertained as he will be out of school. Summer quarter will start soon enough on the 23rd but at least it will be a short breather. And also, it's like full time work...the interning (summer)...it will be 40 hours per week for 8 weeks doing xray but at least no homework that I'm aware of. That will start up again in September with the rotation of school and interning different days.

I'll try to take some photos of the city and of the race and post next week. I'll prob. take your advice and meet up with online bloggers it's just that I have so much going on right now...have graduation parties to go to and things with friends but we'll see. Have a great week!

Last weekend

2008-05-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

Here's a few pictures from last weekend. Some from the ocean/puget sound down by the city of Tacoma. My triathalon man did some swimming and we just played around the beach. Then the one of my son going in the water is from the cabin that we go to sometimes. He said "mom, watch me do a backflip!" And this was the result. Ha ha. He's funny.

We had a good weekend even though the weather was mediocre but it wasn't too bad on Saturday. Not good enough to swim but that doesn't stop my boy, he swims in any weather. He's getting pretty good at fishing too.

Well, as usual this isn't much of a wt loss blog so I'll just keep blogging about whatever comes to mind. I'm still going to wt watchers but not losing much. I've been stressed with finals coming up soon and with my clinical intership as well and going to meetings/therapy type stuff so my head is not in the right place I think.

We are looking forward to going to CA on the 6th for my hubby's big race so we're looking forward to that. Just trying to figure out how to study for finals in the great city of San Francisco and visit with my inlaws and sister's in law. Near impossible I suppose. I'll try on the plane I guess.

A question to pose to you all.....If you had a chance to meet online bloggers, would you?? Have you ever?? I'm thinking of going to Seattle to meet a few in June but not sure. My hubby says 'isn't it best that with blogging you don't really meet the people?' I think he means that your free to share info without having to meet face to face or you're incognito. I don't know. What do ya'all think?

Feeling a sense of relief

2008-05-23T17:13:00.001-07:00

Feeling a sense of relief as this has been a bitch of a week! Two tests, one in physics and did my speech and turned in my 7 page paper. Woooohooo! On to the 3 day weekend!!!

Gotta go....as it's Friday and my hubby....weird as this sounds....wants me to go watch him swim in the ocean down near Tacoma waterfront!!! I said I'd watch him so he doesn't drown or get bit by sharks. ha! His triathlon in San Fran. is just 2 weeks and 2 days away. I'll try to find my camera and take a picture though the weather looks like rain, yuck.

By the way....tried the Massage Envy place I was talking about. I had a gift card from Mother's day for a massage. It was good! I called and they said Manuel will be your massage therapist. I was thinking 'maybe I need a woman'. ha! I've only had one massage in my life. I walk in and there is this tall, muscly black man who said he was from Nigeria. Yow! He was pretty good though but I thought he pressed too hard. I like the relaxation massage compared to the deep tissue that's for sure. Now I'll try not to wait 2 years before having another....as that's how long it has been since my first one. Now I'm having fantasies of the rich life....where I could get massages weekly if not daily....workouts with a trainer....a chef in the kitchen and a cleaning person and a pool out back.....ahhhhhh, if only.

Have a great 3 day weekend if you have it off!!!! I wish our weather was nice like last weekend.

what's your thoughts on self esteem

2008-05-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

This week is going ok. Been too busy for my own good with tests and now a paper due Friday and a big speech to give! I really hate public speaking but it is a small group. I did it last quarter and I survived and suppose I will this time too. I'm just feeling I don't know the subject matter as much as last time so I'll read some more before then and make note cards or something. It only has to be 10-15 minute speech.....wonderful.

Today, I am thinking about self esteem. First, I was thinking of it as I was reading Hilly's post at snackiepoo.com about how people make self-depreciating remarks about themselves. Maybe as a way to joke or maybe as a way to protect themselves from whatever comment they may make to hurt you. I was also thinking of this cause at my clinical site where I intern for my future career they said a while ago "have more confidence". Yeah, I guess, I feel that I could use more confidence but I feel I'll get it when I get used to doing more xray and especially after the summer when I'm interning 5 times/week that quarter. So, anyway, I was suprised when I was talking to my teacher, well really the tech at work that is one of them who is teaching me and we were talking about the hospital where I might be assigned to next year. I said there is XY hospital that I don't want due to the reputation. Now this hospital has so many stories from people I know and people I've heard of that have gotten mistreated there and so much negative people there so that's why I don't want it. My teacher/tech say "yeah, I hope you don't get it cause with you self confidence, blah blah....it wouldn't be a good fit for you" Something to that effect. Anyway, can't remember if she said self-confidence or what but it made me think. Hmmmmmm.....is that how she really sees me as a student? I suppose so or she wouldn't have said it. Is this something I can change? This lady did her interning at said hospital and hated it. So, anyway, I was thinking, that I will have loads more confidence in my abilities by January when I switch intern sites. I guess, I felt a little down as I felt like she was saying that I'm not a confident person. Maybe I'm not but I feel like I am in certain areas and not so much in other areas as I was talking about it previous posts of mine.

Anyway, what's your thought on this? Is confidence related to self esteem? Can you change something like that about yourself? Have any of you done that? I think I can in relation to the school and interning as it's a high learning curve and I always feel like I'm on edge and you get lots of critisicm. It's just the way it is to learn the profession.

And I was thinking....when I was younger, I had more confidence, more self esteem. It seems when my weight crept up and I had some other problems in my life, I took a beating. I changed a bit. I don't like it now that I think about it. Here's hoping I can get back to who I once was.

Anyway.....some days I wish I were someone else. And other days I think I'm fine just the way I am. In the wt loss front, I'm holding steady and no progress this week. I'm going to the gym here soon with my son and hope to get some kind of workout. Talk to ya later.

Had a loss

2008-05-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

Had a loss this week at wt watchers....down -2.4! So I was happy with that. I don't think I totally followed the plan as I have so much other stuff going on but I've been sick and not felt like eating as much. So since ww weighs you in with your clothes I'll just keep my weight the same on the side bar as my scale says 225. I can't wait to see it go down further.

I had to get my spring fat pants down. I remember last year I was lighter and was going to throw these certain capri pants away and thought....no, I better keep them. As I was throwing away all my fatter clothes. Ha, now I'm glad I kept them.

I'm in a better mood than earlier this week. The counseling is hard as you really have to bare your soul and that makes me very emotional. But, I'm hoping it's therapeutic too. My doc gave me a questionnaire, let's call it a personality test. I hate these things....questions like 'are you kind to animals?', 'do you like mechanic books?', 'Do you ever feel like killing yourself?' Oh brother, I don't think these test tell anything. Yeah, it will prob. come out that I'm a little depressed and that my self esteem isn't as good as it can be. But, it's hard to answer some questions as True or False cause I have self esteem in some areas of my life, like school and work/interning but in other areas like body issues I don't. Anyway, not sure if he is the therapist for me....

I was reading some where that people with depression have a tendency to think about things going wrong in their lives or times when people have mistreated them and mull them over and over and it just makes them more depressed. What do you think of that theory? Could be some truth to it.

Well, I gotta get going I need to type out a 5 page paper, read 4 chapters and get to my dad's cabin to work! I don't have the time! Stress, much? yes a lot! Hope you are all doing well on your healthy journeys this week! We are supposed to get 82 degree weather today....wooooohooooooooo!!!!!!

Working on some issues

2008-05-13T22:08:00.000-07:00

Just working through some issues these last few weeks. The money issues, self esteem issues, the weight, the depression.

I've taken a really hard, long, look at myself and feel like I'm coming out of a long coma and can finally see myself as I really am. It's taken me a long time to come to this point. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom this year and there is no way but up.

Without going into all the details and getting you all involved up in all my crap, let's just say I'm doing some group therapy these past 2 weeks and will start individual therapy tomorrow. I'm feeling loads better already. I think it's finally time to really think about some of what I've been fighting with has been depression. We'll see after I talk some with the therapist.

But, this is just one part of me. The other parts are functioning well. Being a good mom, wife, and daughter. Keeping up with the studies and doing well at college. It's all good there. It's just myself I'm not happy with. It's just myself I need to work on. To really see yourself as you are and not what who other people think you are. Maybe I've been keeping up a good circus...keeping all the balls in the air? Maybe I've been hiding my feeling and keeping the mask on. If you know what I mean.

Yeah, heavy stuff to deal with. But, I'm feeling hope that this is a way to get me back. A way to get healthy again. Maybe a way to get back to God. My spiritual side has been lagging for years and years and I find myself missing that aspect of myself.

The weight part, I don't think it's doing that well. I don't know, I'll weigh in tomorrow at wt watchers. It seems I'm concentrating on others issues now and this gets on the back burner due to being busy and too much on my plate. But, I've been sick this week with a cold as the kid seems to get everything at school and I get it too. Hope it's over soon!!

Hope everyone had a nice mom's day!! I did and got to see my mom and also got a gift certificate for a massage from my hubby. That's going to be awesome....now I just have to find some time to go, can't wait! Hope you are all doing well this week.

Thoughts on wt wtchers and on the IE book

2008-05-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am thinking of going back to wt watchers here soon. I don't know, I'm conflicted. It does help me to stay on track to be accountable to someone about weighing in and hear encouraging words from a program/meetings such as this.

I had been reading the IE (Intuitive Eating) book and do like what they have to say. Here's a bit:

Respect your body

Body image: a waist is a terrible thing to mind

"Most of our clients are adept at being overly critical or hating their bodies. And putting an end to body worry and self-loathing is no easy task. Most of us have trouble accepting a compliment, let alone the idea of accepting our bodies. We have found that the notion of accepting your body was too much of a stretch for our clients as a beginning point. They feared that if they accepted their current body size, it would mean complacency, giving up, and getting bigger. It's one thing to lose the battle of the buldge, they'd say, but to totally give up would mean ultimate failure. At least there is honor and dignity in continuing the fight."

later the authors say....

"stop body bashing" such as "I hate my thighs" or "I have a double chin". Try to find something that you do like about your body even if it is only one thing such as your eyes or your feet. They also talk about what is a realistic weight to get to for your body type. Maybe it is above your ideal.

I'll talk about it more later as I gotta go pick up my kid from school.....
Have a great week. I'm doing pretty good this week!

Like this quote

2008-04-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

I like this quote:

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

I need to remember that in my times of challenges lately. There is always something positive in every negative situation. This is my time for a change in myself and a change in my life. I've taken steps to ease my financial burden and also made an appointment to talk to a counselor....really a therapist. I hope it will help, I have a feeling it will. Sometimes, we get so busy in our lives and when we get problems we don't talk to people about them. I know this is a flaw in myself and then it just ends up eating at me....the stress, the issues. I want to be a happier person like I used to be. I hope this step will be the first of many for me to feel better about things, about myself.

I think it will help with my weight loss too. I'm feeling like I can do this again...make some progress even though the scale is stuck at the same weight this week. It is just temporary!!! I'm going to get a bit of workout in later today at the gym.

Let me know how you are doing this week! I have hope this week and that is a good thing.

Cannot sleep....

2008-04-26T04:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going through some personal stuff. Debt that I talked of before. Having nothing to say here...but I'll try. So I can't sleep I'm up at 2:30am and can't get back to sleep. So, I surf the net. I'm looking for a part time job. I'm trying to figure out how to get myself out of a hole we have dug...a big hole.

I'm trying to stay motivated to keep up with my studies and do well at my internship as well as be a good mom, wife, friend. Some days, it seem like all too much. Sometimes, I feel like there is a crushing weight around me and closing in. Not so good times. Hard to find moments of happiness. What was a good thing is my husband and I talked and layed everything out on the table. No more burrying our troubles and not talking about the sad reality of our finances. We will explore options to try to get out of credit debt. We really don't want to have to sell the house, the cars and everything. Would it be worth it? Would the cost be to great? Can we live on less until I finish school? I knew it would be the nature of the beast to live minimally for a while until I finished college. But, I wasn't expecting to rack up so much debt. Can't really share all of it with you and I prob. even shouldn't write about it but it's weighing heavily on my mind.

The bright spot is my family loves me. The other advantage is I will have a new career in a year or 16 months with maybe a chance to work sooner in the field. I know I have it within me to finish this school even though it is extremely stressful to me right now and I am on edge. Even though this school is one continous lesson is getting constructive criticism. That is hard, really hard to take. It is the nature of the beast. This program has a high learning curve....they throw you right into x-ray and expect you to perform. I'm doing pretty well though and can only get better and my academics are good.

I think what is weighing me down is all the time it takes. All the time I must spend studying. All the time worrying about our mounting debt. We'll figure it out and hopefully get some of the debt paid off. We will start with garage sales and selling what we can on Ebay. Maybe sell one car and share it if we can. We will try to borrow funds to pay off high interest rates as they are eating us up. Last resort will be to sell the house. And even then, will it sell in this economy? Probably would take a long, long while as it's a slow market.

Anyway, not really wanting to share all of this but it helps to write it down. So, if I'm not around my blog much you know why. This week is really hard but something I must own up to. One highlight is that I'm not gaining any weight...food has lost it's allure for now.

I wish you all well and will still continue to visit when I can. This is had been a bad past year with everything going on in my life but I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I've made a decision to talk to a therapist (if insurance pays) or a counselor at school about my issues as it's eating me up. Wish me luck on figuring this all out.

Finally it's going down

2008-04-18T12:07:00.001-07:00

Finally the scale is starting to budge and take a downward turn. The scale says, down 2 pounds. I started my weight loss charts on the right here again. It was time to update them. It's time to be accountable. I haven't been dieting, per se, but I have been eating smaller portions and working out a bit. Though I still hate the # on the scale at least I have hope I will be in the teens soon... we'll see. It has helped that I've been tight on money the past 2 weeks and that has made me not eat out or go to Starbucks or anything. That has helped tremendously. But, I can't help but feel a bit on edge cause I can't go get that latte when I want. This living paycheck to paycheck really sucks. I'm still looking for a part time job but no luck yet. I wonder if I can work in addition to my school and interning and find time for family and studying. I have to study a lot.

I feel so much better than this morning. I was feeling a bit down but went to the gym and did a long walk on the track and did weight lifting. It feels good to be weight lifting again....I actually have missed it. We will go to the gym again after my son gets out of school as he likes to play basketball there, well really just shoot hoops as he's only 6. I've got him back into swimming lessons again so he's liking that.

I was going to take some pictures of the puget sound/ocean down not too far from where I live but it's raining again! The weather is cold here and it seems like the beginning of winter instead of spring like it should be. yuck.

So, I'm off to study my digital radiology stuff and anatomy. Fun, fun but gotta do it. Leave me a message and tell me how you are doing!

Here's a goofy thing going around the net....'what your slogan should be'. Here's mine...ha!

Your Slogan Should Be

What Happens in Patty, Stays in Patty

The Slogan Generator

I have a vision

2008-04-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have a vision of myself. I see her going around the track at the gym. She is fit, slender and really really healthy. I see this vision in my mind. Of what I could be, of what I used to be, of what I want to be. Sometimes I am on my way to becoming this other woman but then I sideline myself. Why do I do that? I've thought of this often and I don't know why. How can we want something so much but fail to achieve it? Hard question to answer. I guess I think of this every time I'm at the gym and seeing all the fit people running,

Just feeling like I want to so much and can't achieve it as far as getting to a healthy weight. I seem to be more concentrated on my career/schooling at the moment. I did get in some exercise at the gym yesterday so that's something, I guess. I'm really tired of thinking about my body size and all that it's not. Exhausting to be constantly on my mind. Seems it would be enough to get me to achieve my goals? Guess not, or we all would be thin.

I have a vacation at xmas time and I want to be a lot fitter by then. Wrote a post the other day below. Just feeling a little out of sorts today and off to study the facial bones, postions for xrays and my physics. yuck. Not what I want to do today but I goofed off yesterday as it was our first sunny day in a long time and felt like spring for once.

Trying to destress

2008-04-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the week, thank god! It was a busy week with my clinical work and I'm getting better at doing xrays. I am doing good on my testing (they test you on each different body part/xray) and I have a certain number of them to do each quarter. I'm hoping to get more into fluoro this quarter which is learning all about the the small bowel, barium enema, esophogram and other studies as I need to complete one this quarter. I also have to do a paper on Bone density this quarter! I don't know that much about it so it will take a lot research. I can watch a lady at work do one here soon, hopefully.

Anyway, my most challenging class is physics again. Sometimes it is just so hard to understand. The book sucks and if I read it I still don't know it. The teacher's lectures are a bit better but sometimes he fails to relate it in laymen's terms. I'll just keep plugging away.

I did get in some exercise, just some walking and elliptical machine. I hope to get in more exercise tomorrow and some yoga if I have time. I would like to do something fun but we are tight on money as I'm still paying my tuition for college in payments and that's killing our fun money. It sucks to think about every $20 you spend. I can't wait till I'm done and making money. I am looking for a part-time job on the weekends but haven't been too motivated. ha! I guess I worry that I won't have enough time to study and to spend time with my family. But having little money really sucks even more. We'll see if I can get an interview doing some secretarial stuff or clerical at the local hospital on the weekends or find something, anything around here.

I also need to have some money for our June trip to San Francisco for food and a little fun. At least the ticket and hotel are paid for. We'll see if we can save a bit but it seems impossible at the moment as we have a lot of bills. Credit cards are made from the devil. ha. And they take forever to pay off.

I'm eating pretty good except for yesterday this lady at work brought in lemon bars and it was a huge pan and I indulged quite a bit. They were too good!

We finally got some sun up here in Washington and I was just out washing my car. It feels like for months we have had rain and gray skies and it felt like Alaska here. I'm so glad to see the sun. It's amazing how it improves my mood.

Tell me what you are up to this week and I'll come check out your blogs here soon.

back to being real busy

2008-04-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

Been too busy to post this week. I'm back in the fray and back to the stress. So much for working out consistently this week as it's been a bitch of a week. I'm getting a lot of stress from my internship and they are pushing to do more and more. I'm dealing with it but I seem miles and miles from last week's spring break. I'm already counting down the days and weeks till the quarter ends. ha.

I am going to walk tomorrow and get in some exercise over the weekend. But, I have a heck of a lot of studying to do as I have to learn all the tiny bones in the head and there are lots with a gazillion terms to learn. Not looking forward to it.

I think I need a new attitude and off to do an assignment for tomorrow. I have had a break as my mom is watching my son for a few days as it's spring break for him. I'll go get him tomorrow as I really miss my kiddo!

The weight has stayed the same for my weigh in. I was down 2 lbs but it must have been those fries the other night and not much exercise this week and I'm still the same wt. Darn it!
I hope you all are doing well this week and I'll check out your blogs soon.

automatic pilot

2008-03-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

What I mean by automatic pilot is I feel that when I started this school is September (the full time part), I felt like I was going on automatic. I would eat, stress, eat, study and on and on. I quit working out and taking care of myself due to the stress, due to being down about the cancer that kills and all the sadness it brings. I wasn't thinking about the price I would have to pay for not being healthy anymore. The blood pressure is up and maybe I've done it to myself. I'm hoping to get off those meds when I lose a good amount of weight.

Now, today at the gym as I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things that automatic pilot is off. I see myself in the mirrors (at yoga yesterday) and I see myself in the window as I round the indoor track. It's a little painful again...to see myself, to really see myself. The bulges and bumps, how far I've gotten off track again. To see 60 yr old men jogging past me. To realize I did this to myself. There is a plus side, I know. It's that I don't give up. It's that I have hope. To know that it is in my power to change!!

I feel like I've been numbing myself to a lot of things by having these fat layers on. It's time to take them off for good and deal with my emotions and reasons for keeping myself at this weight.

I took a day out for me today. To work out, to get a good book and read some before I have to start studying again next week. I'm going to watch a trashy movie from the libary before I have to get my son from school. We will then go back to the 'Y' (the gym) and go swimming or something. He's loving that we go to the gym all the time lately.

I did buy that book 'Intuitive Eating' and going to read more on that. I've also been reading books from the libary such as 'stop the cravings' and 'stop stuffing yourself'. Ha! The stop the cravings is a little interesting as it talks about eastern medicine and how it's the key to getting you off the diet roller coaster for good. It talks about different body types and how to eat. I'm open to anything so we'll see what this trainer/nutritionist is talking about. It's a little hard to follow but I'll read on some more. It's keeping me away from the junk food! I'm doing really well this week on eating. Probably has something to do with not eating out at all this week, except for one lunch with a friend for salad.

Hope everyone is having a good week and thanks for the comments. I'll be weighing in on Wednesdays and keeping a wt tally on the side bar next week. It'll keep me accountable.

(by the way....it's freaky weather hear in washington state the last 2 days. It's been freaking snowing! It's supposed to be time for spring! We lost our power the other night and day for hours and hours....what the frick??? I'm in the weather vortex! I want to move to the sun!!! Yep, just checked...it's still snowing but in the 40's so it prob. won't stick!)

emotional eating and getting off the roller coaster

2008-03-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

The following is taken from 'Intuitive Eating' that people have recommended. I just read a little of the book and some of it resonated with me. Yes, I do emotionally eat. No, I usually don't stuff myself. Yes, I think it has something to do with avoiding things in my life and not dealing with it and eating for comfort or from stress. Here's some of what I read:

Some of the reasons for emotional eating:
sensory gratifications
comfort
distraction
sedation
punishment

Emotional trigger:
boredom and procrastination
bribery and reward
excitement
soothing
being connected...losing the reins
love
trust, anger and rage
stress anxiety
mild depression

How using food serves me vs. how if does a disservice to me
it tastes good vs. it makes me overweight
it's reliable - it's always there vs. my clothes don't fit
it soothes me vs. my cholesterol is high
it numbs my feelings vs. I'm numbed to the joys of life
it keeps me from feeling bored vs. I'm uncomfortable walking and exercising

Overeating is a red flag that something isn't right in your life.

Overeating can occur when your lifestyle become unbalanced with too many responsibilities and obligations, with too little time for pleasure and relaxation. Consequently, food is used to indulge, escape and relax (albeit briefly.)
When you find this happening, it may be a signal for you to reevaluate your life and find ways to put more balance into it. If you don't make these necessary changes, food remains important by filling an unmet need.

I think I will try to find this book at the libary or buy it as it's pretty cheap and I'm so tired of the dieting roller coaster and this is an alternative way to make peace with food while getting more active.

I have been working out this week and feeling better. I hope I can keep this up when school/work starts up next week! And as for the weight....ahhh, I am up, up, up. I was maintaining for a while at 219 but alas I'm at 227. Yikes! But, the good news is I'm back to eating well and exercising. I'm working out two times today, though it's at an easy level. I can't believe how far I've fallen again. My fitness if low again after being high last August and doing that race. I can't believe how much fitness level I've lost. The body does atrophy with not much use, that's for sure! Here's hoping I can keep exercise in my life forever instead of just for a season every year. So far I've exercised 5 times in the last week so that feels good.

I saw a mom today from my son's preschool last year. I haven't seen her since May and wow, she looked different. I asked her if she lost weight and she said 'yes, 30 pounds' and I said, 'I think I found it'. ha ha. Seriously, she looked awesome and I so want to feel that way again. I want to lose the weight and look good and be healthy and feel good about my body again. It will happen if I want it bad enough. I know it's about changing for good and that is the plan.

I have a few new pics on the side bar if you haven't seen them...just of my boy and hubby. Have a great week!

The pictures

2008-03-25T19:42:00.001-07:00

Finally found the camera cord so can download the Easter photos....

These are of my boy with the golden egg which he was excited to find and one with his cousin's guitar. The teenage cousins are really into the guitars and one plays in a band. I was listening to them play and they are really good. They especially like the old tunes like Led Zepplin and Jimmy Hendrix among others. Always surprised they like the old stuff versus the stuff out now. Nice to hear.

Talk to ya later. I'm in the midst of cleaning my boy's room. It was a mess. (this pic in the room with guitar is his cousin, a teenager.....talk about messy! But I was the same way at times.)

Happy Easter!

2008-03-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a nice Easter yesterday and had some time with family. I am feeling loads better than a few days ago. Oh, what some time off can do for the soul. We had a nice Easter with family except my mom and dad who are being snowbirds down in Palm Desert, CA. I made a dessert called Chocolate Lush. It's not my favorite but it's a family tradition, I guess. It's that dessert that has cream cheese, whip cream and chocolate pudding among other things. I wanted to bring cheesecake as that's my favorite, oh well.

We also did an Easter egg hunt on Saturday, well my son did, at his Christian school. There was too many people as it was open to all the community but he still had fun on jumping on the inflatable toys and visiting with the firemen and getting to climb in their trucks. He ended up with like 5 eggs....so I thought it was a lot of ta-dooo for nothing. But, it was good to run into some friends and spend time with my son and hubby.

Here's a pic of my son during the easter egg hunt at my sister's on Sunday. We did it indoors cause it was raining so much yesterday up at my sister's house, heck the whole darn state so that. (well I'll post the photo later....the camera connector cord had gone missing!!! Arggghhhhh....)

I'm off to clean the house and my son's room. Oh joy, what fun on my vacation....

Hope you are all doing well this week. I'll get in some exercise today! I'll post next time on my weight....uggghhh.... and what I am doing to try to turn things around and start losing again. I think I'm finally ready.

thoughts on fitness....on happiness

2008-03-21T06:14:00.001-07:00

I'm blogging a lot this week cause I'm not sleeping well and also I have my time off from school. (see previous post).

When I went to the gym yesterday I forgot the Ipod as I haven't been to the gym in so long that I forgot to put it in my gym bag. I was all like 'oh no' what will I do without my tunes. But, it was a blessing in disguise. I walked and walked the indoor track and got my thoughts sorted. I was totally stressed going into the gym and totally calm coming out. I felt like I accomplished something good for myself and got back to weight lifting too. I think I will pay for that today as I'm already a little sore. Note to self: 'don't go back to lifting what you were lifting 6 months ago'. I wasn't ready. Not that I lift that much but my body isn't used to it.

I remembered that exercise = stress relief for me. I need to keep that in my mind as I get so stressed from this school and work. I get so obsessed with studying and getting good grades that I forget about taking good care of my body. This is the only body I have and I need to quit abusing food. Quit eating the burgers, the tacos, the crap. Ok, can still have the foods just quit eating fast food, eat my own healthy version of them. I do so much better when I quit eating out for the most part.

The other thought on my mind is.....why do I not seem happy for the past 5 plus years? Maybe even more? What did I lose that I had when I was young. I was a fairly happy teen and 20 something and after marriage, each year, I seemed to lose a bit of myself. I lost the ability to do things and enjoy things and be happy. I have been thinking about this a lot. I haven't shared with you all but during the course of the last 6 months I have been down, real down. Yeah, I lost some people I love and that was the spark. The last month or two, I have been crying....all the fricken time. For good reason, for no reason. I don't know. I thought it was the new meds I'm on for the blood pressure but sometimes I think it is from stress or from turning away from things that used to make me happy. I know this is not an easy thing to ponder, to figure out. If I had it all figured out I have a feeling that I would be at a happy and healthy weight for me. All I know is, I can't go on this way. I mean, I do, but it's getting pretty fricken embarrassing to be in the bathroom at work and trying to get a hold of myself cause someone was mean to me. It just has to stop. So, what to do? Quit the meds? Get a shrink? Start drinking? Go to india and study meditation? Ha. Of course, I don't really want to quit my college. I don't really need to run away. The answers are inside me somewhere. I can't let down the people I love. Can I keep it together...will I crack from the pressure.

Anyway, can you tell I'm not sleeping well. Is that ironic? I finally get time to sleep in a bit and I can't. Sucks to be me today. I started out positive and here I end on a negative. I hope the weekend is better and it should be with an easter egg hunt for my son and easter at my sisters so that will be nice.

Maybe I just need sleep....it always get me a little more negative when I'm not well rested. Thoughts? Time for pills to conteract the pills?

What I will do this week and next..oh the goal....is workout at least 3 times a week and continue that when school starts up again. I have a little time on Mon/wed and Friday after school. No excuses, straight to the gym before coming home. Any little bit will help.

the money dilemma

2008-03-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Wow, 2 posts in a week! Can you tell I'm done with my finals. The problem is that I can't sleep. I was going on 5-6 hours a sleep at most and now I can't sleep even though I have a little extra time! By the way, finals went fine...prob. mostly b's but that's ok with me. Ended up with one A- in one of the classes and just waiting to hear on the others next week.

Now, what's stressing me out is my money problems. How to pay off debt? How to pay for college for the next year or more? So...I guess the answer is search for a part time job. I don't know if I can handle it but there are some weekend jobs. Maybe I'll try and see if I can hack it along with school and interning cause with no money, it sucks! I also can apply for financial aid thru the school so looking at that. I don't want to get into more debt if I can help it. And short of selling the house or car I guess I need to work. What good would it do me to get out of debt but have no place to live that's good? I don't know. Things are going round and round in my mind. Like how I can't seem to get it together where money is concerned. It prob. has something to do with me not working. ha. One salary just doesn't cut it.

Share with me your money woes if you have them. Not a good thing to have when you aren't so young anymore. What about fricken retirement! I'm screwed. I know, when I finish this program and work full time I'll have some money to sock away, hopefully. Meanwhile, it's important to finish this school and care for my son. I just wish this school wasn't so much like a full time job!!
I got a break from interning this week and next and back at it on th 31st. I have plans to clean the house, clean my son's room and organize and visit a sick friend who is recovering from heart surgery. I cannot lose another friend now...I can't. I think she is doing well but she's always had problems with her heart. I used to work with her when I worked at the school district and I think she had something like a stint or other put in to repair her weaking aorta. I called her to check on her and she told me that she was in a coma in the hospital prior! Oh my god, that is so scary. We've haven't seen each other that much since we stopped working together but this lady is such a sweet gal. I'm gonna bring her lunch and catch up. I don't think she's up to going out to lunch even though it's been while since the hospital in January. This kind of thing takes a long time to get back to where she was health wise.

Anyway, I'm just rambling and thanks for listening.....sometimes it's weird to share personal details with blogland but it helps and thanks for your comments.

Hey, I'm going to the gym today! Wooooohoooo! some free time is awesome. Too bad I'm so out of shape again but I will try walking the indoor track and some weights or elliptical. Check on you all soon.

Update! Went to the gym and feeling good! I'll write an fitness post this week about my goals.

Not much to say...

2008-03-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Not much to say today....sometimes I get bored with the blog. Just too busy. I'm studying for finals that are are Monday and Wednesday and I'm feeling overwhelmed trying to remember everything I've ever learned all quarter. I know it'll be over soon and I can have a mini break. I wish I could go somewhere! But my son is still in school so I'll be working around the house and really don't have the money to spend anyway.

Stop by and say 'hi' and tell me what you are up to. I'll visit your blogs soon when I get some free time. I'm starting to hate the library. I feel like life is passing me by as I sit and study but whatcha gonna do?

I'm also feeling stress from my clinical intern work. It seems her style of teaching is me just me listening and her talking. If I say something she says 'just listen'. It's maddening and I'm trying to understand where she is coming from. My style of learning is interaction and asking questions. I do have a tendency to talk a bit too much at times but I don't really think that is the case here. I've been trying to keep quiet as a mouse. It's hard do to at my age....I'm no 18 year old here.... I know I have to bear it and do it their way. I have at least a year and 4 months more of this. Can I stand it? I know, it's hard to explain here what I'm talking about. I think it's a chance to look at how I interact with others and how they respond and try to figure out why she would be angry at me. I don't believe in someone treating you like a child and 'speak when spoken to' and wonder if I can last this place, this program. I think it has to do with her being a school age teacher to children long ago. We just lost another one of our students. I guess she works a lot and couldn't handle the pressure or not getting the physics. We started with 24 and now down to 19 students. I hope we don't lose more people.

Ok, I need to get ready for the day and take a few hours out to take my son to a playdate and get to know the other mom as I haven't had much chance for that this year.

Have a great week.

going round and round

2008-03-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've been going round and round and up and down with my weight. I'll lose three gain 2. Lose 2 gain 3....just not making progress. It seems that when I'm concentrating on work and school I am only wanting to work on the intellectual side. The physical side seems hard to fit in. Last year in the spring and summer I had lots of time to devote to exercise and eating right. Now, its seems a struggle as I constantly have to study. I'm trying so I guess that's the best I can do.

Christie over at http://www.learning-intuition.com/ has been talking about the book intuitive eating. Maybe it's time I looked at that. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the intuitive eating thing but then I go back to my crutch of emotional eating and eating for comfort. Like it's the only thing in the day that I look forward to....a good dinner. Sad I know.

This blog has become more of just what's going on in my life and sometimes that's just not that interesting at the moment. I'm counting down the days till my finals are over on March 20. Can't wait to get some R&R. Don't have any plans do do anything really just get some cleaning and projects done around the house, especially my boy's room and get things organized and filed. I haven't had time for any of these tasks. The day ahead won't be a fun one as I have to study for 2 tests tomorrow. I'm going to try to go to my neice's soccer game as she usually doesn't play close to our town and just happens to be today. So I will go and see my sister an nephew too if I can spare time away from the studies. Tough choice for me sometimes....to study more or to spend time with family as it's getting down to crunch time.

I'm also looking forward to a break from my clinical (health) site where I do xrays. It seems you are under a microscope and they judge your every move as we are learning. My teacher or the lady (technician) who I mainly follow and learn from was in a bitchy mood on Thursday and just layed into me and looked like she hated me. I didn't even do the xray wrong I just did it a little different than she would have done. I felt emotional and had to fight losing it and wanting to cry. I hate feeling like I will do this in front of others. I don't know why I can't handle criticism well some days, I think it was the ugly look and loud tone of voice she used with me. I know it had a lot to do with her too as that morning she said she was in a bad mood. I wish some there wouldn't take it out on others....it happens once in a while and it sucks. I'm sure you have all had these type of people in your life and you just have to deal with it. I'm still feeling like I'm more emotional these days being on this blood pressure meds. I talked to the doc, well really nurse practitioner and she doesn't want me to change meds. I told her I was taking 1/2 a pill cause I felt my body handled it better and she didn't like that. She says I need to take the whole pill as to get my blood pressure in the range she wants. It's not bad now. So it looks like I tell her my symptoms, like feeling depressed and emotional from the meds and she just doesn't listen to me. She says this med with I think is Lisinopril is what insurance companies go with first as it's generic and cheaper. So, it looks like if I want to change to other meds I'll have to insist more. I don't like it when she says "those aren't typical symptoms reported". Well, heck, they are my symptoms and I darn well know if they make changes in my body and affect my life. It just pisses me off...I'll try the meds more but it is my body and my choice, god darnit! Maybe it's time for change in doctors I don't know. I usually like her as my yearly, gyno nurse but now I'm not so sure.

Anyway I'm prob. boring you to tears and I have some work to do. Anybody have trouble with posting yesterday? I couldn't get it to work I guess they must have been working on their system. Take care and hope you all are doing well this week!!! Here's an article from spark and good tips to remember when measuring your progress....http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=487.

To tri....or not to tri, that is the question

2008-03-01T17:23:00.001-08:00

I am contemplating if I should do a tri...a triathalon this year. I did my first last summer and now the emails are coming around about the Danskin womens' tri in Seattle this summer. I think what I will do is think about a different one that is closer to where I live and is a lot smaller. I really haven't been in high exercise mode being to be so busy with college and work this year. But....I don't know. I've been hearing on the radio about a September walk a thon to raise money for Susan B. Komen cancer foundation. You walk 20 miles a day for 3 days. That's something I'm thinking of too. It would be hard but doable, I think? I'll think on it some more.

My hubby is in full swing for his June triathalon in San Francisco. He'll be ready for it and we will get a mini weekend vacation so that will be nice. The downside is that it will be my finals week right after and I'll have to try to study and that sucks.

Yes, that pic of us below with our xmas scuba photo, yes we did have santa hats on underwater. It was a fun idea and a time in our life we will always remember and have fond memories of. The one above with the stingray is of me when I used to work in the cayman islands. We had to feed the stringrays at a place called 'stingray city' and this was one of the first times I had to do it. I'm sure I was thinking, I hope these things are friendly!! Maybe this xmas I will get to scuba diving again as we will be in a warm place.....ahhhhh, far away, but can't wait!! Thank got for parents and they are taking us all on a cruise so maybe I'll get a chance for some scuba when we stop at one of the islands.

I survived a very stressful week!!! I had an anatomy/positioning test and a physics test and I did my speech/paper on the barium enema as well as my work at the clinic and doing xray. I haven't gotten the grades on the tests as the teacher is out of town but the speech went pretty well, I think. Now onto the next test.

We aren't doing much this weekend. Just had to go get the final shot/immunizations that they make you get to work in the health care field. We then just looked around the mall and took our son to the playground. We thought of going to a movie like the spiderwick chronicles but I don't know if we'll go. My hubby wanted to see 'jumper' but I don't think my son would like it.

I'm sorry to see my mom and dad go out of town to Palm desert. We can't go this year and visit those snowbirds. I wish we had some warm weather but we can't complain as it's like 50F today and not too bad.

I am trying to eat healthy and I'm doing some walking. I want to get back into full exercise mode and have plans to step it up and get back to the elliptal machine and do weights this week. I'd like to get back into yoga as that is a big stress reliever but we'll see. The teacher I like teaches during the day and now I can't make it to those classes.

I hope you are all doing great this week and I'll come by to visit you here soon.

they say it's your birthday

2008-02-24T09:29:00.001-08:00

They say it's your birthday, da da da da da da, happy birthday to you!!!! Yep it's the big day. As I get older I used to think, 'yuck another birthday, I'm getting so old'!!! But now, after losing people to cancer last year, I'm like 'yeah! I get another birthday'!!! It is a gift, this life we get to live. It is really hard at times but we wouldn't change the chance to live it for anything.

I had a nice day out yesterday going to the play in Seattle. It was called 'Mame' and then we went to dinner at the top of the Hilton and could see out above the high rises and space needle and out to the bay. We were concentrating on talking to each other and had a nice steak dinner and it was a nice time with my mom, sister, my friend Kathy and another lady. It was nice as I asked my friend Kathy to come as my other sis couldn't make it. This is the friend that I haven't seen since the Danskin triathalon. The one where we we hit a rough patch and wrote letters to each other, hard letters about feelings about life and each other. But, in the end we are still friends as we've known each other since birth just about!!! We were neighbors and played together as babies and prob. took baths together. ha! We don't see each other very often but we still have affection for one another and want the best for each of us.

Today I got a breakfast made for me by hubby and soon here I do have to go study at the library as school won't quit for bdays. I have to learn more about the stomach and esophagus and of course, physics. This is mid terms and the stress is mounting. Good thing is that I finished my paper yesterday on the icky barium enema and it just needs a few tweaks for friday. I have to get a few more things for my speech I need to do on it like an overhead or drawing. I can't draw worth a crap so I think I'll do some transparencies on the overhead. I'll use the enema tip to simulate how you put it in the buns! I hope people aren't laughing. I have to talk for 10 minutes. I can do this! I hope I don't freeze up.

I did a short meme in the post below so check it out and I tagged a few of you. In the wt loss arena, I'm still staying the same though I ate healthy last week I think the big dinner last night did me in. I am going to start going to wt watchers again. I know, I know....some don't like the program but I have to do something to get losing again as I want to be thinner by December for a vacation I'm taking then. And of course, the most important thing is that I want to be healthier!!! The points system can get old but I may try the core program where you eat the healthy items they suggest and there is no exact portion control. Just eat how much too make you satisfied. A new concept, I hope it works for me.

I hope you are having great week and talk to ya soon!

Here's a funny old photo of us back in our scuba days...loving life....living for the chance to dive....in the caribbean with the fish....ha...I look a little uncomfortable and starting to float up! This made an excellent xmas card that year.

Got tagged

2008-02-22T16:01:00.000-08:00

This is a meme that I got tagged with from Last Pick, Trixie at http://lastpick.blogspot.com/ who has done so wonderful with her weight loss!! I wish I could do the same. I'll keep plugging along.

Here it is......

1. Do you like blue cheese? yeah, it's ok on salad
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No!
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Never been to Sonic ( I don't think we have those up here in Wash.)
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Oh yeah. Not sure why. My blood pressure always is up right when I get there. Think it has something to do with them going to poke around on me and I don't like it!!!
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like em
7. Favorite Christmas movie? I like all the old cartoons like Rudolph and frosty still, ha! I do like 'It's a wonderful life' with Stewart too.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Usually just drinking flavored water but once in a while I like my nonfat vanilla latte's
9. Can you do push ups? I can do a few but girly ones, ha!
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Probably my wedding band or my platinum/diamond round necklace.
11. Favorite hobby? Used to be scuba diving! But, now it's just getting enough sleep!
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Nope.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I second guess myself sometimes. I need to go with my gut feelings. They are usually right.
14. Middle name? Ann
15. Name 3 thoughts. I wish my school wasn't so long. I need to be making some money not interning for free!!! Oh god, another birthday here soon.....egads.
16. Name 3 things you bought today. Starbucks mocha lt. frappicino, a sandwich, toy for a gift.
17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Diet Pepsi, bottled water, occasional latte.
18. Current worry? Money.
19. Current hate right now? People always wanting something of me....people thinking only of themselves.
20. Favorite place to be? Underwater looking at the fish. In bed sleeping. With my family having fun.
21. How did you bring in the New Year? With my husband watching tv in bed
22. Name three people who will complete this? I don't know....maybe wannab or diet coke rocks?
23. Do you own slippers? Yes!
24. What shirt are you wearing? blue V-neck shirt
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Sure
26. Can you whistle? yep
27. Favorite color? Blue! and black for clothes.
28. Would you be a pirate? sure, just pretending that is. Maybe if I could get close to Johnny Depp. ha. They actually weren't so nice and don't think I actually could.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't know, I guess some top 20 stuff
30. Favorite girl's name? Maybe Sierra.
31. Favorite boy's name? chase, my boy! ha.
32. What's in your pocket right now? Nothing.
33. Last person that made you laugh? My hubby
34. Best bed sheets as a child? Quilt with all sorts of animals on it
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Not much, just broke a finger and hurt my back another time. Having a baby, now that was the worst, ha!!!
36. Do you love where you live? No, but it's ok for now
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2
38. Who is your loudest friend? I don't know. Maybe Kim or Kathy.
39. How many dogs do you have? None
40. Does someone have a crush on you? don't think so.
41. What kind of cereal would you be? Hmmmmm. goofy question. Maybe Chocolate cocoa puffs. I don't know.
42. What is your favorite book(s)? Haven't had much time for reading these days as it's all school books. Love, Eat, Pray was ok. Used to like romances and now just real life kind of stories and old classics of course.
43. What is your favorite candy? I like twix, caramello.....any caramel.
44. Favorite Sports Team? I guess the Seahawks. I'm not into sports much though.
45. What song do you want played at your funeral? Ugggh, not something I want to think about. Not sure.
46. What were you doing 12 AM last night? sleeping
47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Got up, did some online banking, got my son ready for school and me too.

Ok, it's finally done......I'm going to tag WannaB, Diet Coke Rocks and Rolypolyman/spider/ironman (not sure which one he is going by!)

I will talk about my dieting attempts next time.....!!!

Feeling a bit down

2008-02-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

Think it's the new meds that are making me feel down. My mood swings a lot too. That is not how I usually am. Just last week at work when I was talking to my advisor/teacher that visits me at the clinic, I was crying. Just not like me. I hate it. She was a bit pissy that day and directed it at me but it was just minor. It was just a bad day I guess.

Maybe I'll get my doc to switch to a different heart medicine cause it works to lower blood pressure but I'm moody though I try to control it. My hubby doesn't like it that's for sure.

Well the good thing is that we have President's day today so me and my son are going to find something fun to do. I'm still in the process of writing my paper and it's taking me a lot longer than I thought it would. I can't seem to concentrate on it!!

My sister wanted to have some fun this weekend and she talked my mom into us all meeting at a hotel near Seattle that had a pool. The kids had fun and swam a lot. I think my sister just wanted a break as none of the adults got in the pool. How could we with like 30-35 kids in a small pool! I didn't want to anyway as I'm not wanting to get into my swimsuit right now. ha. We may go to the gym today/the Y it's called and my son will play some baskeball. He's a little small for the hoops but sometimes they lower them a bit. It will give us something to do. We try raquetball but he gets bored after 5 minutes. Maybe some day I'll get a decent game. We'll walk around the indoor track unless it's nice today we will get to the park and walk. It's still cold though but yesterday was around 50 F so that was balmy for this time of year.

We made our plans to visit San Francisco in June for my hubby's 'escape from Alcatraz' race. We are looking forward to that. His family may come to see it or just to visit as they only live about an hour and 1/2 from there so he will like that.

As far as my office politics that I was talking about I won't go into it much I was just upset at the time. One of the ladies was giving me advice (not my teacher there) and then after that talking negative about the others. I decided to keep quiet as there is already some tension there between her and the others. She will not be able to convert me to her side, that's for sure! She seems like the gossip/ and backstabber type to me. I am neutral, that's good advice you all gave. I'm just there for a year and then on to a hospital the second year and I want to 'be like the duck'. What I mean is everything will run off my back just like water. Ha! Easier said than done but I can do it.

Let me know how you are all doing on your healthy living this week! I'm didn't eat out too much this week and will strive to eat at home most of this week and pack my lunches!

(I'm farting around with my header up top....obviously I don't know how to make a good one. I don't know how to make caption along with a picture. Any ideas? Or is it hard? This is me back in my scuba diving days.....I miss those days and all the sun and fun!)

A new day and thoughts swirling in my head...

2008-02-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

It's a better day today. I hate how I get so stressed and down with all I have going on. But if I wait it out things get better. School and work combined is really stressing me out I guess.

My mom has been watching my son for 2 days so I had time to start my big paper/project and now today I will study for 2 more tests tomorrow while my hubby picks him up. It's nice to have grandparents that can do this once in a blue moon and make it a little easier. I know everyone doesn't have this option and I'm thankful for it.

My hubby and I went out to the movie 'Fool's Gold' that has Kate Hudson and Matthew McCaughney in it. It was pretty good and they seem to be good together but I got a little tired of people trying to kill them all the time as they were searching for treasure. We were in the theater and the fire alarm goes off and everyone goes out and right before we went out the door we all heard it was ok and to go back in. It happened right at the beginning of the film but at least we got to see the rest of the film. I was just thinking if we had to get out of here in a hurry it would be impossible with the theater packed. There were so many people next time I think we will just rent dvd's, it seems much more enjoyable than wall to wall people. Other than that we just layed around the house and I did a little homework. It is nice to take a day out and not do too much. We seem to never get days like that.

The eating/dieting hasn't been too bad. I'm not really making any progress but I'm still not gaining so that's a plus. I guess that all I can do right now and that's ok. I wish you all luck on your healthy living. Some of you are really making strides and a good incentive for me when I get my mojo back and start losing again.

Also about being healthy/getting thinner:

Ya know, I was sitting next to a smoker recently and this older lady lit up and just starting choking and hacking and then would take a puff on her cigarette. I was thinking 'why doesn't she just quit smoking and she won't choke like that, she wasn't choking before lighting up'. Then, I thought about it. We all have bad habits of some kind. Why is her bad habit unlike my bad habit of being chubby and not having the best relationship with food at times. Why is that any different than me not getting to a healthy weight and the emotional eating that I do at times. I go around and look at some of the wt loss blogs and some are all about this new diet or this way of eating that will work this time. Then it is off the program and gaining and back on the next best thing or the next best diet or plan. We all want the golden prize of getting thin and more importantly being healthy and feeling good about our bodies. Sometimes I feel like it's all a load of bulls*it they are feeing us in the media. I was trying to think what ever worked for me to lose weight. Sure wt watchers for a while but after that just exercising a lot made me want to make the healthy choices. I actually forgot about choosing the bad foods most days and wanted healthy food to give me energy. I was in the zone last spring/summer. The flip was switched. I was losing, though slowly, I was training for a race. I see some out there in blogland really making progress and the universal key to all of them is consistent exercise. Not a few months and stop, it is every week. So that's what I will concentrate on this week. Just get in some exercise and the rest will follow is my motto!! I want to be in that zone again and I will! I can't wait for spring and that will mean more time outdoor to workout and not all this rain. Ok, can't get away from the rain up her in Washington but it will be warmer soon.

In other news, I have a work thing that is bothering me. Already some office politics and I hate it. I am trying to stay out the fray as I'm just an intern. Maybe I'll write about that next time. Hope you all are having good weekends!!!

Been busy

2008-02-05T22:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't had time to post or maybe haven't had much to say. Other than I am stressed!

Do you ever get so stressed to the point you just want to have a good cry? This school and work is driving me crazy. Especially the school as the work is never done and they test us constantly. This isn't med school, jeeeez! I find myself dreaming of some day far away when I can vacation and get away from it all and just lay by a beach. I know some day that day will come but for now the hard work is what I have to do.

I guess I just get down when I don't have time for friends or even some of my family, I just can't do it all. Ok, just feeling frustrated tonight. It will be better after my physics test tomorrow and I can take a mini breather before Thursday.

Also I get down about our tight, tight finances as of late. It's just another stresser. Sorry I'm a downer tonight. Probably cause I'm studying for the test tomorrow and physics sucks or maybe it's just boring to me and I'm tired and not feeling right.

I haven't been around the blogs much but I will when I get time. This weekend will be more fun with writing my paper and studying for tests. I need something to look forward too but what??!!

Oh, yeah forgot to mention that I've been having tummy cramps for 3 days (food poisoning or other?) and I went to doctor last week for my annual check up and she started me on my first ever blood pressure medicine! And she said 'by the way you have a bladder infection so here's some other meds!'
Yuck. One more incentive to get my weight down and see if it lowers my blood pressure as it's been creeping up slowly. She said I could try to go off it if I lose some weight. Of course, it may be hereditary too as my mom is thin and trim but has high blood pressure matter what. I hope that's not the case for me. I think the meds give you side affects as I've been feeling hot and sweaty and other aches and pains. Mild, but odd. Give me your opinion if you have been any meds such as these. Did you have side effects? Did you change medicine to get the right one?
Ok, I'm feeling officially old now!!! Ok, I'll quit my bitchin now. Things will be better soon.

How are you all doing if you are still out there reading?? Hope you are well!

All work and no play

2008-01-22T21:38:00.000-08:00

All work and no play makes me a dull girl. Or something like that. I got tired of the last week and all the late study nights and minimal sleep. I need some fun, dangit!!! Ok, maybe not too much fun.

We took our son up to Seattle to go to the Pacific Science Center. He wanted to see the dinasaur exhibits and the live butterfly exhibit. We enjoyed seeing all the butterflies and all the different and pretty colors. I didn't like when they landed in my hair and flapped around. I don't know, something about feeling like a bat in my hair! ha! But, they quickly fly off and on to another person or to one of the many trees and plants. We also got to see a lot of miniature train sets all over the museum so my son was having lots of fun. I like going there and seeing all the scientific and interactive exhibits. There are so many we never get to all of them.

The next day we had a day off due to our holiday celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. and I took my son to the beach/ocean. It was a sunny day but near freezing, I think! But, he wanted to play next to the water and in the sand and pretend the big logs were pirate boats. I was freezing by the end of the afternoon. We then went downtown and he wanted to ride the light rail/train type commuter. It is free in the city and we took a whirl on that and looked around the town and he managed to find a popcorn store where you can get like 20 different flavors of popcorn and so carmel corn it was for him.

I also rented some dvd's and saw 'The Constant Gardener' and 'Eastern Promises'. Both sad films and not uplifting. I heard Viggo was in Eastern Promises and was nominated for an award and that he is 1/2 naked in that so I was wanting to see that. I'm a fan. Ha! I got more than I bargained for as there is a fight scene in the nude. But, the film had lots of violent parts as it is about the russian mafia so I didn't like how I can't forget about the icky parts.

Anyway, I didn't do a lot of studying this weekend and went to clinic today and doing pretty good on doing the xrays though I have lots to learn. I have to do a big paper on 'how do do a barium enema' and also speak on that for 10 minutes and get videotaped. Ah, lovely. Just want I always wanted to do. I haven't started the paper and I have about a month so I'll think on that some more and get to view one on Thursday. Ah, more fun!! (Just kidding!) My supervisor says 'you can do the enema if you want!' I'm like 'no thank you!' I really want to see one done before I start poking people. yuck. I know, it's part of the job and I must learn. bluck!!!

As for the healthy living, I'm doing ok an just maintaining my weight. I did start some exercise but not as much as I should. Tomorrow is a new day and hope to get in some walking after school. Stop by and say 'hi' and tell me how you are doing this week!!!

Slowly getting back into it

2008-01-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly getting back into working out. It has been a long, long break. The fall was filled with sadness for me if you are a reader of my blog and stress of my school and time constraints made it all too easy to quit working out. But, I'm back at it even if it is only walking for now. Soon, I will add weight lifting and then get back to other things like the elliptical and yoga. Not sure about the running! I do miss biking though but the weather is crap these days and I've never tried the indoor spinning. Have any of you tired it? My hubby has and he says some of the teachers are tough and that it's a good workout.

I've been busy with school and it's going pretty good. The hard part is the physics class. I'm not enjoying it that much and I'm trying to get my head around it and really understand it. Wish me luck!!! I never have taken a class such as this. The anatomy and postioning for xray is going well as well as my internship at the clinic. I'm liking those things.

Not too much time for fun but I did go to a baby shower yesterday and the lady hosting it is married to an old family friend. A guy I grew up with whose mom is my mom's best friend. This guy has done really well for himself and has one of those 'street of dreams' houses. If you don't know what that is, they are prob. million dollar homes I would guess. It was awesome with a whole workout room and a room that looked like a mini-theater and also room for a pool table and outdoor hot tub and overlooking the golf course. He's living large but he is a lawyer and works all the time. I'm not sure if I would make that trade off or not. Do you have time to enjoy it all? I don't think I like to work more than 40-50 hours a week but the money would be nice. Anyway, it was a nice shower and the mom to be (who is married to his younger brother) got some really nice things and it fun to see how excited someone gets when expected their first child.

Other than that, not a lot going on. Had a chance to spend my gift cards at the mall and got some new clothes and shoes and had my hair done with a gift card too. I missed out on going up to the mountain to go inner-tubing with my son and hubby but I have to put in the study time to get decent grades. It sucks but whatcha gonna do. I have to miss tonight out with friends too due to this darn physics test coming up. I haven't seen them since November and they are going out for Thai food....waaaaahhhhh.....but I made the decision and I'll see them next month. It is just quite a ways for me to get up to Seattle and I need to be at the library. My son and hubby are missing me too. It is fricken hard to go back to school and give everyone my time too. It just ain't possible. Ok, just feeling the pressure a bit at the moment.

Hope everyone is doing good on their fitness journeys. I'll check in with you soon.

The New Year

2008-01-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

How's your new year going? Mine is going fine. Got over the sickness for the most part so I'm happy about that. The bad part is a lot of people are sick at my school and they sit by me and now that I'm working in the clinic I'm around sick people all the time!

What I need to do is take better care of myself cause it seems my immune system sucks and I catch every cold around! I was pretty nervous on my first day at the clinic that I'm interning at twice a week. My fears were unfounded because they were a nice group of people and I think it will be a good place to work. We were so busy with xray and didn't stop for like 5 hours. It finally slowed down and we could take a breather. I'm sure not used to working on my feet for 8 hours a day. Think I need to find some more comfortable shoes. My tennis shoes are ok but I'm sure I can find something better. I was mostly observing the xrays and patient interaction but my the end of the day I was assisting the tech with greeting the patients and giving them instruction and doing some of the technical things and some computer work. We did so many chest xrays that I probably will be proficient at that real soon!

Ok, enough boring talk about xrays but that is my life these days. Looks like the academic classes will be challenging too. I was sorry to hear that we lost 3 students due to them flunking out of a class. Our class is dwindling fast as we started with 24 and down to 20. I hope no one else has to drop out but it's bound to happen. 2 years is a long time to commit to the program or really it takes 3,4 or 5 years when you figure in all the prerequisites and waiting to get acceptance into the program. Sometimes I wish I picked something a little easier a little shorter like a pharamcy tech. But, it didn't make sense to make less than I did as a administrative assistant. I wanted to make more money than I used to and eventually I will. I just hope I like this field. It seems ok so far but I wonder if people get bored doing the same thing over and over. There is some variety and I do like the interaction of meeting new people all the time though it is for a brief time.

Not much happening this weekend. My parents came to visit overnight and they are off to visit my Aunt. She is the one who lost her husband recently (my dad's brother) but she is doing as well as can be expected and went back to sub/teaching to keep busy. She has a large family of of sons and a daughter a lots of grandkids that she needs to be there for. I think religion is helping her out a lot with coping. She said somethign about a poem someone gave her saying 'this year she is spending christmas with God'. Anyway I'm just rambling on.

What is everyone's New Year's resolutions? I didn't really make one but mine really is to get more healthy and lose weight and in turn get my blood pressure and cholesterol in a normal range as they are a tad bid high and I don't want to go on meds if I can help it. We'll see. It sucks getting older as it seems more things start to happen. I want to go to that movie 'Atonement' today but we'll see if I can make it.

Tell me what you are up to and leave a note!! Check out this cute 'Happy New Year' clip at http://web.icq.com/friendship/swf/0,,16961_rs,00.swf.
All we did for New Year's was drink sparkling cider out of my big, hug Margaritaville glass and let off poppers and blow horns and shoot silly sting. My boy loved it and we did our party early thought me and my hubby did watch the fireworks in Seattle on the TV.

Happy Holidays.....and the good and the bad

2007-12-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays to everyone!!! I haven't been blogging much but hey I've been on vacation! I did get some time to comment on a few of your blogs a while back but I was away at my mom and dad's for a while and had to do the family thing and visit and go to movies. Seemed there was no time to just surf the net. We played some board games, watched movies and had some time experiencing the Wii game system as the cousins love that.

We had a nice Christmas and a good time was had by everyone. There was a downside which was some of the kids had the flu and a lot of us had colds and I've had this chest cold with bronchitis like symptoms. Yeah, sucks. I had to miss a day in Seattle to go to a great play due to a fever and coughing up. Seems like I've never really kicked this cold but it is easing up now. It was not fun at xmas to see one kid after another get the barfs. yuck!!!

I got a few clothes and lots of gift cards to a department store in the mall and one to Starbucks. So, I will be shopping again here real soon. The malls are still really crowded so I'm staying away from now as I'm sick of crowds. I gearing up to go back to school on Wednesday so looking forward to that. I'm starting my internship at a large clinic so I'm a little apprehensive as to what to expect. I'm hoping at first I just follow someone around and watch them do xrays before they throw me into the fire. I haven't even gotten my scrubs yet and will get them the day before. I hope they fit.

Yeah, weight loss hasn't been happening. I fluctuate up and down 5 pounds with being sick but it seems to come right back on. We may go to the gym today and I haven't been in ages as I've felt like crap but I can do some walking at least. Nothing planned for the new year, we don't do parties anymore. We'll try to stay up till 12am and watch the ball drop on tv. Oh, how exciting my life is. ha!

Thanks out to WannaBslim for the xmas card from way down in Tasmania! Wow, I appreciate that and it was a lovely card. I've never been down that way or even to Australia or New Zealand. Diving the great barrier reef is definitely on my list of things to do before I die! I will get there, just not now. Check out her blog and check out her awesome weight loss progress. She's definitely one of my inspirations that people can succeed at this weight loss game.

My hubby is all hyped up about his Escape from Alcatraz race as he just got to register. It's not until June though. He will get to swim near the infamous Alcatraz Island in San Francisco and brave the cold, cold waters and hopefully not shark sitings! It looks like a hard bike ride and run too as they run some on the sand and lots and lots of hills. I think the water part would be the hardest as it is a long swim. I hope I can be there as it will probably be around my finals week. Some of my family wanted to go watch but there are 2 graduations this June - my neice and nephew so everyone will be busy with that. I will make it, it will be fun. It is hard to watch a triathalon but you can be at key spots to see them. Plus, I love me some San Francisco so we'll see if we can afford it.

I'm off to check on your blogs and you are all well and having a relaxing holiday season now that the xmas rush is over. I can't believe we didn't take any xmas photos, dangit!

Vegas again

2007-12-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry haven't been on the blog much but have been real busy!! Just got back from that Vegas vacation I was talking about a while back. We took my 21 yr old nephew down there to have some fun. He seemed to enjoy playing blackjack and looking at all the sights. The highlight was seeing the show 'Love' set to the Beatles music. I guess they bought the rights to the songs from Sgt. Peppers album or others and it was a mix of dance and acrobatics and a play all rolled into one. It was awesome as I got lucky and in the front row. I picked up the cd '1' of the Beatles hits and look forward to listening to that. It's been a long time since I've listened to their music and enjoying it again. I don't think I have any of their music though I must have years and years ago.

The down side of Vegas was losing money I shouldn't have and got my mom's cold and I just had one! So had a bit of trouble flying today as got a real bad sinus headache with the air pressure when we were come down. And of course, we stayed out way too late so gotta pay the price today and feel like crap. You pay you play, I guess. But, it was worth it and so fun to get away without worrying about my cares and responsibilities for a bit. And got to spend lots of time with my mom, sisters and nephew which we don't get too do too often.

My finals got over last week and they went well. Think an A and 2 B+ and one C. Dissapointed in that C but whatcha gonna do. I just checked on my grades for the whole quarter and I got 2 A's and A- and 2 B's. So that's not bad at all and I'm happy about it.

I was a bit sad being in Vegas again as my friend Dawn is no longer there. It is just strange cause we always see each other every time I was there. I did talk to Dawn's family and it is a hard time as the first xmas without her there and her daughter is having a hard time. It will get easier but it's just so sad. I hate to see people die early in life, it doesn't seem right.

Well, gotta go get the husband and spend time with my boy. I need to finish getting ready for Christmas this week as I am so not ready!! But, I will be. I'll get it done, I always do. Let me know what you are all up to!!! And hey, WannaB, no xmas card in the mail. I think it takes a long while from down under.

Life on hold

2007-12-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling like life is on hold for finals this week. I've had one really hard final this week. There were 150 questions and at least 40 I had no clue on. She was trying to trip us up and I hope I guessed right. A lot of us don't care for this teacher. She's not personable and we study so hard and then have trouble on her big tests. The other teachers area a lot easier. They give you the material, you study it and do well. This harder teacher has you write bookfuls of notes and then tests you on obscure things in the book and things we didn't even talk about. Frustrating. I just pray that I passed the course as I had a good average on going into this final. Some people were on the borderline and I pray she doesn't flunk them out of the program. We got a lot of worried and bitchin people in my class this week.

I've put a hold on everything as far as getting ready for Christmas and having fun. It is all about the tests and school. I know I can't do this all weekend. My son wants to get a tree set up and lights up. I'm feeling stress as I haven't gotten any gifts except 2 and I need to get about 20. Ok, just focus, on Wednesday afternoon I will be done and can move on to the shopping. But, I have other committments as I have to do a school fundraiser and work in the mall doing gift wrapping next Friday and then I'm going out of town Saturday - Tuesday to Vegas. I am looking forward to it but then I'm wishing I had more time for Xmas. I will get it done but I hate leaving it to the last week before xmas, as I hate the zoo at the malls. I would try to shop online but I need different kind of gifts and need to go out and find specific things.

Sorry life is boring at the moment and not much to blog about and it's so not interesting....think of me at the library all day tomorrow I'll try not to nod off but it is nice in that it is so quiet there and I can get some studying done. My hubby and son will go off to the animal shelter and take a course on walking the dogs there. They should have fun with that.

My son and I have picked up another cold and it sucks. I think the kids pass around germs and then we get sick again so hopefully will be feeling better soon. I finally got our computer fixed and it cost us $130. It got so bad that there was a red screen/desktop backdrop and had an awful symbol and couldn't hardly use the computer. We are certainly going to watch how we surf on the net from now on as that's prob. how the computer got the virus. I just went around to most of your blogs and left comments. Let me know how you are doing! Ah yeah, haven't been dieting but haven't been gaining either so at least that's something.

green eyed monster or just bad body image

2007-12-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

Wow, another post just after I posted 2 days ago! I was just out surfing even though my computer is still in the shop but the laptop is working out ok.

What I wanted to talk about is the green eyed monster and my own body image. I am working on little sleep tonight as I have been burning the candle at both ends with my tests this week so maybe that's why I feel a little down. I find myself jealous of others in my college class or maybe it is guilt for how I measure up. The young, thin women that are so sure of themselves and their bodies. The lady next to me (that is actually older than me) that is so slim and trim and nice looking for her age. I can't chalk it up to her asian roots. This lady takes care of herself. I find that when we went out to lunch the other day I felt like a big cow when I see how little she eats. She reminds me of the girls from long ago, like high school who would say "I am so fat" and in reality they are so skinny. She didn't say that statement. It was more like, "wow, that is a huge portion of food" she got served and then eats like a mouse and has mammoth leftovers. I feel like she is saying to me and another lady, "do not eat all that is on you plate, you little piggies". I know a lot of it is me and how I feel right now about my body size. And, with the younger women, I just think 'wow, I was once like they are and thin and trim and confident'. Wow, I think, what the hell happened to me? How have I gotten so off course. And, the million dollar question, 'why can't I lose all this weight for good?'

Yeah, just feeling negative tonight. I guess I just get tired of it being on my mind every frickin single day of my life. I feel judged for my size, I don't feel as good as others that are thin. Somedays I do, I really do. I know my heart and my brain/my intelligence is on par with others but when did I quit taking care of myself? Why did I think that appearance didn't matter that much years ago after I was married? Why did I slide? I know a lot of it is emotional baggage and eating combined with issues in my life. Then of course, being more sedentary and having a child added to it.

That just reminded me of a conversation classmates were having about the after effects of having a child and what it can do to your body. They older lady I was talking about was saying to the young 20 somethings "you can have a good body after having a child, I didn't have stretch marks". Then someone says, "well, then you get saggy boobs after childbirth" and she is like "no you don't have to". I'm thinking I don't know, does she need her ego stroked that she is looking good after 2 kids. I find her to be a bit of a flirt and likes the attention too. She is so different than I am. Of course, I'm thinking of me and some of my friends "what planet does this lady live on?" Almost everyone I know has stretch marks or some wt gain or some body change. Of course, there are exceptions. I'm not trying to dog this person. Actually I really like other aspects of her personality and she is my closest classmate in my class as I sit next to her. But, I can tell that some of her comments or just the way she is will irritate me though I won't show it. I suppose shouldn't blog about others as I'm just asking for trouble.

I want to be that lady in the fit, little jeans looking good!!! I really want to be that thinner, healthy, active person. I get a glimpse of her from time to like last summer with the triathalon. I really thought I was on my way to getting to a healthy weight. But again, Bam!! Life sidetracks me and I am off the wagon. Of course, there are positives in my life, like learning a new profession and my family. But, this one aspect of my life, my own body shape makes me so unhappy. Just reading this it would seem, 'hell, do something about it!'. Of course it is not that easy or everyone would be slim and trim and that is so not the case here in America or the world for that matter.

I remember a saying that we take better care of our cars than of our body. Hmmmm, don't know if that is true but I find myself trying to take care of my family, my son and everyone else before I take care of me. Not sure why I do that, but it just the way it is. I think a lot of us women out there do this. Especially since being a mom....you let things slide, things you used to love doing, things you enjoy. There just isn't enough time for things that make you happy.

Sorry for the downer post, just the way I am feeling. I need to get my head right and live healthier and the good feelings will follow again. When the stress of finals is over, the gym rat will be back and I'll get in some fun at the gym. I actually really miss it but have no time for it. Or that's my excuse anyway. This post is all over the place today. And green eyed monster, or whatever this is.....leave me alone.

Share your thoughts on your own body image with me! How do you feel about your size? Are you ok with it or does it really bug you and on your mind a lot?

Snow flurries

2007-12-01T13:14:00.000-08:00

Yikes! We are having snow flurries here. Yuck! It is minor but it looks like snow weather in the sky. I don't want it as it's too hard to get around. But, of course, my boy is praying for it so we can go sledding. Ahhhhh, to be a kid again and just want snow to make us happy.

My main computer is in the shop today and who knows when we'll get it back. I'm not looking forward to the cost but I couldn't stand the computer pop ups. Got some trojan horse file or something that McAfee can't fix and they (whoever the hacker is) is changing my homepage and screen background and matter what I do I can't stop them. I'm limited on what I know about computers so it's time for the professionals. I found an old laptop I have and hooked it up so that will be internet access for now. Of course, it doesn't have all my favorites lists/links to your blogs and all the other files on my computer that I need but it'll have to do.

I'm just getting ready to study for a test on Monday and my first final on Wednesday. Then I have like 4 on the week of Dec.10-13 and then done. Stress is hitting! I'm studying things like Pnumbra and compton scattering and it's a bit boring and confusing. All back to electrons and photons and chemistry crapola. I'm hanging in there though. On Friday in our patient care lab we got to take turns stabbing each other with a needle to try to draw blood. I guess eventually we will not really do blood work but will have to run IV lines for our contrast/xray studies. I couldn't draw blood though I was in the right area. Frustrating. But, she didn't give us another try and when I work at the clininc or hospital I will get some more training. I was getting nervous as I don't want to be sticking people if I don't know what I'm doing. I know a friend of mine who went in for something once and ended up getting poked for veins like 4 times and it was a mess. I don't want to be that person. I want to get it right the first time. It's harder than I thought, that's for sure and didn't help that my lab partner was freaking out and nervous. I felt I was calm as a cucumber for my injection and I have good veins so she got some blood out of me.

Not too much else happening this weekend. I hope to get in a little xmas shopping tomorrow but don't have much time. I'm starting to feel the xmas crunch as I need to get some shopping done. I hate waiting till the last minute and having to deal with all the crowds of people at the mall. Hate that. So I will try to shop during the week as that should be better but where to find some time with finals.

My mom got back from Morocco and she didn't share any pictures with me, except a postcard of camels. They did a little camel riding and gave my son a cute camel toy. She had a good trip but is glad to be home. Some of the places she has been have been so exotic and to the far reaches of the earth like Galapagos and Antartica and Mongolia. I can live through the adventures she has and she will share stories and pictures soon.

Ok, I need to quit procrastinating and get to the library as staying home I find all kinds of distractions and don't get anything done. Hubby and son went to the mall to find shoes so I got some time. Hope you are all having a good weekend. I wish I could have some fun but now is not the time. One of these days I will take my son to a xmas movie. Maybe Fred Claus or Enchanted or something. And I'm going to the gym tomorrow come hell or high water!!!! I need to lose some acreage on this body!

Computer problems

2007-11-26T18:58:00.001-08:00

Having a lot of computer problems! Our main pc has got some kind of bug from the internet and is driving me crazy. My husband said it kinda of crashed this weekend and I said 'what have you been looking at on the net'? ha. Who knows. Now I am on a different old laptop we have so my internet surfing will have to slow down for a while. I don't have any or your blogs saved on this computer as favorites so it's hard to get around to all the blogs right now. I think I'll buy some anti-virus software or something. We used to use McAfee. What do you all use out there if you have it?

I had a nice week with some days off. Had a nice family get together at Thanksgiving and also went to a play and stayed the night in Seattle at a hotel. It was fun but I felt like all we did was eat and eat and drink some more. It was a quick stay. They went off Christmas shopping but I had a date with my school books cause I always have tests on Monday. Three more weeks and I'm done for xmas break.

I have decided to go to Las Vegas with my family in mid-December. They are going as my nephew just turned 21 and want to show him the sites. I kept saying I didn't want to go as I was there so much this year visiting Dawn and now that's she's passed away I know vegas won't be the same as I can't see her. But....I've reconsidered and life goes on. I'll be on xmas break and I want to have fun with my family and it's paid for by my Mom so I can't pass it up now as both sisters are going too. I'm not sure how much fun my nephew will have with us old ladies, ha! I was joking with my sister that I would take him out to the hot dance clubs and show him around. I like to get her goat, ya know. Her thinking I would corrupt her son as show him the bad side of vegas, ha. She thinks I have a dark side I suppose. I guess I was the wildest of us 3 sisters as she married almost the 1st guy she dated in high school. I said 'we can all go out dancing' and she just laughed. She used to love to dance but she said all the guys in her family (she has 2 boys) aren't dancers. I do prefer to go down there when it's warm as I like to go by the pool. We can't stay in the casino all the time or we are going to be broke on day 1. We are going to take in a show. I think it's called 'love' and is about the beatles music so I'm looking forward to that.

The eating isn't too good but it could be worse. I'm going to really try to be on track tomorrow. My son wants to watch the movie 'Ratatouille' now that we rented. I heard it was pretty good. Tell me what you are up to out there in blogland! That will also give me a link to click back to visit your blogs now that I can't access my favorites list. Have a good week everyone.

Happy Turkey Day

2007-11-20T17:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Turkey day to all of you. Just a quick post to wish you all well this holiday season if you celebrate it!!

I'm doing ok on the healthy eating this week and will probably start weighing in next week. Looks like I've stopped the upward trend and hope to get in some exercise this week as I have more time. Finished my two tests for the week at school and felt like they went pretty well. The rest of the week I am off, wooooohooooo! Love the holiday break but I do have to get in some studying time still.

I'm going to a play on Saturday and then start my xmas shopping and spending time with my family and with my mom and 2 sisters this weekend. That will be nice. My mom got back in one piece from Morocco but haven't heard much about the trip yet as she is jet-lagged. I'll see her on Thanksgiving and hear the stories.

I'll get back to blogging more next week and take care. I hope I survive the turkey day food extravaganza.

Time to face the music

2007-11-15T09:25:00.001-08:00

I suppose it's time to face the music. Time to face what I have been ignoring the past 2 1/2 months. Time to stop the backslide I have been in. The weight gain, the negative thoughts. So the big bad number is 219. So I slid about 16 pounds. That's pretty impressive in that time frame. But, I had a lot of help with eating out a lot, especially tacos, not sure why. Eating candy, ice cream and snacks a lot. But, I think it is done, I hope. I'm sick of the junk. I've started a new day today. A new day to start exercising and eat right. I need to find a different way to cope with my stress. I know why the backslide happened. I was feeling so low after losing 2 people I love. I quit caring about taking care of myself. I was feeling a lot of sadness and stress with college too. Of course, that stress hasn't gone away.

It is really hard to see this number on the scale. But if I'm not accountable then how am I going to change it? I refuse to go up in pants size. My pants are tight and I don't know if there are fatter pants to be found. I mean I used to have some bigger sizes but I think I threw them out when I was gung ho and losing. I'm sick of myself. I am sick about the constant yo yoing. I think I did this at Christmas. I yo yo'ed back up to 220 and then in April started again and with the exercising and tri training got down to 201-203. Then an emotional backslide. How many times can I do this? Why am I hurting myself this way? Maybe even hurting my health. I think it's that I just get so tired of doing it. The dieting. The eating healthy, the exercise. No one said these were fun things. I have to find a way to get out of this cycle cause let me tell you it feels like hell and I'm stuck in it. My own private hell. Some of you know what I'm talking about as you've been there too. There is no magic cure. I keep searching for it. There is no nirvana, it's just regular old life and it's hard sometimes. There is never going to be an easy way for me as far as getting to a normal weight and living healthy. But I have to keep trying. I think it is exercise and trying to be kind to myself and then making good food choices most of the time is they key. I'm giving the devil a kick in the groin and saying 'I'm not going to stay here any longer!'

So back to being accountable. Maybe not the wisest of time to choose to get back on the healthy eating wagon as Turkey day is next week and always a temptation. But, it is just a day, one day. And what would be the alternative? Getting bigger and bigger and seeing next year getting closest to my highest weight. No, no, no! Don't want to go there as I know I'll just feel worse and worse about myself about this one area in my life.

So I've been looking at spark pages and web sites. I'm looking at success stories, I'm trying to find the mojo that I've been lacking. Today I will walk with my son but I have school here in a second but I need to make the time. I will do the walk after both our schools are finished this afternoon. He likes going to the gym anyway as it looks like the outside weather may suck today. Here's some of the quotes and advice I've come across that I liked:

from Bree Wee's site, a triathalon lady:

'If we think negative thoughts we limit ourselves.'

'The mind determines what’s possible, the heart surpasses it.'

From Spark people success story, Wendy:

'Set achievable goals and celebrate when you reach them. Be consistent in always getting back up when you fall, just keep going. Be honest with yourself and others, no more hiding. Get excited, find what motivates you. Visualize where you want to be and remember how far you've come.'

'It’s not just the weight loss, it’s the whole development of good feelings about life, people, and excitement for what the future holds.'

These are some good thoughts to get me started again. I get inspiration from them and from others out there that are starting living healthy again. If they can do it, so can I. And of course all you bloggers out there that I follow who are doing so well too, you are an inspiration. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time is all that I can do. I hope you are all doing well this week and leave me a comment and tell me how you are doing!

inner demons

2007-11-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Was looking at the spark boards and there was a thread called 'your inner demons'. It was interesting, we all have them. It's what doesn't keep us on the track to getting healthy and losing more weight. Most of the people commented had to say some food had control over them, especially at night. Lately my vice has been ice cream and a little candy. Darn you Dairy Queen and Halloween!! One lady said her demon is the voice that tells her that she is so busy that she doesn't need to worry about working out. I hear that voice too. ha. Another lady named Carol (from Spark) had this quote below her comment:

"once you set your mind to it, and stop fighting with yourself, and being hard on yourself, and having low self-esteem, and being your own worst enemy.... losing weight is the easiest thing in the world!!!!!"

Ok, like the comment, it makes some sense to me. But, if you're stuck in a rut or a big backslide (like I am) how do you get to that point. I'm really been hearing the voice that I said above that I'm just too busy which I have been. Like I reason with myself that I'm working on my intellectual side now with school and the physical will have to wait. That doesn't make sense I know, but it's the mind games we play. I have time for 30 minutes of walking on some days, I just have to do it. I did do a little biking this week as the weather wasn't bad so at least that was something. This weekend I'll get in some walking. I really am missing the gym but it takes me 30 minutes to get there so that isn't easy to get there when I'm busy but I need to. What are your inner demons?

As for the rest of life, it is going fine. I got B's and and A on my mid terms. It was really stressful but I made it through. Now I get to breath a little and can make do and ease up a little, well maybe not too much, still have to keep up on the studying, but a little breather before the finals in December.

Think the husband is feeling a bit neglected as he says 'I need a lover not a student'. Aiiiyyy yiiii yiiiiii. Guess I'll have to work on that. It's hard to find the balance to do well at school and keep everyone else happy too.

I took my son to "The Bee movie" yesterday. He seemed to like it but he did get a little restless when they had some lawyer/judge/court scenes. Also, took him to a party this week and wow, what a house this lady had. About 3300 square feet and I was just thinking how would I clean it all if it were my house? I have trouble with my smaller place and need to clean right now. Now we have another kid party at the end of the week and they get to do some exercise/gym play time so that will be good. Maybe I'll know a mommy or 2 so that will be good.

We got some dvd's last night, we watched 'Transformers' as we thought our son would sit through that. It wasn't bad. Now we have 'Premonition' with Sandra Bullock to watch but the question is when. The kid won't let us watch without a lot of interruptions so it will have to be late when he is in bed. Looks like an interesting movie.

Been down with a cold this week but no time to rest so that has sucked but I think it is easing up, thank god, but I've been so tired all the time. Oh yeah and my echo test they were doing on my heart valves came back A-ok so I'm real happy about that. Now, I just need to do my part and start to live healthier than I have these last 2 months and get my cholesterol down a bit.

Sorry the blog is not much about wt loss at the moment but I will try to post some wt loss related stuff in the future. I hope you are all doing well this week and hope to get around to your blogs in the next few days!

Too much candy!

2007-11-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

My son and his friend had a good time trick or treating and the only bad thing is there is too much candy in the house!! Here's a picture of him as (muscle) spiderman and his friend as super girl and also a picture of a scary monsters' head. These people who had the monster really did it up and had those life sized wax people whose eyes follow you and talk to you. Their house was the best on the block in our friend's neighborhood. My friends made up mummy dogs (hot dogs in rolls) and scary deviled eggs and cupcakes and the kids enjoyed that. So did I as I love those deviled eggs. ha. But the bad things is her grandma made chili and you don't want my husband and chili to get together, not a pretty site, ha! We didn't end up staying out too late cause of the school night but those kids found a way to get tons of candy anyway. Now, we are trying to limit how much of it we eat but it is everywhere. Oh well.

My mid terms are going well but I have a nasty weekend ahead of me of studying in the library and at home. I have to take a break to go to a birthday party tomorrow night for my son's friend and all the mom's get together to talk. Also, I have to find time for my family, we will go out to eat tonight or something. It's so damn hard this week to get enough time for everyone, especially this week it's crazy or I'm going crazy I think. I'm not getting enought sleep but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Also, I haven't stopped hearing the 'Margaritaville' song yet. (Like I talked about a few posts back). I heard it when I clicked on a web site and when I went to Taco Time, like 5 seconds after I got in there here comes the song again. And also, on the radio too. It's way past coincidence and driving me a little bonkers, ha. It was always a good song though and I think it's proof that Dawn is in heaven looking down. Ha, close enough to proof for me as it's always nice to imagine that there is a heaven and that we will go there after we pass over even though we don't have the physical proof.

Not much else happening besides the studying but I just got back from my son's school as I was helping out a project we are all doing called 'Operation Christmas or Samaritan Purse'. It is a really good cause and we buy gifts/toy for kids and put them in a shoe box and wrap them and they will go around the world other countries and kids will have a gift for Christmas and of course they will learn a bit about God in the process. I can't imagine a child getting their first gift ever as some of these kids have nothing.

My mom is off to Morrocco tomorrow and I wish her a safe trip. I always worry these days when she goes over near the middle east but I guess this is north africa. She was talking about not worrying of gypsies (stole her stuff last time) but she is a little worried of terrorists. I'm like 'why go then?' and then she says, 'no, I'm not worried'. I hope she has a good time and she loves her traveling; we couldn't stop her if we tried.

Tell me how life is treating you! Now I'll go try to clean house for a second, it looks like a bomb went off in here and I don't have the time I used to have to clean and it sucks. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Think of me slaving away in the libary and wish me luck on the mammoth 2 tests on Monday. I'm a little worried but somehow I usually pull it off and do well. Must be the last minute cramming I do. ha.

How was your weekend

2007-10-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

How was everyone's weekend? Mine is going pretty well. Went bowling Friday night with some friends up in Seattle. It's been a long time since I bowled and I was lucky to hit 100. Most of use weren't too good except for one of my friend's husband. We then went to a friends house nearby and checked out her condo all decked out for Halloween and had some appetizers. I refrained from the drinking as I was driving but I would have liked to but I did have a beer at the bowling alley. My friend makes a mean martini and I would have like to try it but it wasn't that important. It was good to see all the ladies show up (we have a group of 6) and this is the first time in a long time that everyone made it. My hubby was the only spouse/boyfriend that didn't go so I wasn't that happy about that but I wasn't going to force him. Ha, next time I will. It's usually the ladies only but once in a while we invite the husband/or boyfriends. It was also nice to share some sad times with them and some laughs too. It did me a world of good.

Saturday was spent studying and getting my hair done...got it cut and some more blond in there so I guess I'm happy with it though it seems too short as I got quite a few inches off. Now I'm playing with my boy and we will go do something outside or go somewhere soon as the husband is having some time with one of his friends. I also have 4 tests to study for this week. It's the dreaded mid terms! I am just about ready for the one tomorrow but Wednesday's test is going to be a nightmare as it's a lot of new things about radiology and all the stuff we have been learning since the 1st day of class. I'm trying to get the time in studying but I have to spend some time with family too, so it's hard to find that balance.

I also have one more medical test this week, that echo test on the heart at the cardiac center. I hope it will be a quick test and then hopefully I'm done with going to doctors for now. I'm feeling pretty good but, of course, I need to clean up my diet and get the cholesterol down a little and keep tabs on my blood pressure as it seemed to be up a little each time I check it. We got to practice in our lab with stethoscopes and blood pressure cuffs and of course on the automatic pressure machine my pressure was the highest of our group of eight. Hated that and I just relaxed and took it later and it was lower. I think I get nervous when they put that cuff on or something, it's weird. I know I definitely do that at the doctor's, get the 'white coat syndrome' and the pressure shoots up. Maybe I don't want to hear bad news? I don't know it's strange.

Other news, I did do that letter to my friend the one I have been talking about. So that was good to get it done. I tried to be as honest as I could and I'm not sure how she will take it. But at least it's done with and somewhat out of my mind.

We are going to take our son out trick or treating this week with some friends and I just have to survive the testing week. I'm nervous for the lab mid term on Friday too as you get to pick a card at random and that's the xray's you take. So, I gotta know my stuff and how to use the xray equipment and how to line up/center patients and all the other things I need to know. The pressure is on, that's for sure. I find myself counting down the days till the Thanksgiving break in November.

Tell me all what you have done this weekend or looking forward to. Are you dressing up for Halloween? Maybe I'll get a witch hat or something as I'm tired of being the kitty cat. My son will be Spiderman and my hubby is going to be a white trash, buck toothed hillbilly I guess. He has these goofy glasses and big teeth and a mullet hair cut wig with the short hair in front and the long hair in back. I thought that he looked a tiny bit like 'Joe Dirt' if you've see that movie. I guess he's going to wear it to work, I hope other people dress up as last year he was about the only one.

There is a bright, bright spot on the distant horizon. My parents will have their 50th wedding anniversary next fall and we asked if they wanted a party but she says 'let's go on a cruise'! So it looks like the southern caribbean for December 08 xmas with sisters, parents, kids, spouses. Oh yeah, that's something that I will really like doing as never cruised on a boat that size. Now, I'm dreaming of scuba diving in the warm island waters. Ahhhh.... I wish it was this year but it will be nice to be with all my family. I was kind of hoping for land based vacation but this will fun to see what a cruise is like.

I was trying to re-arrange the top of my blog. Can you put more than one picture up on your blog on the top header thing? I guess I need to do some research, I'm not too good on the layout/design thing. I notice a lot of you change the look of your blog from time to time. That picture above is when we lived on Maui and that is my hubby walking toward the water, we were looking for a place to sit and this was our beach near our apartment in Kihei. I remember just going and laying in the sun and going swimming and snorkeling would just lift your spirits. There is no bad day at the beach. Wish I was there now!!

I almost wanted to go up to a Seattle bloggers meet and greet today to meet the infamous Dave from Blogography.com and others. He has a cool blog and like how he rants at the world and his sense of humor and especially all his travel reports. But, I'm not really in the popular bloggers group and life is just too darn busy these days so I will vicariously live through reading about other bloggers meeting each other. Wouldn't it be cool for all of us to meet? Ha, I know it darn well impossible as some of you are 1/2 the world away. Oh well.

Hope you are all well out there in blogland. Stop by and say hi, I like to hear from you.

Wasting away again in Margaritaville

2007-10-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

See I didn't stay away long....I planned to but I missed my blogging and the interaction with all of you.

Why 'Wasting away again in Margaritaville' as the title? Well, for those of you that have been reading my blog for a while it's in regards to my friend Dawn who I lost to cancer recently. This summer she talked to me of how she thought her sister (who died at 12) who she thought would tap on her shoulder and Dawn would look around and think, 'what was that'? Like a touch from beyond or something. So Dawn says to me, 'I can tap you on the shoulder after I'm gone' and you will know I'm there. I thought is might creep me out to feel a tap so I told her 'no, how about you play a Jimmy Buffet song for me'. Dawn was a big fan and everytime I got into her car she would have his cd on. And everytime I would visit most times I would stay at the Flamingo hotel which has Buffet's Margaritaville Restaurant in it. We would go there a lot of times to have a few drinks or dinner and just to talk and have some fun. There always seemed to be something going on there so it was kinda like our place. So anyway, in the past 2 weeks each time I was at 2 different grocery stores I hear the song 'Margaritaville' playing. It was unreal. Maybe just coincidence? Last time this guy next to me looking at the bread was whistling along with the song. I don't know, I took it as a sign that Dawn was looking down on me and saying 'hi' and thinking of me. Actually last time I heard it I just felt a sense of calm come over me and I felt happy and I just say 'hi' back up there to heaven. Sounds strange I know but I don't dismiss things that are a little different. I do believe in the afterlife and like to think of her happy and at peace now.

Well, I was thinking I need a break due to two things. One is my friend that has been reading my blog that I talked about a few posts back. Well, she has been reading and sending me emails. Last one was a critique of my emotional eating entry. She was suggesting what I should write about on my blog and basically telling me that giving up on losing weight is not an option. I didn't say I was doing that anyway. Let's just say I didn't handle it well and I fired back an email. And let me tell you, don't write an email when you are mad. It came out a little too harsh and I think I hurt her feelings. It's not like me to do that but I'm on edge lately. It just brought back to my attention what I don't like about our friendship which is her contantly giving me advice. I think we have hardly had a visit/converation without her telling me how I should change or live my life. Well, she says she's not reading my blog now but maybe she is. I hate that it make me feel I can't be honest and open and say what I want on this blog. But, guess what, I say so what! I'm still going to blog and just f*ck it. This is my space to say what I want and I will. Of course, maybe I shouldn't get so personal on the blog but it helps me sometimes. I still am working on a letter to her as she sent me a long one. I don't think I want the friendship to end but sometimes it seems like a lot of work to keep it going. I think we are taking a break from each other for now. But, we have been friends all our lives, we both were each other matrons/maid of honor and there is some good there. And I do know that she means well and doesn't mean to cause me pain.

Sometimes I think she doesn't get what kind of friend I need. I need a friend who will listen and not judge. Just accept me as I am. Sometimes we need girlfriends just to commiserate with us and listen not try to solve our problems like some of the men do. As we share our problems it helps deal with them and then we can take on the challenges life throws at us. Cause lately after losing people in my life I feel like I'm floating out to sea in a boat with no oars. I'm keeping my head above water but I can see the sharks. I think the sharks are the in the murky waters of depression and I don't want to go there. The problem I have lately is I haven't been reaching out to friends much to deal with my losses, I am just going it alone. I'm not sure why I'm doing that. I did have some time with sisters and my mom and talked of my friend and uncle and my feelings. Sometimes, that's just what you need. Others just want to go on with life and not talk about the friend we lost and I need to as she meant so much to me. Of course, to them they can't really understand as she was just a classmate and an acquaintence to them and to me she was my confidant and soul sister. The world is not the same without her in it. I can't come to grips that I will have to live the rest of my life without her. This will take a long while to deal with as I still break out in tears from time to time. It is not getting easier yet but it will.

The other reason for stressing is my radiology school. We get tested every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And I feel the pressure. There is so much studying I'm having trouble finding enough time for my family but I have to so something's gotta give. And they kept on harping on in the beginning that you have to at least pass with a 79% in all classes or you don't pass. So far I'm staying on a high average but a test I took on Monday I'm really worried about. It had to do with density and contrast and some physics so I'm going to have to really buckle down for that class. The rest are going well. I just forgot how much work it is. So, I'm burning the midnight oil and staying up late when the rest are in bed. I got to the library sometimes too as I need that quiet time to study and no talking.

I'm listening to Buffet's great hits album and the song 'fruitcakes' is on. Have you heard it before? Kinda funny. The part he just said was about his wife saying to him I think and it goes 'I treat my body like a temple, you treat yours like a tent'. I guess that's something to ponder. My hubby is Mr. fitness so I guess he's the temple and I'm the tent. I was just eating any old thing I wanted and avoiding the scale lately. But I've stopped that and am eating healthier. I'm not dieting but I will begin again soon. I did gain some and I feel like maintaining is the best for me right now. Like some of you said, the answer to problems, the solace is not in the food. I have to keep that in mind. I'm going to get in some exercise today with my son after his school. I'll take him to the gym and he can play a bit while I exercise and then we can do something together like swim or something.

Well, I am just going on and on today and I hope you all are doing well in your own life journeys. I need to go read a chapter for a test tomorrow, oh what fun. I'll come around the blogs to see how you are doing.

Wish I could just fly a plane to the caribbean like he did....see the picture...it must be nice. He says he has a 'caribbean soul I can barely control' and I know just what he means.

Taking a break from the blog

2007-10-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a little break from blogging for a while. I'm dealing with some shitzola as they say. I'm stressed from school and don't have much time. I will get around to your blogs and visit when I get time. I'm not gone for good just for a while....

Emotional eating and why do we get fat

2007-10-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today I wanted to talk about emotional eating. Someone told me recently they didn't understand why an intelligent person would allow themselves to get fat. Maybe in different exact words but that was the jist. I mean saying that cause I started out thin, long, long ago.

What I say to that is obviously they have never been fat. We all have our different reason for putting on the poundage. Sometimes it's just getting older and eating too much and not moving that much. For me it was a little of that but more about emotional eating. I was trying to go back in time and remember when I starting to put on weight. I remember a distinct time was right after I got married. I was working for this accountant. He was very nice and outgoing but he had a real bad tendency of coming up behind me and trying to massage my shoulders. And also when I had to go make copies in the copy room, there he would be in the doorway and not moving. I had to kind of squeeze on by him and was thinking 'why won't he move out of the way'! He was the touchy feeling kind of boss and I finally realized that he was sexually harassing me. I was young and naive I suppose. I thought, well, he's just from Morrocco or somewhere, aren't they like that in their country? His wife was the office manager, she didn't seem to say anything. I started to feel stress about going to work. I started to gain weight. I'm not sure how that's related but I guess cause I was stressed and feeling down I started to eat and to gain weight.

Anyway, fast forward to other times in my life. I was at work at the school district, I was an admin assistant/office manager. I liked the people I worked for but my boss was an evil b*tch who no one seemed to like much. They were always asking how I could work for her. The job was stressful and I began to eat. She liked to stress me out my giving me things last minute to do in 1 hour....projects that she could have given me days if not hours before. She drove me crazy. I think I was 170lb when I started that job and by the time I left there 3 years later when I got pregnant I was up to 212. Hmmmmm.....stress....weight gain. Coincidence? I think not.

Then later after the baby....started to gain more. Hit a bad spot in the marriage. You know, don't talk about it...just eat. Adding a baby to the mix was a real big shocker/change for us as we had been married 10 years with no kids. So we fix the marriage and then I started to lose the weight....about 40lbs and now a standstill due to stress again.

Food had/has become my drug of choice. When things bother me, let's eat. When someone made me feel bad...let's eat. Keep it all inside. Don't let them know how they hurt me. Just eat. Of course, it worked for a while. But then I'd get mad at myself for eating the fast food or ice cream or whatever and I was just hurting myself. Stress has always been a key trigger for me. That, and food is love. You know, growing up it was a treat to go out to eat. We started out poor in the beginning and going out to eat was a rare thing. And my mom was and still is a good cook. It seems food=love. She loved to provide us with the food, especially the holidays. We got the full spread. Now 2 out of us 3 sisters are overweight. My dad also loves to eat but he's not too much overweight. I guess he would go up and down 10-20 lbs. all the time. My grandma was overweight. Who the heck knows why we are the way we are. Or maybe it was that I didn't share with hardly anyone back then....my father was a big drinker. So was my grandpa. Definitely alcoholics....did I not get the love I needed from him? Probably. Did it affect my weight? I really don't know. Did it affect my happiness and my body image and self esteem from things he would say? Yes. I think so.

All I know is that when I am in pain or under stress, I can revert back to eating. It has been happening again as of late. With the deaths of 2 of my loved ones....I don't seem to care that much about healthy eating. And due to my constant school and studying the exercise in nill. I'm trying to break out the rut. I'm feeling crappier and my pants are tighter but I haven't gotten on the scale. I'm sure I've gained a good amount...ya know I can just tell. But, this is not about beating myself up. This is about understanding it. This is about how to break the spell that food can have over me. My own little coping mechanism.

I was talking to my sister about the weight issues. And she said it's funny you know. When people mention your weight or that you should do something about it.......she said ya know, 'it's not like we don't know we have a weight issue'. Meaning, why the heck do they need to bring it up at all. It is our own private dilemma. Another blogger, Sandi from down under in Australia took it a step further and said you know what? She said she is tired of dieting and is just going to accept who she is right now and the weight she is at. I wish I could do that. I can't seem to do that. It would be so much more easier. It would be easier than thinking....'I have to get back to that thin woman I was years ago'. Because the funny thing is that I'm still the same inside but it seems that some people forget that. Then it makes me think, 'have I changed?' Yeah, I suppose I am not as confident as when I was young and thin. I mean confident in the way that I look and feel about myself. But other days I'm like 'I'm still the nice person inside and if people can't see that then they can just go stuff themselves'!

Anyway, I'm just going on and on. Taking a break from my all day study marathon as I have 2 big tests on Monday. I am liking learing about xrays and like Fridays the best as sometimes we get to do real xrays on the phantom/dummy things they have in class. The hands on learning is fun. All this bookwork and memorization is the dull part.

Tomorrow we will go with some friends to the pumpkin farm and pick out pumpkins and maybe go through the huge corn maze. My son loved it last year. And it's time for some fun about now....dangit! Ok, share with me if you have had struggles with emotional eating. Do you still struggle? If you don't, how did you break the cycle? Please share, I'm not getting any younger and want off this merry go round.

A big 'sorry' to my friend.....and should my blog be private?

2007-10-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

First of all, it's breast cancer awareness month! Go out and get checked or do self exams or go get your mammograms if you are of that age. I know all to well what breast cancer can lead to and it ain't pretty.

I want to say a big 'sorry' to my friend Kathy. I have come to find out she is a reader of my blog....hmmmm...how many of you out there know me personally? If you do, come out of hiding or lurking and de-lurk and say 'hi' on my blog. Well, I wrote a while back about Kathy and how I didn't think she was supportive in her comments to me over the years. I was angry that day and it showed and for that I am sorry. But, of course, there is a bit of truth in what I said about my feeling about our relationship. She wrote me (and your prob. reading this Kath) today and wrote a long letter about her worry about my weight and about my feelings toward her and our relationship and how it is hard to get close. It made me cry. I know you are coming from a place of caring for me but somehow it feels like you judging me on my weight and on my life choices over the years. It makes me feel like you think less of me as a person for being overweight. It has been my coping mechanism for a lot of things in my life when I was down or it just happens. People turn to things when life brings them down. My addiction was food and maybe still is. Others turn to drugs or alcohol. So actually I'm glad that my vice is food. I wasn't hurting anyone else but myself. I dislike feeling judged for it. And at times, I distance myself from you cause I didn't feel supported. Of course I still care for you! I always have, I feel like I've always stuck up for you to our friends from the past. You did have a tendency to rub some the wrong way. They took your comments as harsh and wanted to distance themselves from you and not include you. I always stuck up for you and said 'we have to invite Kathy too'. So, in a way I always felt I was looking out for you. I understood why you could be the way your are. How you seemed to always have advice on how I should live my life. Your mother was that way with you and still is. You grew up with 3 brothers and dad that all were competitive and liked to tease you. It's what shaped you. I will work on a letter to you (it will take a while).....it is so hard to really share with you my inner feelings like I did with Dawn as I felt judged by you and that I couldn't live up to your standard. I know it was not your intent but that's how I felt. With Dawn it was so easy, she just accepted me as I was and tried to lift me higher. And she shared with me her real down low moments that I don't think you have really done with me. We connected on that, our down times and going thru marital issues at the same time. And then later, I tried to be there when she got the cancer and tried to cheer her up when I went to visit. But, thank you for you long letter. It gave me some insight into your thinking and how you are and how you feel. And, I don't regret you doing the triathalon with me. I was actually thinking after the race, 'how cool is it to be doing something like this with a friend'.

Ok, the rest of you out in blogland are wondering...what am I talking about? This comes to my dilemma...should I continue my blogging? Should I make it less personal? Should I make it private to only a select few? I started this blog as a fitness blog but it has become more like a diary. I knew it could get me into hot water for getting personal. I need to think on this some more. I do like this blog outlet and sharing with all you in blogland. It's my own kind of therapy I think to get things off my chest even with people I've never met. Also, a lot of you are weight loss bloggers and can understand and empathize with my weight loss struggle. I think in a way that no thin person who has never had this issue can. You know what I mean??

I went to the lung/pulmonary doctor today to get my results. The breathing test came back good. She listened to my heart and said I had a heart murmur. I had one as a child and thought it had gone but it is back. I think it's something that people just live with unless it goes a step further and become a valve prolapse. But, that is not what it is. I'll see how I feel when exercising again and if I push it. But, I am feeling pretty good today and think it was just major stress. And no, contrary to what some might think, this chest pain wasn't related to my weight at all.

Ok, I'm coming off as a little upset and touchy today but that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Maybe I need to start a paper journal and make it private and for my eyes only. I know some of you out there have made your blogs private. And some others just write about fitness. Maybe that's what I need to do but the problem that life is so much more than fitness. I can't just write about that as I get bored with it from time to time. I want to be open and honest but it's hard now.

Back to my studying and may you be having a better day than I. I hope you are kicking butt on your own healthy living journeys.

a success story and trouble in the water supply

2007-10-05T20:07:00.001-07:00

Here's a one of the success stories I get regularly from wt watchers at http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?sc=17&SuccessStoryID=9401.

I'm not on their program anymore but still enjoy reading these. This lady lost a lot of weight and has a little more to go. It give me hope to see these people change their lives and hear their stories and know that it can be done. What I would really like to see from wt watchers is people that have lost all the weight and kept it off for 5 years or more. I'm sure there are a bunch of them out there even if the public says it isn't so.

I'm trying to get back into the wt loss mode. I just haven't been making the time to do it. I mean when I used to exercise 4-5 times per week I just seemed to eat healthier or just want to do it. Now, with all this college course work and watching my son I just don't seem to have the time and what free time I do have I spend with family but mostly I am studying! I am burning the midnight oil to get all my studying in. And, when I am tired, the last thing I want to do is exercise. I will make an attempt to go tomorrow as it's the weekend.

We've had a scare in our city. They closed the surrounding schools and my sons school too due to finding E-Coli in the water supply. First of all I'm scared that I might have drunk a little of it over the past week but not much as I usually do bottled water or that my son or hubby has. And secondly, it has been a major hassle to find day care for my son with no school to go to. I go to day school at college now and my hubby works a ways away and it has been a pain. I hope they can figure this all out my Monday or else he has to go to Grandma's. I'm sure everyone is getting upset, I mean the restaurants around here as a lot of them had to close due to this issue and everyone is losing money.

In other news, I've been doing well on all my tests/bookwork but found it hard to do a mock xray today. We positioned each other to do a chest xray and had to do the focus/alignment and all the other factors. I didn't do that well I fear and am pissed at myself. It's so hard to lose points this way as they are grading us at every turn. I know it just my first time doing this but I wish they would have let us practice beforehand. I don't like how they throw us into the fire and sink or swim. So, I'm a little down about that. But, my test taking has been good and I have another big test on Monday. I mean the academic side is good but the new area of hands on xray and technical stuff is throwing me for a loop at the moment. I was so nervous and lost my train of thought!!! Ugggghhhh. My hubby thinks I'm burned out from school already but I think it is all the other stress that I have been under for the past month and my health concerns that have compounded things.

I gave him a break tonight and he is visiting an old fishing buddy that has set up a ju-jitsu (not sure of the spelling) school. This guy used to be an ultimate fighter. Ya know, the nasty, low down fighting where anything goes from kick boxing to punching to wrestling. Nasty!

I hope you all have a great weekend and I will try though I have a day at the library planned but I just have to keep my eye on the prize of a new occupation.

A bit better

2007-10-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit better today about things. I had 2 medical tests today, the PFC (or breathing/lung test thing) and a stress test. The tests seemed to go well. I still need to see the pulmonary doctor next week but the heart doc said the stress test was A-ok. They put all these sticky round things on you and hook up the wires. They put you on a treadmill for 10 minutes, first at an easy pace and then continually harder till your running. It was a little hard at the end as I haven't jogged in so long but I knew it would be over soon. They checked my heart and blood pressure and it seemed to be in the normal ranges though a little high at the beginning. I was happy that the doc said that she wouldn't refer me for more tests. If I have more chest pain then she said I might want to get an echo test to look at the how the valves in my heart are working. I did have a heart murmur as a child so that would be something to look at if my symptoms come back. But, I am still having some upper back pain and arm pain but I haven't had the chest pain all weekend! That's good news and gives me hope that this is was just a very stressful period in my life. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that stress would cause me to have bad chest pain. They haven't said it's stress but I suppose it could be.

The weekend was a bit difficult going to my uncle's funeral. There was a lot of crying going on but it was a nice rememberance of him and his son talked and other folks and had a nice slide show of pictures. They put on a great after party and tons of food. Their community/church really comes together in their small town. We then went to my Aunt's house and talked with all the family and other close friends. Some people (his son, my cousin) took the after get together as an excuse to get obliterated with alcohol. I know it's a tough time for him, especially today, but I see the alchoholic tendencies in him that night and other times. Our family has a history of alcoholism. All the way from my Grandpa to my dad to my uncle. The good news is that my dad and my uncle had overcome their demons and were alcohol free after years of abusing it. So, a lot of us are worrying about my cousin. I hope he can contol it. I know the feeling though, he probably just wanted the alcohol to numb him from feeling anything. It was good to see a lot of extended family, even my grandma's brother who I haven't seen in ages. He reminds me so much of my grandma who died 12 years ago. My son had a blast with the cousins as there were so many kids to play with.

I feel like I've lost a lot of ground in regards to fitness. I was on that treadmill test and thinking, 'wow, this is hard'. Why have I let myself slack so much. I think I was just scared when I had the chest pain and quit working out except for some walking. I feel like I have come a long way from the high of doing the triathalon and now feeling kinda low. And, I have to admit to the HALL OF SHAME. The hall of eating shame! When all these medical issues came up and all this sadness this past month I have been having a field day with food. Let's see I've been favoring those little debbie cakes, kind of like chocolate ho-ho's. And I'm a good customer of Taco Time and their Chicken soft taco and mexi-fries. And I've been bad about having ice cream, ya know the hot fudge sundaes! Yikes. It's like all that I have been depriving myself of I just let loose and had them. Kind of like self-medicating with food. Some of you know what I'm talking about. I used to self medicate with exercise and have to find a way to do that again.

But, school is really busy and I have tons of reading to do all the time and have 2 tests in radiology tomorrow. So, I'll take it one day at a time for now. How do you all handle stress? I really need to find more ways to do that as it looks now that it can affect my health. Maybe a massage is in order. Hope you all are having a good week!

gloom and doom

2007-09-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Can't help but feel a sense of gloom and doom. I had a call from the nurse and I can't even remember the exact wording but they think they might see something on my chest xray but it's indeterminable. Whatever the heck that means. And my cholesterol is a bit high but not sky high. Now the nurse says the doc wants me to go ahead with the stress test/ekg thing which I was going to do anyway next week but now wants me to see a pulmonologist or something to rule out problems with the lungs. I'm really confused by this. I'm not sure if they might see something in the lungs or what. It doesn't make sense for me to see two diff. specialists when I haven't even had all the heart tests. My symptoms have been heart related not breathing related.

As you can tell I'm not a happy camper at the moment. I'm trying to stay up and positive but it's impossible these days. I ended up cancelling on my outing with my friends due to school stress and the health stuff. And for some reason when the nurse left a message to call her I knew it wasn't all good news. Sometimes I think I have too much intuition.

I didn't weigh in today, I am on a hiatus but I bet I'm up some. It's taking a back seat for now. But I vow to eat healthy today and to get in a walk. I can't do heavy cardio now as I'm not feeling my best but I can still walk. School is going pretty good but they are tough on us and had our first test the 1st week. It seemed to go well but I'm already behind on the reading. I have 4 classes and they give us about 2 huge chapters per class per week so I'm not sure when I'm gonna get it all done. I usually would take a weekend day and go to the library but we are going down to my aunt's house for my uncle's funeral or as she is calling it the 'life celebration'. So it will be extremely hard but it will be good to spend some time with that side of the family. My cousins (3 of them) all have small children so my son will enjoy seeing them. So, gotta do the family thing and they want us to spend the night on Saturday. I'm just having trouble due to the school demands versus family wishes. I can't let them down so I will find a way.

I will try to do a more uplifting post sometime or diet/wt related eventually but I feel like I'm just keeping my head above water. Hope everyone out in blogland is doing good and I will visit your sites soon.

The weekend

2007-09-23T20:26:00.001-07:00

Went to a play yesterday called 'Lone Star Love' starring Randy Quaid. It was funny but hokey. It is a new play and will eventually end up on broadway they say. I thought he was good in the goofy, womanizing role but I guess he didn't get great reviews. I thought he was funny and like him in his movie roles too. I remember having a little crush on his younger brother, Dennis Quaid way back when he was married to Meg Ryan. He seemed so funny. After the play, we then went out to dinner at a british pub/restaurant (think it was called Elephant and Castle) though I didn't try the English food. About as English as my family gets is fish n' chips. Ha, ha! I couldn't get anyone to try the shepherd's pie and my mom wanted me to try bangers n' mash. The only one who venture to try something different was my sister Denise who had some kind of meat pie thing.

Today was spent cleaning up the house and to the store to get ready for the busy week ahead with my school and getting everyone organized as we will need to get up real early on Mon/wed/fridays. I will get up at 5am. It will take some getting used to but on Tuesdays I will have off school, thank god, to study and Thursday is a little lighter schedule. We are in the bedtime battles tonight trying to get my son to sleep earlier as he will need to go to day care for 2 hours on the busy days before school. It will be an adjustment and we may have a cranky and tired kid for a few days but we'll adjust sooner or later.

I did get my blood work done and my xray so I'm waiting for the results. I will do the stress test in early October. I was having a lot of pressure and radiating arm pain all week. I almost starting freaking and thinking 'should I go to the ER?' But, I chose not to and was glad as yesterday it didn't seem as bad. I'm trying to use mind over matter and see if this is stress related or what. I do have some of the signs of high blood pressure I think and will keep an eye on that. My mother takes meds for high blood pressure since her 40's and it can't be controlled by diet or exercise as she is just a little thing so it could be me who gets the curse. But, it's ironic if I do get this condition as I feel I'm healthier than I have been in years as far as I dropped 40 pounds and exercised like crazy this year. But who knows what my body is up to?

So, for my bad week I didn't get much exercise in as I was in pain and my eating hasn't been great. Kind of mad at myself but what ya gonna do? Tomorrow is a new day and I'm off the diet wagon for now. I will try to get in a walk and a good workout on Tuesday if I feel good.

I'm hoping to see some friends for a walk on Wednesday night but it's getting harder to travel and meet them with my school demands now. I travel about an hour to see them and have to figure out how to coordinate with my hubby after work and it feels like a hassle during the school week and now with me up early. But, I like to see my friends as they make me feel good and a it's good to connect with them so I will keep trying to see them.

My hubby is busy selling stuff on Ebay so I gotta give up the computer. We did get another computer (a laptop) and a wireless router that was a hand-me-down so maybe we can both be surfing here soon when I figure it all out.

Hope you are all doing well this week and thanks for kind comments. I'm not posting as much but I'm trying for at least 2 per week.

weigh in and more sad news and concerns for me

2007-09-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm such a sad sack at the moment! Believe you me, I would rather be postive and upbeat like I usually am but I can't at the moment. (or in the past month it seems)

First of all, the weight in for today is a maintain...so still at 203. I think I will just try to maintain at this point as that's all I feel I can do at this stage. I'm not giving up on the weight loss, just postponing it a bit.

My sad news is that my uncle died last night. We knew it was coming but I find myself breaking out in tears today. I'm tired of all this dying it is starting to wear on me.

Another thing that is happening that I didn't mention before is that since the end of August I've been having some chest and left arm pain. I chocked it up to just a sore muscle after the triathlon or perhaps from weight training so I have been ignoring it. But this past week I've been having a irregular heart beat. Kind of like the heart skips a beat so that is real unusual for me. So, to be on the safe side I decided to go see the doctor today before my school really gets so busy next week. I had a EKG and that seemed fine but my blood pressure was up but I think it had to do with being emotional today and a little nervous. Because of my symptoms of some minor chest pain and some a few weeks ago when I went running she ordered more tests. So, I will have the blood work to check the cholesterol, kidney function, etc. tomorrow and get a chest x-ray. Also in about 2 weeks I will get one of these stress tests done where they hook you up like the bionic woman or something. Of course, I didn't feel my heart doing the abnormal thing today but I did last night. Isn't that just the way it is? You have symptoms and then they stop at the doctors. I still have the mild pressure in the chest though. So I asked, could all this emotional stress I have been under cause these symptoms? She said maybe but that she didn't think so. I'm not sure. I just want to be safe and not sorry. We have no heart disease in my family, it's the cancer that kills our clan. So wish me luck that this will all end up being nothing!!

So that is one reason that I will just try to maintain as my mind/heart and everything isn't into the weight loss. I will keep blogging though, ok? I like to see how all of you are doing too. For good things to look forward to I have a play to go to in Seattle on Saturday and so will see my sisters and mom. The next weekend will be a 'life celebration' for my uncle so that will be really emotional. I am trying to do a 'what I am thankful for list' to try to keep things in perspective.

I'm busy starting my reading for radiology and getting some other things ready but it's funny just as I'm about to learn to xray in our mock lab at school, I'll get my own xray. Not the best of days today but I'm still functioning! My cars front brakes are out so I'm getting that fixed today but not looking forward to the bill. I'm just Ms. Negative today aren't I? That positive thinking is just not working for me right now.

I hope all of you out in blogland are doing well on your own healthy living journeys. And, thanks for checking up on me...I appreciate it.

Not feeling on top of my game

2007-09-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

For some reason I'm not feeling on top of my game. I feel lax, I feel unmotivated. It could have to do with my hubby and son are sick with colds so need some extra care. It could be that my uncle who has cancer took a turn for the worse and is in the hospital. He prob. doesn't have long to live. With his illness being so close to losing my friend to cancer, I just can't deal very well.

So, it is one day at a time. The stress of going back to school was difficult. I mean not in going to school but managing all my other duties. Taking care of my son and taking care of my health. I hardly worked out but I did have company so it was hard to get away. I did get in some walking but that was about it.

I vow to do better this week! I will workout tomorrow at the gym and try to do some walking today. I will do better on my eating and try to watch my portions more. Ok, that's my short pep talk to myself. I feel like as I close in on 200 that I loose my focus or maybe it's just all the changes going on in my life. I find my motivation lacking and that hasn't happened for quite a while. It scares me a little as I don't want to slide back and not recover.

Anyway, yesterday as my hubby was feeling real ill and needing to rest my son and I went out to do putt putt golf. My son loves it! We got a ribbon for doing it but he really wants that trophy that they give out but you have to get a hole in one on the last hole and of course it's almost impossible as you have to hit up this ramp and get it in the tiny hole. After that we went to play video games and games where you get tickets and trade them in for prizes. He went in this huge ball pit area. Usually I don't like these things as they seem so dirty. They prob. don't even clean them as it would be too hard to do. But he was begging and this ball pit is like the size of a swimming pool so kinda cool.

We may go to the local fair again tomorrow as I like to see all the animals and all the exhibits. Last time we just took him on rides and to see Patrick from the sponge bob show. The photo turned out a little blurry though but he was excited and liked the picture. Now, of course, he wants to go back when Sponge bob is there.

Other than that this week I need to get the rest of my shots done for the future hospital work and get my car fixed it is making some awful sounds in the front wheel and of course start study my radiology as I have reading assignments already!

I hope everyone is doing well this week and getting in some exercise and I will too.

bah humbug

2007-09-12T22:08:00.001-07:00

I almost don't feel like posting this after feeling good about my loss the last 2 weeks but I want to be honest and accountable so....I'm up 2 pounds and at 203. Onederland will have to wait a while longer. After being sick and losing a lot I started to eat normally this weekend up till now and the weight shot back up! Ok, it just a small step backward and I'm not going to get down about it. But I do feel slightly bad as Spider named me his wt loss winner last week which I rarely am the biggest loser of the week so feel a little like I let myself down or others. ha. I know this is my own battle I'm fighting and each of you is your own wt loss battle too. I actually saw the scale hit 200 pounds exactly even on Thursday but it was only for a day. I guess I am just on track for my slow rate of loss that I usually have if I average it out so it's not all bad. But, sometime, I think my body is fu**ing with me. I was at this weight up and down a few pounds years ago and was at this weight for quite a long time. Maybe the setpoint theory? You know your body remember weights that you had stayed at for a while and has trouble moving past them. Just a theory. Probably has to do more with that I slowed down on my exercise.

I've got some more stress in my life as back to school now and it's getting a little intense. Sometimes it's boring going over all the procedures and expectations they have of us in radiology. Then 2 hospital coordinators came out to talk to us because we will be working the
'clinical' aspect of school as they call it which means 2 days a week I will be working in the hospital or imaging center starting in January. I will learn on the job as a student and working with a certified radiology tech. which will be the best way to learn. Kind of like an apprenticeship I suppose. Well, anyway, one of these ladies tried to scare the pants off us by talking about all the blood, guts, vomit, poop, pee, etc. that we will see. That we will see death and suffering and on and on. I think she is trying to weed us out or at least give us worst case scenerios that we will see. I know what I might encounter working with sick and hurt people. I've thought about it long and hard and I think I can handle it. I'm sure there will be days that will hard to take but I'll take it one day at a time. I got a little look into it last year when I did my job shadows and got to spend time in radiology and observe the tech's and the stress they can get.

Well, gotta go to bed as we went to the local fair tonight and my son had a blast but I am wiped out and need some sleep as I'm getting up at 5:30am these days and having a bit of a challenge getting adjusted to that. I'm a night owl and trying to make myself an early bird is going to take some time. I find myself a little cranky in the mornings as I haven't been getting enough sleep.
The good thing is I'm meeting some new friends at school and have a feeling I'll get pretty tight with some of these 24 people in my class over the next 2 years. Also, the school is taking my mind off of my sad feelings about losing my friend. So, this is a good thing for me. I know Dawn would want me to be happy and try not to keep grieving over her and crying. I know she would want us to just remember all the good times and thoughts about her so I am trying. But, as you all know if you've lost someone close to you, it seems to take a long time to get over a loss such as this. Do you really ever get over losing someone close to you? I think it just gets a little easier with time but it's still there. Kind of like that person that died took a little bit of your heart with them and you can't get it back. The world is a little less bright without them in your life.

I hope to get in some more exercise this week but so far with school and my mom visiting we've only been walking a few miles and not consistantly. I haven't even gotten to the gym and am really missing it! I will get there this weekend and get out on a bikeride too. I hope everyone's week is good and talk to you on the weekend or I'll see you on your blogs when I get some time!

Nice weekend in Oregon

2007-09-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

We had a nice weekend in Oregon. We went to Cascade Locks as my husband was doing a triathalon called 'Escape from the Gorge'. Here's a picture of him and my son yesterday when we were on our way home. We stopped at Mulnomah Falls a few miles away from where we stayed. It was very pretty there. The triathlon went well but there was strong wind through the Columbia River (gorge) channel and there were some good sized waves. They shortened the swim portion of the race. My hubby said they had to rescue 7 people out of the water and someone said they had to do rescue breathing on one person. Scary. My son and I just hung around the playground and race area as you really can't watch the bike and run portions so I just took pictures when he came back to get his bike or to go out running. My pics didn't turn out that well but here's one of him running and one of him at the end of the bike portion going to the transition area to start running.

I'm pround of him for doing all his races and like that he enjoys it so much. It's hard to find a hobby you can really enjoy. One of the reasons he did this race was to attempt to place in the top 2 in his age group to qualify to the Escape for Alcatraz held in June next year in San Francisco. He didn't place in the top as there were a lot of guys in his age group. I told him, 'hey there are alot of guys going through a mid life crisis too'. I was just joking but there seemed to be a lot of men in the plus 40 group. It was his lucky day though as they had a lottery at the end where they draw 8 people's name for an extra chance to go to the Alcatraz race and my hubby got picked. He was so happy it was nice to see. I say 'why do you want to do that race so bad?' and he says something like 'because I can' or 'because not many people get the chance to do it'. I say ok, if you want to battle the freezing cold temperatures of San Francisco bay and battle the sharks, (ha, just kidding)! I hope I will be able to go next year with him but have a feeling it will be right around finals time at my college.

We also had a chance to go over to the town of Hood River, OR. I wanted to get a picture of all the wind surfers but not many out on Saturday. Here's a pic of the town from a far and the marina.

Here's another waterfall picture....love those waterfalls. We did see some windsurfers on Sunday at this place called Rooster Rock. There were also a lot of Kite boarders (I think it's called). It's where you have this big kite and you take it in the water and you ride this type of board that looks like a wake board for water skiiing. Some of these guys caught the high winds just right and were flying out of the water. It looks awesome but also looks hard. Maybe I can try it someday? Who knows.

In other news, I didn't eat particularly well this weekend as we were eating out a lot. Oh well, forgive myself and move on. After my last 2 weeks of losing quite a bit I'm predicting that my Weds. weigh in won't be a loss. Oh well. What is it '2 steps forward and 1 step back'. Or is it '1 step forward and 2 steps back'.

I start my first college class tomorrow. It is a 4 day class having to do with cpr and other health topics. Then I have next week off and the real radiology classes start on 9/24. So, I'm looking forward to that and also to my mom coming down tonight for a few days. She wanted to help take Chase to school while I'm at school just for the week so that was very nice. We will go to that concert tonight, Doherty, and then later in the week take my son to the fair to do some rides. Now I just have to stay away from those elephant ears! yikes. Anyone else have a weakness for these doughy, cinnamon-sugary dessert?

I hope everyone has a great week.

Walmart sucks

2007-09-07T10:05:00.001-07:00

Feel like ranting today. I dropped my son off at school and went over the local Walmart in my town. I usually don't go to this one as it sucks. It was early and only bought 2 things, as teacher said he needs an umbrella. First of all, if you are a true washintonian then you rarely use an umbrella. You make due and you use a hood or whatever. Anyway, I get in line and I'm behind this guy who is just buying white t-shirts and jeans. He actually has a pair on and the lady has to zap the tag right off his body. I'm thinking, "what pants did he wear in here?". Then I notice he had on the new t-shirt too. Did he come in here in his underwear?

Then he tries to run the card on credit. Then he says "no, I need cash so run as a debit". They tried to run in like 10 times and no go. So finally he says "ok, run it as credit". Then that doesn't work as it says he needs a new card or needs to see customer service agent. So about 15 minutes of this and only one other line open way across the store. So, since I can't get past this guy I go to the other line. Then it's some lady that can't find the bar code on her stuff and then it's a debate with her daughter about if they can afford all the stuff. I finally get through the line and it's only 9am! Walmart sucks big time. I don't mean to rude but sometimes I get so tired of the dumb, white trash, poor people in my area that couldn't move fast if a rhino was behind them. Ok.....I'm calming down now and don't mean to offend anyone. I am not going into that store again....the one in a diff. city is so much better. Maybe I need to move out of this town but doesn't look like that's going to happen soon.

I find myself crying a lot about my friends passing. Why can't I move on and quit dwelling on it? I know why, cause she was so close to me, to my heart. I want to pick up the phone and call her but I know she is no longer there. I invested so much of myself in that friendship and I knew it would really hurt when I lost her. I'm kind of feeling that my big challenge next week of going back to college is going to be a really hard time for me. Maybe it's the timing or what. I need to focus on school and give it all I got because I hear this first quarter of radiology is really hard. I also have worked very hard to get into this school and can't blow it now. I need to focus and find the time to do homework too....so I will be burning both ends of the candle. Lord, give me the strength to do this and be sane around my family. My boy and husband need so much of me too. I can do this, I am strong, well, somewhere in here.

On the diet front, after I started eating more food my wt jumped up a little. I guess I expected it too with all the water wt lost. I will combat it by going to the gym today and trying to have healthy weekend of eating. The bright spot is that we are going down to Oregon tomorrow for my husband's race and I'll get to visit that cute town of Hood River. I really liked it when I visited it before. Then, on Monday, the local big fair is happening (for a few weeks) and my mom is coming into town and wants me to go to the concert, Chris Doherty. You know, the rocker guy that was on American Idol. I didn't watch idol that much but I've heard his songs on the radio so I think that will be fun.

Friends have been calling a lot to offer me support. I haven't talked to hardly any of them at all. Maybe I want to mourn in peace? Maybe they don't understand the relationship that I had with her as they didn't know her well. I've talked to one friend that was best friends with Dawn when we were in high school and beyond. She is having a hard time too. I'm also having a hard time that I can't go to the funeral on Monday. I have too many committments and the airfare is sky high at $479. I chose to go down and see Dawn when she was alive so I'm happy about that. I just wish I could be there for her family. I know Dawn knows that I love her and that is what was most important. So, we will send flowers and cards and hope that helps a little.

Well, sorry this was kind of downer post but that's how I feel today. I hope brighter days are ahead for me. I am feeling better but not quite over my tummy flu thing. And, I hope you all will have a safe and healthy weekend. Oh, and here is an article about emotional eating, something that I've struggled with in the past. It's good to read about ways to combat it when it rears it's ugly head. ha. http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=596

weigh in and news I didn't want to get

2007-09-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

My weigh in for today is I am down -4.5 pounds!! That brings me to 201! So close to onderland I can taste it. Even though I felt I was eating too much on Saturday and Sunday I came down with some stomach bug on Monday and am losing weight rapidly!! I'm afraid it is mostly water weight as I can't keep much down so we'll see if I can keep it off next week. I still haven't kicked this bug and don't know know how to. I guess I just have to wait it out. It's been a long time since I've felt this ill and weak. I wouldn't want anyone to have to lose weight this way. I'm afraid it's not fat loss but muscle and water loss as I'm feeling lethargic.

I have been trouble getting all the things I need to do...done. I got my son off to his first day of school but found myself sweating while we were in his classroom. Think I have a fever, it sucks! So, I only got in 2 days of exercise and that was just walking. I hope to get well soon so I can resume my workouts.

I also got the bad news that I knew would be coming that my friend Dawn had passed away yesterday. I knew it was coming but I guess I didn't think it would be so soon. But, she didn't look good when I saw her last week. I am just thankful that I had a lot of time with her this year and I hope she is at peace now. I believe that she is, and that she is with her mother and sister who passed away before her.

That's all I got today. Check out my post from yesterday about vegas and the room and things. I need to go lay down....ick. Hope you all are doing well.

Some pics to share of vegas

2007-09-04T15:30:00.000-07:00

Here's some pics of the room I had in vegas. They didn't come out too well but it was like neon pink and white vinyl along with stripes on the wall. They had those big lights bulbs like you have in you standard bathroom and they were bright cause they were right above the bed! I didn't like that....I wanted my room dimmer and more relaxing. But, I did like the plasma tv and the mirror in the bathroom w/ a tv built into it. Also had the glass shower and cd/dvd player and ipod hookup. It was kinda weird how at night if you had the bathroom light on it kind of gave off a neon pink glow.

I didn't take any other pictures of my friend Dawn. She wasn't at her best and we have so many pics of us having happy times as I have been taking them from the last 2 years or so. I called down there to talk to her hubby and see how things Dawn is doing and it is getting bad which I knew it would. Her MIL called me later and told me to speak into the phone and she would put in at Dawn's ear as she said even though she sleeps a lot she can hear. So I did and told her how I felt about her and things and then the MIL says she is reaching for the phone. I don't know but it felt strange. Dawn's sister was coming down to see her again and help out and they are deciding if they can keep up the home care or if she will go to a hospice place to die. I thought the plan was to die at home but I think it's another story when they have to be the caregivers 24/7 and I can't imagine all they have to go through when someone is at the end. Anyway, of course this is weighing heavily on my mind and how can it not. I wish I lived closer. At least I had a lot of time to say goodbye and tell her how much she means to me.

In other news, I was eating too much at the cabin on Satuday and Sunday and all Sunday night my stomach felt weird. So woke up on Monday morning with the tummy flu and I have been living in the bathroom for the past 2 days. The scale is going down rapidly but how can it not from not being able to eat much at all. All I could get down was a banana and piece of toast. So, feeling weak and having trouble getting all the things done I need to do. My son is starting school, he wants me to play with him, I have errands to do but what can you do if you can't get far? Arrgghhh. Hope it is over soon!!

I'll weigh in tomorrow and let you know the result. Could be a bunch of wt loss to due to water loss but I'll take it! I really would not like to lose it this way and I'll see if I can keep it off when the appetite comes back.

We had a pretty good weekend at the cabin though the weather was only about 70-75 degrees. We have had a cool summer compared to past summers. Here is a pic of my boy playing in the water. He's part fish I think as he spent a lot of time in the water and even tried being pulled behind the boat on a board and inner tube.

Hope you all are having a good week and I'll try to get to the blogs but not getting to very many this week!