Thursday, October 09, 2008

Feeling low

I'm feeling so low tonight. It was a bad day at school. It was lab day and you go in and shoot difficult xrays on the old style film and get rated. It wasn't a good grade day for me. I guess I could handle that as other days on lab days haven't been so bad but the teacher made me feel small and dumb. I hate when people make you feel little. Is she mad that she didn't think I was prepared enough? Does she do it to make herself feel superior?

Granted, we have not hardly ever worked with old film and shot xrays with the dummy's and phatom things and then developing and critiqueing them. The critiquing is so dang hard. What is this fuzzy part here? Where should it be? What is this anotomy? How should this film be looked at, left to right? What is wrong with the image? What can't you see? What did you do wrong?
I was feeling so crappy after that class...I almost didn't go to my next one. One bad class and I'm thinking of chucking the last few years of school/and training down the drain. Then feeling bad about not losing weight and on and on. I am just on one negative roll right now. Ya know, like you can't have a worse day, that you can't do anything right.

I will fucking not let this episode make me fail. I have come to fricken far to let her derail me with her superior attitude. Unfortunately for me, she is also my clinical advisor....meaning she comes to visit me at my intern site and makes sure I'm on track. I so wanted to let her know how she made me feel....but she prob. knew by the look on my face and that I was starting to get emotional. I hate that I can't control my emotions today. Fricken hate it. It is best not to let her know how I feel....I'll get more backlash from it if I do.

I need to let go of this and move on. I need to go study this darn barium enema crapola that I must do tomorrow at work. I am so stressed out from school and interning that I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I have to pass this class and lab is 1/2 my grade in this class.
I just pray, pray, pray, that I get some sleep tonight as I've been burning the candle at both ends.....and have a better attitude tomorrow.

Ok, just needed to vent. Thanks if you got this far.


Maggie said...

Hi Angel:

Just wanted to say that I have been where you are and it really is all about them and not you. You will get through it just like I did and have a wonderful career and have choices and options.

Take care - you will get through this!


Chris H said...

You are right, you have come too damn far to give up now, you can do this, you are a very clever tart! Suck it up, and prove to that b-arch that you CAN DO IT.

Spider63 said...

Don't let her know how you feel. Just remember High School, and think that in a couple of years she will still be teaching that class and you can drive by in your new Ferrari or Lamborghini and say, "Hey look at my new car you crabby old bitch! I am making millions thanks to radiography, what are you doing?" or something like that.

Or you can lose some weight and drop by with your new super-tight outfit and say "I just dropped by to see if you are still sagging and drooping in all of the same places."

Or you can just wait til your graduation day when you have the diploma in hand and walk over to her and tell her what a bitch she is and that you would turn the radiation up to full max and toast her if you ever got to x-ray her!

Ian and Christie said...

I have days like that too where one thing gets me down and then I feel down about everything. Ugh it's so hard to get out of. But you CAN do it. Try finding one thing you feel good about and go from there.
I also understand dealing with a person like that. My boss at the camera shop made me feel small like that and made me feel horrible on a daily basis. I ended up quitting when I couldn't take it anymore. But it was just a job. Your schooling is so much more important. Don't give her the satisfaction. Prove her wrong by finishing school and being very good at what you do. I know that is easier said than done. I look up to you for how you dedicate yourself to your education!!!!! So don't let me down either how's that :)
HUGS Patty, love you

CactusFreek said...

Awww [HUG] No-one has the right to talk down to you and treat you like you are stupid! Does she normaly do that? If so, best you talk to her superior. She is getting paid to teach properly and bring out the best in people. Not intimidating them into getting it right.

But remember, only you control how you feel. She can't make you feel anything without your permission.

Can you take a few days off to get some R&R?

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Northeastern State University
Tahlequah, OK

TrixieBelden said...

i hate it when people aren't supportive and are only judgemental. that blows. you are right, don't throw it all away over one other person's small mindedness. i certainly hope you had a long relaxing weekend and caught up on some sleep. it sounds like you needed it!

celtic_girl said...

Sorry about your lab experience, I would let the bitch know hoiw she made you feel, noone has that right to treat people without respect.