I'm feeling so low tonight. It was a bad day at school. It was lab day and you go in and shoot difficult xrays on the old style film and get rated. It wasn't a good grade day for me. I guess I could handle that as other days on lab days haven't been so bad but the teacher made me feel small and dumb. I hate when people make you feel little. Is she mad that she didn't think I was prepared enough? Does she do it to make herself feel superior?
Granted, we have not hardly ever worked with old film and shot xrays with the dummy's and phatom things and then developing and critiqueing them. The critiquing is so dang hard. What is this fuzzy part here? Where should it be? What is this anotomy? How should this film be looked at, left to right? What is wrong with the image? What can't you see? What did you do wrong?
I was feeling so crappy after that class...I almost didn't go to my next one. One bad class and I'm thinking of chucking the last few years of school/and training down the drain. Then feeling bad about not losing weight and on and on. I am just on one negative roll right now. Ya know, like you can't have a worse day, that you can't do anything right.
I will fucking not let this episode make me fail. I have come to fricken far to let her derail me with her superior attitude. Unfortunately for me, she is also my clinical advisor....meaning she comes to visit me at my intern site and makes sure I'm on track. I so wanted to let her know how she made me feel....but she prob. knew by the look on my face and that I was starting to get emotional. I hate that I can't control my emotions today. Fricken hate it. It is best not to let her know how I feel....I'll get more backlash from it if I do.
I need to let go of this and move on. I need to go study this darn barium enema crapola that I must do tomorrow at work. I am so stressed out from school and interning that I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I have to pass this class and lab is 1/2 my grade in this class.
I just pray, pray, pray, that I get some sleep tonight as I've been burning the candle at both ends.....and have a better attitude tomorrow.
Ok, just needed to vent. Thanks if you got this far.