Tired of it all

Tired of it all! This is a comment I keep hearing from my hubby about his work at the moment. And I was thinking....this has been my mindset lately too. The school is tiring, the work is tiring, and there is not many moments of happiness as of late. I think winter bums me out too here in Wash. we get lots of gray skies.....you know what do they call it.....SAD disorder. I think I've just been too busy and not really enjoying life as much....it's just what I have to go through at the moment.

And of course, one of the things that brings me down is my weight and lack of controlling it. I was just making the rounds of blog of what I can fit in with this darn school schedule and studying and as I go to the weight loss bloggers I realize that I really have not been a wt loss blogger in a long, long time. But, I am still really unhappy with my weight. I've used stress and school and no time as a excuse to not try anymore, just keep the status quo and not gain. It just is so much easier to do. But, I'm tired of the nagging thoughts daily about how I look in these jeans, and who I have to see that hasn't seen me in a while and what they think of me at my larger size. I went to see some friends Friday night and I hate being one of the largest in the room. A few of my friends are skinny and happy and looking so good....and I think, where did I take a wrong turn. When did I let life's downs or just boredom cause me to soothe myself with food. The emotional eater.....that is me. I'm not talking huge quantities of food....just some of the wrong foods and over time it all adds up. How did I equate eating with joy. Where did my joy go? Sure, I have moments with my family and I feel happy but I'm not happy with myself. And if you are not happy with yourself.....are you really loving yourself? I don't know....just pondering things today and didn't get all the sleep I need. Things to think about....thinking I need to retry the healthy living thing and get back with the exercise.....This vacation is just around the corner and I'm tired of not wanting to get in my swimsuit! yuck, yuck but I do it anyway.

It should be a wakeup call to get put on blood pressure meds. My BP isn't really that high and I was prob. on the meds six months and lately I've been getting these bad night sweats where you wake up and just start sweating. So first though is, early menopause. Naw!!! too young for that. Then, I thought, it's the darn BP meds. So I went off of them and presto, no more sweats. I shouldn't have gone cold turkey but I feel like the side effects outweigh the meds. So, I'm monitoring the BP and will decide if I need to try another. Yeah, should be a big wakeup call for me to lose weight once and for all. I want to be around a long time for my family!

Tell me how you are all doing out in there in blogland! I haven't had much time and what time I do have I'm trying to spend with my family. Looking forward to Thanksgiving and being with extended family here soon and a short respite from school.