Saturday, April 26, 2008

Cannot sleep....

I'm going through some personal stuff. Debt that I talked of before. Having nothing to say here...but I'll try. So I can't sleep I'm up at 2:30am and can't get back to sleep. So, I surf the net. I'm looking for a part time job. I'm trying to figure out how to get myself out of a hole we have dug...a big hole.

I'm trying to stay motivated to keep up with my studies and do well at my internship as well as be a good mom, wife, friend. Some days, it seem like all too much. Sometimes, I feel like there is a crushing weight around me and closing in. Not so good times. Hard to find moments of happiness. What was a good thing is my husband and I talked and layed everything out on the table. No more burrying our troubles and not talking about the sad reality of our finances. We will explore options to try to get out of credit debt. We really don't want to have to sell the house, the cars and everything. Would it be worth it? Would the cost be to great? Can we live on less until I finish school? I knew it would be the nature of the beast to live minimally for a while until I finished college. But, I wasn't expecting to rack up so much debt. Can't really share all of it with you and I prob. even shouldn't write about it but it's weighing heavily on my mind.

The bright spot is my family loves me. The other advantage is I will have a new career in a year or 16 months with maybe a chance to work sooner in the field. I know I have it within me to finish this school even though it is extremely stressful to me right now and I am on edge. Even though this school is one continous lesson is getting constructive criticism. That is hard, really hard to take. It is the nature of the beast. This program has a high learning curve....they throw you right into x-ray and expect you to perform. I'm doing pretty well though and can only get better and my academics are good.

I think what is weighing me down is all the time it takes. All the time I must spend studying. All the time worrying about our mounting debt. We'll figure it out and hopefully get some of the debt paid off. We will start with garage sales and selling what we can on Ebay. Maybe sell one car and share it if we can. We will try to borrow funds to pay off high interest rates as they are eating us up. Last resort will be to sell the house. And even then, will it sell in this economy? Probably would take a long, long while as it's a slow market.

Anyway, not really wanting to share all of this but it helps to write it down. So, if I'm not around my blog much you know why. This week is really hard but something I must own up to. One highlight is that I'm not gaining any has lost it's allure for now.

I wish you all well and will still continue to visit when I can. This is had been a bad past year with everything going on in my life but I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I've made a decision to talk to a therapist (if insurance pays) or a counselor at school about my issues as it's eating me up. Wish me luck on figuring this all out.


Chris H said...

I feel for you sweetie, we have been there too... it is a scary thing to go through, but it USUALLY all works out in the end. I will keep my fingers crossed that you can sort out the financial troubles and get some counselling to help you deal with it all.

celtic_girl said...

I know EXACTLY what your going through,and feel for you.Best thing is try and share the stress with hubby and not try and shoulder it alone (like me!!).

Take care and look after yourself please.

Kim said...

Best of luck to you Patty!! I know that you will be able to make it through all of this and come out stronger for it!

Half Man said...

Studying is rough business. The older I get the harder it seems with all of life's other responsibilities. Just keep in mind your goal. You are getting closer. Once you finish, it will all be worth it.

Spider63 said...

There are some bloggers who set up donation accounts with Paypal. I recall one 30s+ girl who contacted me at the blog and left a nice message. I visited her blog and discovered that she had dozens of people sending her checks and cash in the mail to get her out of debt. She got over $20K in one year or less.

I set up a Paypal donation account about 5 years ago to ask people to help me pay for my website. I still have not gotten even one dollar. I am starting to give up hope.

"The Captain" said...

I am hoping to be debt free next year. The credit card companies really exploit us.
I take a benadryl every night before bed. It really helps me sleep.