Good weekend

I had a good weekend. Friday I went to Seattle to look at a running store (road runner) and a women's clothing store called Title Nine. They have some cute clothes for outdoor wear, running and also yoga. It kind of reminds me of REI wear if you know that store we have up here in the northwest. They also have the super Enell bra and had to get a different one for my race. I bought one off ebay but it was a little tight so got the next size up and it is good. (Their motto is 'the bounce stops here'! Not quite but it is the best bra/best support one I have ever seen.) I found a few running type shirts and surpised that I can fit into their xl size at the regular store. Maybe, I am making some progress. I didn't even attempt to try on the shorts or workout pants but I will when I drop more weight. I can't wait to wear all the cute, smaller running and workout wear. After the shopping we went to Greenlake nearby and my son had a good time at the playground there. They have a 3.3 mile loop around the lake and maybe we'll make it back up there this summer to ride around it or walk it. I used to go there when I was in my 20's and single. It is quite the place to meet people or to just be active or to take the kids swimming.

Being away at my dad's/uncle's cabin took my mind of my problems and the illness of my friends and family. I do appreciate all that I have and that I have my health. But, this doesn't help much when I see others suffering. I know we all die someday but it's hard to see it in action and watch friends and family's health start to erode. To see how tired they are, to see how the chemo affects them, to see them having aches and pains and know that is the beginning of the end. But, I know it is better to have time to say goodbye it just sucks when someone is young and hasn't had a full life. It saddens me greatly.

I did get in my workouts this weekend. I did the brick workout. That's the 2 of the 3 events for the upcoming triathalon. It's only 20 days away! Yikes! So I chose to do the 1/2 mile swim and then the 12 mile bike and to try out my workout/tri outfit and what I will wear. It went well but it is odd to be dripping wet and then have to get on your bike. I mean you towel off but you try to hurry and put on your shoes and helmet and go. I'm glad I practiced it as I realized that I forgot a few things. Like to get my sunglasses or have some tissue or whatever as I get out of the water and feeling waterlogged. I'm having problems with my goggles, they fog up so easy. I'm trying the usual scuba tricks like spit in them (yuck I know) and other remedies. And for some odd reason they don't really fog up in the pool, just the lake. Maybe the temperature? Not sure. So I will try other goggles or my no-fog liquid stuff I use for scuba. I also realized I hate my bike seat and want one that is cut for a woman to take some pressure off the ummm, ahem, personal areas and my butt. We'll see if it makes a difference on long rides. I also got my 3 mile run in on Sunday as it's getting down to crunch time to be ready for this race. I kind of do a run/walk combo and that's all I can do at this point but oh well. My family was funny as they can't believe that I'm so active lately. They look at me like I'm this alien creature but they do give me the standard 'that's great' comment. They don't seem to want to join me though. Of course my hubby would but he was busy watching our boy and swimming.

This week we are busy with swim lessons for my son and all kinds of getting ready for all the birthdays in my family this week. I'm also gearing up for school next month (college) by getting all my immunizations I will need to intern at the hospital. I feel like a pin cushion with all the needles/shots I've been getting and it isn't over yet. I know it is for my own good and everyone has to do it if they work around sick people but it seems like overkill with the shots.

I'm hoping to have a wt loss this week but ya know, having that bloating icky feeling that all us women get so we'll see. I thought really increasing my exercise to 6 days a week that the wt would be falling off....but no!! It is frustrating but I do need to log my food and will do that soon. I'm just dragging my heels on it as I don't enjoy tracking my food. I have been making pretty good choices and not eating high fat meals.

I'll get together with my ladies group on Thursday and do a movie or something in Seattle. I would rather just get in some walking or other activity but one of my friends wants to go to a chick flick. I don't get to many movies so I guess that will be alright. Seems like it will be a small get together as everyone is busy this summer with vacations and the like but that's ok.

Everyone have a great week and thanks for all the comments, it helps.

My emotions are all over the place

Having a down week. I don't know if it's the after effects of visiting Dawn or what. Maybe it's thinking about her cancer, maybe it's about my uncles' cancer. Maybe it's about hearing an old acquaintance (who's child went to preschool with my son) got into a serious car wreck in Idaho and is in critical condition. Her 3 children were killed. I don't know how anyone can go through that and want to live. I heard it through the grapevine of mommies and that her older child wasn't with her and at least was with her ex and was spared. There was also another lady in the car who used to be the president of our co-op preschool and I haven't heard her fate. I heard that this lady I know husband will take time off from the military and help to nurse her back to healthy if possible. Though we weren't close and she moved away a bit ago it was just devastating to hear.

My mood has been down and I've been short with people, especially my hubby. I spent the whole day cleaning the other day as I thought we were having a guest. The old friend of mine by hubby does tri's with was coming over but he didn't. That's fine with me but I cleaned the house, made up the extra bed, etc. etc. so he doesn't see how piggy our house can get and for no avail. I mean, it's nice to have a clean house but I found myself crabby.
I have been getting stuff done around the house and getting rid of old clothes and clutter. I have been exercising a lot and will go for 6 days this week today. It helps my mood for a while and then I'm in the dumps again. My friend Dawn had went for an MRI when we were visting with her. I was surprised she was getting a test on her back. That she thought it might be discs in the spine. I knew what it was and she told me the results. The tumors in her bones are growing. I guess I was surprised cause it is a given what is going on in her body with the cancer growing. My mom says "so, she still has hope". I guess that is what it is...hope. We are all, including her, wishing, praying and hoping for a miracle cure but deep down I know it is unlikely to happen. It's rare that it happens.

For some reason, I'm thinking of a little pill that will make all these emotions easier to take. Like depression has overtaken me. But, I do not like the way drugs can alter your brain. I think it is healthy to experience the raw emotions. I just don't know how to stop feeling the pain. I know it won't stop as people I love are suffering. I know, such is life. Why does it have to be so damn hard some days?

I am going to do something different today. I will take my boy to Seattle or to the Tacoma waterfront and try to make a good day. He has been good about going to the gym with me but today is a sunny day and I need to do something fun for him. We do go to playgrounds etc, play outside, bike ride together but I feel I need a change of pace. We will go tonight to my dad/uncle's cabin and spend the weekend there. There is a boat there, the lake. My mom said she will come. Everyone else in the family is busy. It is forcasted for the 77 or 73 so it will be ok. Not hot, but not too cold. I will do my 'brick workout' in preparation for the triathalon. The brick is doing 2 workouts back to back. So I will swim the 1/2 mile and then do the 12 mile bike. I need to so this to see how I perform. I won't add on the 3 mile run yet. I have been running this week but a combination of walk/jog. I jog 1 1/2 miles and then walk the other 1 1/2 miles. I don't seem to be progressing more than that on the running but oh well. I will do what I can do. I was really hoping to run the whole distance in August but it may not happen and that is ok.

I hope you all are doing good on living your healthy journeys! The scale is driving me crazy as I expect it to show a loss as I'm exercising a lot. I guess I need to keep a food journal but am resisting. Do you keep a food journal? Have a good week.

Maintaining....that's all I can do right now

I liked this surfing smiley above cause made me think of Hawaii as my sister and her family are going to Maui tomorrow and I want so bad to be there and go surfing or try windsurfing. I'm tyring to fit in her suitcase but she ain't having it! I said 'do you have room at your condo you are renting?' and she is like 'no!' ha ha. She has saved for 2 years for this trip and her 25 yr anniversary is this fall. It is nice she is taking her boys, they are 20 and 17 and they will enjoy the water sports. If it was me I may just take my hubby! I mean we get no time to be alone and do romantic trips, ha.

Anyway for the weight things, yeah....
I weighed in this morning and am maintaining....still at 209. At first I was disappointed but then I thought back to the stressful week I had with my friends and that I was up 2 lbs over the weekend and then lost it the last 3 days as I have been working out every day since Sunday.

Oh well, moving on...I'm tired of thinking about it but I also am tired of going on vacation and then struggling to lose weight. That shouldn't be an issue now as I have no more out of town trips, just local stuff. So, there should be no excuses not to drop more poundage. I am at the end of 2 weeks of my 12 weeks challenge with about 20 ladies on the internet. It is a good challenge and as I mentioned it is divided into equal teams and running like the 'biggest loser' show. I want to contribute more to the team so hopefully that will keep me on track.

I saw this test on spark people. Try it out. It says I am an emotional eater. Ha, no surprise there! Link is at:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/personality_profile2.asp

Part of my results said that:

emotional eater
"The main problem you face is eating when you're not hungry or eating to satisfy something other than hunger. "Food for your mood" can cause your diet to vary a great deal. Too much of your eating is driven by boredom, stress, or dejection - you might even find yourself in the kitchen, open cookie bag in hand, and not know why. Mindless and emotional eating for you can be caused by any number of reasons. It is likely you have more weight to lose than most or have grappled with weight most of your life.
A tendency for this personality type is to yo-yo on dieting and swing through "all-or-nothing" extremes (e.g., I've blown it already this meal so why not have dessert?) A few spoonfuls turn into a snack turns into a binge…especially around the high stress holidays."

Ah, yeah, about the yo yo dieting and blowing it around the holidays...that is totally me!!

And here is a spark success story:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/community/success_matt_denise.asp
It helps to see that people can really get to goal and gives me incentive to do it. But, what I would really like to see is if after 5 years they are still at goal and haven't gained it back. I like to see that it can be done but also that they can really change their lifestyle and change for good. That's what I want for myself.

I hope everyone is having a good week. I'm off to swim as that tri is just around the corner. I am getting nervous cause a lot of my family will come to watch and I'm more like the loner type and don't want anyone to watch. Or maybe it is fear of failing and then they will see it. I know deep down that I won't fail if I train enough and if I don't get an injury but ya know....

Take care.

Vegas visit with friends

Just got back from Vegas last night from my trip to visit my friend Dawn. My friend, Yvette, went with me. We were all good friends in high school and I've especially gotten close to Dawn in these last 10 years. As I talked about before, we were there to visit Dawn as her cancer is progressing. She is getting more easily tired and was having some back and hip pain. I'm pretty sure it is the cancer in the bones. We did go with her to get her MRI to see if she is having any disc/back problems but I'm pretty sure it's the cancer in her bones. I was surprised she was having the test done as she has stopped all her treatments/chemo because they are not working. I'm not sure if I will be down there again but I may if she needs me. Here are some pictures of us when we went out to dinner and then out by her pool in our flashy flamingo sunglasses!






















We had a fun time but a very stressful time! Dawn is the one with the short dark hair in the middle of us. Ooops, I cropped out her backyard with a nice pool and trees but I didn't like the full body shot! ha! I'm going to use one of my pictures and put it in a frame for each of us. I couldn't find the perfect shot so I'll have to use one of these unless Yvette has some better ones. I bought some Margaritaville and flamingo picture frames for each one of us to have. We also bought matching silver and diamond (though fake) rings that we will all wear to remember our time together and to remember Dawn when she passes away. We had a chance to meet Dawn's good local friend in Vegas and got some reasurrance that she will help us stay in touch with Dawn's daughter if her husband doesn't want us to when she's gone. It was good to meet her good friend she has become close to and know that she will be there for Dawn' s daughter as we are so far away. It was weird to talk of these serious issues when Dawn was just sitting there listening. She and others excused themselves and the tears were a flowing. It's just unfathomable that we will all lose our good friend. I'm still having trouble coming to grips with it and probably always will.


We had a good day out by the Flamingo hotel pool and we rented one of those cabanas where they give you the tent like cabana and fridge and tv and phone and drinks and fruit and all the lounge chairs. We swam in the pool but didn't spend much time in the sun as it was like 109 degrees! Her daughter enjoyed the pool and the few water slides and waterfall they have there. I really didn't take many more photos except for this shot of Vet and me by the flamingos and a night shot of the Paris Hotel.

























It was also stressful as Dawn and her husband were fighting a lot and Dawn need to vent to us. It is a very stressful time and he is very selfish and inconsiderate. I don't think they ever really recovered from him having an affair 2 years ago. She is very concerned that he won't be a good role model for his daughter and is really concerned for her daughters welfare. He really doesn't spend much time with her and doesn't interact with her all that well. We witnessed a major meltdown with her daughter and lots of whining and it was a screaming mess. Vet and I didn't know what to do so we just went outside. It is understandable that she is in turmoil that they all are but I've never seen a 10 year old throw a major tantrum like a 2 year old would. She did just find out last week that her mom doesn't have that long to live but it is also because she is so spoiled and they don't know how to discipline her. It is not right for me to intervene but I hope they can all go to therapy and try to cope as it is a war zone some days. It is so stressful that my friend was screaming about an altercation she had with her husband over her daughter breaking a glass and getting cut and him yelling at the daughter. I've never seen my friend lose it like she did in front of us. I mean screaming in torment that she has went back to this man after the affair. The regret over even having married him. There is a heck of a lot more to this story and we just didn't know what to say to her. If she wasn't sick, I think she would leave but she won't at this stage. But the stress is so high that I fear it will accelerate the cancer even more and the time she has left. It is good news that she is getting a nanny/housekeeper that will help with duties as she is getting more and more tired.


Anyway, just had to get that out and my friend Vet and I were actually relieved to be going home. We did get in a little gambling and some drinking and such and had some fun too. I started out good on the trip and was eating healthfully but it was hard as my friend would eat the chips, candy, fast food and offer me some. I held strong and said no. I did get to the gym and paid the fee to work out and got in an hour and 1/2 workout and did cardio and weights. I had insomnia bad down there so why not just go to the gym. Think it was all the stress and worry for my friend and also my other friends snoring! ha! The last 2 days, I started to stress eat so now today I am home and back on track so we'll see what Wednesday's weigh in brings. Seems like I'm up on the scale but I'm doing damage control. Houston we have a problem!!! Someone likes to stress eat.

Hope you all are doing well this week and I'll check out your blogs soon.

Early weigh in and off to Vegas

I am having a day early weigh in today as I won't be around a scale or computer tomorrow as I'm going to Las Vegas tonight. I lost a pound!!! So, that puts me at 209. I was hoping for more as I did like 600 minutes of exercise of something crazy but it's not to be. This is the first week of my 12 week challenge so I hope to have continued loss and get to that coveted 199 by the end of August or so.

I will have a sizable challenge when I go to Vegas to visit my friend Dawn. It is the land of buffets and drinking at all hours. I know that my friend Yvette (Vet) who is going with me plans on drinking, a lot. She calls me and says "I hear drinks are pricey down there" and I said yeah, ya know, $5 beers and $7 or more fruity drinks. So she wants to bring a bottle. I said no, we can buy one there, liquor stores abound. I don't know if she drinks a lot or she will think we need to drink as we are consoling my friend Dawn who has terminal cancer. I really don't know what to expect as this girl and I were good friends in high school and haven't really spent much time together in 20 years!! So, I'm hoping that it all goes well and we get along. I really don't want to get plastered every night. I want to go to the gym at the hotel and try to be semi healthy this week. I just have to lay the ground rules! Ya know, when you go on vacation/share a room with someone it seems you are glued at the hip 24/7. But, I need that exercise time and cause it will be 110 degrees or something and I won't want to walk in the heat and they don't have lap swimming in the pool, I need to go and pay and go to the hotel gym. I checked it out last time I was there in May. I meant to go but the drinking and staying up late to gamble got in the way. It was hard to get up early at all and later in the day I didn't feel like going!! So we will see what happens. Vet says she doesn't like to gamble or like the heat so I was thinking 'what we gonna do but just talk or drink or eat?'

We don't have any shows planned though I would like to go to a comedy one or something. We just will hang by the pool and mostly hang out at Dawn's house to visit. She is about 20 minutes from the strip and she has a nice pool/house too. We will try to limit our time in the heat and thank god they have air conditioning.

Anyway, I'm off to pack as I always do it last minute. It drives me crazy how I procrastinate in this area! At least my laundry is done and I just have to figure out what to bring. I got a new outfit and my pedicure, manicure, and hair cut and blonded, ha! Now I just need that brazilian waxing! Ha, just kidding. Never tried waxing, have you?

I am feeling tired today. I slept like 4 1/2 hours. I stayed up till 1am as I was in the blogging world, I am addicted! And I had to get up early to take my hubby to the train so that I can pick him up later to take me to the airport. Now, I can't go back to sleep. I hate when I feel like crap when I am starting a trip and I can't sleep on a plane. My mom is watching my son so I know he will be safe.

Thanks for all your comments about my last post and doing the open water swim. I am comfortable in the water, always have been. What I really need to work on is my own thoughts about my body. I don't show my lack of self esteem in this area to others (well mostly), it's all internal. I was talking a bit to my friend, Kathy, (the one doing the tri with me) about trying to lose more weight and she is always full of advice. Ya know, eat your salad with the dressing on the side. etc..We all know the drill! It's just making the right choices consistantly that is the real challenge for me. Anyway, lately she has been having troubles with low sodium and potassium and has been to the hospital twice in these past few weeks. She was feeling sick from dehydration when she was out on vacation back east and now at home. The doc said drink more gatorade and electrolytes not just water. She was bemoaning the fast that she couldn't drink much gatorade as it has 200 calories per serving. I was thinking "what the frick"? This thin women can't work in 200 calories of gatorade into her diet? Is she suffering from anorexia or what? She seems to me to be deathly afraid of gaining any weight. She was chubby once long ago at about 12 year of age or so and has been rail thin ever since she dieted way back when. She is athletic and always has been and voted 'most athletic' in high school. I am really surprised she is not taking the doctors advice! I told her to look into electrolyte powder or pill form as they are low calorie or so I've heard. Anyway, it just made me realize that even thin people have their own eating/body issues.

I'll check back in with you all on Sunday when I get back! Hope you are all doing well out there in blogland!!

I was walking down the beach....

I was walking down the beach yesterday up in Seattle at Lake Washington. I was following a few skinny ladies that seemed to be going my way. We were all heading to the open water swim clinic to prepare for our upcoming triathalons. I felt a little out of place. What am I doing with these slim triathalete women? What was a chubby woman like me really doing here? Why do I have to wear this tri suit that makes me look awful? Where are the the other chubby women? I hate when those negative thoughts come into my head! I banished them for the day. Who cares if I was fatter? I was trying to get thinner and fitter. I was so nervous though as I didn't know what to expect today and how I would perform. I was here to improve my swimming skills in open water and venture beyond the calm pool. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was trying to be open to the adventure, this learning experience.

When I looked around at the group that showed up they were mostly women in their 20's through 50's and mostly fit but a few heavier women too. I was happy that my friend was going to be there for some support and to quell her own nerves about swimming in the lake. At least it wasn't the open water and those kind of waves or salt water. We listened to the coaches give us advice on what we would learn that day and what they hope we would accomplish. We broke into beginner, intermediate and advanced groups. I thought, well, I guess I am intermediate as I am a pretty good swimmer. So we got in the water and swam in groups of 2's so the instructor could see our form. He said mine was good. I felt like we were racing against each other, already the competitive spirit coming into play. I was a little surprised as I don't really consider myself a competitive person. We learned to sight ahead to the buoys or flags that we were aiming for and worked on swim technique and watch the instructor for some tips on style of swim. At the end of the workout we got to swim a 300 yard course as fast as we could doing the crawl/stroke or whatever stroke you wanted. (I will need to swim 750 yards in the race.) We started out in a big group of 50 or 60 and I got the unfortunate place of being in the middle of the pack. I should have started at the back or the sides and I paid the price. I got kicked in the head, kicked in the shins and everywhere. I fell back and tried to find a place where I wouldn't get hammered. I did the crawl for a while but later became tired and did the side stroke and breast stroke. I was suprised how tired I was becoming as I was trying to move fast. In the pool I move pretty slow I guess.

I was having trouble with the goggles and they were fogging up but at least they weren't leaking. I had to stop several times to clear them of the fog as I couldn't see where I was heading to. I finally came around the final bend and headed into the beach. I had fought some icky green, slimy sludge for 1/2 the way and was happy to be in the deep water. I finally made it in and prob. about the middle of the pack for finishing. My friend was waiting and cheering me on the beach. This from a woman who was scared to swim in open water and said she is a beginner. I couldn't believe she beat me! Why did I care? I guess because this is the one sport that I would always excel at compared to her when we were kids. I couldn't help but feel like a slow slug. Who cares that she has been swimming for months at pool lessons? Who cared that I probably outweigh her by 70 pounds? I just felt disappointment. I suppose it is because she said she is a bad swimmer and I know she is way fast on the bike and can run the miles we need to run in the race. So it is a given she will beat me overall in the race. We have a complicated past, where she was always competitive with me and said how much better she was than me. (I think it is because she has 3 brothers!) We were on the tennis team together and she would remind me weekly how good she was. Why the heck am I thinking of this now? I asked her to do this race with me? This is the present and not the past, she is different than she was long ago. What is wrong with me? Am I mourning the younger, fitter, scuba lady I was before? The fitter, younger athlete I was in high school? What?

I have a long way to go on this weight loss journey and I can't expect myself to be fast in sports. It gave me the itch to be better. The longing to be at a lower weight so I can become really, really active at a higher level. I am active now but more at a grandma type level. Well, ok maybe I could beat a grandma on the bike but I go at a slower pace than some. We got to meet an awesome tri lady who is one of the coaches. She came by to talk as she knew my friend from the swim classes. She is thin, strong and positive. She probably doesn't know it but I want to be just like her. I want to do tri's at a whim and be able to perform well athletically. I want that thin, healthy body. I want that body confidence that she exudes. I want that tri tatoo that she has. I was suprised that I had these feelings. Not surprised that I want a body like hers but surprised that I want to be like her in that she was done with her swimming earlier and then was doing more tri training with someone and then running later. She had her numbers painted on her arm as she was doing the Seafair triathalon on Sunday (today). I want to be active like her not this chubby woman that I had let myself become. Maybe I am changing. Hmmmm.... Or maybe it's because I was in an active place with bikers, runners, swimmers all around. So many fit people in Seattle.

Well, that is the way I am feeling today and we will see what the future brings. I am excited for the race in August and I know I will finish it. Maybe not at a good time but I will finish. Maybe I'll do this tri every year for my friend Dawn to raise money for cancer. Maybe it will be other tri's. Maybe I'll use it as a tool to really improve myself. My body and my mind. I have a lot of work to do. I really, really need to work on jogging more as that is my weakest sport! I can't run the 3 miles yet but I guess I'll have to walk some if it comes to that.

Ok, this is going longer that I thought today. I am happy that I exercised 6 days a week this week!! I will try to take today off as we may go down by a lake and enjoy the day. I am unhappy that the scale is not reflecting all my hard sweat and working out this week. Maybe I shouldn't get on that scale every day as it must be fluid retention cause I haven't been drinking enough water. Maybe I'm eating way more than I think and am thinking of journaling it all down again though I hate to do that. I'm trying to stay positive and just appreciate how far I have come from a year ago. Trying to quit thinking of the negative. I know that positive thinking is one of the keys/secrets to getting this weight off. Why is it so hard some days?

I hope everyone out there is having a good weekend!

insight/motivational

I joined spark people for this 12 week challenge to communicate with the others who are doing the challenge too. Today, this article came from spark. Maybe you've seen it already.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=388

I liked the quotes:

'The trouble is, we get so caught up in trying to do everything that we retreat inside ourselves'

'It’s important to you—to your health, your goals and your family—that you take some time to exercise and plan healthy meals. You should treat it that way and give yourself permission to take that time without feeling guilty'

'Besides, is anything on your to-do list really more important than your health?'

I was just talking about how important my healthy should be and is to me. Thanks for your comments about my friend Dawn. I offered to go with her to the caribbean if she wanted but she said her trip last week to visit her dad in Wisconsin was her last flying trip. She is just getting tired I think. She did go to Lake Havasu, AZ (by car) this week as she always wanted to go there but it is hot, hot, hot down there and hope she is liking it. I'm not looking forward to the 110 degree (celcius) heat that will be in vegas next week.

I had a dream about being in a shady part of some big city. I was dodging bullets and bad guys and then I was trying to get to a better part of town and so I was all like James Bond and I tried to shimmy across a monorail/train type track. Only to get towards the end and realize a train was coming. I tried going back the other way and in order to avoid being hit in a minute I would have to drop to the water and maybe die anyway. I woke myself up from that one! Of course, I think it means something is coming down the pike and I won't be able to miss it. Prob. from all my thoughts about Dawn and her limited time left on this earth. Sucks. But what can I do? I will just be there for her as I would want another to be there for me if it was I who was in the very unfortunate situation.

Well, in trival news not much going on today except for trying for my 5 for 5 days of exercise. I also will get a haircut. I never seem to change it much! Maybe some day I will cut it all off and try a short style. Not ready yet. Then I'll get some more blonde in tomorrow. I prob. am a lt. brown color if I let it grow out but not ready to go back to that color yet. I like me some blonde at the moment.

I did have a no scale victory in that I exercised 2 times yesterday. Did some swimming and walking and later biking with the family though the biking was just a casual pace. My mom was saying that when I started jogging more the wt would just fall off! Ummmm....not the case as my wt loss is slow most weeks! But, I will attempt to run today. I'm am now tracking my exercise time from the start of the challenge and attempting to at least exercise 150 minutes per week and I am exceeding that this week. I'm also going to track my measurements too so I can can see some lost inches.

What's everyone's weekend plans? I'm going to try to make it an active one and not one centered around eating out. ha!

feeling a bit down

Feeling a bit down today. It has to do with my friend, Dawn, the one I told you about that has terminal cancer. I just get a bit down after I talk to her. We talked of her final plans to be cremated and spread somewhere in the caribbean. I think she wants her hubby and friends to go there and spread the ashes. It just make me sad cause she always talked of us going to the caribbean in our older ages and renting a house. Usually, her scenerio would be just us as older ladies and no hubbies. I think that is because she has had so much turmoil in her own marriage.

She told me she finally told her 10 yr old daughter that she is dying and that was extremely hard. She also told her father and some siblings. I encouraged her to tell the last brother who is a bit estranged from her. I want them to have time to see her when she is feeling ok still. She told me she is in therapy to deal with these emotional issues due to her dying. She thinks her hubby isn't handling it well and he won't go to therapy. He never would for marital therapy so it doesn't surprise me that he won't go to talk about cancer either. She also told me she is battling her mother in law as she thinks Dawn should have a grave and so that her daughter can visit and remember her. Dawn told her that her own mother (dawn's) has been gone for years and she doesn't get a chance to visit her grave (as it's up her in WA and she's in vegas) and that she talks to her everyday. Talks to her spirit of heaven or what have you. That you don't need a grave to try to remember a lost loved one. I totally agree and he wishes should be followed. I'm pressing her to get a will in order as they don't have one and I want her wishes noted for herself and wishes for her daughter to spend time with her side of the family each summer. Doesn't mean the husband will follow it but it is a safeguard. I don't know why she is hesitating. He hubby is a lawyer for chrissakes and can draw one up with no trouble I'm sure. Maybe she thinks that all the money is his anyway but come on.

With all this talk, of course I am down. I can't stand losing a best friend, it is torture. No other friend measures up to what I have with her. She is the only one I can totally relate to and we can tell each other anything. The hole is big in my heart and just keeps growing and I just don't know how I am going to get through this. Our trip (me and an old friend) to see her is next Tuesday and I am looking forward to it and I know she is too. We will see how she is feeling for real when I see her. More tears will be shed, that's for sure. Enough dwelling on the negative for today and I can't help but hope for a miracle for her but they are far and few between, I know.

In other news, I started my next fitness/wt loss challenge yesterday and am doing well so far. I am going for my 4 out 5 exercise days today. It is easy this week with me having some free time due to my son's soccer. I'm thinking he needs more activity later this summer, maybe the super soaker swim camp! And mommy gets more time to work out!

I have a swim clinic this Saturday up in Seattle. It is by one of the coaches for the Danskin triathalon. I hope to learn some better swim techniques and to practice the course. I heard that the swim portion of the race is being reduced so I'm happy about that. Actually, I would rather see the run portion reduced as that is my weakest point! My friend Kathy will do the swim things with me so that will be fun. Our weather has been great this week and hot so I am enjoying that.

Hope everyone is doing well on their healthy journeys this week.

Finding reasons to keep up my motivation

I was thinking of my last post and how I said I would try to just maintain through next week as I will be in Vegas to visit my friend who is sick. I guess I was thinking it would be easier to not worry so much about what I ate or drank cause there will definitely be some eating and a drinking. But, I think I was feeling this way as I just got back from vacation and was feeling not so motivated after my week of taking it easy. I have decided that it's best to keep on trying to lose. No time off for good behavior!

I was thinking 'am I happy at my present weight'? Heck no! When I jog I am not happy about my jiggling thighs, tummy and arms. I'm not happy wearing tank tops cause of the jiggle. But, I bit the bullet and have been wearing them these fast 2 weeks. Who cares who sees me? Who cares if I'm not happy about my upper arms? It is damn hot out for washington in 90's celcius and it's stupid to be covering up all the time. I'm tired of shopping around like last week and seeing some cute top but not in my size and thinking 'next year I will be in that size'. I want it really to be the last year that I say that and really mean that and accomplish that. I made progress this past year but it hasn't gotten me to the regular sizes yet. I know, good things happen for those who are patient and stay the path!

I want that body confidence back that I had long, long ago. The feeling good about how I look and not really thinking about it much. The way I had so much energy and working out wasn't a chore. The cute clothes I could wear when I saw them in any store. The catching myself in a mirror and thinking I'm not half bad. The ability to see what my body really can do. To see that there is an athlete inside of me wanting to get out. I want that back...bad!! I've made progress but there is lots of room for improvement. I want to push the limits further. I want the best body that I can have.

So, some things I will do:

start the 12 week wt loss challenge tomorrow at 'Kim under Construction's blog'/weds weigh in
keep working out 5 days per week
drink lots of water
eat my fruits and veggies
stay positive and try to keep negative thoughts to a minimum
continue reading motivational books, magazines and wt loss stories on the web
start recording my measurements again and comparing them from when I started this journey

I can make a lot of progress in 12 weeks if I put my nose to the grindstone. I am going for 15 pounds lost during this time. It is a tall order due to my slower wt loss progress from my last 10 week one but it can be done. I upped my exercise intensity this week. I worked out with jogging, walking and wt training to 2 hours on Monday, and went biking today for an hour and 1/2. I will swim tomorrow. That triathalon is just around the corner on 8/19 so I need to be as ready as possible. I really want to drop more pounds by that tri as it will make it a little easier with less weight. I am going/trying to be under 200lbs by 8/31 so we'll how that goes!

Let me know your weight loss goals or reasons to do this. I know we have done this before but it is time for me to do it again to keep on my weight loss journey. No more 'stinkin thinking' and thinking I can take a break. I need to keep on keeping on this weight loss journey as it is very important for me to be healthy. It affects all areas of my life and if I don't have my health, what do I have?

This post turned out to be more of a motivation kick start again for me but thanks for reading my drivel. Hope you all are having a good week!

Trip recap and weigh in

Aiiiieee! I was thinking my mom is like landmines! In that every time I am on vacation or just around her the food is there. She likes to snack but she's thin! So we had the chips, some pizza, a burger, a drink or 2. But, I decided to just relax and take it in stride and enjoy myself. So, the weigh in is up a 1/2 a pound. So that brings me to 210. Well, that's not too bad and for my 10 week challenge that is a 8 pound loss. I wanted more but I will try harder next time. I think I will maintain for a bit or try to lose a little but wait for another 10 week challenge until after my trip to visit Dawn in vegas next week. I have a feeling it will be trouble to try to lose that week but we'll see what happens.

Ok, for the trip recap. We left on Monday and headed over to Chelan. It takes over 4-5 hours to get there but took us a bit more with stops. There is a cute town on the way when you get over the mountain (stevens pass) that is called Leavenworth. It is a bavarian village and all the buildings must have that bavarian/german kinda look. It is a tourist trap but it is a cute little town with high mountains all around. We then went to Lake Chelan which is about mid-Washington and about 40 minutes from Wenatchee. Here's some pics of the lake and of my son and me and my husband.



















We had a lot of fun and we enjoyed the swimming and some putt putt golf and just laying in the sun and reading. It was really hot in the 90's and up to 100 so it was a little hot for me! I did get in some walking and biking but not too much cause the heat zapped my energy and my boy doesn't like to walk to far. My sister and mom were with us so that was good to spend time with them too. This lake is really clear water and cold but we enjoyed it compared to the murky lakes we have around here.


We then went about an hour and 1/2 up the road on Friday to the town of Winthrop. My sister and her hubby have a cabin that her hubby built there up on a hill above the town. It is a cute town with a western theme. We spent time walking around looking at shops, at Pearygin Lake and hiking around a bit and down by the river. We really wanted to go tubing or rafting down the river but didn't have a float or couldn't figure out how we could all go without one of us missing out and having to be the one to be the pick up at the other end. Here's some pics of the town and of the cabin and of a deer that was out front in the morning!

It was cool to see all the wildlife out here. There was a deer, an eagle, hawks, groundhogs, and horses. Lots of deer and a ban on hunting in the area so the deer are pretty tame but will run if you approach them. Also, this cute brew pub above I really wanted to go in. It's an old school house but we didn't as the hubby doesn't drink but we had a nice dinner at a place called Duck Brank Inn. I have more photos but shared the best but will put them on the flickr on the side bar here.

Well, gotta get going as my son starts soccer this week for a 5 day clinic. So should be fun for him and I will get back into my working out! 3 whole hours a day, woooohooo!!

Hope you all are having a good week and I'll check out your blogs soon.

The tri wear I may wear

You are probably thinking, what has she got with a bra on her web site?? I'm showing you the tri suit my mom got me for the August tri I'm doing. And the handy dandy enell bra I got of ebay. This bra is the ultimate for no bouncing for us larger endowed ladies. And the tri suit? Oh my god. It shows every flaw you got just like a wetsuit would. It is thin material but I'm immediately self conscious when I put it on. It did give me more incentive to drop some more weight by race day. I know everyone says just go out there and do the race and don't think of what you look like but hey, this is the real world and I will worry about it until I'm all sweaty from the race and then maybe I won't care. This suit can go from the swim to the bike and run but maybe I'll get a little tank top to put over for the bike. It ain't a pretty site, ha! Spandex is not my friend.

I had a pretty good Friday night and went out of town to stay with a friend who is getting a divorce. She wanted to kick up her heels and go out dancing. It was a good band called the 'Retros' and played 80's music so that was nice. My friend, Kim, was a dancing machine so it was a bit akward as I had to make small talk with some guy friends of her. Nothing like feeling like your young and clubbing again and your friend won't come back to the table much. And we drank way too much and we felt like crud the next day! I won't do that again anytime soon. Here I thought she wanted to talk about her problems with the soon to be ex but that's not really what happened. Anyway, I was a bit of a babysitter for her that night.

Yesterday, I went with my hubby and son to my dad's cabin. We weren't planning on going but we said 'why the heck not' as the weather was finally decent up here. My son ended up having a blast cause a lot of my cousins (uncle's side) were there and he got to swim with them. I also got a chance to visit my uncle who is fighting cancer and doing the chemo treatments so it was nice to get some time with him and the others.

I am off tomorrow for my vacation to Lake Chelan and will check back in with you all on Monday the 9th. It will be good to be gone for a bit. My eating wasn't stellar over the last 2 days so I'm packing up my cooler with low cal food to take with me to the hotel. So, hopefully, I'll stick with eating right this coming week and get in some walks, swimming and some biking later in the week.

Hope you all are doing well this week! The 4th of July will be a challenge that's for sure. I'm in my last week of my 10 week challenge so I will weigh in next week a little late.