feeling a bit down

Feeling a bit down today. It has to do with my friend, Dawn, the one I told you about that has terminal cancer. I just get a bit down after I talk to her. We talked of her final plans to be cremated and spread somewhere in the caribbean. I think she wants her hubby and friends to go there and spread the ashes. It just make me sad cause she always talked of us going to the caribbean in our older ages and renting a house. Usually, her scenerio would be just us as older ladies and no hubbies. I think that is because she has had so much turmoil in her own marriage.

She told me she finally told her 10 yr old daughter that she is dying and that was extremely hard. She also told her father and some siblings. I encouraged her to tell the last brother who is a bit estranged from her. I want them to have time to see her when she is feeling ok still. She told me she is in therapy to deal with these emotional issues due to her dying. She thinks her hubby isn't handling it well and he won't go to therapy. He never would for marital therapy so it doesn't surprise me that he won't go to talk about cancer either. She also told me she is battling her mother in law as she thinks Dawn should have a grave and so that her daughter can visit and remember her. Dawn told her that her own mother (dawn's) has been gone for years and she doesn't get a chance to visit her grave (as it's up her in WA and she's in vegas) and that she talks to her everyday. Talks to her spirit of heaven or what have you. That you don't need a grave to try to remember a lost loved one. I totally agree and he wishes should be followed. I'm pressing her to get a will in order as they don't have one and I want her wishes noted for herself and wishes for her daughter to spend time with her side of the family each summer. Doesn't mean the husband will follow it but it is a safeguard. I don't know why she is hesitating. He hubby is a lawyer for chrissakes and can draw one up with no trouble I'm sure. Maybe she thinks that all the money is his anyway but come on.

With all this talk, of course I am down. I can't stand losing a best friend, it is torture. No other friend measures up to what I have with her. She is the only one I can totally relate to and we can tell each other anything. The hole is big in my heart and just keeps growing and I just don't know how I am going to get through this. Our trip (me and an old friend) to see her is next Tuesday and I am looking forward to it and I know she is too. We will see how she is feeling for real when I see her. More tears will be shed, that's for sure. Enough dwelling on the negative for today and I can't help but hope for a miracle for her but they are far and few between, I know.

In other news, I started my next fitness/wt loss challenge yesterday and am doing well so far. I am going for my 4 out 5 exercise days today. It is easy this week with me having some free time due to my son's soccer. I'm thinking he needs more activity later this summer, maybe the super soaker swim camp! And mommy gets more time to work out!

I have a swim clinic this Saturday up in Seattle. It is by one of the coaches for the Danskin triathalon. I hope to learn some better swim techniques and to practice the course. I heard that the swim portion of the race is being reduced so I'm happy about that. Actually, I would rather see the run portion reduced as that is my weakest point! My friend Kathy will do the swim things with me so that will be fun. Our weather has been great this week and hot so I am enjoying that.

Hope everyone is doing well on their healthy journeys this week.