Computer problems

Having a lot of computer problems! Our main pc has got some kind of bug from the internet and is driving me crazy. My husband said it kinda of crashed this weekend and I said 'what have you been looking at on the net'? ha. Who knows. Now I am on a different old laptop we have so my internet surfing will have to slow down for a while. I don't have any or your blogs saved on this computer as favorites so it's hard to get around to all the blogs right now. I think I'll buy some anti-virus software or something. We used to use McAfee. What do you all use out there if you have it?

I had a nice week with some days off. Had a nice family get together at Thanksgiving and also went to a play and stayed the night in Seattle at a hotel. It was fun but I felt like all we did was eat and eat and drink some more. It was a quick stay. They went off Christmas shopping but I had a date with my school books cause I always have tests on Monday. Three more weeks and I'm done for xmas break.

I have decided to go to Las Vegas with my family in mid-December. They are going as my nephew just turned 21 and want to show him the sites. I kept saying I didn't want to go as I was there so much this year visiting Dawn and now that's she's passed away I know vegas won't be the same as I can't see her. But....I've reconsidered and life goes on. I'll be on xmas break and I want to have fun with my family and it's paid for by my Mom so I can't pass it up now as both sisters are going too. I'm not sure how much fun my nephew will have with us old ladies, ha! I was joking with my sister that I would take him out to the hot dance clubs and show him around. I like to get her goat, ya know. Her thinking I would corrupt her son as show him the bad side of vegas, ha. She thinks I have a dark side I suppose. I guess I was the wildest of us 3 sisters as she married almost the 1st guy she dated in high school. I said 'we can all go out dancing' and she just laughed. She used to love to dance but she said all the guys in her family (she has 2 boys) aren't dancers. I do prefer to go down there when it's warm as I like to go by the pool. We can't stay in the casino all the time or we are going to be broke on day 1. We are going to take in a show. I think it's called 'love' and is about the beatles music so I'm looking forward to that.

The eating isn't too good but it could be worse. I'm going to really try to be on track tomorrow. My son wants to watch the movie 'Ratatouille' now that we rented. I heard it was pretty good. Tell me what you are up to out there in blogland! That will also give me a link to click back to visit your blogs now that I can't access my favorites list. Have a good week everyone.

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Turkey day to all of you. Just a quick post to wish you all well this holiday season if you celebrate it!!

I'm doing ok on the healthy eating this week and will probably start weighing in next week. Looks like I've stopped the upward trend and hope to get in some exercise this week as I have more time. Finished my two tests for the week at school and felt like they went pretty well. The rest of the week I am off, wooooohooooo! Love the holiday break but I do have to get in some studying time still.

I'm going to a play on Saturday and then start my xmas shopping and spending time with my family and with my mom and 2 sisters this weekend. That will be nice. My mom got back in one piece from Morocco but haven't heard much about the trip yet as she is jet-lagged. I'll see her on Thanksgiving and hear the stories.

I'll get back to blogging more next week and take care. I hope I survive the turkey day food extravaganza.

Time to face the music

I suppose it's time to face the music. Time to face what I have been ignoring the past 2 1/2 months. Time to stop the backslide I have been in. The weight gain, the negative thoughts. So the big bad number is 219. So I slid about 16 pounds. That's pretty impressive in that time frame. But, I had a lot of help with eating out a lot, especially tacos, not sure why. Eating candy, ice cream and snacks a lot. But, I think it is done, I hope. I'm sick of the junk. I've started a new day today. A new day to start exercising and eat right. I need to find a different way to cope with my stress. I know why the backslide happened. I was feeling so low after losing 2 people I love. I quit caring about taking care of myself. I was feeling a lot of sadness and stress with college too. Of course, that stress hasn't gone away.

It is really hard to see this number on the scale. But if I'm not accountable then how am I going to change it? I refuse to go up in pants size. My pants are tight and I don't know if there are fatter pants to be found. I mean I used to have some bigger sizes but I think I threw them out when I was gung ho and losing. I'm sick of myself. I am sick about the constant yo yoing. I think I did this at Christmas. I yo yo'ed back up to 220 and then in April started again and with the exercising and tri training got down to 201-203. Then an emotional backslide. How many times can I do this? Why am I hurting myself this way? Maybe even hurting my health. I think it's that I just get so tired of doing it. The dieting. The eating healthy, the exercise. No one said these were fun things. I have to find a way to get out of this cycle cause let me tell you it feels like hell and I'm stuck in it. My own private hell. Some of you know what I'm talking about as you've been there too. There is no magic cure. I keep searching for it. There is no nirvana, it's just regular old life and it's hard sometimes. There is never going to be an easy way for me as far as getting to a normal weight and living healthy. But I have to keep trying. I think it is exercise and trying to be kind to myself and then making good food choices most of the time is they key. I'm giving the devil a kick in the groin and saying 'I'm not going to stay here any longer!'

So back to being accountable. Maybe not the wisest of time to choose to get back on the healthy eating wagon as Turkey day is next week and always a temptation. But, it is just a day, one day. And what would be the alternative? Getting bigger and bigger and seeing next year getting closest to my highest weight. No, no, no! Don't want to go there as I know I'll just feel worse and worse about myself about this one area in my life.

So I've been looking at spark pages and web sites. I'm looking at success stories, I'm trying to find the mojo that I've been lacking. Today I will walk with my son but I have school here in a second but I need to make the time. I will do the walk after both our schools are finished this afternoon. He likes going to the gym anyway as it looks like the outside weather may suck today. Here's some of the quotes and advice I've come across that I liked:

from Bree Wee's site, a triathalon lady:

'If we think negative thoughts we limit ourselves.'

'The mind determines what’s possible, the heart surpasses it.'

From Spark people success story, Wendy:

'Set achievable goals and celebrate when you reach them. Be consistent in always getting back up when you fall, just keep going. Be honest with yourself and others, no more hiding. Get excited, find what motivates you. Visualize where you want to be and remember how far you've come.'

'It’s not just the weight loss, it’s the whole development of good feelings about life, people, and excitement for what the future holds.'

These are some good thoughts to get me started again. I get inspiration from them and from others out there that are starting living healthy again. If they can do it, so can I. And of course all you bloggers out there that I follow who are doing so well too, you are an inspiration. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time is all that I can do. I hope you are all doing well this week and leave me a comment and tell me how you are doing!

inner demons

Was looking at the spark boards and there was a thread called 'your inner demons'. It was interesting, we all have them. It's what doesn't keep us on the track to getting healthy and losing more weight. Most of the people commented had to say some food had control over them, especially at night. Lately my vice has been ice cream and a little candy. Darn you Dairy Queen and Halloween!! One lady said her demon is the voice that tells her that she is so busy that she doesn't need to worry about working out. I hear that voice too. ha. Another lady named Carol (from Spark) had this quote below her comment:

"once you set your mind to it, and stop fighting with yourself, and being hard on yourself, and having low self-esteem, and being your own worst enemy.... losing weight is the easiest thing in the world!!!!!"

Ok, like the comment, it makes some sense to me. But, if you're stuck in a rut or a big backslide (like I am) how do you get to that point. I'm really been hearing the voice that I said above that I'm just too busy which I have been. Like I reason with myself that I'm working on my intellectual side now with school and the physical will have to wait. That doesn't make sense I know, but it's the mind games we play. I have time for 30 minutes of walking on some days, I just have to do it. I did do a little biking this week as the weather wasn't bad so at least that was something. This weekend I'll get in some walking. I really am missing the gym but it takes me 30 minutes to get there so that isn't easy to get there when I'm busy but I need to. What are your inner demons?

As for the rest of life, it is going fine. I got B's and and A on my mid terms. It was really stressful but I made it through. Now I get to breath a little and can make do and ease up a little, well maybe not too much, still have to keep up on the studying, but a little breather before the finals in December.

Think the husband is feeling a bit neglected as he says 'I need a lover not a student'. Aiiiyyy yiiii yiiiiii. Guess I'll have to work on that. It's hard to find the balance to do well at school and keep everyone else happy too.

I took my son to "The Bee movie" yesterday. He seemed to like it but he did get a little restless when they had some lawyer/judge/court scenes. Also, took him to a party this week and wow, what a house this lady had. About 3300 square feet and I was just thinking how would I clean it all if it were my house? I have trouble with my smaller place and need to clean right now. Now we have another kid party at the end of the week and they get to do some exercise/gym play time so that will be good. Maybe I'll know a mommy or 2 so that will be good.

We got some dvd's last night, we watched 'Transformers' as we thought our son would sit through that. It wasn't bad. Now we have 'Premonition' with Sandra Bullock to watch but the question is when. The kid won't let us watch without a lot of interruptions so it will have to be late when he is in bed. Looks like an interesting movie.

Been down with a cold this week but no time to rest so that has sucked but I think it is easing up, thank god, but I've been so tired all the time. Oh yeah and my echo test they were doing on my heart valves came back A-ok so I'm real happy about that. Now, I just need to do my part and start to live healthier than I have these last 2 months and get my cholesterol down a bit.

Sorry the blog is not much about wt loss at the moment but I will try to post some wt loss related stuff in the future. I hope you are all doing well this week and hope to get around to your blogs in the next few days!

Too much candy!

My son and his friend had a good time trick or treating and the only bad thing is there is too much candy in the house!! Here's a picture of him as (muscle) spiderman and his friend as super girl and also a picture of a scary monsters' head. These people who had the monster really did it up and had those life sized wax people whose eyes follow you and talk to you. Their house was the best on the block in our friend's neighborhood. My friends made up mummy dogs (hot dogs in rolls) and scary deviled eggs and cupcakes and the kids enjoyed that. So did I as I love those deviled eggs. ha. But the bad things is her grandma made chili and you don't want my husband and chili to get together, not a pretty site, ha! We didn't end up staying out too late cause of the school night but those kids found a way to get tons of candy anyway. Now, we are trying to limit how much of it we eat but it is everywhere. Oh well.

My mid terms are going well but I have a nasty weekend ahead of me of studying in the library and at home. I have to take a break to go to a birthday party tomorrow night for my son's friend and all the mom's get together to talk. Also, I have to find time for my family, we will go out to eat tonight or something. It's so damn hard this week to get enough time for everyone, especially this week it's crazy or I'm going crazy I think. I'm not getting enought sleep but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Also, I haven't stopped hearing the 'Margaritaville' song yet. (Like I talked about a few posts back). I heard it when I clicked on a web site and when I went to Taco Time, like 5 seconds after I got in there here comes the song again. And also, on the radio too. It's way past coincidence and driving me a little bonkers, ha. It was always a good song though and I think it's proof that Dawn is in heaven looking down. Ha, close enough to proof for me as it's always nice to imagine that there is a heaven and that we will go there after we pass over even though we don't have the physical proof.

Not much else happening besides the studying but I just got back from my son's school as I was helping out a project we are all doing called 'Operation Christmas or Samaritan Purse'. It is a really good cause and we buy gifts/toy for kids and put them in a shoe box and wrap them and they will go around the world other countries and kids will have a gift for Christmas and of course they will learn a bit about God in the process. I can't imagine a child getting their first gift ever as some of these kids have nothing.

My mom is off to Morrocco tomorrow and I wish her a safe trip. I always worry these days when she goes over near the middle east but I guess this is north africa. She was talking about not worrying of gypsies (stole her stuff last time) but she is a little worried of terrorists. I'm like 'why go then?' and then she says, 'no, I'm not worried'. I hope she has a good time and she loves her traveling; we couldn't stop her if we tried.

Tell me how life is treating you! Now I'll go try to clean house for a second, it looks like a bomb went off in here and I don't have the time I used to have to clean and it sucks. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Think of me slaving away in the libary and wish me luck on the mammoth 2 tests on Monday. I'm a little worried but somehow I usually pull it off and do well. Must be the last minute cramming I do. ha.