emotional eating

When you overeat, why do you overeat? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Some have said you just love food. Yeah, I enjoy it but when I think about it, sometimes when I've overeaten I haven't enjoyed food. I felt like I was trying to fill some void in myself. Usually it is brought about by stress, but also can be boredom, thinking negatively about myself, loneliness or even happiness and being out with friends. Usually, it was fast food or sweets or pizza or pasta. So, yeah, I think I definitely am an emotional eater. Are you an emotional eater? Do you think about why you are overeating when you do or in the past? Is it your drug of choice? I don't booze or do drugs, though I suppose when I was younger we did drink some but it is a rare occasion these days. I've read books on this subject but it's really hard to get a handle on what will cure this, if there is a cure. Probably more like managing it and balance it with periods of eating healthy. I tried to think back to when I was totally in the zone and losing good and how I conquered my food demons then. Exercise played a big key in that. It got my head on right and it calmed me down if I was feeling stress. Also, reaching out to people instead reaching for food helps too. When I was young, I didn't have this struggle with food so don't know why now. More responsibilties, more unfullfilled dreams, life not going the way as planned or really wanted? What do you do when you are totally craving something but want to stay on plan? When you know it's not hunger that's calling?

I came across an article by Frances Kuffel who is the author of Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self, web site is franceskuffel.net. Article is at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20050119-000006&page=1
I haven't read her book but this article is kind of interesting about her struggle with eating and body image. But it is long!!

I am doing ok on living healthy this week. I got in exercise Wed, Thurs and Friday and will try for some walking today. But, my son has the flu and is getting sick all the time so it is not a pleasant morning so we'll see.

Felt like a new photo at the top. This is a pic of my and my hubby when we lived in Hawaii, way back in '93 or '95. Yeah, we lived there twice! It's a little fuzzy but that's what the scanner does. Not my favorite photo of me but I love the flowers! We went up to Kula, maui, it's up on the way to Haleakala mountain. Very pretty up there and lush green grass and a little cooler. There is an artist studio, called Curtis Wilson Cost at http://www.costgallery.com/index.html , that is there that my husband loved. Check out his pics, I'm not adverstising for him but though you might want to see what I'm talking about. We ended up not buying a print just some post card types as it is pricey. Now, I wish we had one. They also have a lot of tropical flower type farms and a winery up there. I have some photos of the area if I can find them sometime. It's making me want to Hawaii bad!!! Not to live, just to visit, especially right now, I need some sun and fun! Think I'll keep changing my pics to keep things fresh.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

Wt loss books

This is quote from Oprah on her trainer, Bob Green's new book. It's called 'The Best Life Diet'.

"Another thing I know for sure now is that you've got to ask yourself, what kind of life do you want and how close are you to living it? You cannot ever live the life of your dreams without coming face to face with the truth. Every unwanted pound creates another layer of lies. It's only when you peel back those layers that you will be set free: free to work out, free to eat responsibly, free to live the life you want and deserve to live. Tell the truth and you'll learn to eat to satisfy your physical hunger and stop burying your hopes and dreams beneath layers of fat. " (it continues on, I got this from thebestlife.com)

I know some of you out there may not like Oprah, but I was at the bookstore and started reading some of his book and it made some sense. I mean, I have the old book they did, 'Make the Connection'. In this new book he says you gotta ask yourself some tough question such as 'Why am I overweight?' and 'Why do I want to lose weight?'. I can't remember the 3rd question. It also talked of using food to numb feelings or to deal with stress or other emotions. Yeah, I know what he is talking about! I didn't purchase the book but it has some good advice and has a some healthy recipes to follow. I want to read motivational and wt loss books but I have so many! Let's see off the top of my head, I have book titles/authors such as, Body for life, Kathleen Daalemans, Dr. Phil, Bob Greene/Oprah, Flip the Switch, Denise Austin, Pamela Peeke (did a body for life for women), Body Intelligence, South beach diet, atkins, books about body image, wt loss, wt loss recipe books, you name it. I prob. have more than this!!!

These books have helped me out and gotten me to be healthy at points in my life but ultimately, they aren't the answer. Because, usually we just go back to what we did before when we get tired of the plan. Now, I picked up the book called 'Do I look fat in this?' by Rhonda Britten. It was only $5.99 so I thought I'd read it when I have more time. It really isn't a wt loss book but having to do with your body image. I'll let you know my review after I read it. Maybe I'll go through and re-read some of my old books when I need some motivation.

I was thinking as I wrote the above paragraph. What is the fricken answer? It inside each and every one of us. I just keep trying different things and something will stick. I really am tired of the roller coaster or yo yo of up and down of wt loss. I need to get a handle on it once and for all. Maybe a pipe dream? I have hope that it is not.

Another thing, I was thinking about today is how I don't make myself a priority some days. I mean the husband needs attention, my child needs constant attention, other family needs attention, friends need attention, some days you put yourself last. But, on the 2 hours I have 4 days a week, I have free time. I will use it at the gym or reading fitness or motivational material. My health is the most important thing I have and if I don't have that now and in the future, how can I be there for everyone else??

Going good

Doing good on my second day on my new program. Eating healthy, did more cardio and started wt lifting again. It felt good! I was a little tired before working out today as I was gung ho yesterday and wanted to just get back into it. WannaBSlim at http://wannabslim.blogspot.com/ , who is doing so great on her wt loss journey mentioned I should do a wt loss ticker. But, you know what, I have had one up on my header for a long time now as I got the bug to have one from Fat Bitch last fall. I just took it down! It was depressing to see my wt loss ticker up there with no loss just going up. I will do my wt loss stats to the side of my blog. Unfortunately, I am not at 208lbs anymore. I am more like 217lb. Yikes! It really has got out of control!! I can't bear to change it at this point, it's a mental thing. But, I am taking it on the chin and have already seen the scale move down 2lbs and will start weighing in on wednesdays on my home scale.

I'm trying not to look at this as terrain I have to redo. I mean I got down to 198. So I have really had a back slide! I'm trying to look at it as part of my individual journey and that it is a really big bump in the road for me. Ok, a friggen big hill, but I will get past it and I feel better already. I was really feeling sick to my stomach from the crap I was eating and also eating late at night which is a big no-no for me. It makes me gain even faster, it seems. So, no excuses in sight. Even when I visit my girlfriend in May in Vegas, there are options. I will exercise down there too! I'll walk in her neighborhood or I will go to the gym for a day pass. There is no excuse not to keep being healthy or at least keep trying!!!

Thanks for the comments, I know a lot of you have been in my shoes before and I'm coming out of the darkness and see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've got a renewed comittment to lose some wt by August as the triathalon is then and I really can't do it at this weight. It is too dang hard! And, I will start swimming tomorrow and biking next week. I forgot how good I feel after I exercise. It's just hard when you are in the middle of your cardio and thinking "I can't do 10 more minutes!" But, yes I can. Yes I can. Check out this video of this 84 old woman still dancing, if she can do it at that age, of course I can do this tri race! Link is at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKRZv6NGjdc

I want to send well wishes to Fat Bitch and Amanda Jane at 'what about your hips'! I know they are not blogging anymore and maybe not on the wt loss journey right now but if you happen to read this blog, I hope you are well.

Have a good weekend all you blogger buddies!

(P.S. Can anybody give me pointers how to do a header/border at top? I just put a photo up there but can't seem to get anything else up there. Think I need to research it more. I had my blogger title name up there but it just post within the photo and looks funny.)

Stopping the Madness

(Watch out it's a long post!)

Right now I'm stopping the madness. What do I mean by this? I mean the weight gain madness these last few months. The self defeating remarks I make to myself. The self-flagellation if you will. The self loathing over my body weight and my inability to get to a normal weight again.

Here's a conversation I had with myself today. "Ok, I'm going to the gym today". I have a 2 free hours while my son is in preschool. The other voice, I like to call the devil says "no, just go to the library, maybe surf the net or get a latte, that sound like lots more fun". "No!" I say, "you are going to the gym and get back into working out! You've been working out for 10 months straight and a few weeks off is all you get, get back to it"!! "You keep bitchin to yourself about your stomach getting bigger again, so do something about it"!! Well, thank god the angel on my shoulder won out today and I worked out. I did an hour of cardio; some walking and the elliptical machine. I will do weights tomorrow. I also ate a healthy lunch of a salad with chicken and veggies. This cycle of gaining weight and not working out much and kicking myself when I'm down has got to stop. It's mentally exhausting and I'm tired of being sick and tired and being down in the dumps. It seemed when i was doing well on my wt loss journey last year, I could stop the negative self talk or at least there was only a little. Now, that I've gained some back the damn negative voices are in full force! So, for starters, some steps I will take:

1) Work out 4 times per week, including cardio and weight and jogging and increase that in the future.
2) Eating healthy with at least one or two small snacks so I don't feel deprived
3) Practice thinking positive thoughts and start reading wt loss books or things to motivate me
4) Quit drinking the latte's and substitute with flavored water

I thought about doing the Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem programs for a second. But, then I remembered that JC is too pricey for me right now and that I hated the nutrisystem food when I tried it years ago. Also, I don't want to have to cook 2 meals, one for me and one for my family. I want healthy, tasty, quick, food for all of us. I will entertain the thought of going back to wt watchers after I visit Dawn in Vegas in mid-May. The accountability of the meetings and weighing does help me get my head right and into the wt loss game.

When we were at the spring fair last week I ran into 2 acquaintences from wt watchers and that I knew through the co-op preschool last year. I started talking to one lady and told her that I was a wt watchers drop-out as we had both been going to the Monday meetings. She said she was too and that it was too hard with all the different birthdays that had been going on in her family. They had a bday party right at the fair and I saw her later pulling a cooler and the left over huge cake. I was thinking, "just throw the damn cake out!" And I was thinking, what pull or lure that fat food has over us. It's our drug of choice. This made me think of all the excuses we make not to live a healthy life style . It made me think of my sister and when she went off wt watchers with excuses such as "I'm too stressed from the start of the school year". She's a teacher. And then it's the excuse of "it's the holidays and it's too hard to diet". And then it's "the end of the school year and it's too hard to diet" and then "it's vacation or summer time, it's too hard to diet". You know what the excuses stop now. I've made my share of them too.

I'm tired of my weight holding back in certain areas of my life and not enjoying life to the fullest and at my healthiest weight. I've fallen into my old habits of not dieting in the winter when it is dark and gloomy and gray here in Washington. I get a new burst of energy when spring has sprung and the weather gets better and the sun comes out. Should be soon! I've got to find a way to break this pattern and this type of seasonal defect disorder that I think I have.

What I don't want anymore:

1) airline seats feeling snug or like I'm spilling out into the next seat. Like when I flew last and I sat next to an even chubbier women and I felt like our thighs were squishing together. I hate that! (Thank god I can still fit into the seat belt.)

2) wearing big size clothing! I want to fit into all the regular size clothing and stores and not have to go to the big ladies section.

3) feeling self conscious about my size all the time

4) not wanting to get into my swimsuit or shorts when the weather gets nicer

5) feeling like a failure for giving up on my diet lately and not getting to a healthy weight

6) hating my reflection in the store window or mirror

7) avoiding being in photos with my family or hiding behind someone. I'm missing out on memories!

8) being the fattest one in my group of girlfriends from high school (we meet monthly)

Anyway, that is enough for today, just had a lot on my mind! Have a good week everyone!

Stingrays are like puppies

Welcome to the wonderful world of Stingrays! I thought I would take a break from my angst about my weight and talk about something that brings me joy, scuba. (I know I am a blogging fool lately!)

The stingray has been getting a bad rap lately as a dangerous animal. Though, I know they can be if they feel threatened, but that wasn't the experience I had. There is a place on Cayman Islands, called Stingray City. It's a place for that tourists go to get up close and personal with them. You can scuba with them or you can go to a shallower site and snorkel with them. One of my jobs as an instructor if I was going to this site was to feed the stingrays a bit of squid. They were like puppies all over me and begging for some food. This started way back when the fisherman would clean their catch in these areas and the stingrays would congregate to get the scraps. They kept coming back and during the day there will be 50 to 100 or more of stingrays there.

This last pic with me staring at the stingray, I am kind of in a state of shock or maybe awe at the way the stingrays can be all over you. I think this was my first day that I was going to feed them and was getting trained by another diver. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know that some of my fellow workers were initiating me into the world of stingray/duty (as they have done with others before me) and loaded up by pockets and under the strap on my tank with fresh squid. I couldn't figure out why all the darn stingrays loved me so much as I didn't have food at this point. At least you can pee your pants without anyone knowing! HA! Just kidding. I never got tired of seeing these sea creatures and also had experiences with the bigger versions of this family, the eagle ray (elusive) and the big Manta Ray, which I had the pleasure of diving with in Kona, Hawaii on a night dive.

I feel these animals are being seen in a negative light and it is no wonder as to what happened to Steve Irwin or Australia and getting a barb from one. Very sad when I heard this news and very surprised. He seemed like a wonderful and fun person and I felt very sad by his death. Like I really knew him which, of course, I didn't have the pleasure. Chris H asked me on the blog if I changed my opinion of diving with them after what happened to him. No, it really hasn't. I did hundreds of dives with them and never got injured except for a nasty hicky they tend to give when they are sucking up their food. Yep, just looked, the scar is still there from the stingray. It looks like a white smiley face on my arm but is barely there anymore. They are like a fricken hoover vacuum when eating and it doesn't help that their mouth is on the underside of their body and their eyes on the top of their body. Anyway, no one I know every got injured by them. We try not to touch any of the animals and they don't bother us. There is a urban legend of a guy getting a barb in his arm long ago but he was said to be pulling the tail of one and harassing it. Usually, they will not attack unless provoked. But, I 'm sure if they felt threatened it could happen too.

Anyway, it is one of the memories of my dives and sometimes I would feed moray eels too. I didn't like that as much as they have large teeth and can slither around you! Here's a pic of a moray eel.
They are always cool to see too! Anway, finally got my scanner up and working so that is nice. Hope I'm not boring some of you out there in blogland. I know how I will talk about diving with some of my family or friends and their eyes will glaze over and I know it's time to move on to a new subject! It is one of the most awesome things I have experienced in my life though.

Hope you all are having a good day and I'm working on a new version of my wt loss plan that I can live with and start making some progress again.

I want this fat suit off!

This is me at various times in my life. Me, by the waterfall, on our honeymoon at about 150lbs. The black sweater is me at 201 back in December last year and the one pic in white is me at the start wt at about 245, I would guess. It couldn't find hardly any photos from 2005. I am a master at avoiding the camera.

Some of these photos you have seen and some you haven't. I'm trying to use these pics for my motivation to lose more weight as I have been slacking the last few months and can't find the drive to continue on the wt loss journey. I want this fat suit off! Yeah, it is better than it was but it is starting to creep back on and I don't want this to be the beginning of the end. I was going to put up another pic of me at 125lbs but I couldn't get it to scan correctly. I don't think I can get down do that wt again but this pic above at 150, I believe I can get there. That is my goal. Of course, it sucks that I will be an older version but there is really nothing that can be done about ageing unless I spend tons on plastic surgery. Ha!

So, what do for motivation? Have you used the picture technique? Or does that just make you feel bad to see the heavy you? I'm trying to use this to see my progress and realize, yes, I am making some strides and I need to keep on doing it or I will blimp back all the way back up!! I am feeling a little lost at the moment and am entertaining the idea of Nutrisystem or Jenny Craing to get back on track and eating smaller portions. Weight watchers is good though, it's just that it's all up to you to track points and I don't want to seem to do it anymore. I have been trying to just eat healthy on my own and that works for a while and then the crap has come back into my diet. Sugar is the enemy lately. If I eat something laced with sugar, it just makes me want more! It's like the devil is back on my shoulder and yelling for "more, more, more food!" The angel is on the other shoulder whispering, "you can do this, you can get the healthy body you want!" Damn devil has a fricken loud voice!

Doing the last scuba post and remembering my past has made me want to try again. I'm not happy in the body that I'm in so I fricken better do something about it. I have the friggen triathalon in August and I am not even ready. The fat suit is holding me back and making everything I want to accomplish so much harder! Ok, enough venting for now! I can envision myself at a healthy weight, why am I holding myself back? I need a concrete plan of action and I am going to work on writing that down.

In other news, the weekend was pretty good. Friday, I took my son to the spring fair and he enjoyed the rides and looking at the animals. We had to break down and buy some cinnamon/sugar elephant ears. I love those things. Saturday and Sunday we went down to my dad's and uncles cabin to help out my parents. It was cleaning weekend and get the cabin ready. We cleaned up fallen trees and branches for hours, moved the lawn, cleaned the cabin, cleaned the shed, had a bug man spray, burned the excess branches, cleaned the dock off. I'm sore today! I'm sure it's a sign I'm getting really out of shape again! It is early to clean the cabin but since my uncle has cancer he has asked us to take on more of the upkeep of this small cabin. We usually do the opening of it on memorial day but some people are going to be living there for a short while as my uncle wants them to build a big covering for some trailers we will put outside the cabin. As the family grows, it seems we need trailers too. I will take some pics this summer and post them of the money pit/errrrr, I mean the cabin. It is a nice place to get away and it is only about 1 1/2 hrs from us. The cabin is old and crappy but it is on the lake and we will move my dad's boat up there soon. The kids love it for the swimming and boating, of course. My mom just see's more work and cleaning and I hope she doesn't want to sell it!

Hope you are having a good week and are making progress in your wt loss journeys!

The Deep Blue

Finally! The scuba post! I know your excited, well maybe not but here it is. First off, these are pics me and my husband took in and around Maui and the Cayman Islands. The pic of the house is just a standard caymanian house. I loved some of the houses there. That's my hubby on the underwater scooter. We loved to take them out in maui as the guy he worked for there would let us take them out whenever and it was fun. That is a pic of me with a stingray, tell ya more about it later. And that is me at Disneyworld when we were moving from Cayman to Washington and wanted a vacation. My wt wasn't at my lowest but I was happy. I had a killer tan and my hair got bleached from the sun. I just need another 6 months in scuba and I would have had a killer body. It helped that we worked outdoors in an active profession and that we didn't have a car on the island, just bikes! Sometimes, I wish I could go back to that time. Ahhhhh, this post is bringing up a lot of memories.

I started scuba on a dare from my hubby. He wanted to try it for a long time, so in '93 we took the open water course in Washington. That was the tip of the iceberg for me, I mean, I didn't realize that I would fall in love with scuba and the underwater world. I always had been a good swimmer but I was nervous to take the course. It went well and only felt a little apprehension the first time in the pool with the regulator (and breathing from a tank for the first time). It is weird at first cause we are so used to breathing from our mouth and nose and when you dive you must learn to breath from the mouth only. Anyway, this love of diving set us on a course to move to Maui. Then we came back to WA and over the next year got all the required dives to be able to go to school to be dive instructors. I was working at a high rise in Seattle for Safeco and when I told them I was going to Florida to go to diving school and then move to Maui, they thought I was crazy to say the least. I mean, what is it, 1% of people that just up and move to the islands. Hey, we were young and no kids yet and weren't thinking of the future just of fun.

What is diving really like, you may wonder? What I loved about it was that it was quiet and peaceful. The chance to get away from everything in the world and just observe sea life. It's almost meditative in a way. There's nothing like getting up close to sea life and then looking up and seeing the boat far away. Or when you go down to about 50 ft and the bottom is there but you swim out further in the deep blue to the edge of the wall and the bottom drops off into the abyss! Ahhhhh, nothing like it! It is like being in a new undiscovered country and I was the first one there. I highly recommend trying it if you haven't!

Anyway, after we lived and taught diving in Maui I had a hankering to go to the Caribbean. Specifically, the Cayman Islands. My cousin had been there and said how awesome it was and of the wonderful diving so it was itch that I needed to scratch. I went to the island in the summer of '96 to check out cayman and see if it was a place we would live. My hubby was still working summers in Alaska fishing for salmon as my Dad got him into it and the money was pretty good. I told him Cayman was awesome! I already met some friends and the booze was a flowing and there were jobs to be had in scuba. The only drawback was that it was real pricey to live there. We moved at the end of summer and began our year in Cayman. There were awesome beaches, nice people from all around the world, a lot of British, Scottish, Canadian, you name it. We each got dive jobs as separate places after cutting through some red tape! They make you go through so many medical tests and hoops to get your work permit but we prepared ahead of time. I found I loved to lead divers underwater. I taught some but not a lot aside from newbies doing the resort course where I teach them a few skills and away we go on the boat to try scuba. It could be trying at times. I mean, I had to practically save someone a few times a week that was freaking out under water. That's the part of the job I didn't care for but of course it's required. What I did love was when someone really got excited about the dive and was hooked. I loved to get more diving converts! The real days I lived for were my free days to just dive on my hubby's boat where I could dive at will and with no rules and no responsibilities but to have fun.

One of my best days diving was actually a time when I was teaching a guy to dive and I got back on the boat and the captain practically gunned the boat before we even had a chance to get the tanks off our back! This was highly unusual as we take our time to move to the next dive spot. He heard on the radio that a whale shark was in the area. He had to go see for himself as this was a rare occurence in these waters. We got to the whale shark and about 4 boats were already there. He was at the surface so I donned my snorkel gear and swam beside him. He was a huge creature, maybe 50 ft in length and was just swimming slowly eating plankton. I didn't get a picture or else I would have posted it. But, there was some video shot by one of the guys on our boat. God, I wish I had it! There is nothing like getting up close to a wild, huge whale. It is something I will never forget!

This post is turning into a book so I will write another day with my story from the pic above....my first encounter with stingrays! Aaaaiiiii! I now have a serious inclination to hop a plane to the caribbean and dive. Somedays, I miss it so much it hurts, it's hard to explain but I have given up something I love.....only for a while, I will get back to diving. I mean, I did go diving a few years ago in Maui again but not since. We do have some good diving here in Washington and up north in British Columbia but it is cold water diving and I hate the thick wet suit and the cold. My hubby has lost his drive or his love to dive, especially in cold water as we don't have dry suits. But, I will dive sometime soon as I need to just find a dive buddy. And, I would like more wt off. Here's a good incentive to get some off....it's so much easier when you are thinner. Hope everyone has a good weekend, we finally got a litte sunshine!

Friend in need

Ya, still feeling like crud and was wondering if my sickness could be strep throat as I've had a sore throat for 4 nights straight! Ok, I'm done bitchen about how I'm feeling.

I think I'm going back down to vegas in 3 weeks. I will stay with my friend Dawn, probably, though I can use my free hotel offer as I must have racked up some points there to get some freebies. She is going through a rough time with her chemo treatments and is in a bad way emotionally so I will go down and help her out or at least spend more time with her. There is a chance she will go off the chemo or at least go off the double dose and back down to one treatment. Anyway, she seemed happy that I offered to come down and the side benefit is that it is the land of sunshine this time of year down there. My hubby and son are going to Oklahoma to visit family so I thought this would be a nice chance for me to spend time with a friend.

I'm still working on getting some pics of scuba adventures and also pics of me when I was thin for another post. As I am going thru the photos I realize this is going to take longer than I thought to find all my pics and see which are my favorites and find the missing ones that my hubby put somewhere like the garage!

I realized my original wt loss blog has just become the story of what goes on in my life which isn't too exciting. I've been traveling some but that's the usual routine but have been enjoying the chance to get away some. I've been thinking a lot about how I want to get to my goal wt and why I'm holding myself back. Gotta go get my son, so I hope everyone is having a good week!

Update: Here's a pic of a underwater restaurant in the Maldives, looks cool!!

The weekend

We went out of town on Saturday to Ocean Shores. It's on the coast of Washington and has miles of beach you can drive on if you want to. The big thing here is kite flying. This is Chase flying his fantastic 4 kite. It flew for a while but then it broke. We went and got a new one yesterday and decided not to get a kids kite. We got the 'beetle' which is one of those beginner trick kites (made out of nylon) that have 2 strings/spindles you hold. It is fun but is hard to get the hang of it. The kite takes a nose dive and fell a lot until we got used to it. There's so much wind on the coast that it's easier to do than around our area. My son had fun at the beach but the highlight for him was going to an indoor water park that had a pirate theme. They have 3 waterslides and all kinds of buckets that dump water on your head. I just watch my hubby and son have fun as I now have his yucky cold! That's ok, as I'm not very happy getting on my swimsuit at the moment!

I still haven't gotten to the store to get some pics on disc to do a proper scuba story and now that I feel like crap it'll have to wait a while, oh well. On the positive side, maybe with the way I feel I can get a few pounds off as I don't have much of an appetite.

I hope everyone has a good week!

sickness in the house

I want to do my scuba post but it will have to wait a few days, as I need to get some photos on disc at the store. And I need to think about what to write about as I have a lot of scuba stories. But need to think about what would be interesting to you out there in blogland. The big issue (with not getting anything done lately) is that we are holed up in the house, my son and I, as he has been sick with a bad chest cold these past few days. It sucks as you always worry when they have a fever and are coughing all night and can't get any rest. We had some medicine but my son hates it so we are toughing it out. Every year since he was little we've had the yucky croup which is a nightmare but now that he's older it's just all the colds he catches from school or wherever.

We did have a good Easter up at my mom's with a lot of family. Then the kids went on the easter egg hunt but in our family it has turned into and money egg hunt. There is some token candy in the plastic eggs but mostly quarters and dollars. All the kids get to participate even if they are in high school. I like that they can get some money to spend or save but it's gotten to "who has got the most money?" and gotten a little out of hand. One year, we had an egg hunt for the adults. Now, that was funny! People get pretty competitive.

So, not much else to say today, but I am getting cabin fever bad! I haven't been working out due to not getting to the gym and not wanting to spend time away from my son right now. Maybe I'll get a walk in when the hubby gets home but the weather sucks....rain again!!! Ok, where's my positive attitute.....Ok, there it is. Life is what you make it so I need to work on my outlook. Thank god for the computer as an outlet. Ha.
Hope everyone is having a good week!

Fat Rant

Check out this ladies fat rant on utube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA. I wish I had her attitude. She's got some things figured out! I agree with a lot of what she says that being fat doesn't mean your lazy or dumb or a bad person. I got this from someone's web site and can't remember whose. I've been surfing and visiting too many sites! I wish I could just be happy with being fat but that ain't the case. The thing I'm trying to figure out now is why I took a break from the weight loss journey, why don't I just get hung ho like I was before and want it bad. I mean, I still want the thin, healthy, fit body but don't want to seem to do the hard work at the moment.

In other news, I went down to visit my uncle who has cancer yesterday. He lives about 2 hours away and we haven't been to see him in a long time. It was a good day and my son got to play with lots of cousins and the weather was awesome for once. We went out to see my cousin who is about my age as he moved back to his hometown and has a new house. They have quite the set up out there in the county. He lives about 1/2 mile from his brother and they use 4 wheelers to commute between the two and around his property. My son got to feed the fish in his little lake and jump on their trampoline and ride the quads with me. It was fun! When I was young I used to like to ride motor bikes with an old boyfriend and forgot the joy in doing that. I started to think of all the other things I used to enjoy that have fallen by the way side as I've gotten older and also as I've been a mother and sometimes my needs aren't top priority. Something to think about more. I know that I really miss adventure such as travel to far away places, scuba diving and anything with motor vehicles! I have a goal to try sky diving when I drop some more weight!! It will be a rush and I miss that feeling of doing something new or the sense of being in new or foreign places and meeting new people or just being underwater and at peace with nature and with life.

I think I will do a post about past scuba diving adventures and find some pictures and maybe some old pics of the old me that I left behind. She's hidden in this layer of fat somewhere and I'm trying to remember who that woman was. Will she ever come out of hiding?

Vegas was fun but tiring

What is it about Vegas? We eat too much, sleep to little, gamble too much, drink too much! I need a vacation to recover from my vacation! It was fun though. And the weather was awesome, high 70's and into the 80's. We had only about 2 hours of pool time and we were mostly in the shade so no tan for me. I didn't win the big one. I did get up a couple of hundred a few times but managed to lose that by the end of the trip.

I don't have many pictures, sorry! I started taking a few of my sisters, of my friend, of flamingos at the hotel but didn't take any of the big pool or hotel. We spent too much time in the casinos! (Here's a pic of Dawn, Dawn's pool and some flamingo's at the Hilton, and my 2 sisters!) I don' think my friend of sisters read the blog and would be upset with me posting the pics so I will do it! I didn't want to carry around a camera and lose it while we were gambling. I don't like to carry much but a little purse. We really didn't get to very many hotels. We didn't even really walk down the strip of hotels. We went to a show called "Tony and Tina's wedding" at the Rio but it wasn't very good. The highlight was me getting tipsy and instead of pinning a dollar on the groom, I pinned a dollar on the good looking best man as he was a ringer for Leo Dicaprio and Brad Pitt rolled up into one. I got a dance out of it and a peck on the cheek and he says "Thank you darlin, what's your name darlin". Oh those southern gentlemen. I think he wasn't in character for his acting of supposedly being a italian for the wedding. Ah, the blue eyes and dirty blond hair....ahhhh... this fantasy will last me for a while. But, I digress...must of been the beer talking. We did get up dancing as part of the act/play and that part was fun. But I had to do something to get our crowd of 7 up and dancing instead of sitting there like slugs with frowns on their faces!

The other play was called "Menopause chronicles" at the Vegas Hilton. It was hilarious and is a cast of 4 women who bitch and moan about all the wonderful things we will experience during the change of life. Like, the wt gain, the hot flashes, the low sex drive, the bitchiness. Real funny! It's the same people that did the vagina monologues which I haven't seen. I haven't been thru menopause but oh, what we get to look forward to, ha!

I visited my friend Dawn out at her house. Here's a pic of her pool out back. She has a cute stucco house and an awesome yard with a pool, shaded patio, sitting area with comfy chairs with some shade and sun, jacuzzi, and bbq area, fire pit with rock seating area. I would love to have her back yard. Awesome. The sun really bothers her after chemo so we didn't get into the hot tub and I didn't care anyway. She was understandably tired and a little bitchy as chemo was only 2 days before and she wasn't feeling her usual self. She isn't feeling nautious but has symptoms such as puffiness, numb face, short term memory loss, scalp bothering her. She shaved her hair off as it was bothering her that some was falling out but it looked like it was all coming back but was about and inch long. We had a nice long talk and then picked up her daughter from the catholic school. I want to talk my ladies group into going to vegas to visit when she is feeling better and off treatment and live it up a little. We've talked of it before as we are all from the same high school grad class and would be a blast. It's just hard to get from talking about it to doing it! I'm up for it sometime but I know the summer is unbearable down there. Maybe September, we'll see.

Anyway, that's all there is to report and I'm back on my healthy eating plan today and going to work out! As we were by the pool and taking in all the eye candy and nice bodies, it made me want even more to be at a healthy weight! I always think, "next year when I'm in Vegas, I'll be thin". At least year I was down some weight. It has made me want to renew my commitment to fitness and healthy eating!! Hope you are all well this week!