Last weekend

Here's a few pictures from last weekend. Some from the ocean/puget sound down by the city of Tacoma. My triathalon man did some swimming and we just played around the beach. Then the one of my son going in the water is from the cabin that we go to sometimes. He said "mom, watch me do a backflip!" And this was the result. Ha ha. He's funny.

We had a good weekend even though the weather was mediocre but it wasn't too bad on Saturday. Not good enough to swim but that doesn't stop my boy, he swims in any weather. He's getting pretty good at fishing too.

Well, as usual this isn't much of a wt loss blog so I'll just keep blogging about whatever comes to mind. I'm still going to wt watchers but not losing much. I've been stressed with finals coming up soon and with my clinical intership as well and going to meetings/therapy type stuff so my head is not in the right place I think.

We are looking forward to going to CA on the 6th for my hubby's big race so we're looking forward to that. Just trying to figure out how to study for finals in the great city of San Francisco and visit with my inlaws and sister's in law. Near impossible I suppose. I'll try on the plane I guess.

A question to pose to you all.....If you had a chance to meet online bloggers, would you?? Have you ever?? I'm thinking of going to Seattle to meet a few in June but not sure. My hubby says 'isn't it best that with blogging you don't really meet the people?' I think he means that your free to share info without having to meet face to face or you're incognito. I don't know. What do ya'all think?

Feeling a sense of relief

Feeling a sense of relief as this has been a bitch of a week! Two tests, one in physics and did my speech and turned in my 7 page paper. Woooohooo! On to the 3 day weekend!!!

Gotta go....as it's Friday and my hubby....weird as this sounds....wants me to go watch him swim in the ocean down near Tacoma waterfront!!! I said I'd watch him so he doesn't drown or get bit by sharks. ha! His triathlon in San Fran. is just 2 weeks and 2 days away. I'll try to find my camera and take a picture though the weather looks like rain, yuck.

By the way....tried the Massage Envy place I was talking about. I had a gift card from Mother's day for a massage. It was good! I called and they said Manuel will be your massage therapist. I was thinking 'maybe I need a woman'. ha! I've only had one massage in my life. I walk in and there is this tall, muscly black man who said he was from Nigeria. Yow! He was pretty good though but I thought he pressed too hard. I like the relaxation massage compared to the deep tissue that's for sure. Now I'll try not to wait 2 years before having another....as that's how long it has been since my first one. Now I'm having fantasies of the rich life....where I could get massages weekly if not daily....workouts with a trainer....a chef in the kitchen and a cleaning person and a pool out back.....ahhhhhh, if only.

Have a great 3 day weekend if you have it off!!!! I wish our weather was nice like last weekend.

what's your thoughts on self esteem

This week is going ok. Been too busy for my own good with tests and now a paper due Friday and a big speech to give! I really hate public speaking but it is a small group. I did it last quarter and I survived and suppose I will this time too. I'm just feeling I don't know the subject matter as much as last time so I'll read some more before then and make note cards or something. It only has to be 10-15 minute speech.....wonderful.

Today, I am thinking about self esteem. First, I was thinking of it as I was reading Hilly's post at snackiepoo.com about how people make self-depreciating remarks about themselves. Maybe as a way to joke or maybe as a way to protect themselves from whatever comment they may make to hurt you. I was also thinking of this cause at my clinical site where I intern for my future career they said a while ago "have more confidence". Yeah, I guess, I feel that I could use more confidence but I feel I'll get it when I get used to doing more xray and especially after the summer when I'm interning 5 times/week that quarter. So, anyway, I was suprised when I was talking to my teacher, well really the tech at work that is one of them who is teaching me and we were talking about the hospital where I might be assigned to next year. I said there is XY hospital that I don't want due to the reputation. Now this hospital has so many stories from people I know and people I've heard of that have gotten mistreated there and so much negative people there so that's why I don't want it. My teacher/tech say "yeah, I hope you don't get it cause with you self confidence, blah blah....it wouldn't be a good fit for you" Something to that effect. Anyway, can't remember if she said self-confidence or what but it made me think. Hmmmmmm.....is that how she really sees me as a student? I suppose so or she wouldn't have said it. Is this something I can change? This lady did her interning at said hospital and hated it. So, anyway, I was thinking, that I will have loads more confidence in my abilities by January when I switch intern sites. I guess, I felt a little down as I felt like she was saying that I'm not a confident person. Maybe I'm not but I feel like I am in certain areas and not so much in other areas as I was talking about it previous posts of mine.

Anyway, what's your thought on this? Is confidence related to self esteem? Can you change something like that about yourself? Have any of you done that? I think I can in relation to the school and interning as it's a high learning curve and I always feel like I'm on edge and you get lots of critisicm. It's just the way it is to learn the profession.

And I was thinking....when I was younger, I had more confidence, more self esteem. It seems when my weight crept up and I had some other problems in my life, I took a beating. I changed a bit. I don't like it now that I think about it. Here's hoping I can get back to who I once was.

Anyway.....some days I wish I were someone else. And other days I think I'm fine just the way I am. In the wt loss front, I'm holding steady and no progress this week. I'm going to the gym here soon with my son and hope to get some kind of workout. Talk to ya later.

Had a loss

Had a loss this week at wt watchers....down -2.4! So I was happy with that. I don't think I totally followed the plan as I have so much other stuff going on but I've been sick and not felt like eating as much. So since ww weighs you in with your clothes I'll just keep my weight the same on the side bar as my scale says 225. I can't wait to see it go down further.

I had to get my spring fat pants down. I remember last year I was lighter and was going to throw these certain capri pants away and thought....no, I better keep them. As I was throwing away all my fatter clothes. Ha, now I'm glad I kept them.

I'm in a better mood than earlier this week. The counseling is hard as you really have to bare your soul and that makes me very emotional. But, I'm hoping it's therapeutic too. My doc gave me a questionnaire, let's call it a personality test. I hate these things....questions like 'are you kind to animals?', 'do you like mechanic books?', 'Do you ever feel like killing yourself?' Oh brother, I don't think these test tell anything. Yeah, it will prob. come out that I'm a little depressed and that my self esteem isn't as good as it can be. But, it's hard to answer some questions as True or False cause I have self esteem in some areas of my life, like school and work/interning but in other areas like body issues I don't. Anyway, not sure if he is the therapist for me....

I was reading some where that people with depression have a tendency to think about things going wrong in their lives or times when people have mistreated them and mull them over and over and it just makes them more depressed. What do you think of that theory? Could be some truth to it.

Well, I gotta get going I need to type out a 5 page paper, read 4 chapters and get to my dad's cabin to work! I don't have the time! Stress, much? yes a lot! Hope you are all doing well on your healthy journeys this week! We are supposed to get 82 degree weather today....wooooohooooooooo!!!!!!

Working on some issues

Just working through some issues these last few weeks. The money issues, self esteem issues, the weight, the depression.

I've taken a really hard, long, look at myself and feel like I'm coming out of a long coma and can finally see myself as I really am. It's taken me a long time to come to this point. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom this year and there is no way but up.

Without going into all the details and getting you all involved up in all my crap, let's just say I'm doing some group therapy these past 2 weeks and will start individual therapy tomorrow. I'm feeling loads better already. I think it's finally time to really think about some of what I've been fighting with has been depression. We'll see after I talk some with the therapist.

But, this is just one part of me. The other parts are functioning well. Being a good mom, wife, and daughter. Keeping up with the studies and doing well at college. It's all good there. It's just myself I'm not happy with. It's just myself I need to work on. To really see yourself as you are and not what who other people think you are. Maybe I've been keeping up a good circus...keeping all the balls in the air? Maybe I've been hiding my feeling and keeping the mask on. If you know what I mean.

Yeah, heavy stuff to deal with. But, I'm feeling hope that this is a way to get me back. A way to get healthy again. Maybe a way to get back to God. My spiritual side has been lagging for years and years and I find myself missing that aspect of myself.

The weight part, I don't think it's doing that well. I don't know, I'll weigh in tomorrow at wt watchers. It seems I'm concentrating on others issues now and this gets on the back burner due to being busy and too much on my plate. But, I've been sick this week with a cold as the kid seems to get everything at school and I get it too. Hope it's over soon!!

Hope everyone had a nice mom's day!! I did and got to see my mom and also got a gift certificate for a massage from my hubby. That's going to be awesome....now I just have to find some time to go, can't wait! Hope you are all doing well this week.

Thoughts on wt wtchers and on the IE book

I am thinking of going back to wt watchers here soon. I don't know, I'm conflicted. It does help me to stay on track to be accountable to someone about weighing in and hear encouraging words from a program/meetings such as this.

I had been reading the IE (Intuitive Eating) book and do like what they have to say. Here's a bit:

Respect your body

Body image: a waist is a terrible thing to mind

"Most of our clients are adept at being overly critical or hating their bodies. And putting an end to body worry and self-loathing is no easy task. Most of us have trouble accepting a compliment, let alone the idea of accepting our bodies. We have found that the notion of accepting your body was too much of a stretch for our clients as a beginning point. They feared that if they accepted their current body size, it would mean complacency, giving up, and getting bigger. It's one thing to lose the battle of the buldge, they'd say, but to totally give up would mean ultimate failure. At least there is honor and dignity in continuing the fight."

later the authors say....

"stop body bashing" such as "I hate my thighs" or "I have a double chin". Try to find something that you do like about your body even if it is only one thing such as your eyes or your feet. They also talk about what is a realistic weight to get to for your body type. Maybe it is above your ideal.

I'll talk about it more later as I gotta go pick up my kid from school.....
Have a great week. I'm doing pretty good this week!