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Just working through some issues these last few weeks. The money issues, self esteem issues, the weight, the depression.
I've taken a really hard, long, look at myself and feel like I'm coming out of a long coma and can finally see myself as I really am. It's taken me a long time to come to this point. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom this year and there is no way but up.
Without going into all the details and getting you all involved up in all my crap, let's just say I'm doing some group therapy these past 2 weeks and will start individual therapy tomorrow. I'm feeling loads better already. I think it's finally time to really think about some of what I've been fighting with has been depression. We'll see after I talk some with the therapist.
But, this is just one part of me. The other parts are functioning well. Being a good mom, wife, and daughter. Keeping up with the studies and doing well at college. It's all good there. It's just myself I'm not happy with. It's just myself I need to work on. To really see yourself as you are and not what who other people think you are. Maybe I've been keeping up a good circus...keeping all the balls in the air? Maybe I've been hiding my feeling and keeping the mask on. If you know what I mean.
Yeah, heavy stuff to deal with. But, I'm feeling hope that this is a way to get me back. A way to get healthy again. Maybe a way to get back to God. My spiritual side has been lagging for years and years and I find myself missing that aspect of myself.
The weight part, I don't think it's doing that well. I don't know, I'll weigh in tomorrow at wt watchers. It seems I'm concentrating on others issues now and this gets on the back burner due to being busy and too much on my plate. But, I've been sick this week with a cold as the kid seems to get everything at school and I get it too. Hope it's over soon!!
Hope everyone had a nice mom's day!! I did and got to see my mom and also got a gift certificate for a massage from my hubby. That's going to be awesome....now I just have to find some time to go, can't wait! Hope you are all doing well this week.
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4 comments:
You know that I am right there with you. Sometimes one of the hardest things is to see ourselves for what we really are...not who we perceive ourselves to be, good or bad.
Lots of love...
For me, most of the time when I focus on my internal, my external gets healthier too.
Its good to see you are getting some issues sorted for yourself mate! I wish you well in the therapy.
Learning to love yourself is one of the hsrdest things to do,I see a shrink for my depression, sometimes I wonder if it's doing me any good, other times I can't imagine not having it. I will admit now I see the sunshine where before I didn't. I have a lot of shit I need to face and forgive myself for - It's a work in progress.
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