The good news is today, I started anew again. I ate right, I exercised for an hour and 1/2. I'm feeling pretty good today compared to yesterday. My goals for next week, starting on Monday I will exercise 5 days per week and I will detoxify as far as eating natural foods and lean meats and quit the processed crap. I'll take it easy this weekend but I do have some social stuff with going out to this adult bowling center w/ 5 other couples. No kids allowed for this and my sister is going to watch my son for the night so that will be nice to have some fun time. Then the super bowl on Sunday but I'm not that into it but it usually involves eating something fattening. I'm off to take my son to a carnival night at his school. Should be fun for him. Everyone have a good week!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Ok, I admit it. I've hit rock bottom, hit a real low point. I didn't want to make this the wt gain blog or the negative, pessimistic blog but I gotta write what I feel. I fell off the wagon big time. He#l I can't even catch up to the wagon matter how hard I run after it. It's like I've jumped off the high dive in the pool only to find no water at the bottom. I'm laying there thinking "how the heck am I gonna get up, now I'm down and out?". My rationality was that I would eat some crap food and then it would be out of my system. So I had the terriyaki, the chinese, the burgers w/ fries, the taco's w/ mexi fries, the ice cream, the cinnamon roll, etc., etc.....but the real low felt like yesterday. The choice was go to the gym, go to the bookstore or go get some Pad Thai noodles. The noodles won out as I said to myself "you haven't had these in months and you know you want some!" I was eating them and I wasn't even hungry and got sad. This is past food enjoyment, is this punishing myself or what? It's strange to think I used the food to block out bad feelings about some things in my life. Numb myself with food. This is scary territory. I know it's not the lowest I've been. That would be last year in April when I hit 246 and felt real bad about how I looked. So for 8 months I was good, I was on the straight and narrow and eating well week after week with hardly any slip ups. Then when xmas came, I went off program. At first just a little, then down the slippery slope to the bottom. It's not just all about the food, I have other issues in my life and one or two bad thing seems to make my good intention and progress in my wt loss go by the wayside. My wt is fluctuating wildly from up 5 pounds, then down 3, then up, then down. Anyway, just wanted to get this all out and tell you why I haven't been blogging as often. So many of you are doing so well out there and thought I could just get myself out of this but it feels like depression.