Off to vegas

Off to vegas tomorrow! I can't wait. I need some sunshine! I had to go to the mall and get a new outfit and a haircut. Actually, the haircut was free. I won it at the weight watchers auction a while back. I think I found a new, good, cheaper hair dresser and she has lost like 93 lbs on wt watchers so far! We talked of how we have both hit a rut as far as wt watchers goes but she is continuing on and has about 55 more pounds to go. She's inpiring to me and she has 5 kids, wow.

Here's to Spider63, after you wrote about really large people who ride scooters due to their weight, now I am seeing them everywhere! Today, at walmart a big lady on one. Of course, I don't know if she had any other ailment besides being big but I just felt sympathy for her and I know that I will never let myself ride a scooter because my ass has gotten too big!! No friggen way.

Anyway, I will catch up with you fellow bloggers next week after I score my big winnings in vegas, ha ha. I will be back on program come next Wednesday come heck or high water. Hope you have a great weight loss week!

Need to recommit!

No, not to the mental ward, (though some days I feel I need it, ha ha). I need to recommit to exercise and eating healthy! I will do at least 4 days of exercise this week, Tuesday-Friday. Today, I will do an hour of cardio plus weights. I will eat healthy, just for today. And then the next day and then the next. Back to baby steps for me. This will be a challenging weekend to going to Vegas on Saturday but I will do my best. I think the hotel has a workout center and I will utilize it!!

The bad news is that my friend, Dawn, is having chemo on Friday so she will be not be feeling well while I am there. If she is up to it, I will come out to her house near vegas and just talk. She sounds like she needs it and so do it. I miss her a lot.

I am looking forward to pulling the handle on the slots! Oh yeah, now you just push a button. This year, I will also play craps, the dice/table game as my mom's friend wants me to play the game with her. My mom is good at it so we will all play and see how it goes. Mostly, I like going to shows though we don't have one planned this year. Maybe we will take in a comedy show. I wouldn't mind seeing Prince but I hear he is $150. Yikes. We have seen some great shows such as Danny Gans, Celine Dion, Rod Stewart, Elton John, blue man group, and some other acrobatic shows. I haven't seen the O show though the other ladies have and I wish we could go to that. I look forward to just hanging with the ladies and looks like it might be in the 80's so always like going to the pool and just spending some time not doing much. Can you tell I'm excited! It's always nice to get away and especially just with the ladies.

I have, regretfully, cancelled by membership with weight watchers. I need to cut back on some expenses and I really haven't been doing wt watchers for some time and why keep paying the monthly membership. The program does work but you have to be in the right frame of mind as I was last year. I get tired of counting points and truth be told even when i was losing at a steady rate, I did my own version of points. Either ate what I usually did in the points range or just winged it but knowing I was eating low cal. I really hate writing down every fricken thing I eat and the points. I will miss the meetings and the leader. It was nice to get support there and listen to the emotional side of why we eat, even when we aren't really hungry. But, I'm sure I've heard all the speeches as I went for 9 months not including other years in the past. I've got mixed emotions on not going anymore. I will keep my option open to going back as it did seem to help keep me accountable and wanting to see a lower number on the scale each week. They do have the core system where you eat just certain heathy foods with not counting points. I am maintaining at this point and am happy with that at the moment but really want to continue on this weight loss journey just need to figure out how I will do it!! The eternal problem.

I want to do a shout out to Amanda at 'What about your hips'! If you are reading Amanda, I hope you are well and will post again soon. We (bloggers) can help if you are going through a difficult time. I blog through it all, bad and good! We miss you!!!!

Hope everyone is having a awesome week!!!

The Weekend

Went out with my ladies group Friday night. We went to a persian restuarant and had chicken kabobs and rice. We hadn't been there before and it was pretty good. We then went to the University Improv and I was expecting just stand up comedy but it was actually a play about an Irish wake. It had some funny parts but usually we were just trying to understand what they were saying as they had strong accents are were pretending to have strong ones.

Saturday we went up to my sisters to exchange some bday presents and went to try out their new hot tub. It was nice and we also got a chance to watch 'The Departed'. Uggghhh. Lots of killing but thought the acting was pretty good. I like Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio as well as Jack Nicholson. They are always good. I've always like Leo since I saw him in 'What's eating Gilbert Grape'. He is an awesome actor, especially in that film as he was young and played a handicapped boy. That film also has Johnny Depp who is always great too.

Today, me and my son are just hanging out and my hubby went on a long bike ride. He's in his triathalon trianing mode and couldn't stand taking another day off from exercise. It's been raining for like 2 days straight so we finally got a break today but there are puddles and lakes of standing water everywhere. Maybe we will go to Chuck E. Cheese later which is a kid's pizza and play place. I will need my patience today as that place is like a zoo on the weekends with lots of kids and bday parties.

My uncle got out of the hospital but will return shortly for some treatment, think chemo. I need to get all the details. I was going to see him yesterday but he got discharged. I'm going to call him here in a minute.

Just maintaining my weight this week and that's the best I can do right now! Hope everyone is doing well on their exercise and healthy eating.

Not so good

Not feeling that great today as got some bad news. My uncle has lymphoma and it is in his pancreas. The doctor says 3-5 months to live. God, how do you take that information? Imagine it was you, what would you do? What could you do? He hasn't been feeling good for quite some time now that I think about it. He got his heart check out last year and they said a-ok. But, they didn't catch the cancer that was growing. My mom said they (his wife and kids) will have a meeting with the oncologist today to decide if they can do a agressive treatment or not. So waiting to hear if there are any options. I sure hope so but I know they will make their decision based on the odds of living. Would you want to try to live longer but feel like crap from chemo or radiation that may or may not help? Right now they are trying to get rid of blood clots and it's a wonder that he survived walking around with them is what they told him. It's not fair, he's in his 60's and lots of small grand children to see grow!

We will visit him Saturday and I'm trying to get my frustration and sadness out through exercise. I did a darn good run and workout yesterday and it does help some. I just want to keep it together for him and not cry and be what support I can to him! He is getting a lot of vistors from his hometown and from his past so I know that makes him feel good. He has his family around so I'm sure that is some comfort.

That's all I got today. Hope things are better in your neck of the woods.

The secret

No, don't have a big nasty secret to spill, I am refering to the book/dvd called The Secret. We just got it from my mother in law. Think I need to watch it again due to our 5 yr old wanting attention when we were trying to watch. But some of it says that you think positive thoughts to bring positive into your life. If you think negative thoughts or concentrating on the problems in your life then it will just compound and you will get more bad things in your life or you will just stay stagnant. Also, they talked of if you want something ask for it and visualize it every day. I mean, visualize yourself already having the object or achieving the goal and what you will feel like. Also, do a gratitute journal and a bunch of other stuff. I mean I like the dvd but I've heard this concept in many different ways before.

One way I've heard of the visualize it concept if from wt watchers and imagining yourself at goal. I've tried to do this and I have pics of when I was skinny so have an idea of what I would look like and feel like. I guess it helps some. The real challenge is to stay positive daily and think about the things you would like to come into your life. It can't hurt and I will give it a try!

My hubby like the idea of a visualization board. One fellow on the video put up a poster board of everything he would like to achieve. He cut out pictures of what he wanted and concentrated on this every day and achieved his goals. Maybe this will work but I felt he was concentrating just on material objects such as money, house, cars. I mean those are good goals but not all there is in life. Though it does seem money is important for us at this point. Not sure what my hubby will be wishing for. Don't think he will share at this point. My goal as I said before will to think positive and know that things will work out somehow.

I'm feeling a little better this week. We had a good sunny day in the 60's on Friday and I got out and walked for a long time and it's amazing what a little sunshine can do for me. My weight is staying the same and I haven't been doing weight watchers and I'm thinking of cancelling my monthly membership due to cutting back on spending. I don't know if I'll quit for good as I like the program and it works if you stick to it. I will try my own program for a while and see if I make some progress but it feels like I'm in a holding pattern right now.

Our vegas trip may be on hold as my Uncle (dad's brother) is in the hospital. My mom and dad are still in Palm Desert and they were planning on meeting us in Vegas but if my uncle takes a turn for the worse then my parent need to get back to Seattle. That may mean that my sisters and some friends will postpone. We'll see. It's scary as they thought a while back that he had a viral infection, now he has blood clots and in the hospital and the doctors mentioned that it could be lymphoma. Arrggh! Not the cancer! I hate it! We will see what the diagnosis is. He hasn't lived a healthy life in a long time and is real overweight and was a smoker and drinker in the past. I will think good thoughts about his prognosis and pray for him!!

I hope your week is going well for you bloggers out there!! Seems I'm dealing one bad thing after another. Oh yeah, I said I would think positive thoughts....

ever get into a funk?

Do you ever get into a funk? You know that time of the month rolls around and you cry at the drop of a hat? You hate your life, your body, your choices. Usually it just last for a day or so but it's been 3 days of feeling like crap. Let's see, I cried at the library on Tuesday just from seeing a cute little innocent girl giving me the cutest look and then at the book store as I was reading a book about changing my life by changing my mind or how I think and getting more in touch with God. It wouldn't hurt for me to get to church and quit thinking of my woes. Two days with no exercise but I forced myself to go today and I did feel a little better after I worked up a sweat.

I was thinking of my friend who has depression and she takes some meds, (not prozac) to feel happy. I've always fought getting on meds as I hate to take medicine. Especially since she says she has no libido from being on the meds and just doesn't want to get intimate with the husband. I don't need something dampening what libido I do have. I think I just have the SAD (seasonal effect disorder) cause when I get some nice weather in the Spring or when I just went to California my mood does a 180. I've been trying to take an honest stock of my life and see that it really isn't so bad. Yeah, we have debt, but I have a great family of sisters and parents and a nice hubby and a son. I have my health and I'm improving it. I have friends though I don't see them often due to moving more south 6 years ago. Anyway, a list of what I'm grateful for does help some so I try to do it from time to time.

I am starting the tri training and doing hour or more of cardio 4 times a week and starting up biking and swimming and jogging again. I'm doing the baby steps to where I need to be. I need to check out tri training web sites but haven't felt like it. My friend, Kathy, who is doing the tri with me wants us to sign up for a biking or swimming seminar/training thing in Seattle. I think we will do the swimming one as we get to swim in the lake where the tri will be held and get some tips on improving our swimming technique.

I'm looking forward to my Vegas trip at the end of the month. I hope the weather is good, it should be. Not the best place to be going when I'm trying not to spend a lot but my mom is taking me and my sisters so that's nice. It will be nice to be with just the ladies and no responsibilities to deal with. What I'm really looking forward to is seeing my friend, Dawn, and seeing how she is holding up w/ the chemo. It's always good to see her as we can talk about anything without thinking 'what are they thinking about me' that I feel with some other friends. She's the kind of friend where you can be yourself and always feel better after talking to her. I hope I do the same for her.

Thanks to my blogger buddies for stopping by and giving advice on the money issue or just sharing about your $ woes, it helps! I just got the Secret dvd for my sister for her bday and I heard my mother in law is sending it to us. Has anyone read the Secret book or watched the dvd? What did you think? It sound like you just need to think and stay positive and positive things will happen for you. Then we will be happy, ha. I know there is probably something to that but sometimes it's easy to read but hard to put into practice. Hope everyone is having a good week!!!

Insomnia, debt and wt gain blog

Ok, the bad news is I'm up a pound! This is officially the weight gain blog! I haven't really been on program. I am exercising so that is something I suppose. I'm trying to have a good week starting today and see what next week will bring.

I've been having insomnia for the last few months. A lot of this has to do with worry and the main worry is our increasing debt we have. So, after talking at length w/ my hubby about the amount of debt we've decided to consolidate it and get a home equity loan. This won't get the monkey off our backs but it will make one payment rather than several payments. We also talked of selling the house and this is a difficult topic. I was worrying about next fall as I have to go to college full time/days and about how to pay for it. It is hard once I became a stay at home mom and student. Seems we still lived as though I had income coming in like before. Maybe once this loan is finalized I will get some real rest and quit worrying all the time. I also will get some type of part time job at night, hopefully in April to bring in a little extra income. I really don't want to move at this point. I mean this was our first bigger house as we had a condo before and I don't want to give it up and go backwards. The hardest topics seem to be money, sex and child rearing!!

I think this issue with money has had a lot to do with me not being able to really be successful lately on the wt watchers healthy living plan. I'm hoping now that will change that we are finally taking some action on dealing with this problem. Anyone out there had issues with money? How did you deal with it?

I hope everyone is having a good week!

The stranger.....and self esteem

A weird thing happened to me the other day. My son and I had just gotten our baggage at the airport and just went outside to meet my hubby when he drove up. This fellow was running with his bag and I saw him out of the corner of my eye as he we ran the other way as I heard the wheels of his bag making a lot of noise. All of of sudden I heard the noise stop and I just felt like someone's eyes were boring into the back of my head so I turned around and this guy was flat out staring at me. We locked eyes and the wheels turned in my head, 'is it an old lover (there were several before the hubby), no, was it an old classmate, no, was it an old friend, no, a scuba student or co-worker from the time I lived in the islands, no.' He kind of reminded me of Bob from the Bachelor show. Did you ever see that guy? He was on Oprah a few times too. He just kept staring and then we continued on our way to catch our ride. It was weird though and I was thinking, is he checking me out? I don't look 1/2 bad today as I didn't wear my usual black and had on new clothes. Does he think I'm his long lost sister, lover, etc? Is this the first time he's seen a woman as he's been in the amazon out in the wild? Ha!

I just started to think of my self esteem and body image and this made me think of all these years I've been hiding under this layer of fat. Not many guys will look at a chubby woman compared to a thin one. I've stayed under the radar. But, there are occasional times when a guy will look or talk to me. I remember when I was thin and I got a lot more attention, and sometimes I didn't like it. Of course, I have the attention of the man I care most about, my husband but when he compliments me I'm thinking "he's just saying that to make me feel good" or when we get some quality time "is he checking out my fat tummy or chubby thighs". Arrggghhhg....I really am sick of being down on myself about my size and how it affects my personal relationships and just going out and doing all that I want to do.

In other news, I have been exercising a lot but I still continue to make some undesirable food choices. What am I stuffing down? What emotion? I need to find a way to deal with it and it continues to elude me, this issue with food. Why can it not just be sustenance. Why can't I eat to live instead of living to eat???? The million dollar question I suppose.

Well, we are off to a kids bday party at a play place so that will be fun for my son and then maybe out to dinner or something. I'm starting my tri training and I'll talk more about it later. I'm determined not to be in last place at the danskin tri!!! I hope everyone is having a good week!!

Palm Desert

Here's some of the pics I took from Palm Desert. Palm Desert is about 10-15 miles from Palm Springs. The one of the golf course with the flag and sand traps was the view from the house. The house is the one on the right in the second pic. Of course golf is a big thing down here and my parents go a lot but all we did with my son was putt putt golf. We had a great time and the weather was mostly in the 70's but yesterday it was in the 80's so it was a bummer that we had to leave as the weather was heating up. I took a lot more pics but they are mostly family shots and zoo animals shots for my son.

We went to the desert zoo, swam a lot and went to a fun center. My son had a blast. The only down part was that both of us were still sick with colds but we didn't let that stop us. I wanted to stay longer but we had to get back. I love all the palm trees and there are load of cactus (I got more pics if U want cactusfreek). I like the adobe style buildings and there are some newer cities like La Quinta and Indio that were awesome. It did seem like a lot of traffic down there though.

Well, did get on the scale at home today and up a few pounds. I will go to ww next week and then post about it then. I haven't been putting the effort into the weight loss, especially on vacation but I will go work out today when my son is in school! Hope everyone is doing good on their healthy living even if I am not at the moment!!