automatic pilot

What I mean by automatic pilot is I feel that when I started this school is September (the full time part), I felt like I was going on automatic. I would eat, stress, eat, study and on and on. I quit working out and taking care of myself due to the stress, due to being down about the cancer that kills and all the sadness it brings. I wasn't thinking about the price I would have to pay for not being healthy anymore. The blood pressure is up and maybe I've done it to myself. I'm hoping to get off those meds when I lose a good amount of weight.

Now, today at the gym as I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things that automatic pilot is off. I see myself in the mirrors (at yoga yesterday) and I see myself in the window as I round the indoor track. It's a little painful again...to see myself, to really see myself. The bulges and bumps, how far I've gotten off track again. To see 60 yr old men jogging past me. To realize I did this to myself. There is a plus side, I know. It's that I don't give up. It's that I have hope. To know that it is in my power to change!!

I feel like I've been numbing myself to a lot of things by having these fat layers on. It's time to take them off for good and deal with my emotions and reasons for keeping myself at this weight.

I took a day out for me today. To work out, to get a good book and read some before I have to start studying again next week. I'm going to watch a trashy movie from the libary before I have to get my son from school. We will then go back to the 'Y' (the gym) and go swimming or something. He's loving that we go to the gym all the time lately.

I did buy that book 'Intuitive Eating' and going to read more on that. I've also been reading books from the libary such as 'stop the cravings' and 'stop stuffing yourself'. Ha! The stop the cravings is a little interesting as it talks about eastern medicine and how it's the key to getting you off the diet roller coaster for good. It talks about different body types and how to eat. I'm open to anything so we'll see what this trainer/nutritionist is talking about. It's a little hard to follow but I'll read on some more. It's keeping me away from the junk food! I'm doing really well this week on eating. Probably has something to do with not eating out at all this week, except for one lunch with a friend for salad.

Hope everyone is having a good week and thanks for the comments. I'll be weighing in on Wednesdays and keeping a wt tally on the side bar next week. It'll keep me accountable.

(by the way....it's freaky weather hear in washington state the last 2 days. It's been freaking snowing! It's supposed to be time for spring! We lost our power the other night and day for hours and hours....what the frick??? I'm in the weather vortex! I want to move to the sun!!! Yep, just checked...it's still snowing but in the 40's so it prob. won't stick!)