Wednesday, September 12, 2007

bah humbug

Sleeping In Class
I almost don't feel like posting this after feeling good about my loss the last 2 weeks but I want to be honest and accountable so....I'm up 2 pounds and at 203. Onederland will have to wait a while longer. After being sick and losing a lot I started to eat normally this weekend up till now and the weight shot back up! Ok, it just a small step backward and I'm not going to get down about it. But I do feel slightly bad as Spider named me his wt loss winner last week which I rarely am the biggest loser of the week so feel a little like I let myself down or others. ha. I know this is my own battle I'm fighting and each of you is your own wt loss battle too. I actually saw the scale hit 200 pounds exactly even on Thursday but it was only for a day. I guess I am just on track for my slow rate of loss that I usually have if I average it out so it's not all bad. But, sometime, I think my body is fu**ing with me. I was at this weight up and down a few pounds years ago and was at this weight for quite a long time. Maybe the setpoint theory? You know your body remember weights that you had stayed at for a while and has trouble moving past them. Just a theory. Probably has to do more with that I slowed down on my exercise.

I've got some more stress in my life as back to school now and it's getting a little intense. Sometimes it's boring going over all the procedures and expectations they have of us in radiology. Then 2 hospital coordinators came out to talk to us because we will be working the
'clinical' aspect of school as they call it which means 2 days a week I will be working in the hospital or imaging center starting in January. I will learn on the job as a student and working with a certified radiology tech. which will be the best way to learn. Kind of like an apprenticeship I suppose. Well, anyway, one of these ladies tried to scare the pants off us by talking about all the blood, guts, vomit, poop, pee, etc. that we will see. That we will see death and suffering and on and on. I think she is trying to weed us out or at least give us worst case scenerios that we will see. I know what I might encounter working with sick and hurt people. I've thought about it long and hard and I think I can handle it. I'm sure there will be days that will hard to take but I'll take it one day at a time. I got a little look into it last year when I did my job shadows and got to spend time in radiology and observe the tech's and the stress they can get.

Well, gotta go to bed as we went to the local fair tonight and my son had a blast but I am wiped out and need some sleep as I'm getting up at 5:30am these days and having a bit of a challenge getting adjusted to that. I'm a night owl and trying to make myself an early bird is going to take some time. I find myself a little cranky in the mornings as I haven't been getting enough sleep.
The good thing is I'm meeting some new friends at school and have a feeling I'll get pretty tight with some of these 24 people in my class over the next 2 years. Also, the school is taking my mind off of my sad feelings about losing my friend. So, this is a good thing for me. I know Dawn would want me to be happy and try not to keep grieving over her and crying. I know she would want us to just remember all the good times and thoughts about her so I am trying. But, as you all know if you've lost someone close to you, it seems to take a long time to get over a loss such as this. Do you really ever get over losing someone close to you? I think it just gets a little easier with time but it's still there. Kind of like that person that died took a little bit of your heart with them and you can't get it back. The world is a little less bright without them in your life.

I hope to get in some more exercise this week but so far with school and my mom visiting we've only been walking a few miles and not consistantly. I haven't even gotten to the gym and am really missing it! I will get there this weekend and get out on a bikeride too. I hope everyone's week is good and talk to you on the weekend or I'll see you on your blogs when I get some time!


celtic_girl said...

I know the feeling with the weight, down one week, up the next it sucks.

Your grief will get better, it will take some time though. My brother died July 06 and I am only now at the stage where I don't cry when I'm thinking about him.

ArleneWKW said...

Congratulations with the progress that you've made getting rid of the lbs. at a hard time in your life. I'm coming to your blog via Spidey's mention of you. That you're up a bit after being Spidey's weight loss winner just reminds us all of how difficult getting rid of the
Good luck (and inner strength) as you continue to progress toward your goals.

Christine said...

Good on your for being accountable. It's defintely tough to do. I decided to take a step back from the scales for a while and not weigh in so often - its so stressful and I need to focus on life a bit.

I think that your schooling and new job prospect is exciting. I see all of the goodies listed on your list everyday - and it doesn't phase me anymore. You have had a baby - you've seen it all. And I can't think of anything better than being the person that gets to be with someone in their last days. Don't let her scare you. Obviously you are in this line of work for a reason. :)

Lady Rose said...

**hugs** hang in there The numbers on the scale can go up and down sometimes for no apparent reason - but sticking with the healthy eating plan and it eventually goes down again.

This week I gained 5.5 lbs for no reason so far -- this moring lost 3 of it (not sure what the official weighin tomorrow witll show) -- sure it can be frustrating but after 71 weeks so far I'm getting the hang of not freaking out about the ups and downs and keeping an eye on the prize! (the long term goals)

Spidey said...

You know, back when I was in High School wrestling team, we used to go into the sauna for an hour or two to "make weight." We would literally lose ten pounds in a day and then be up ten pounds after the weigh in.

Making a big loss is great. Gaining some back is no big deal. You are winning the war, one battle at a time. Keep up the good work!

Wanna_B_slim said...

Hey there Patty... stay strong.. we are thinking of you...
Love the photos below... you live in a beautiful country!

"The Captain" said...

Your direction is down overall. We are like the biggest losers without the trainers. All we have is each other. Take care,

pastgirl said...

Hang in there!!!!! And make sure to remember to squeeze some time in for taking care of yourself amidst all you do taking such good care of your loved ones.