Monday, May 28, 2007
a heavy heart about my friend
I have a heavy heart that last few days. Earlier in the week my friend I wrote about before, Dawn, that I visited in Vegas recently, well her health is declining. The cancer has spread to her liver and it's worse than we thought. She has 10 spots and doctor says 6 months to live. God, how do you take news like that? I did know that cancer would kill her but I thought she would fight it for many more years. She has been fighting it for 3 1/2 years now. She has decided not to fight with chemo anymore as it is doing no good. She has an agressive cancer. I haven't given up all hope but I guess there isn't much hope except for a miracle. I support her decision to not do any more treatment and just live what time she has left with the best quality of life she can and to spend time with her daughter and husband. It's unfair, as she is in just 42. Life sucks. I know there is no answer. I'm sad for her and her family and sad that we won't be able to do things together that we wanted to. She always wanted to rent a house in the caribbean with me when we got older. It won't happen. I really don't know what to do. I think an old good friend, Yvette, will go with me to visit again in early July. I couldn't stand not seeing her again as this could be the last time. I told some of our friends what is happening with her and I hope she won't get upset with me but I felt I had to. I also get the 'life sucks' attitude because she's had a lot of tragedy in her life and I wonder why? Why her? Her older sister died when dawn was a child and her mother died about 13 years ago from cancer. I just get mad, then sad about everything.
I just need to get that off my chest as I have been crying on and off. I did have a good weekend away with my family at my dad's cabin and the weather was ok. I have friends I can lean on and I will. I just want to be the best friend I can to Dawn. She is my best friend even though we are far apart. The only one I could tell everything too. That will be so hard to see her go. Really good friends are hard to come by. You know? I have a lot of regular friends but it's really hard to find a good, close friend. It's hard to let someone in and be close to them. I'm glad I could be that friend for Dawn. I hope I can be there for her daughter sometime if she needs me. She is 10 now. She will have her father and grandma but I think it's important for her child to see her family (up her in Washington and Idaho) and maybe someday hear about her mom from me and all we experienced together. I hope her father will let her spend time with dawn's side of the family. He has a tendency to be selfish and all about making money and I'm worried how she'll be raised without dawn's influence. Dawn is worried too.
Anyway, I'll check out your blogs soon and I am going to exercise a lot like last week. I'm going for 5 times a week. Have a good week everyone.