Wednesday, August 30, 2006
is there a fat gene?
I was pondering today, 'is there a fat gene'? It seems in my family, my dad has always had issues with his weight. He will go up and down 20 lbs practically every year. And 2 of us 3 sisters have wt issues and the wt keeps going up and up since our mid 20's and since having children and getting married. It seemed it was easy to stay slim when we were young and active and didn't think about food much. As we got older and became less active or let a little creep up it just kind of steamrolled and we looked around and realized, (yikes!) we haven't lost the baby wt and now weigh more than ever. Then you get the guilt. How could I quit caring what I looked like? How could I let myself go? Other friends haven't let it go or at least not to this extent? How does my family feel about it? How does my hubby? I know how I feel about it! Depressed, embarrassed at times, takes a major toll on my self esteem, wonder what others think of me. I'm competent in most every other area in my life. Try to be a good mother, wife, daughter, friend. I know I'm a good person inside. Think I quit being good to myself. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and been doing things different the last 4 months. Be kind to myself by eating well 80% of the time with occassional treats so as not to feel deprived. Exercise at least 4x per week. And it has felt better as I'm moving easier, breathing better, can go up stairs with ease, can lift and play with son easier. But, it seems I feel I have this fat gene. I see it in action. Maybe I talked about this before, but we went to disneyland and there was this buffet at our hotel. I'm talking the extravagant food and everything you could possibly want. It was pricey so most of the family just ordered off the menu. My father kept going on and on about all the food at the buffet, how good it looked, what was that food over there and he actually got up and walked around the table to talk about it. What is this, this type of nirvana if we can eat the food? I was thinking, just get the damn buffet, I knew that he wanted it. But that would be bad as he's watching his diet. I looked at my sister and said 'you see what we're fighting, the fat gene'. We both have this so called gene like Dad or this yearning to eat the good food, we both would like to have that buffet and eat what we want. But, we don't like what it gets us in return. The low energy, the extra cals, the fat. I try to analyze the food choices at local restaurants around here before we even go. Applebees is diet friendly for w. watchers so sometimes we will go there. But most restaurants have some type of low fat entree or I practice portion control. Just cause it's there and it's a huge plate of food, that doesn't make me have to eat it. I'm trying to figure out when I'm full. Stop eating for a while and maybe I don't need as much, really I don't. The stomach has shrunk, I can be happy with less. I don't need to feed some emotional void or whatever I was doing before. I'll take some of the food home and usually it'll go to the trash or the husband will eat it. He could stand to gain some wt as he's always doing his tri's and bike races. He's mr. fit. I was telling him we're like that (well not for long) like that nursery rhyme about Jack sprat who had the chubby wife. He didn't know what I was talking about. ha ha. You know, 'jack sprat would eat no fat, eat wife would eat no lean'. So that's why I surf the net and visit other people's wt loss blogs to gain inspiration and understanding and empathize. As you are the people that truly understand the issues with food that most of us have to deal with on a daily basis and for the rest of our lives. I wish I had the skinny mind set, such as, 'oh, i just forgot to eat' instead of thinking what am I having today for lunch, for dinner, wow, doesn't that restaurant have good food. Hope everyone is having a good week.