Friday, August 31, 2007
The bad news is this was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I went to visit my friend Dawn who is at the end of her cancer battle. She was able to talk to me but she is hopped on on meds and sleeps most of the time. She has the yellow look in her eyes and skin and I think it's from her liver starting to fail as that's where the cancer has progressed to. I tried to get some laughs out of her and succeeded a bit. I tried to play her some of her favorite music, Jimmy Buffet songs but she told be she wasn't interested in that. She told me she wasn't interested in anything. She said she can't concentrate on anything and things are just a jumble in her head. It's to be expected as they got her on all these meds and some strong main medicine in her arm. At least I could be beside her and help her. I hurt me to hear her lament on that she felt like a burden and that everyone was coming down and just waiting on her, working. I tried to ease her concerns and told her I loved her and that we wanted to help her at her time of need.
I got a chance to get to know her father better as he was visiting from Wisconsin and to get to know her mother in law who is staying helping out with dawn's 10 year old daughter. Dawn used to talk to me of her fears of the mother in law (MIL for short) moving in when she got really ill. It seems the MIL will move to a house nearby soon. I think it's good for the daughter of course I don't know this lady well. Dawn thinks she is too into money and trying to find a man with money. Anyway, the son is like that (dawn's hubby) so I can see how he got that way. I mean he is all about making the money and about status with money. Almost sickening, I meaning the admiration that for people 'who have made it in life'. I look more at the quality of person, not how much money they have. Anyway, the MIL, she seems like she loves her granddaughter and that's what's important at this time. Think all their problems are water under the bridge at this point. I was happy to see that her hubby, Victor, is stepping up to the plate and being there for her now that she's ill. He hasn't always been there for her in the past.
It was hard to be there when the priest from the catholic church came to do a blessing on dawn. It involves us all laying a hand on Dawn and praying for her and doing some prayers. The tears were a flowing as it just makes you really think about what is happening to her. I look into her eyes and still see her but a different version of who she was. It is very sad but I hope she can have peace at the end. She seems like she has it somewhat now. I don't have it yet, it will be some time till I can really feel at peace about losing her.
Anyway, that's all I got to say today. I'll be by to check out your blog here soon but I came home to a pigpen of a house. The laundry piled up, the dishes piled up, nothing done. My hubby was living like a piggy since I was gone! So I've been busy trying to clean up a bit. Then, we need to go to the cabin tonight to be with my son and try to have a nice last weekend of summer before school starts.
Oh, yeah. I ended up staying at a the flamingo hotel in vegas due to being no room at Dawn's house due to visitors so I got a funky room done up in pink neon and white. I will share pictures later. I especially liked the mirror in the bathroom which had a tv built into it! Hope everyone has a good weekend!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
So as long as I'm up, might as well blog. It seems my friend 'vet' is trying to talk me out of going to see Dawn. She's like 'you sure you don't want to remember her as she was' and 'it will be really hard'. It pisses me off. I know it will be hard, Dawn is really sick. But, she isn't out of it, she is just in a bed. She is still talking and asking me to be there. So, I will damn well be there. It think it is 'vet's' way of trying to appease her guilt of not going. Or maybe it's jealousy that Dawn and I have gotten close when she and Dawn were close in high school. I don't know but I'm sick of it. I don't think she needs to go. She said she will go to the funeral and already is planning what she will say. I don't look that far ahead. I will take things as they come. What is important is that Dawn is surrounded with people who love her. And she is. Her family is there but will leave soon. Her dad surprised her and will come down on Monday the same day as I will. That is good news! I didn't think he would come as his wife has alzheimers and needs a lot of care. So, I will be getting to know her dad more that's for sure.
Her friend, Deanna, has kept me abreast on what is happening with Dawn as I can't get the whole picture from talking with her a few minutes a day. It seems all that she can do, this is not the time for long conversations. She said maybe I should help Dawn with getting her photo albums in order. I noticed she was doing that to leave them for her daughter. She has them all sorted by subject/envelope. And she has tons of photos! So that would be a good thing for me to help her with or maybe just do for her. Vet says get photo boxes instead of the albums. But, I know she already purchased a bunch of albums. I'm a real procrastinator when it comes to my own photos. I have some in albums but the old stuff is all over the place. I will be busy today trying to find old photos of me and Dawn and friends that I can share with her and with her daughter.
Thanks for you kind comments! I know my blog isn't that fun of late but this is what I'm dealing with in my life at the moment and it helps to blog about it!
I'm getting anxious for my school/college to start next month and my son will go back to school in September too. So, lots of changes will be happening. Also, we are going to Oregon in September (down by the gorge) which is the big river that separates Washington and Oregon. My hubby has a tri race near Hood River so that will be fun to go watch him. He will be doing some of this as well as running and swimming:
But I would like to be doing some of this (windsurfing) which is big in this area. I'm not a windsurfer but briefly tried it once long ago. Last time I was in this city with my mom (she was busy at a friends wedding) me and my son tooled around the city and thought it was very quaint and very pretty by the Columbia river. I saw people taking winsurfing lessons and I was like....'I want to do that!' But I had wee son with me (he was 2 or 3 at the time) and didn't have the time. I don't know if I'll have time this time either but we'll see. I always wanted to try it when I lived in Maui long ago but seemed so busy in scuba and working so didn't do it. Bah! Oh well. There are still alot of thing left on my list that I want to do. Skydiving being one of them too!
Has anyone tried windsurfing? Is it as hard as it looks? I only tried it on a calm lake one time. This river can get the big waves. I will talk to you all later and have a great weekend!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
My weigh in for today is 208! Yuck, up a 1/2 a pound! Farkety, fark, fark. Suck, suck, suck. I'm not sure what is going on. I did exercise a lot and did that race last week! But, my food hasn't been totally stellar I guess or else I'm just pms'ing and bloating a bit. My weight loss challenge isn't going as well as expected! Weight loss doesn't seem important to me at the moment because of my friend Dawn.
I did stress eat a little yesterday as when I called my friend Dawn (the one who has cancer) to tell her I sent her about an email I sent about the race as she wanted to see the pics. Anyway, she was crying and saying she was in pain. I couldn't tell all that she said as she's on meds. So, it seems the beginning of the end has started. It just tears me apart. I guess the doctors weren't right when they gave her 6 mo. to live. It's only been 3 months. I talked to her today and have been doing a lot of crying and she said 'when are you coming down?'. I didn't know she wanted me to come but I will be there. So I will go Monday and stay till Thursday (or more). She has family and a friend over till Sunday. So, I hope she isn't too bad and will be able to communicate with me. She has the hospital bed put in today to sleep downstairs and has some strong meds today and an I.V. So if it is anything like my aunt or my grandma that died it could be down to 2 weeks left or who knows?
I talked to her close friend down in vegas and she said 'well, you can come now and watch her sleep or come to the funeral'. I didn't like the sound of that. So I will go. She means so much to me and I'm going to be there for her like I always have been. It sucks but I gotta stay strong for her. I hope some more of her family from up here in Washington can be there for her. Her dad won't come, he has a wife (dawn's stepmother) who has alzheimers so he doesn't travel. Her sis will be there and I hope one of her brothers will come. It sounds like her husband is trying to be there for her. He is a very selfish person in the past but it sounds like he is working less hours to help out. I'm sure he is in pain too but doesn't show it. She does have help with a nanny/housekeeper to help with her daughter and I'm sure a nurse is involved from time to time at this point.
Lord, give me strength to be there for her as I am beside myself at the moment. But, I know I am strong. I can do this.
In other news, I am still exercising and ran today and felt pretty good and did some weights. I needed to get some stress release and running does that for me. My boy is excited as he got a new bike for his birthday so we will ride together in a bit. They sure have good prices on kids bikes these days. I'll check on you all soon and see how you are doing this week.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Was feeling good about things and about the race and maybe future races and then the lady I did this race with sent me this,
I am very proud of you for sticking with it and going the distance! It was fun to do the Danskin with you and I will do it again next year if you and anyone else wants too. Now your test is how to get in exercise and do school all day too. Even if you have to walk briskly, rain or shine, at your lunchtime make sure you get some exercise each day. Maybe pick one night a week and the weekends to go to the Y. What times will you have to go to school each day and also drop off and pick up Chase? It's going to be a challenge but you have to make your health a priority. Don't eat all that crappy cafeteria or fast food either. Take a healthy lunch with you. And dump the soda crap, diet or no diet it ain't healthy! Fill up a big water bottle each day and take it with you. :o)
Talk to you later,"
Started out good but.....Ok, what you have to know about our friendship is that she always tried to up-one me. Ya know, she is better than me at this sport, she is better than me on the tennis team. Things had gotten better but she always is the kind of friend to offer advice when you don't want it. I responded with:
Yeah, will think of doing the race next year or maybe others too. It was hard but so worth it. I know you mean well and want the best for me as far as fitness and getting to a healthy weight. I think that preparing for this tri and losing weight for the last 15 months has given me a good base. I am keeping up the Y workout and will work it into school somehow. I have tuesdays off and think a shorter day on Fridays so I will get it in. It is touchy to talk to someone of their weight or fitness as I well know. So for Yvette, I think her hubby is trying to encourage her as he is a personal trainer now. She was reading a 'abs diet' book or something he recommended. But, as I well know, the person has to be ready to change. And, it is only up to them and well meaning advice by family can help but hurt too."
She had been talking in a previous email about a friend of ours 'yvette' and how unhealthy she looked. She is in my flickr. photo page in vegas. I don't know, it's just that I was feeling good and then she brings me down a peg. I hate that I asked her to do this with me. Ok no, that's going to far, I'm just pissed after decades of motherly advice from her. Once in a while I call her on it and she quits for a while. She acts like my mother and believe you me, she is not kind like my mother. And then she must wonder why none of our other friends from high school like her. She is so judgemental of everyone. I never give her advice on her life and she is not perfect. I know she does this as her mother is the king or giving advice so I cut her a break and continue on with the friendship. We have known each other since we were born! Ok, vent over, thanks for listening! I prob. shouldn't blog when I'm upset as tomorrow will be different.
I want to thank all you bloggers out there for your kind words about my race. I really appreciate all the support. Hopefully, I will be on to talk of other wt loss things now and get busy with getting some wt loss progress.
Here is an article about working out while overweight. I like what they said here:
'The fact is that if you're very overweight and out of shape, you're likely going to face some obstacles--both physically and mentally--that will challenge you in every possible way.But I can tell you this: These obstacles are not just obstacles to exercise--they are the same challenges that stand between you and the life you want for yourself.'
Here is one final photo of me and my son at the end of the race. I looked tired and was and looks like I'm gasping for breath. Ha! We'll see what tomorrow's weigh in brings. Seems like I'm retaining water so I will drink a lot of H2O today. I want to push myself further and further as I want to see what more my body can do as far as exercise.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Ran the danskin tri today! Yeah!!! It started off ominious.....I didn't sleep well in the hotel and got like 3 hours sleep. Then it rained all night and was still raining in this morning. Did I tell you I hate Seattle some days!! But, I was still nervous but excited and glad the day had finally arrived. I figured, I was going to get wet in the swim anyhow so all I was worried about was not wrecking my bike or slipping on the run!
Here's pictures before the race: (damn it was early like 6am! This is me, I am not stripping they just had to check your number on your arm to let you into the transition area where your bike and gear go.)
I saw my friend getting ready at the transition area and she had her wet suit on. I don't have a good wetsuit and scuba diving suits are not good for tri swimming. So I was there and 'au natural' as they say...I mean no makeup which is rare on some days for me. I was getting the nervous "I need to go to the bathroom" and was in the line for the porta potties 2 or 3 times. I got down to the swim area and waiting with a gazillion other ladies for the start of my wave or heat as they call it. I guess about 100 in my group. There were 5,125 ladies doing this race! It was the biggest danskin race ever they said. It was well organized and we tried not to mow each other over. I was very nervous and started at the back of the pack after the rousing/inpiring words from the famous tri lady 'Sally Edwards'. I maybe started out too fast and 1/2 way through I was thinking "what did I get myself into?" Here's some swim pictures but no pictures of me! I'm chicken as I didn't like the pic of me.
Swim: 19:05 (660 yards, under 1/2 mile)
Bike: 54:53 (12.4 mile bike)
Run: 45:14 (3.1 mile run)
Overall time: 2 hours, 10 minutes
I scored some free stuff like a cool tank fushia tank top that says 'danskin' and a bag. Here are some photos of the race. I am the one in the white shirt/black shorts. I wasn't brave enough to wear the tri suit by itself once I got done with the swim. It would have looked like my friend Kathy's pictured here (I mean same kind of suit...why oh why did I wear white instead of black. ha!). Here's my son beside me in the photo too.
It was really was moving to see the cancer survivors racing and meet some of them. Some quotes I love about (saw at) the race were:
On the medal: "The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race" and on some shirts people were wearing "It's not the act of finishing that matters, it is that I began at all" or something to that effect.
Gotta go to bed as I'm beat and have sore knees and quads! Now, I will stop talking about the race (probably not!). My mom has some better photos and I will get one by a professional photogragher sometime soon. It was a great experience and I felt like an athlete for one day and it is one day in my life that I won't forget.
Friday, August 17, 2007
I couldn't sleep well last night. Maybe it was the husband snoring a little but no....think it was this upcoming triathalon in 2 days! I'm so nervous about it and couldn't sleep. So what did that accomplish? Nothing! Now I'm tired today and have a ton of errands to do. I'm feeling like I'm about ready to go off the high dive with this race!
I need to pack up all my gear for the race. We are going to Seattle tomorrow so I can register for the race and go to some seminars on 'first timer's orientation' and on 'course review'. Also, I hope to score some free stuff that they always give out at these races. Then it is over to the race site to rack our bike. Since the Danskin race is so huge...like 4000 people racing they make you do all this stuff ahead of time.
Then it is over to Bellevue (just across the Lake) to stay at a hotel. My mom offered to get us a room along with them (my sisters, and neice) for sat. night. There prob. will be a lot of participants staying there too. She and my sisters will go to the concert that night 'Josh Grobin' and then get up early to watch me race. It's starts at 6:45am! Who starts a race that early! I'm not a morning person so this will be difficult for me. But my wave will prob. start after 7 or later, I'll find out tomorrow. There's really nothing I can do about the butterflies in my stomach. It may be some restless nights the next 2 nights. I have a tendency not to sleep well at hotels. I could go to the concert as she wanted me to go. My mom she just buys the tickets and didn't ask if I was a fan. He is pretty good singer though but not someone I usually listen to. I think I would rather hang out with my hubby and boy and do some swimming in the hotel pool and just go out to dinner and then try to get some rest.
I ran/walked yesterday. I did 3 miles. I am not running the whole distance but knew that it wasn't going to happen yet. I really want to continue on with the jogging in the future. Necessary evil I think. I mean, nothing gets my heart rate going faster than running. So I will keep trying to like running, Why can't I yet? I like the feeling after the run. The feeling of accomplishment. But during it, it still is sweaty torture. I'll see how the running goes on Sunday with the race. What will I do as I can't listen to my Ipod! That's what gets me going ont he runs right now. Nervous....nervous...excited. Really excited to be doing something for the first time. HOw many times can you say that? We'll see if I feel like I need to do another tri in the future. Ok, enough of that talk. I'm analyzing it in my mind, how I will do the swim, the bike, the run. Looked over the course a week ago and will hear more about it tomorrow. We'll see how I handle the few hills they have.
Other topic is....do you ever start to feel really healthy and fitter but later (like yesterday) catch a reflection of yourself and think 'ughhh....I'm still fat and have so far to go!' It's that darn 'stinkin thinking' that gets in the way. I try to combat it my saying 'at least your are moving your butt and trying!' Ain't that the truth. We all are trying really hard to lose the lard!
Remember people were talking of that study in that if you are overweight there is a high tendency for you to have overweight family, friends or spouse that influence you? Here is one of the researchers talking about it http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2007/07/25/VI2007072501331.html?referrer=email&referrer=email
(Maybe a little boring video but he makes some good points)
For me, I have some overweight family members but not everyone. My spouse is thin, most of my friends are thin except for a few. Does it influence me if we are both fat? Yeah, I suppose. As I sometimes we will eat out of eat the wrong things if we are around other overweight people. I have been trying to break that bond. Trying to make it more about friendships than about eating together. Sometimes, people aren't up for what I'm offering. Like 'let's go on a walk' or 'let's go on a bike ride'. But, my spouse will if I ask him and that helps a lot. Now I have to be sure I don't pass on my love of eating fat food to my son. He already loves the chicken nuggets and is a little heavy for his age. I don't want him or I to be overweight when we are older. I want us to live as healthy and fit as we can! It is a struggle and will always be a struggle for me but I feel it's getting a little easier than it was in the beginning of this journey.
I hope everyone's weekend is good and I will check back with you on Monday and hopefully get a pic of me in the race or at least tell you how it went.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The weigh in for today is a big, fat 0. So it's disappointing that I had no loss but good that I had no gain. My scale just weighs in .5 increments. Oh well, in review of the week I didn't do as well as usual. I did exercise 4 days a week but I did go out to eat at least 3 times, probably more. I had Thai on my anniversary (too much), we had salad and pizza last night though I did just have a little pizza and I ate my mom's delicous dinner at the cabin this week. Ok, don't want to think about this more....on to next week and have the race this weekend so I'm hoping for a good loss next week.
Today's topic is 'How are you with your body image?' I was thinking about this today as I am going to an outdoor pool with a friend. I'm already thinking..... Uggghhh. Gotta show my chubby thighs and tummy. And have to sit next to my slim, 120 pounder, asian friend. Last time I was at the pool I just let it all hang out and just happened to be sitting by a 125 lb. aquaintance (mommy) from the preschool. This lady is in her 30's I think and has it going on. I mean, she has that nice, fit body. And likes to show it off. She exuded confidence to the point of being arrogant. I let it all hang out too cause does it doesn't make sense to be wearing shorts when you are in and out of the water. God, I can't wait till a summer (hopefully next) when I won't feel awkward about my body. It sucks and I'm sick of it! Ya hear me body! Fat, your are leaving my body each week and I don't want you back!!!!
I really want to get back to losing at least a pound a week. I have 57.5 more pounds that I want to lose and who knows if I'll want to lose more. At my usual speed of .5lb lost per week this will take me 2 years! I've already been on the diet wagon for over a year. I really would like to be at goal a year or so from now so I need to get my butt into gear. The exercise is great but the food can use a lot of tweaking! So, today I will try to get in my fruit and veggies. I have really been slacking on getting in my veggies. Also, I will work on drinking more water this week as I'm not the best about that. I will buy some flavored water as I drink a lot more of that than just plain ole water.
I found a nice weight loss success story at http://weightwatchen.com/. She lost wt on wt watchers and I like her site in that it is excesssive. I mean, this lady has done her work. Not only documenting pictures of her progress, but journaling food and taking pictures of the food she makes! I'm going to borrow some of her recipes as she makes healthy eating look good! She also details her pictures of her tummy tuck after losing the weight. The only drawback to the site is all the ads/advertising she has on her site. I really don't believe in all the diet pills and other fads out there. But, I can understand wanting the money to fund all her work.
Hope everyone is having a good week!
Monday, August 13, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
It's my anniversary today. I can't believe we made it 16 years! Oh my god. No, he really is a good man and I'm glad we've weathered the bad along with the good. We actually have known each other for 18 years now. I met him in '89 and he was in the military and up in Wash. from California for a festival. He asked me to dance and I did. I thought he was cute but I was still a little hung up on a previous boyfriend. He was persistant and kind. We went on a few dates before he went back to Long Beach. He sent me roses, he sent me love letters. I fell for him pretty quick and within 6 months or so I moved to California. Peole thought I was off my rocker and worried that I was moving so far away and they really didn't know my boyfriend well. It wasn't the best move for me as he was set to go on a 6 mo. cruise with the navy. I didn't care as I was young and in love. Thank good it worked out. I often wonder if I hadn't made the move down there would we have gotten together?
He got out of the navy and went back to college. We moved up to wash. and since then have lived in different places such as Maui and caribbean (in our scuba diver days) and back in Washington the last 10 years. Sometimes, I miss those carefree days of less responsibility but family is the most important thing. Now, if I could just get him to be happy about the weather! We have been having 60-to 70's weather and he is not happy being a CA boy. I thought he would just get over it after all these years but no.....
Ahhhh, I remember the days in the beginning. It's hard to get any romance anymore! And when you have kids it's even harder. Always "momma, dadda, this, this, this.... " so what I will try to do on Sunday or later is see if Grandma will watch him as she wants to take him birthday or school shopping and then we will get a night out on our own for dinner or a movie or just some alone time. Things/relationships always change over time but we are comfortable with each other and the love is still there. Knock on wood.
In other news, I revisited a wt loss success story at http://www.msteechur.com/. I take inspiration from this lady as she lost a lot of weight, wow the before and afters! And that she has done the Danskin 3 times and doing marathons. I watched her 2006 Danskin video and that was cool to see what I'm in for next week. I'll keep an eye out for her in case she is at this year's event. I like to see that it (the wt loss) can be done and can be maintained. That people really can change for good. I know it's rare but it does happen. I know of a few people personally.
Also, I was reading this article on 'happiness myths' at http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=903.
I don't think I wait to be happy but it was good to be reminded to just get out there and live life and try for your goals even if you are heavy.
I hope everyone is having a good week and I'll see you on you blogs!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Ok, weigh in for today is....only down 1/2 a pound. Puts me at 207.5. I really thought I would have a bigger loss and was showing that earlier in the week but it was my bright idea to go out for pizza last night. We were in Seattle and there is this restaurant called Tutta Bella and I had some caesar salad and 2 pieces of pizza, ok 3 but they were paper thin pieces. So maybe the salt made me retain some water. But oh well, it is going downward so I can't complain. Would like to at least make a pound a week off per week we'll see what I can do this week.
We went up to Seattle as I wanted to see the Danskin tri race course. They are already starting to set up tents and stands for the race. It is still like 11 days away but it will be a big race with like 3950 people doing it last year and not counting all the spectators. Yikes. What have I gotten myself into! A race with only 200-300 is looking more appealing at this stage. I can see myself fighting to get around on the swim and bike, arrrghggh. But, we saw some of the bike course and I see that I have to go over the big I-90 bridge with the bike so that will be interesting and go out to an island and turn around and come back for the 12 miles. Then I took a look at the 3.1mile race course and it seems way longer but it pretty flat except for a few hills. The swim course isn't set up yet but that doesn't really matter if I see that I know that we swim in a triangle shape and they will measure it will buoys around race day. We went down to Seward Park which is about a mile 1/2 from this other park where the race is and went around their 3 mile loop and rode bikes. My son liked it but he was saying "are we done yet"? every 1/4 a mile. The best part for him was the little play ground at the end of the ride. I did do a lot of exercise yesterday so I'm happy about that. Did my longest run ever at running over 2 miles and then walking about 2 more miles. I'm making a little progress on the running but I wish I made progress sooner so I could get up to that 3 miles with all running but baby steps I guess. Running is still a B*tch, pardon my french but I still loathe it and it is 'sweaty torture' but I do feel good after running and feel that endorphin high so I will try to keep on jogging even after the race.
I will go for 5 days a week exercise this week as I slowed down last weekend. They say to taper off your workouts a week before the race but not sure if I will. I mean I will not to the really long workouts but I'm not going to stop working out. I got in some leg weights yesterday and I can feel it today! I think it is the squats with weight that is making me sore or this weird machine for the calf muscle where you push your feet/ankles back and forth. I don't like that one as it seems to strain the top of my foot. I like the other calf machine I had at another gym long ago where the weight is on your shoulders and you just go up on you toes and down.
Anyway, today I'm doing a swim and do some arm weights. Now I have to hurry to get my boy up for swimming class in the morning and later he takes a fun class called 'super soaker swim camp' in the afternoons. So lots of time for me to work out which is nice.
I hope you all are having a great week and thanks for the comments about the headaches! I hope there is not a repeat of that this weekend.
Monday, August 06, 2007
I had two days off of exercise on Friday and Saturday. I was feeling sick this weekend with bad headaches. I was at my dad's cabin on Saturday and Sunday and this cabin is an old cabin. I'm starting to think my headaches were related to that cabin as the headaches would start if I was inside for a long time like when we watched a video. Then the headache would ease up when I was outside for a long time. The cabin doesn't have gas as I was thinking carbon dioxide or something but we did used the indoor stove that night. Weird, but anyways it kept me from working out. I did do some biking on Sunday but the headaches wouldn't let up. Then I took a pill and we left for home and whala the headaches were gone. (I rarely get headaches and these felt like migraines, kind of like someone hammering in my head!) No headaches today so it's just weird! We'll see if I get the pain again as we are going down there this weekend.
It is nice to get away for a night or the day to this cabin. I meant to take a picture of it. The cabin is just an old money pit but the lake is nice and we can use the boat if we want. It gets to be a bit of mad house when a lot of people show up but we can use the trailer. It would be fun to put up a tent as my boy would love that so maybe we will.
I did get in 65 minutes of biking today on that country trail I showed pics of long ago.
I went a different route as I don't like biking the secluded part of the trail due to the 3 stooges. Think I wrote about them before. Look like country bumpkins who are homeless on bikes. They have harassed me in the past. I thought a chubby chick wouldn't get bothered but I did. It makes me wary. I saw women today on this part of the trail as I drove by and was thinking 'don't they ever get worried on this trail all alone?' I sure did when nasty guys start making suggestive comments. yuck. I just realized that being fat has often buffered me from guy's advances or comments and that is one plus to being overweight, ha!
Tomorrow I will swim and then run as that race is near and I want to be as ready as I can be. I'm still having some knee trouble after the biking. Think it is the patella-femular or something. Just below the knee cap but I'll do the best I can. I have been weight training and trying to build up that area but not helping much. My friend, Kathy, who is doing the race is also having knee trouble too. But, I have a feeling it won't slow her down any if she can help it!
On Friday as we were getting ready to go to the movie I get these conversations with myself.
Let's call them Angel and the Devil. Or the Thin me vs. the fat me.
Fat me: Let's have some popcorn and candy at the movies!
Thin me: You are doing so well lately, don't have any!
Fat me: You can afford to have some, your diet has been excellent!
Thin me: You don't want to undue all your hard work!
Fat me: It's just a little popcorn and candy, what harm can it do!
Thin me: Plenty of harm! You know that sometimes eating the fat food will send you into not caring at all and on to more fat food!
Fat me: You can work it off tomorrow!
Thin me: You are getting close to Onederland and leaving behind the 200's forever, why risk it?
Uggghhhh. I hate these kind of voices in my head. It is so hard to be totally on plan and strict cause then I get the little voice, "have some...." of whatever treat I'm craving. So I did cave and have some popcorn but no candy and didn't eat all the popcorn. I need treats once in a while as long as I am healthy the majority of the week. I just have to get over that guilty feeling if I indulge once in a while or have a higher fat dinner. (Had brats the other night!) It's just the way it is. I wish I could always eat salad with plain chicken or whatever but sometimes I want the good stuff. The mexican food, the thai food, or whatever. I just have to get that balance. I guess I have been getting the balance by exercising a lot and that enables me to maintain or lose a pound. So, I will keep plodding along.......why does it seem so hard some days?? It makes me think I still have a long way to go on beating my food demons and be able to lose and maintain a healthy weight, I think.
What are your thoughts out there in blogland on creating a healthy balance. Do you have it under control. Is it still really hard? What do you do to override the 'fat me' voice that wants what is not in the best interest of your healthy wt loss journey?
Friday, August 03, 2007
Been kind of in a funk lately and can't seem to shake it. Maybe it's the hormones, don't know. Did get out to see my ladies group last night and we met for drink and dinner by the Seattle waterfront. It was a nice night as the weather was great. I was worried about what food choices I would make. But, it wasn't a issue as I ate earlier in the day and then really wasn't hungry for dinner so just had a side salad, and oh yeah, 2 beers. Ha! But felt like indulging a little with all those microbrews they had to choose from.
It's good to see the ladies and talk about what each of us have going on in our lives an it helps to ease our loads I think. Better than therapy, ha. It's free therapy to be with friends. But, I also feel a little saddened when talking of Dawn and the cancer. I'm saddened that I will lose her soon and not one comes close as to the quality of friend I have in her. Ya know, just the way I can relate to her and share myself without feeling judged. The way she knows how to listen and ease my pain that I may being going through. To just feel loved as a friend, unconditionally. That's a rare find. Ugggghhh. I look to my other friends and it's hard to really open up about private stuff but we do share some. I think people are afraid to get really close and share as it makes them vulnerable. At least it is that way for me.
Anyway, as I was up late, I took a day off from working out today. I have been exercising for the last 6 days and it is time. I took my son to the movie 'underdog'. It was kinda cute but stupid too. I used to like the underdog cartoon so long ago. We then went to a local park as he loves to play at the playgrounds. Now we just ate dinner and I bought these turkey burgers from Costco. Not too bad and they are 200 calories a pattie. You doctor them up with sauces and they are pretty good and a good alternative to veggie burgers. We're trying not to eat out so much to be more healthy and to save money. We have a lot of expenses coming up with my college tuition and my son's tuition for school.
I was reading an article about junk food. It was saying how junk food is like poisoning our bodies. I guess that's true if we choose the fried, greasy stuff. But they do have some healthy choices too. It said to use food for fuel (heard this a lot from others) and I understand the concept. Use food to fuel my body so I can work out and get good results and to get healthy. But I can't just see it as fuel, I have to get enjoyment out of eating. If it was as easy as using it to fuel our bodies we might as well be robots. Ha! Ok, maybe that is extreme but it is how I feel somedays.
Not sure what else we are going to do for the rest of the weekend. We may go to my dad's cabin though the weather is cooler and in the 70's so may not feel like swimming. We thought of going to Seattle to check out the upcoming Danskin tri's route that I will have to run. But then I realized this weekend is Seafair and the Hydroraces and airplane or blue angels show so it will be a mad house in Seattle so we probably won't do that. Maybe we'll go up later this week and check out the area and then bike at Seward Park. They have a nice 3 mile loop that my son can probably do on his bike. They also have a set swim course there so I can practive my open water swim again. I have been practicing in the lake by my dad's cabin but Lake Washington (where the race is) is more murky and green goo in there so that's good to swim in it. I am getting a bit nervous as an email was just sent to me saying "16 more days to the race". Yikes, it's crunch time. But, I am just about ready. I mean ready as I'm ever going to be.
The scale seems to be going down more and may be finally getting the results I want from all the working out and eating right. But today, I wasn't totally on track. Ya know, movie popcorn and the like and little snacks here and there. It seems when I'm tired I tend to crave more crap food. So back at it for tomorrow as I want to see those results I've worked so hard for.
Here's a link to an article about fitness:
I like what they had to say about not to expect fast results.
Ok, I'll quit boring you as it seems my mind is here and there today. Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
My weigh in for today is down a pound! So 208. It is going so slowly.....I must have put in around 600 minutes of exercise this week so was expecting a bigger loss. Oh well, all those hormones a going. But, I am happy to see the scale start to move downward again. I really want to be under 200 by the end of August so we'll see what happens. I know I'll get there someday.
We are having some nice weather this week so we went to an outdoor pool that has a small lazy river/tube thing and one waterslide. My boy had a blast and the weird thing is that we sat right next to a preschool kid and his mom from last year's school by accident. So we chatted a bit but never really got to know each other last year. It felt good to get out in the sun. I have been too focused on working out and getting to the gym everyday that I haven't been enjoying the sun so we did that today.
I got in swimming and biking yesterday as I'm intensifying the workouts in duration and speed (even though I still at am turtle pace, ha!). I will get in some yoga or running tomorrow and will see the ladies group tomorrow night for drinks or a movie. That will be fun, I haven't seen these ladies in a while and at least 4 out of the 6 will be there so that's good.
Not much else to say today! I have been moody this week and trying to change it around but I tell my husband it's the hormones, ha. I hope everyone is having a good week!