Saturday, December 29, 2007

Happy Holidays.....and the good and the bad

Happy Holidays to everyone!!! I haven't been blogging much but hey I've been on vacation! I did get some time to comment on a few of your blogs a while back but I was away at my mom and dad's for a while and had to do the family thing and visit and go to movies. Seemed there was no time to just surf the net. We played some board games, watched movies and had some time experiencing the Wii game system as the cousins love that.

We had a nice Christmas and a good time was had by everyone. There was a downside which was some of the kids had the flu and a lot of us had colds and I've had this chest cold with bronchitis like symptoms. Yeah, sucks. I had to miss a day in Seattle to go to a great play due to a fever and coughing up. Seems like I've never really kicked this cold but it is easing up now. It was not fun at xmas to see one kid after another get the barfs. yuck!!!

I got a few clothes and lots of gift cards to a department store in the mall and one to Starbucks. So, I will be shopping again here real soon. The malls are still really crowded so I'm staying away from now as I'm sick of crowds. I gearing up to go back to school on Wednesday so looking forward to that. I'm starting my internship at a large clinic so I'm a little apprehensive as to what to expect. I'm hoping at first I just follow someone around and watch them do xrays before they throw me into the fire. I haven't even gotten my scrubs yet and will get them the day before. I hope they fit.

Yeah, weight loss hasn't been happening. I fluctuate up and down 5 pounds with being sick but it seems to come right back on. We may go to the gym today and I haven't been in ages as I've felt like crap but I can do some walking at least. Nothing planned for the new year, we don't do parties anymore. We'll try to stay up till 12am and watch the ball drop on tv. Oh, how exciting my life is. ha!

Thanks out to WannaBslim for the xmas card from way down in Tasmania! Wow, I appreciate that and it was a lovely card. I've never been down that way or even to Australia or New Zealand. Diving the great barrier reef is definitely on my list of things to do before I die! I will get there, just not now. Check out her blog and check out her awesome weight loss progress. She's definitely one of my inspirations that people can succeed at this weight loss game.

My hubby is all hyped up about his Escape from Alcatraz race as he just got to register. It's not until June though. He will get to swim near the infamous Alcatraz Island in San Francisco and brave the cold, cold waters and hopefully not shark sitings! It looks like a hard bike ride and run too as they run some on the sand and lots and lots of hills. I think the water part would be the hardest as it is a long swim. I hope I can be there as it will probably be around my finals week. Some of my family wanted to go watch but there are 2 graduations this June - my neice and nephew so everyone will be busy with that. I will make it, it will be fun. It is hard to watch a triathalon but you can be at key spots to see them. Plus, I love me some San Francisco so we'll see if we can afford it.

I'm off to check on your blogs and you are all well and having a relaxing holiday season now that the xmas rush is over. I can't believe we didn't take any xmas photos, dangit!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Vegas again

Sorry haven't been on the blog much but have been real busy!! Just got back from that Vegas vacation I was talking about a while back. We took my 21 yr old nephew down there to have some fun. He seemed to enjoy playing blackjack and looking at all the sights. The highlight was seeing the show 'Love' set to the Beatles music. I guess they bought the rights to the songs from Sgt. Peppers album or others and it was a mix of dance and acrobatics and a play all rolled into one. It was awesome as I got lucky and in the front row. I picked up the cd '1' of the Beatles hits and look forward to listening to that. It's been a long time since I've listened to their music and enjoying it again. I don't think I have any of their music though I must have years and years ago.

The down side of Vegas was losing money I shouldn't have and got my mom's cold and I just had one! So had a bit of trouble flying today as got a real bad sinus headache with the air pressure when we were come down. And of course, we stayed out way too late so gotta pay the price today and feel like crap. You pay you play, I guess. But, it was worth it and so fun to get away without worrying about my cares and responsibilities for a bit. And got to spend lots of time with my mom, sisters and nephew which we don't get too do too often.

My finals got over last week and they went well. Think an A and 2 B+ and one C. Dissapointed in that C but whatcha gonna do. I just checked on my grades for the whole quarter and I got 2 A's and A- and 2 B's. So that's not bad at all and I'm happy about it.

I was a bit sad being in Vegas again as my friend Dawn is no longer there. It is just strange cause we always see each other every time I was there. I did talk to Dawn's family and it is a hard time as the first xmas without her there and her daughter is having a hard time. It will get easier but it's just so sad. I hate to see people die early in life, it doesn't seem right.

Well, gotta go get the husband and spend time with my boy. I need to finish getting ready for Christmas this week as I am so not ready!! But, I will be. I'll get it done, I always do. Let me know what you are all up to!!! And hey, WannaB, no xmas card in the mail. I think it takes a long while from down under.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Life on hold

I'm feeling like life is on hold for finals this week. I've had one really hard final this week. There were 150 questions and at least 40 I had no clue on. She was trying to trip us up and I hope I guessed right. A lot of us don't care for this teacher. She's not personable and we study so hard and then have trouble on her big tests. The other teachers area a lot easier. They give you the material, you study it and do well. This harder teacher has you write bookfuls of notes and then tests you on obscure things in the book and things we didn't even talk about. Frustrating. I just pray that I passed the course as I had a good average on going into this final. Some people were on the borderline and I pray she doesn't flunk them out of the program. We got a lot of worried and bitchin people in my class this week.

I've put a hold on everything as far as getting ready for Christmas and having fun. It is all about the tests and school. I know I can't do this all weekend. My son wants to get a tree set up and lights up. I'm feeling stress as I haven't gotten any gifts except 2 and I need to get about 20. Ok, just focus, on Wednesday afternoon I will be done and can move on to the shopping. But, I have other committments as I have to do a school fundraiser and work in the mall doing gift wrapping next Friday and then I'm going out of town Saturday - Tuesday to Vegas. I am looking forward to it but then I'm wishing I had more time for Xmas. I will get it done but I hate leaving it to the last week before xmas, as I hate the zoo at the malls. I would try to shop online but I need different kind of gifts and need to go out and find specific things.

Sorry life is boring at the moment and not much to blog about and it's so not interesting....think of me at the library all day tomorrow I'll try not to nod off but it is nice in that it is so quiet there and I can get some studying done. My hubby and son will go off to the animal shelter and take a course on walking the dogs there. They should have fun with that.

My son and I have picked up another cold and it sucks. I think the kids pass around germs and then we get sick again so hopefully will be feeling better soon. I finally got our computer fixed and it cost us $130. It got so bad that there was a red screen/desktop backdrop and had an awful symbol and couldn't hardly use the computer. We are certainly going to watch how we surf on the net from now on as that's prob. how the computer got the virus. I just went around to most of your blogs and left comments. Let me know how you are doing! Ah yeah, haven't been dieting but haven't been gaining either so at least that's something.

Monday, December 03, 2007

green eyed monster or just bad body image

Wow, another post just after I posted 2 days ago! I was just out surfing even though my computer is still in the shop but the laptop is working out ok.

What I wanted to talk about is the green eyed monster and my own body image. I am working on little sleep tonight as I have been burning the candle at both ends with my tests this week so maybe that's why I feel a little down. I find myself jealous of others in my college class or maybe it is guilt for how I measure up. The young, thin women that are so sure of themselves and their bodies. The lady next to me (that is actually older than me) that is so slim and trim and nice looking for her age. I can't chalk it up to her asian roots. This lady takes care of herself. I find that when we went out to lunch the other day I felt like a big cow when I see how little she eats. She reminds me of the girls from long ago, like high school who would say "I am so fat" and in reality they are so skinny. She didn't say that statement. It was more like, "wow, that is a huge portion of food" she got served and then eats like a mouse and has mammoth leftovers. I feel like she is saying to me and another lady, "do not eat all that is on you plate, you little piggies". I know a lot of it is me and how I feel right now about my body size. And, with the younger women, I just think 'wow, I was once like they are and thin and trim and confident'. Wow, I think, what the hell happened to me? How have I gotten so off course. And, the million dollar question, 'why can't I lose all this weight for good?'

Yeah, just feeling negative tonight. I guess I just get tired of it being on my mind every frickin single day of my life. I feel judged for my size, I don't feel as good as others that are thin. Somedays I do, I really do. I know my heart and my brain/my intelligence is on par with others but when did I quit taking care of myself? Why did I think that appearance didn't matter that much years ago after I was married? Why did I slide? I know a lot of it is emotional baggage and eating combined with issues in my life. Then of course, being more sedentary and having a child added to it.

That just reminded me of a conversation classmates were having about the after effects of having a child and what it can do to your body. They older lady I was talking about was saying to the young 20 somethings "you can have a good body after having a child, I didn't have stretch marks". Then someone says, "well, then you get saggy boobs after childbirth" and she is like "no you don't have to". I'm thinking I don't know, does she need her ego stroked that she is looking good after 2 kids. I find her to be a bit of a flirt and likes the attention too. She is so different than I am. Of course, I'm thinking of me and some of my friends "what planet does this lady live on?" Almost everyone I know has stretch marks or some wt gain or some body change. Of course, there are exceptions. I'm not trying to dog this person. Actually I really like other aspects of her personality and she is my closest classmate in my class as I sit next to her. But, I can tell that some of her comments or just the way she is will irritate me though I won't show it. I suppose shouldn't blog about others as I'm just asking for trouble.

I want to be that lady in the fit, little jeans looking good!!! I really want to be that thinner, healthy, active person. I get a glimpse of her from time to like last summer with the triathalon. I really thought I was on my way to getting to a healthy weight. But again, Bam!! Life sidetracks me and I am off the wagon. Of course, there are positives in my life, like learning a new profession and my family. But, this one aspect of my life, my own body shape makes me so unhappy. Just reading this it would seem, 'hell, do something about it!'. Of course it is not that easy or everyone would be slim and trim and that is so not the case here in America or the world for that matter.

I remember a saying that we take better care of our cars than of our body. Hmmmm, don't know if that is true but I find myself trying to take care of my family, my son and everyone else before I take care of me. Not sure why I do that, but it just the way it is. I think a lot of us women out there do this. Especially since being a let things slide, things you used to love doing, things you enjoy. There just isn't enough time for things that make you happy.

Sorry for the downer post, just the way I am feeling. I need to get my head right and live healthier and the good feelings will follow again. When the stress of finals is over, the gym rat will be back and I'll get in some fun at the gym. I actually really miss it but have no time for it. Or that's my excuse anyway. This post is all over the place today. And green eyed monster, or whatever this is.....leave me alone.

Share your thoughts on your own body image with me! How do you feel about your size? Are you ok with it or does it really bug you and on your mind a lot?

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Snow flurries

Yikes! We are having snow flurries here. Yuck! It is minor but it looks like snow weather in the sky. I don't want it as it's too hard to get around. But, of course, my boy is praying for it so we can go sledding. Ahhhhh, to be a kid again and just want snow to make us happy.

My main computer is in the shop today and who knows when we'll get it back. I'm not looking forward to the cost but I couldn't stand the computer pop ups. Got some trojan horse file or something that McAfee can't fix and they (whoever the hacker is) is changing my homepage and screen background and matter what I do I can't stop them. I'm limited on what I know about computers so it's time for the professionals. I found an old laptop I have and hooked it up so that will be internet access for now. Of course, it doesn't have all my favorites lists/links to your blogs and all the other files on my computer that I need but it'll have to do.

I'm just getting ready to study for a test on Monday and my first final on Wednesday. Then I have like 4 on the week of Dec.10-13 and then done. Stress is hitting! I'm studying things like Pnumbra and compton scattering and it's a bit boring and confusing. All back to electrons and photons and chemistry crapola. I'm hanging in there though. On Friday in our patient care lab we got to take turns stabbing each other with a needle to try to draw blood. I guess eventually we will not really do blood work but will have to run IV lines for our contrast/xray studies. I couldn't draw blood though I was in the right area. Frustrating. But, she didn't give us another try and when I work at the clininc or hospital I will get some more training. I was getting nervous as I don't want to be sticking people if I don't know what I'm doing. I know a friend of mine who went in for something once and ended up getting poked for veins like 4 times and it was a mess. I don't want to be that person. I want to get it right the first time. It's harder than I thought, that's for sure and didn't help that my lab partner was freaking out and nervous. I felt I was calm as a cucumber for my injection and I have good veins so she got some blood out of me.

Not too much else happening this weekend. I hope to get in a little xmas shopping tomorrow but don't have much time. I'm starting to feel the xmas crunch as I need to get some shopping done. I hate waiting till the last minute and having to deal with all the crowds of people at the mall. Hate that. So I will try to shop during the week as that should be better but where to find some time with finals.

My mom got back from Morocco and she didn't share any pictures with me, except a postcard of camels. They did a little camel riding and gave my son a cute camel toy. She had a good trip but is glad to be home. Some of the places she has been have been so exotic and to the far reaches of the earth like Galapagos and Antartica and Mongolia. I can live through the adventures she has and she will share stories and pictures soon.

Ok, I need to quit procrastinating and get to the library as staying home I find all kinds of distractions and don't get anything done. Hubby and son went to the mall to find shoes so I got some time. Hope you are all having a good weekend. I wish I could have some fun but now is not the time. One of these days I will take my son to a xmas movie. Maybe Fred Claus or Enchanted or something. And I'm going to the gym tomorrow come hell or high water!!!! I need to lose some acreage on this body!