Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Like this quote

I like this quote:

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

I need to remember that in my times of challenges lately. There is always something positive in every negative situation. This is my time for a change in myself and a change in my life. I've taken steps to ease my financial burden and also made an appointment to talk to a counselor....really a therapist. I hope it will help, I have a feeling it will. Sometimes, we get so busy in our lives and when we get problems we don't talk to people about them. I know this is a flaw in myself and then it just ends up eating at me....the stress, the issues. I want to be a happier person like I used to be. I hope this step will be the first of many for me to feel better about things, about myself.

I think it will help with my weight loss too. I'm feeling like I can do this again...make some progress even though the scale is stuck at the same weight this week. It is just temporary!!! I'm going to get a bit of workout in later today at the gym.

Let me know how you are doing this week! I have hope this week and that is a good thing.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Cannot sleep....

I'm going through some personal stuff. Debt that I talked of before. Having nothing to say here...but I'll try. So I can't sleep I'm up at 2:30am and can't get back to sleep. So, I surf the net. I'm looking for a part time job. I'm trying to figure out how to get myself out of a hole we have dug...a big hole.

I'm trying to stay motivated to keep up with my studies and do well at my internship as well as be a good mom, wife, friend. Some days, it seem like all too much. Sometimes, I feel like there is a crushing weight around me and closing in. Not so good times. Hard to find moments of happiness. What was a good thing is my husband and I talked and layed everything out on the table. No more burrying our troubles and not talking about the sad reality of our finances. We will explore options to try to get out of credit debt. We really don't want to have to sell the house, the cars and everything. Would it be worth it? Would the cost be to great? Can we live on less until I finish school? I knew it would be the nature of the beast to live minimally for a while until I finished college. But, I wasn't expecting to rack up so much debt. Can't really share all of it with you and I prob. even shouldn't write about it but it's weighing heavily on my mind.

The bright spot is my family loves me. The other advantage is I will have a new career in a year or 16 months with maybe a chance to work sooner in the field. I know I have it within me to finish this school even though it is extremely stressful to me right now and I am on edge. Even though this school is one continous lesson is getting constructive criticism. That is hard, really hard to take. It is the nature of the beast. This program has a high learning curve....they throw you right into x-ray and expect you to perform. I'm doing pretty well though and can only get better and my academics are good.

I think what is weighing me down is all the time it takes. All the time I must spend studying. All the time worrying about our mounting debt. We'll figure it out and hopefully get some of the debt paid off. We will start with garage sales and selling what we can on Ebay. Maybe sell one car and share it if we can. We will try to borrow funds to pay off high interest rates as they are eating us up. Last resort will be to sell the house. And even then, will it sell in this economy? Probably would take a long, long while as it's a slow market.

Anyway, not really wanting to share all of this but it helps to write it down. So, if I'm not around my blog much you know why. This week is really hard but something I must own up to. One highlight is that I'm not gaining any has lost it's allure for now.

I wish you all well and will still continue to visit when I can. This is had been a bad past year with everything going on in my life but I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I've made a decision to talk to a therapist (if insurance pays) or a counselor at school about my issues as it's eating me up. Wish me luck on figuring this all out.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Finally it's going down

Finally the scale is starting to budge and take a downward turn. The scale says, down 2 pounds. I started my weight loss charts on the right here again. It was time to update them. It's time to be accountable. I haven't been dieting, per se, but I have been eating smaller portions and working out a bit. Though I still hate the # on the scale at least I have hope I will be in the teens soon... we'll see. It has helped that I've been tight on money the past 2 weeks and that has made me not eat out or go to Starbucks or anything. That has helped tremendously. But, I can't help but feel a bit on edge cause I can't go get that latte when I want. This living paycheck to paycheck really sucks. I'm still looking for a part time job but no luck yet. I wonder if I can work in addition to my school and interning and find time for family and studying. I have to study a lot.

I feel so much better than this morning. I was feeling a bit down but went to the gym and did a long walk on the track and did weight lifting. It feels good to be weight lifting again....I actually have missed it. We will go to the gym again after my son gets out of school as he likes to play basketball there, well really just shoot hoops as he's only 6. I've got him back into swimming lessons again so he's liking that.

I was going to take some pictures of the puget sound/ocean down not too far from where I live but it's raining again! The weather is cold here and it seems like the beginning of winter instead of spring like it should be. yuck.

So, I'm off to study my digital radiology stuff and anatomy. Fun, fun but gotta do it. Leave me a message and tell me how you are doing!

Here's a goofy thing going around the net....'what your slogan should be'. Here's mine...ha!

Your Slogan Should Be

What Happens in Patty, Stays in Patty

Sunday, April 13, 2008

I have a vision

I have a vision of myself. I see her going around the track at the gym. She is fit, slender and really really healthy. I see this vision in my mind. Of what I could be, of what I used to be, of what I want to be. Sometimes I am on my way to becoming this other woman but then I sideline myself. Why do I do that? I've thought of this often and I don't know why. How can we want something so much but fail to achieve it? Hard question to answer. I guess I think of this every time I'm at the gym and seeing all the fit people running,

Just feeling like I want to so much and can't achieve it as far as getting to a healthy weight. I seem to be more concentrated on my career/schooling at the moment. I did get in some exercise at the gym yesterday so that's something, I guess. I'm really tired of thinking about my body size and all that it's not. Exhausting to be constantly on my mind. Seems it would be enough to get me to achieve my goals? Guess not, or we all would be thin.

I have a vacation at xmas time and I want to be a lot fitter by then. Wrote a post the other day below. Just feeling a little out of sorts today and off to study the facial bones, postions for xrays and my physics. yuck. Not what I want to do today but I goofed off yesterday as it was our first sunny day in a long time and felt like spring for once.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Trying to destress

It's the end of the week, thank god! It was a busy week with my clinical work and I'm getting better at doing xrays. I am doing good on my testing (they test you on each different body part/xray) and I have a certain number of them to do each quarter. I'm hoping to get more into fluoro this quarter which is learning all about the the small bowel, barium enema, esophogram and other studies as I need to complete one this quarter. I also have to do a paper on Bone density this quarter! I don't know that much about it so it will take a lot research. I can watch a lady at work do one here soon, hopefully.

Anyway, my most challenging class is physics again. Sometimes it is just so hard to understand. The book sucks and if I read it I still don't know it. The teacher's lectures are a bit better but sometimes he fails to relate it in laymen's terms. I'll just keep plugging away.

I did get in some exercise, just some walking and elliptical machine. I hope to get in more exercise tomorrow and some yoga if I have time. I would like to do something fun but we are tight on money as I'm still paying my tuition for college in payments and that's killing our fun money. It sucks to think about every $20 you spend. I can't wait till I'm done and making money. I am looking for a part-time job on the weekends but haven't been too motivated. ha! I guess I worry that I won't have enough time to study and to spend time with my family. But having little money really sucks even more. We'll see if I can get an interview doing some secretarial stuff or clerical at the local hospital on the weekends or find something, anything around here.

I also need to have some money for our June trip to San Francisco for food and a little fun. At least the ticket and hotel are paid for. We'll see if we can save a bit but it seems impossible at the moment as we have a lot of bills. Credit cards are made from the devil. ha. And they take forever to pay off.

I'm eating pretty good except for yesterday this lady at work brought in lemon bars and it was a huge pan and I indulged quite a bit. They were too good!

We finally got some sun up here in Washington and I was just out washing my car. It feels like for months we have had rain and gray skies and it felt like Alaska here. I'm so glad to see the sun. It's amazing how it improves my mood.

Tell me what you are up to this week and I'll come check out your blogs here soon.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

back to being real busy

Been too busy to post this week. I'm back in the fray and back to the stress. So much for working out consistently this week as it's been a bitch of a week. I'm getting a lot of stress from my internship and they are pushing to do more and more. I'm dealing with it but I seem miles and miles from last week's spring break. I'm already counting down the days and weeks till the quarter ends. ha.

I am going to walk tomorrow and get in some exercise over the weekend. But, I have a heck of a lot of studying to do as I have to learn all the tiny bones in the head and there are lots with a gazillion terms to learn. Not looking forward to it.

I think I need a new attitude and off to do an assignment for tomorrow. I have had a break as my mom is watching my son for a few days as it's spring break for him. I'll go get him tomorrow as I really miss my kiddo!

The weight has stayed the same for my weigh in. I was down 2 lbs but it must have been those fries the other night and not much exercise this week and I'm still the same wt. Darn it!
I hope you all are doing well this week and I'll check out your blogs soon.