Wednesday, October 15, 2008

looking forward to the weekend

Thanks for the comments from the last post. I was feeling really crappy last week. I'm feeling a bit better. But, this school pushes me to the edge sometimes and I wonder if I'm on the right track or doing the right thing....I mean is this what I'm supposed to do with my life? Will I like it? The pressure does get to me. When I'm interning...I have to put on my game face and do the very best I can or I can get reemed. Not the way it should be but it just the way it is. I'll survive. Something tells me this is not the end of my days when I just want to bawl.

I'm looking forward to the weekend though. We have a small reunion with my old high school class. We will go to the homecoming football game and sit with all our old classmates and visit and then out for some drinks with my old friends. I'll also get to see some of my family though my mom is somewhere far away in Bhutan. I probably will need to cut it short and just stay one night as I have a case study presentation and paper to write as well as study for 2 tests and ummmmmm read like 5 chapters for another class. Fun, huh? I am counting down the days till this quarter is over in mid December, that's for sure.

Hope you are all well out in Blogland....sorry I haven't been able to comment much due to school. This dang homework.....I best get to it.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Feeling low

I'm feeling so low tonight. It was a bad day at school. It was lab day and you go in and shoot difficult xrays on the old style film and get rated. It wasn't a good grade day for me. I guess I could handle that as other days on lab days haven't been so bad but the teacher made me feel small and dumb. I hate when people make you feel little. Is she mad that she didn't think I was prepared enough? Does she do it to make herself feel superior?

Granted, we have not hardly ever worked with old film and shot xrays with the dummy's and phatom things and then developing and critiqueing them. The critiquing is so dang hard. What is this fuzzy part here? Where should it be? What is this anotomy? How should this film be looked at, left to right? What is wrong with the image? What can't you see? What did you do wrong?
I was feeling so crappy after that class...I almost didn't go to my next one. One bad class and I'm thinking of chucking the last few years of school/and training down the drain. Then feeling bad about not losing weight and on and on. I am just on one negative roll right now. Ya know, like you can't have a worse day, that you can't do anything right.

I will fucking not let this episode make me fail. I have come to fricken far to let her derail me with her superior attitude. Unfortunately for me, she is also my clinical advisor....meaning she comes to visit me at my intern site and makes sure I'm on track. I so wanted to let her know how she made me feel....but she prob. knew by the look on my face and that I was starting to get emotional. I hate that I can't control my emotions today. Fricken hate it. It is best not to let her know how I feel....I'll get more backlash from it if I do.

I need to let go of this and move on. I need to go study this darn barium enema crapola that I must do tomorrow at work. I am so stressed out from school and interning that I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I have to pass this class and lab is 1/2 my grade in this class.
I just pray, pray, pray, that I get some sleep tonight as I've been burning the candle at both ends.....and have a better attitude tomorrow.

Ok, just needed to vent. Thanks if you got this far.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

same old, same old

Just been busy keeping up with my college coursework and working at the clinic. It feels really hard this much new radiology material and the CT class and pharmaceutical class. I have some reports to write and I haven't started....yuck.

Other than that, haven't had much to write about. Been just spending time with my son and husband. Went swimming a bit at the pool/gym and mostly just studying a lot. I'm burnt out a bit and not sure why. Will I last till next summer's end? At least the bookwork will be done in June. I guess I'm getting faster at doing xray's but I feel I still have a lot to learn. Can't wait till January when I get to work at a hospital and get to work in surgery and ER and the like. Maybe a little more excitement.

I know...a bit boring life at the moment. Thought I would just give ya all an update and hope to get around the blogs to see what your up to. I have to go study my dang CT.....ya know used to be CAT scans. Who knows, maybe I'll end up doing CT work instead of general xray, could be good and a bit more money.