The insanity of weight loss

A while back after I wrote that recent post about dieting and to 'not keep doing what I always did' and about the things I learned along this bumpy road to a healthy weight, I got a troll that visited. It is a nasty fellow (I believe) that trolls some blogs I visit and makes nasty comments to those of us trying to lose the lard! Anyway, since I have visited their sites, I start to get the troll visiting my site and I see on others too. It doesn't bother me that much as I just delete them. I don't need the negative energy as it doesn't help me and I'm all about the positive side of things. I think it is sad when people deliberately try and hurt people due to their size. They must not have much of a life if they have time to go out and just blog negative things on people's wt loss blogs? Crazy! But...that being said I thought I would share part of the comment as it is my topic for the day.

The quote was something like "the definition of insanity is to keep doing the things you've always done and expect a different result. Just quit eating, fattie." Or something to that effect. So in rebuttal to this I say, as I said before that each time we lose weight or rebound up in weight we learn something about ourselves. And, each time we lose, we get a little closer to our goal weight. Yeah, sometimes it seems like the impossible goal when you have a lot to lose. But, each week we do get closer to the goal. So, I really disagree with that statement as we try things a little different each time. We eat more or we eat less or we exercise more or try different foods or try to change our habits for good. We read books to learn about how the mind works and how it can be beneficial to losing weight or detrimental if we doubt ourselves or are too hard on ourselves. I really believe in the quote 'change your mind, and your body will follow'.

As for the second part, 'just quit eating'. Ah, if that were only possible. Like a drug addict or alcoholic that can just stop cold turkey and try to quell their demons, stopping eating is not an option. Should we live on 500 calories of lettuce and carrots to lose? Of course not! We would eventually wreck our metabolism and if we didn't eat we would damage our organs and eventually die. So, the troll quoted doesn't really have a clue.

Anyway, in other news, I am walking every day and plan to swim tomorrow. My back is just not getting better and is especially stiff in the morning. And you know when you turn to get out of your car, I feel like someone stabbed a knife in my back. My hubby says it's the sacrum part of your body or maybe it's the lumbar vertebrae or muscles attaching to it. So, I'm trying the Ibuprofen and just trying to stretch a bit. Maybe I should not do any activity at all but walking doesn't hurt if I do it later in the day. So, I will continue to take it slower but I'm getting a bit antsy to get better and continue on with my training. The darn race is 8/19!! But, I still have time. I need to jog some more and be able to run 3 miles which I can't yet but I will get there when I feel better.

Thanks for the advice on eating out. I have been limiting going out to eat as I seem to get swayed sometimes by what others are having and change my order as I don't want to feel deprived. But, I can't just eat anything, I'm trying to drop this fat! I can't order a pizza or share one as I can't stop at 1 piece. The portion control is another hard one to conquer. Especially if I am at a mexican restaurant and they have those huge portions. I have never done the 'cut 1/2 of the order and put it in a box' but sounds like a good idea though I have never done that but have heard it recommended at wt watchers when I used to go. But, in general, if I stick to the places with lo cal options, I tend to choose those items. I read in one of my books that people who lose and maintain their weight loss have a tendency to eat the same few breakfasts and lunches and change up their dinner. They said it is because it is best to limit your choices and it's easier to stay on track. I guess I agree with that analogy cause if I am at a place that has a huge array of choices, I don't always make the good choices.

And lastly, any of you get back pain occasionally? What do you do about it? I rarely get it but when I strain my back every few years it takes a while to go away. Maybe I need to stretch more. I know I need to lift with my legs instead of the way I hurt it as I was just lifting my bike with my arms. Maybe I need to strengthen my tummy muscles though I do tummy exercises but maybe not enough.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Weigh in... and what do you do about eating out?

For my weigh in today, I am down a pound!! A little wooooohooooo! I expected a smaller loss due to the big loss I had last week. Oh well. I was looking through my old weigh in records which I started in May of 2006 when I first stared wt watchers. I would see a trend of losing for 3 weeks and then a slight gain, maintain or slight loss on the 4th week a week before the t.o.m. (ya know what I mean girls!). So I am happy as this is that challenging week......So I'd like to say goodbye to the 210's and beyond forever!! Can't wait till I can say that to the 200's!

I haven't deviated from what was working before. Lots of exercise, eating right and the like. I did slow down the last few days and doing mostly walking and did a shorter bike ride yesterday due to my back muscles hurting. I hope to resume more intesity in my workouts again sometime later this week along with some weight lifting and maybe yoga. I don't want to stop my activity cold turkey as I don't want to fall into a rut. I want to keep this exercise thing going!!!

I have a big challenge coming up. I will be going out of town on Monday next week and prob. not coming home till Sunday. We are going with my mom and sister to eastern Washington to Lake Chelan. It is a small town, resort area with a huge lake. We used to go there every year for holiday and it is lots of fun. It will be different to be there over the 4th of July holiday rather than my home town and mom's house where we usually go. I talked my husband into taking a few days off and so he will meet us there later in the week. I also asked my sister if I could stay at her cabin up in winthrop for the weekend. It is only about another 45 minutes from this Lake and their cabin is lovely. Her hubby had the land for years and years and finally built a cabin a few years ago. They love going there and getting away from it all. The town has the look of an old west town and is cute. I especially like if you go up in the mountains and you can see lots of deer which is cool. Once in a while you'll see one around the cabin. It's cool to get away from the city life and out in the country. I'll search around for a photo of the cabin...I'll find one around here somewhere and post it later.

Anyway, the challenge will be to eat right with all the eating out I will be doing! Especially Monday through Friday when we will be at a hotel. I plan to bring a cooler with a lot of healthy food and snacks inside and maybe bring my bike to ride. How do you all handle eating out? If it is a new area and restaurant I just try to make the best choice possible like having the dressing on the side or ordering salads or fruit or grilled chicken or the like. Like yesterday, after biking a bit, we went to Panera bread restaurant. They have awesome panini sandwiches and other fare but I opted for the vegetable soup and side garden salad. It's not really what I wanted but it was tasty. I was at some calorie site a while back, think it was 'calorieking' and the calories for this restaurants sandwiches was sky high! Like up to 900-1000 calories for some of the sandwiches! I was really surprised by that. I guess it wouldn't be too bad to do the 1/2 sandwich and salad or soup combo sometimes.

Do you often go out to eat? Do you limit your eating because of dieting? I have really been limited going out to eat lately unless I have to. Sometime I'll pick Applebees as they have food choice that are wt watcher items and have the points all figures out. The food isn't too bad but I was disappointed in their low cal salad. Also, sometimes I'll pick Subway sandwiches as I know they have a lot of low cal choices. (For you guys down under in Australia and New Zealand this prob. is like greek to you, right? Or do you have any of these chain restaurants there?)

Hope everyone is having a good week and I hope to get in a swim or walk today. Ok, not hope. I know I will exercise today!!

I've been tagged

I've been tagged by WannaBslim so here it goes.....

Instructions: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place.Then add your blog to the bottom slot...like so...

1. The Fat Lazy Guys Log
2. Sandie Bee
3. Diet Coke Rocks
4. Wanna.b.slim
5. Angelfish24

AND NOW FOR THE QUESTIONS:

What were you doing ten years ago?
We had just moved back to Washington after living in Maui and then Cayman Islands. It was the end of our scuba diving career/teaching as we decided to come back to reality, ummm, I mean the US and civilization and quit being beach bums and to settle down some. (now I wish we stayed longer! ha!)


What were you doing 1 year ago?
Going to college part time and also working at my son's preschool part time. Also, started this diet/healthy living quest about then.


Five snacks You Enjoy:
1. fruit
2. wt watchers or other low cal ice cream
3. yogurt
4. south beach bars for some protein
5. pea pods/carrot sticks with dip (but I'd rather have chocolate, ha!!! if only it was a low cal food)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Little Red Corvette, Prince
2. Lips of an Angel, Hinder
3. All I wanna do, Sheryl Crow
4. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz
5. Sitting, waiting, wishing, Jack Johnson

Five things you would do if you were a Millionaire:
1. Pay off all my debt and my house
2. Increase retirement fund
3. Increase college fund for my child
4. Do some traveling
5. Help out family

Five Bad Habits:
1. yo-yo dieting
2. emotional eating
3. sometimes indecisive
4. too nice
5. procrastination

Five Things You Like Doing:
1. Being with family
2. hanging with my friends
3. scuba diving
4. bike riding
5. getting some sun, and riding or driving a speed boat

Five Things You'll Never Wear Again:
1. Bikini
2. leotard
3. super high heels
4. fat pants (ha! some day!)
5. curly hair/perm like I had in the 80's, ha.

Five Favorite "toys":
1. my computer
2. my cell phone
3. my digital camera
4. scuba stuff
5. my new bike stuff/accessories, running shoes, my nano ipod, sport watch, ha! (Can you believe it.)

TAG :I tag....Sarah at Living to feel good, Spider63, and Celtic Girl (if you haven't done this tag before!)

Don't do what I always did before

What is the saying? Do as you always do, and you will get what you always got. Or something like that. What I mean is, why have all these years have I yo yo'ed up and down in weight? One time I got down to 170lbs with wt watchers but eventually after my goal of a vacation, I starting slowly ballooning back up, little by little.
I think it is a tendency to do the same thing again and again. First, usually I would join wt watchers and then diet like crazy. I would stick to the program totally and just about perfectly and lose pretty rapidly or at least pretty steadily. Then at some point I would go off the diet say 7 or 8 months later and eat too much one day. Then it's was every week I would eat too much. I would have all the food that wanted but hadn't been eating. Then the yo-yo syndrome, up then down and then up again on the scales. All the while probably messing up my metabolism even worse than just if I kept at the same weight. So some things that I've learned:

1) Don't be totally gung ho on a diet without having some foods I really enjoy, be they hi calorie every once in a while
2) practice moderation not perfection
3) keep up with the exercise matter what, if I miss a week I get right back to it
4) forgive myself for a relapse and then continue on with my healthy journey to be at a more healthy weight and fitness level
5) Don't ignore it when the scale starts moving up continuously. Take action and don't wallow in pity about how I can never get to my goal weight
6) there really is not getting to a goal and then going back to my habits that keep me heavy, I have to change for good if I really want this - to be at that healthy weight
7) Stay positive, don't go to the dark side....it is not the way for me. The force is strong with me. ha ha. (my son is watching star wars at the moment)
8) find ways to work on my self esteem that have nothing to do with weight loss. Learn a new skill, take a class, be a better person, be kinder, be more compassionate, be more understanding
9) stand up for myself when I am hurt. Deal with my feelings, don't turn to food!

Anyway, just some of what is going on in my head. I want this to be the last time I have to take off a significant amount of weight. It would be heaven to make it to goal and not have my wt fluctuate more than 5 pounds. This yo yo-ing of weight in the past is exhausting and has to stop!

In other news, I have decided to take down all my personal/relationship posts. Due to personal reasons. Due to thinking about it to much. Due to feeling to open and raw. Due to family that may want to read it. The people who saw the comments and commented, thank you, thank you. A lot of what you said really resonated with me and helped to see I am not a crazy lady just that I'm a normal woman who is sensitive and deserve to be treated right. So thanks for that.

I pulled my back yesterday when I was lifting a bike on my bike rack. I didn't use my legs to lift so now I am paying the price. I will slow down some this week due to the pain but I'm sure I can still get in my walking every day but maybe not the running or biking. Oh well, that's life.

My hubby did really well in his 1/2 ironman and decreased his time by over an hour from last year's triathalon. Thankfully, we have a little break in the tri's for now but he will have a big bike race up a mountain next month. He really enjoys his athletic endeavors so I support him in that as he will support me in my new career path.

I hope everyone has a good start to their week. I am still on track and had a pretty good weekend, eating wise even with the birthday lunch with my sister.

friends.....and weight loss strategies

Thanks everyone for weighing in on my dramas in my life!! Sometimes, when I don't get enough sleep I have a tendency to write a long post on the drivel in my life. But, today, I feel over it (well mostly) and feel pretty good. There are some things I would like to discuss with my hubby more and it will happen soon. Anyway, I don't really think I need therapy, you guys are my own dose of therapy and of course, my friends that I use as sounding boards once in a while.

I was thinking about friends. I used to make some new friends and then be disappointed when they didn't live up to what I expect out of friend. I treat them how I want to be treated. But, some people don't have the time to be a good friend or don't really do all the common courtesies that a real friend would. Ya know, call you back, don't back of of plans they made with you, make time for you. I think this is why I went back to some old friends from high school. About 2 years ago one of my good friends moved back to the area and wanted to started a girls group of our old friends. It has been great and usually get together once a month and once in a while I'll get together more with one or the other of them. It's just the distance. I moved like 1 hour south of Seattle and I'm way out here. I wish I could have a friend on a daily basis or at least weekly but it really doesn't happen except for phone and internet contact. I'm working on getting more friends in the area as it seems most my neighbors are retired and I don't have much in common with them though they are nice.

I think this is one of the problems my hubby has, making good friends. He doesn't keep in contact with friends from the past (from California) and he doesn't have that college base of friends. So, he gets them from work, or from the activities he is in. I feel for him though as it seems he has a hard time finding a good, dependable friend instead of a fair weathered or seasonal friend. So, I try to support him in this relationship with 'joe' and it is ok for him to be friends but not necessarily myself with 'joe'. I'm hoping we can find couple friends with kids!!! But it is so darn hard.

Ok, on to the diet talk. Just finished the 'beck diet solution'. I wasn't really following all the guidelines. I have a tendency to read every book out there and get something from it but then not follow the book to a T. But, I did get several good tips from the book. I refer to my 'reasons to lose weight' when I am feeling weak around food or my emotions are making me want to eat. I use the 'no choice' word in my head to not make that bad food choice. When I start to feel jealous of some food that someone else is having that is high-cal, I remind myself 'oh well, you can't eat like that at the moment, because you want to lose this weight more!' So it is working to some degree. Here's some quotes from the book:

'Once you recognize that food won't make your problems go away, dieting will be easier'
'Once I take steps to reduce my overall stress, dieting will be easier'
'Once I acept that exercise has to be a permanent part of my weight-loss program, dieting will be easier'

I really have accepted that exercise is necessary evil for wt loss success. I actually do enjoy it sometimes. Maybe not right when I'm breathing hard and sweating but after as I feel a sense of accomplishment or that exercise high.

Here's some problems/solution quotes in the book:
'recognize that you just don't have control - or not much control - over other people. The only one you really have control over is yourself. You can change your own thinking and behavior, but you can't necessarily change other people'

on hitting plateaus -
Sabotaging thought: This just isn't fair. I've really worked hard. I should keep losing like I have up until this point.
Helpful response: I have a choice now. I can dwell on how unfair it seems that the scale didn't go lower. Or I can focus on how much weight I've lost up to this pont and give myself credit for all of the changes I've made in my thinking and behavior so far.

Sabotaging thought: It's okay to skip exercising today because I don't want to, I'm tired, and I'm too stressed out.
Helpful response: It's not okay. Exercise is an essential part of losing weight and maintaining my weight loss.

Sabotaging thought: It's too much trouble to keep doing all these things.
Helpful response: Losing weight is very important to me. It does take effort to do these things, but the payoff is tremendous.

I thought I would share in case it helps out anyone else on their wt loss journey! I've made my 5 for 5 days of exercise and may even go for 6 today or tomorrow when I have more time. I've felt like a single parent all week so the hubby will have to take over some duties tomorrow. I need some 'me' time darnit! I am off now in a bit to help my sister celebrate her birthday today. She is 5 years older than me. I've also talked the other sister and 2 of her kids to come. We will go to Anthony's (a nice seafood restaurant). I have a plan, to have a salad or some other low cal entree and no cake if I can do it!!!!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Trying to stop the negative talk

Don't know why I'm thinking of this today but.....do you think it is worse to be thin and then get fat or to always be fat and struggle with your weight?

I don't know. I fall into the thin till I was about mid 20's and then got married or maybe even before starting putting on a few pounds, say 10, 20 or 30 and then lose it. Then gain again, let's say 10 pounds a year and then lose some (scuba jobs) but never get really thin and then really blimped up after having a child.

I think it is really painful either way. I think it is really painful to be overweight in this world. The looks you get, the comments from strangers or even friends or family. But mostly, the negative talk in my own head about letting myself go. That is a tough voice to squelch! I am reading some books that help me see that this negative talk is destructive to me and maybe even why I have not been successful all these years in getting back to a healthy weight. Something to ponder. Change the mind, change the body. I can see myself at a healthy weight. I can do the visualization trick that wt watchers says to do. You know, imagine yourself like on a beach with that healthy body and loving life and yourself. I see it as I can remember what I looked like when I was younger. And, I want that bad. Not the perfect body or even really thin. Just healthy and be able to shop in any store I want and not search for the 'fat clothes'. It is way beyond depressing to go into a store with someone looking for clothes and thinking 'I don't think I can fit into anything here'! And for the physical reasons...to be able to run fast, workout hard, just use my body the way it was intended to.

What's your thoughts on this subject? Can you turn your negative talk into positive self talk? I can say the positive things to myself all the time but on some days it just doesn't work and the negative voice in in full force. It is one of the hardest things I'm trying to overcome. Not that it will go away when I get thin. I mean self image is a hard one. But, most of my negative self talk is when I see my reflection at the gym and compare myself to other hard bodies. There are some I really admire at the gym for their physiche and all that they do to stay healthy. Well, I assume that they are healthy cause they look fit. One lady, who is a body builder or maybe it's more of a fitness model type body....she inspires me. She isn't too friendly though as she works at the gym and can be a little short when she talks to you. But, for some reason I keep running into to her. Like when she is working out at the weights, I ask for her advice on getting my knee stronger. Or when she was next to me in Yoga, a talk to her later and she divulges that she is suffering from strong upper back pain. So, she is kinda friendly, I just had to make the effort. I admire her strong, toned arms (kinda like the terminator lady). She has this tattoo that looks like a bandana around her bicep. Impressive. I know that will never be me but I still admire it. The dedication to a sport, to her physical fitness.

As for the scales, I'm happy they are going down but I gotta wonder how much is water weight? As I've read that you can only really lose 1 to 1.5 pounds of fat per week. But, I will take whatever I can get, bring on more bigger losses. If I am wt training and exercising and eating right, I can't be losing muscle? I hope not anyways.
I am missing my long bike rides. Now that summer is here I don't have the luxury of my son in preschool. So, i need to find ways to include him in exercise when I don't go to the gym. I took him to the track at the school by our house. He rode his bike while I walked and I kept an eye on him. So, this will work for running but I can't figure out a way to bike with him and get an aerobic workout at the same time. We do have this 1/2 bike that you can attach to a adult bike and pull him but I have a feeling it would be hard for me as I have enough trouble getting to a decent speed on my own. I guess I will have to wait for the hubby sometime to go bike riding with us. It just hasn't happened this week to do his extra work duties this week and his training for the big 1/2 ironman this weekend. Maybe I'll try a spinning/cycling class at the gym. Have you ever tried one? What do you think of it? I look in that spinning room and they are usually sweating up a storm.

Anyway, need to get off of this computer, I'm spending too much time on it today before the kiddie wakes up and I'm off to check out my new wt watchers magazine. Have a great week!

Weigh in....happy camper today

Ok, not tooting my own horn or anything with the little rocker above (I just thought it was cute!) but my weigh in for today is 210.5 pounds !! That makes a loss of 3.5 pounds!!! Wooohooo!!!! I can't believe it. I never get a really good loss. But these past 2 weeks I have worked out harder than ever before and the eating has fallen into line. I'm psyched to keep it going!!! Maybe I have a chance to get my 10 pds in 10 weeks challenge by July 4.

We were going to go to a pizza (chuck e cheese) playdate today and thankfully, the other mom wants to go to a playground instead. I won't have to be tempted by the pizza. It's not even good pizza it's just pizza in general that I have trouble with. If I take my son later, as he's still wanting to go there later, I will do the salad bar. I have control over what I put into my mouth. I should also try to control what my son eats to some points as he's little chunky.

I watched the 'celebrity fit club' finale that I taped on dvr and I was taping it to watch Ross, do you know him? The one that works for The Jay leno/tonight show. He's funny and he lost 41 pounds on the show and now a total of 50 pounds all together. They also had Maureen (can't remember her last name) who used to play Marcia Brady long ago on the Brady Bunch. She lost a lot of weight too and looked awesome. But, the observation that bummed me out last night was that Ross's starting weight was 214 pounds!!! And he looks like he is not a short man. Do you ever do that? Think of your weight and compare it to a man or to a fricken football player????? Something's not right with me weighing as much as a man. I know, I will get below 200 sometime in a month or so and then I will work my way down the scales.

I was also surprised in the triathalon for a regular sprint one, if you don't race with your age group you can race as a 'fattie'. Of course they call it the 'Athena' class is you are over 150 pounds. Or the 'clydesdale' if you are over a certain weight for men (not sure what the weight is but prob. 200). At first, I was thinking, that's fat phobia!! But I guess I can see if you have an overweight woman and want to race in your age group and don't want to be compared to a thin woman that is prob. faster, you can race in the chubby group. Kind of depressing as 150 is my goal or possible 145 as that is the wt watcher top goal weight for a healthy bmi.

I'm also having major insomnia. I mean I could not get to sleep all night!!! I finally got in 3 hours this morning and thank god my son doesn't get up early. I don't know what is going on, I'm not really stressed or anything. I did work out later than usual though.

I'm going for 5 days exercise this week so I start on Monday with my count and got in 2 workouts so far. I will try for my third today! Ok, gotta get going to that play date. Have a great week!!!

trip to emergency

Had a scare last night with my son. He got his thumb caught in our honda van's door. It looked bad and dented so we were at emergency for 3 hours last night! It is puffed up good but the good news is it isn't broken. I'm so relieved. Those automatic side doors aren't supposed to close on anyone's hand it's supposed to open back up. We will be more careful with the automatic door opener and how the door was getting stuck at about 6 inches out. My hubby didn't know my son was right there and he closed the door to get it reset and to open again and we hear the scream. arrgghgh.!!! Nothing like feeling helpless when your child is hurt but he was a trooper. I got to see the xray tech in action and that is what I am studying for so I was checking out what he does so that was one plus!

We were having the worst luck yesterday. First, I lost my cell phone and later we were running late to get home as we were swimming at the gym. The phone rings on my way home at 7pm and I find my phone in between seats in my car. It's my hubby and he worked late and missed the last commuter train as there is only 3 and doesn't have his bike he normally rides. He was running to train for the big race this weekend. So, he can't possibly run back 22 miles or whatever it is but he ran halfway. So away we go 1/2 hour up the freeway and finally find him on the biking trail. Then back to his van at the commuter/parking lot and then the finger accident. Argggghh. day from hell. Oh well, it's over and hopefully he will heal soon.

We were going to go bike ride as it's a decent day but he says his finger hurts so we will do something else. Maybe back to the gym. I do sometimes hate putting him in daycare and feel guilty for that hour but I need my workout time! And it is good daycare. On the diet front, it is going well and will see a loss tomorrow I will post it on Wednesday. I'm confident, huh? I have been weighing in daily so I'm seeing it go down some. I've had to tone down the intensity of the exercise the last few days due to my cough/cold. It wouldn't be good for someone to see me hacking on the elliptical machine. I hate when people come to the gym sick so I'm taking it easy and will walk today.

I'm thinking of buying the tanita scale. My scale fluctuates sometimes within minutes on my cheap digital so I want to be sure of what I'm weighing. I'm also getting anxious to lose weight faster!! I want this lard off and down under 200 lb now! But I know, I know, patience is the key. I can't get down about having to lose this same poundage again, it does me no good.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

Jack Lalaine.....still going strong

I found this video of Jack Lalaine, and he is still going strong at 92. Wow, there really is something to be said for exercising a lot and eating healthy. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2007/05/18/VI2007051800916.html?referrer=email&referrer=email&referrer=email&referrer=email
Sorry about not linking it right, how did I forget how to just put in his name where you can click on it? I can't be bothered to look it up now as I'm a bit of a hurry today. I especially like Jack's comment about 'living half dead'. I think that's what I was doing for years, justing going through life, dealing with the stress of my old job and wicked boss and eating fast food way too much years ago!

Also, like the latest entry from the fatslayer at http://fatslayer.blogspot.com/. I like what she says about the 'middle ground' of dieting and how she is like the layers of a tree inside. Ha, funny and insightful.

I'm in a hurry today to watch my hubby do his triathalon race so it's early for me on a Saturday, christsakes, it is 6:45am. But, this if the first tri of the season and I want to see it! Really you can't see much of it as they are moving, first the swim, then the bike and then the run. This is a small one called a 'sprint' but he will do the bigger one the 'half ironman' next week in Oregon but I won't be going to that. Now to get my son up!! We stayed up late watching 'cars' movie and he's not going to want to get up today. We also have a bday party later for my son to attend and going to see my dad at the airport to give him his father days stuff. He is going to Alaska tomorrow to go salmon fishing. He is retired but instead of being captain anymore and running his boat, he will crew for a friend. I think he's crazy as he goes up there for a month of fun or really it is torture picking fish but he loves it. His grandsons go too and other family and friends so I think he likes to get away every year too. My mom will go to Sweden tomorrow too so we will say goodbye for a little while. Wish I was going somewhere!

Feeling like crap today, got some kind of little chest cold but I'm trying to ignore it and get on with my day. I did get in my 5 exercise days, Monday thru Friday, so I'm happy with that. I think I'll take the weekend off except for walking as I don't want to push it as I'm coughing up junk. Talk to you all later. Have a great weekend!

Update: My hubby was third in the race coming off the bike but overall after the run came in 13th! What a lucky number. His time was 1 hour and 9 minutes for 1/4 mile swim, 14 mile bike and 3.1 mile run. Think there were a few hundred in the race so I am very proud of him. He beat his time from last summer which was 1 hour and 20 minutes so he was happy with that. I have more to talk about tri's and me but that will be later!!!!

Negative motivation....it's working for me

Usually negative motivation doesn't work for me. I'm all for the postive reinforcement. But, that being said, I had a comment yesterday from my ladies group, actually the one friend I was close to in high school and still sorta am. We were all talking of our marital woes as girls sometimes do and one in our group is getting divorce. So I was talking about my hubby and his triathalons and how I know he wants me to lose the lard and get in better shape like I was in our early days. So I say, "I will lose it" and she says something like "or you may not" and I said "oh yes, I will". It seems this friend has said this 2 times now. She doesn't acknowledge or compliment that I had lost 30 lbs this year. It's almost like she doesn't want me to lose the rest of it. Now, she is only about 20 lbs overweight. Maybe it's because she is a bit critical (her words) and is a realist. I have been yo yo ing around with my wt for years! (or maybe I need to limit my time with her.)

So, today, it fueled my fire. My fire to lose this fat! I ran farther and harder than I ever had and then went to yoga and more walking later. I'm kinda thinking "yeah, I'll show her". She'll have to eat her words!!! Then for more negative motivation (my own) I was in yoga and thinking, "damn, I'm the biggest in this class". That sucks. Then I thought, well most are 1/2 my age. But then I know the instructor has to be 45 or 50 and she looks dang good. So, I know it's just a excuse. Sometimes I see some chubby chicks at the gym but on the whole, most of them are already slim and trim and mostly young but a few older. I really admire the older ladies (and the younger too) with the trim bodies and just zooming around the indoor track. They inspired me to be better and it's what I want to be, to achieve. That slim, active body. I had it once and I remember how it felt. I am active now but it will be so much better when the outside shows how hard I'm working. I just have to be patient. As I was jogging around the track you can see your reflection in the windows and I am so critical. It's like "look at those thighs, look at the stomach, yeck!". I am my own worst critic. But, I try to turn my thinking around. Like, "hey, at least I'm moving my arse 5 days a week" or "just keep going, your body will improve slowly". Patience, patience, patient. That's my mantra. I need to work on this more. I kind of overdid it today but I feel ok, I want to get the prize and goal weight so bad but I shouldn't be in a hurry to get to the finish line.

And continuing later with my negative thinking, we went to subway and had something light and then I saw this lady, prob. about 300 pounds and couldn't hardly fit in the chair her arse was so big. I'm like, I will never get to that. Too chubby for chairs? Too chubby for booths? What's next. I'm not making fun of her. I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who struggles with their weight as I do too. I felt sad for her. I felt sad for me. It makes me wonder how we just keep getting bigger as we get older and why we let that happen. I am changing for good, there is no ifs, ands or buts about it.

What are your thoughts to yourself or from others? What fuels your motivation to keep on being active and losing weight?

In other news, I went up to Seattle last night with the ladies and we did a 3 mile walk. It felt good to exercise twice in one day and some of the ladies are fast so it's good for me. I got there early, it's a park by Lake Washington. I saw some people getting ready to swim so I asked how far to the buoy and they said they are training for a tri. Me too! So maybe I'll get up there and swim in the lake because it will be easy to measure the 1/2 mile swim I need to do. I have been doing the swim in the pool but it's not the same. It's colder and it's choppy and murky and grassy. Yuck.

Well, I'm boring you enough so have a good weekend!!!!

Had a loss!!!

Had a 2 pound loss this week! Wooooohoooo!!! Finally a decent loss. I have been dicking around (sorry about the term) for weeks going up and down just a little. Now that I read that sentence it doesn't sound too good. Ha! I think my exercise has finally paid off and I will continue on with the plan to do it 5 days a weeks. Right now I'm doing walking, bike riding, jogging (a little), wt training and occasional yoga and/or stretching. I may try pilates soon though I do have the windsor pilates tapes I could start up again. I know how important yoga or pilates or stretching really is for your body.

I am having issues with my left knee when I bike long distances. (only the one, weird) Not sure what's going on there but by hubby says I'm not fitted properly for my bike. I don't know what they could do to change it, I've tried lowering the seat. Maybe I'll try adjusting the handle bars. I don't know. I asked a trainer at the gym for advice about the knee and I will try more wt training on the leg to strenghthen it. It's a drag because eventually (for the tri race) I will need to do the biking and then go straight to the running and my knee is making this impossible. I seems to go away within a day or 2 and it isn't even sore from jogging. But, when I go back on the bike, after about 10 miles the pain starts again. Frustrating! Oh well, it's life.

Here's some of my reasons to stay motivated to lose the lard:

1) If I don't lose weight now, for good, when will I do it? I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be older and with health problems due to weight.
2) I need to put myself first on some days. This is hard with a family, but if I don't have my health and feel good about myself, it will reflect on my relationships with them. My son can go in the daycare at the gym or I can hook up the 1/2 bike to mine and give it a go by pulling him along with me. Or he can come to the track with me and if he doesn't want to walk he can play with his toys while I jog around. No excuses, now that's it almost summer and he will be home with me all the time.
3) It's sad when my 5 year old can outrun me, that will change soon!
4) I'm tired of being the overweight friend when one of my friends has run a marathon and one a very long bike ride race. Oh, yeah, and the husband that does all the tri races. They aren't any younger than me so that's just an excuse. I'm not using my body to it's full potential!
5) I'm tired of being embarrassed about my weight. Maybe we've all had them. The time you seemed to overweight to do something or the time when you felt everyone was looking at how big you are, or worse, they made a comment about your weight. Of course, this lessened when I started losing but, I don't want this feeling anymore!!
6) I need to lose some more lard before the tri race in August! It makes it so much harder to exercise carrying all this extra weight. My goal is to be below 200 by August 31.

What are you reasons to stay motivated? If you are young, lose the weight now! Don't yo-yo up and down in weight like I have done for 15 years. First, just an extra 20 pounds but then as the years went by it just increased and increased and especially after having a child. It seems so much harder to lose now that I'm older. It get so tiring fighting the yo-yo battle and it's gotta end. And if your older, do it now! It is never too late! In the future, I want to be that retired person who is fit and active not sitting around just chatting and eating donuts. This will be one of the hardest battles of our lives but it will be so worth it in the end, don't ya think?

Ok, that's my pep talk for today for myself and for anyone else that can use one. Have a great week everyone!

Exercise and wt loss books

On the wt loss and exercise front, things are going good! I got in 5 days of exercise for each of the last 2 weeks and looks like the scale is finally going down about 2 lbs but we will see when I weigh in tomorrow for sure. I'm in the zone again, eating pretty good and only having treats on occasion. The exercise seems to be putting me in the right frame of mind to do this. I'm also trying not to eat past 8pm and that's helping too.
I have been scouring the wt loss books. Still reading the 'the beck diet solution' and getting some from it. Now, went to the library and picked up "The Biggest Loser, wt loss program", and "Ten habits of naturally slim people", and "fight fat after forty". The wt loss books help me to stay on track and though I usually only get a bit out of each one, it's better than nothing. Here's a quote from 'The Beck Diet Solution' book:

"Recognize thinking mistakes"

#1 All or nothing thinking - you see things in two categories when there's really a middle ground. Like "I'm completely on or off my diet".
#2 Negative fortune telling - you predict the future negatively, without considering other possible outcomes. Like "Since I didn't lose wt this week, I'll never be able to lose wt"
#3 Overly positive fortune telling - you predict the future too positively, without thinking of other outcomes. Like "It's ok if I just estimate the amount of food I'm supp. to have instead of measuring it. I'll still lose weight."
#4 Emotional reasoning - you think your ideas must be true even though objective evidence says not. Like "I feel like I just have to have something sweet right now".
#5 Mind Reading - you're sure of what others are thinking even in the absence of compelling data. "She'll think I'm rude if I don't try the brownies she baked".
#6 Self-deluding thinking - you rationalize by telling yourself things you don't really believe at other times. Like "If no one sees me eating, it doesn't count".
#7 Unhelpful rules - you mandate actions without taking circumstances into consideration. Like "I can't waste food".
#8 Justification - you link two unrelated concepts (to justify your eating). Like "I deserve to eat this because I'm so stressed out".
#9 Exaggerated thinking - you make a situation seem greater or worse than it really is. Like "I can't stand this craving" or "I have no willpower".

They try to give you ways to combat these mistakes. One is a written out card that says "NO CHOICE". I wonder if that will work for me? Or "Oh well, I can't eat like the others are eating but I want to lose this weight more". Some things to think about. The list I made of my reasons to lose weight and to take that out and read if I'm feeling like I want to eat more than I need seems to work for now.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

Thinking blogger awards

Not sure if I'm worthy of a 'thinking blogger award' as I usually write about my daily life and sometimes the weight loss news or related thoughts to ponder as we continue on our wt loss journeys!

Thanks to Last Pick Trixie at http://lastpick.blogspot.com/ for tagging me for the "Thinking Blogger Award!" I'm glad you get something out of my blog and enjoy hearing how you are doing too! Here are the rules for the "Thinking Blogger Award":1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

Blogs that make me think. Well this is a hard one, as I read so many of as late. Most are weight loss blogs but I read some others as well. So, in no particular order, here are my picks:

1) Half of me/pasta queen at http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/. She's lost a lot of wt on the south beach diet and she inpires me to lose my lard.

2) Living to feel good at http://www.livingtofeelgood.blogspot.com/. She is always so upbeat and like to read about her life and wt loss and her art she makes and the antiques she collects.

3) Spider63 at http://ironman63.blogspot.com/. Though he writes about the 'dark side' a lot, like using negative motivation to get going on the wt loss journey, I seem drawn to read about his next topic. Never boring, that's for sure.

4) Snackiepoo at http://www.snackiepoo.typepad.com/. I think she's funny and snarky and like her sense of humor. I also like to hear of her trials and tribulations from wt loss to relationships and more.

5) Wannabslim at http://wannabslim.blogspot.com/. She's lost a lot of weight and I take inspiration in that to do better! I like hearing about life down under and of her family and friends and what she does every week.

I love a lot more blogs suchs as 'kim under construction, 'diet coke rocks', 'let's see what happens', 'angry fat girlz', 'marshmallow', 'celtic girl', 'cactus freak', 'big ass belle', 'what about your hips', 'diet girl', 'briony', 'feistyroo', and 'secondhand tryptophan'. The list goes on and on and on and need to stop now!
Thanks for sharing your stories and making me think and laugh and just feel like I have someone to celebrate or commiserate with on this wt loss journey.

(I know these thinking blogger awards have been going around for a while, but if you want, keep them going!)

School news and the end of year hoe-down

Finally my school news! Got into my radiology school! woohoo! I thought I would as this is my 2nd year applying and I have a 3.9gpa for chrisakes. A 4.0gpa is straight A's. I was thinking, this isn't medical school,how perfect do they want you to be. I actually thought about the nursing school for a second but I really didn't want to go that way but there are so many jobs out there in nursing. For an xray tech or other it may be a little more challenging to find a job when I get done. I will start in September so I'm excited for the challenge.

My mom visited and we went to my son's end of year school 'Hoe-down'. Here's a picture of him. They had to make their own vests out of paper bags, of course with a little help. He wanted his green hair/bangs from the haircut he got. He was so funny. He said he was a little nervous as they made them first come out one by one and sit on the saddle and they talked about what trait they liked about each child and what they wanted to grow up to be. This age is so cute. So, on to kindergarten next year, woohoo! We have been going to a christian school this year and I think I will continue on with a similar one next year. As when I started checking on regular public school with a daycare combination, it's just about the same price, so we'll see what we decide.

The scale if finally going down. I know, I should get on it daily but it was down a pound so we'll see if I can hold on to that or lose more by next Wednesday. I may not go back to wt watchers as I was just getting frustrated. I know what I need to do, I just have to do it consistantly. I will go to the gym today and am shooting for 5 days this week.

One question for any of you out there. For exercise wear, where do you shop? I usually just wear the odd t-shirt and sweats from wherever like Target or Sports Authority but I never usually look too smashing. I started to look online like at Lucy.com or others but we'll see. Now, I'm looking for a tri outfit for the race in August. I may buy one at REI (outdoor outfitters around here) as I need something to swim in and then go straight to the bike without any changing. I'm already stressing over the spandex options. It won't be pretty. HA! I know, just get over it already, but it's not that easy when you got a stomach pooch and are overweight. Arrrggghhh.

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend! We have rain coming, yuck.

weigh in and a topic

Weigh in for today, is up a 1/2 a pound. I'm not stressing over it cause it's tom and bloating, and blah, blah.
This will be a short blog today as we are busy all day and then my mom is coming tonight cause she wants to go to my son's school play or 'hoe down' tomorrow where they dress up like comboys or something. Should be cute.
Topic for today: How do you be happy with the here and now? I mean 'how do you be happy with the body your have now, if you are overweight'? I have trouble with that some days. Like, when we went up by snoqualmie and stopped to visit a friend. My hubby friend was out of town but we were just stopping to get a wetsuit that my husband will wear in an upcoming tri he's doing. Anyway, this couple is from class in high school and actually I was friends for years with the hubby and dated him long, long ago and our sisters were best friends. Anyway, he does tri's or mostly marathons now and is friends with my hubby through working for my dad long ago fishing in Alaska. So, what I was getting to is....the wife is so damn skinny and pretty. All the time, never fat except maybe slightly after having a baby but not really. You know the type, the sophmore princess in high school, the popular girl, the cheerleader. She is really nice too. I used to take comfort that she was a bit of an air head (catty I know) but after getting to know her she really isn't. Anyway, how do you stop the thoughts when you see another person that looks good and stop thinking "I want to look like her"! At least in body weight. Probably won't happen as she is mighty thin but I get so impatient to get this weight off. Why can't I just start losing heaps! Arrggggghhh.
How do you handle thoughts like this if you have any similar? Here's to a good week to all of you and will blog in a few days as my mom will be here. No news on my school! I emailed the secretary of the program and she said she put them in the mail late on Monday so soon.....

topic of the day

(I know U saw this pic before but I thought it was good for today's topic.)

The topic of today is.....what made you start losing weight? Everyone seems to ask this question as some point and some of my reasons are:

I hurt my leg and back in a two separate falls. I took it as a sign that I need to start taking care of my body.

My hubby made comments about my size and he never has before (of course it was when we were going thru a rough patch).

I hate pictures of myself, well still do. I am tired of not being in pictures and memories of our family. Like, I'll see pics of a holiday and I know I was there but I am not in the pictures as I avoided the camera like the plague.

I was very unhappy with the way I looked, still am and finally just decided to do something about it.

I wanted more energy to keep up with my son and now I do finally have that but it could be better with more weight off.
(there are a lot more reasons but I will stop there)

Tell me your reasons!
I have been making lists lately due to the book I'm reading called "the beck diet solution" and the book does get you thinking. Like differenciate between hunger, desire and cravings. I think a lot of overweight people (at least for myself) that we don't really think about if we are really hungry sometimes. Like, it's lunchtime, time to eat! But, are you really hungry or just the thing to do. Or is it because you see some food someone made or brought to work. Also, she talks about how important it is to plan what you are going to eat. Don't spontaneously eat. Make a list of what you will eat for the week and stick to it! That is a big thing when I was at wt watcher. You had to write it all down. And you know what, it really works. You can see where you slip up and you can take steps to correct it.

I think my wt will not be down tomorrow for weigh in. I am having the tom as they say and bloating so that is some of the reason. I might go back to wt watchers on Monday. I liked the progress I was having when I went there. I liked the accountability of the weigh ins. I liked the support from the other members and especially the leader. I need to start writing down what I eat and how many cals or at least how many points on ww. There is no way around it. Doing it on my own and spontaneous eating or maybe you will call it intuitive eating is not working right now. I think I do well on making some healthy choices, but I must be taking in to many calories. I really have been making the right choices but I think I need to work on portion sizes.

Product review - I tried 2 new things these past few weeks. I tried the 100-cal breyers ice cream cups. It was cookies n cream. It was pretty good and it's nice to have it portion controlled like that. I still like the healthy choice fudge ice cream bars a lot more than these though. I also tried those hostess 100 cal snack cakes. You get 3 or them an they are pretty good. They are really sweat though. So, if you have a sweet tooth you may want to give them a try. I know what I really should do, is get rid of any processed stuff and go back to just fruit. I mean it is the season here for strawberries and cherries and peaches! I need to get back to the natural foods only. Something I really need to work on!

No news on my school today. It wasn't in the mail. I hope it is today. Have a great week everyone. I'm still doing my 5 days a week exercise and hope to meet that goal this week.

(P.S. Stressing a bit today as after my friend and I made plans to go to Vegas, my friend Dawn, made her own plans to go to Lake Havasu. Needless to say, my other friend is royally pissed that we will have to make flight changes and a nice added cost to us to change. More to the story but....what can you do. Sometimes, people don't live up to what you except of them and it's sad but I'm not getting upset with my sick friend, can't do it.)

Hiking by the falls

We went to see some friends yesterday and then out for some hiking at Snoqualmie Falls. I actually wanted to do another hike called twin falls that is a lot longer but my son wanted to see the 'big falls'. Here's some pictures of the area.

It really is an amazing place. The falls are larger than I remember as must be all that mountain snow melting at this time of year. It is only a 1/2 mile or a mile hike to the bottom but it is pretty steep so we were sweating a bit on the way back up. Well, at least my son and I were. It was a warm day here too. Why did the heck did I wear black? We have been having awesome weather and it's unusual this early in the year but it will be turning to rain this week, bummer.

We also went to visit a friend and here is their australian dog. Part dingo and part something else? Cute, isn't it? She is a really friendly dog and she likes to retrieve balls and frisbees and she is so fast! My son wants a dog bad but we are still thinking about it as I know who will take care of it....me!

I'm anxious about whether I will get into the radiology school and will find out Monday, hopefully! The supposedly sent out letters on Friday. Other than that not much happening but may go down by the ocean today. It's about a 1/2 hour away from us. What I really like about Washington is that you go one way, it's the ocean. You go the other way, it's the mountains and hiking. Not a bad place to live when the weather is good.

Have a great week!

I'm my own worst enemy

You would think exercising 5 to 6 times a week that I'm doing now, the weight would just be falling off but no! When I first upped my exercise, I saw a 2 lb. gain! I know, I know, it may be water weight or from wt lifting, not sure. And last weekend, I wasn't too good on the food when I was at my dad's cabin. My mom is a bit of a food pusher and I have trouble resisting. I need to learn new skills in dealing with her. It's kind of like, 'here's this good, fattening food I made for you, I love you, please eat it or it will make me sad'. I know she's really not saying that but she is continually worrying that everyone get fed and full. Of course, she is just a little thing. Isn't that the way it goes?

What everyone doing out there for exercise this week? I'm doing biking, walking, jogging (a little), swimming and yoga and weights. I think I'm tired! I took up yoga again yesterday and I can feel it a little today. It was a faster yoga than the usual slower paced one. I have this cool teacher, Sunny, and she is new agey but a real sweatheart. Every year in January she goes down to Costa Rica to teach for a month or so and yesterday she was trying to recruit other ladies to come down for a retreat/yoga thing. Rent a house by the beach. Go surfing, do yoga, swim, do one of those rope sliding or whatcha call it where you are like tarzan through the trees!! Oh man, I want to go so bad. But, it isn't meant to be as if I get into this school in the fall it will mean limited breaks like all colleges.

I think what I'm missing is an adventure. Sure vegas sounds fun but it's not an adventure. It is an urban jungle. I want the real jungle. Or a really cool island getaway. My hubby wants to hike and camp the north end of Kauai in Hawaii. It looks awesome so it may be an option some day. I want to go to the Turks and Caicos islands just south of the bahamas. It has awesome beaches and great scuba diving. Just thinking of dream destinations....and of course I'd like Italy, Greece, etc. I don't want much do I?

I'm still having trouble sleeping and am depressed about my friend Dawn. I can't really come to peace that cancer will take her life early. She seems at peace and I will find out when I visit with her. I'm sure she has her down days, who wouldn't when you have limited time on this earth. My uncle is struggling with cancer too and doesn't look to good. I hate cancer. I want a cure. Will they ever find it? I think it's at the dna level and how to turn off that thing that pushes or activates your cancer cells to develop and just take over.

Anyway, anyone have any weekend plans? We may go hiking at this place called Twin Falls or go by Snoqualmie falls http://http://www.snoqualmiefalls.com/. You can hike to the bottom of it. They also have that town, that's called Fall City or Snoqualmie where they filmed the tv show "twin peaks". They do have beautiful mountains beyond the city there called Mt. Si. I will take pictures if I go up that way.

Have a wonderful weekend and be healthy.