Thursday, June 21, 2007

Trying to stop the negative talk

Don't know why I'm thinking of this today but.....do you think it is worse to be thin and then get fat or to always be fat and struggle with your weight?

I don't know. I fall into the thin till I was about mid 20's and then got married or maybe even before starting putting on a few pounds, say 10, 20 or 30 and then lose it. Then gain again, let's say 10 pounds a year and then lose some (scuba jobs) but never get really thin and then really blimped up after having a child.

I think it is really painful either way. I think it is really painful to be overweight in this world. The looks you get, the comments from strangers or even friends or family. But mostly, the negative talk in my own head about letting myself go. That is a tough voice to squelch! I am reading some books that help me see that this negative talk is destructive to me and maybe even why I have not been successful all these years in getting back to a healthy weight. Something to ponder. Change the mind, change the body. I can see myself at a healthy weight. I can do the visualization trick that wt watchers says to do. You know, imagine yourself like on a beach with that healthy body and loving life and yourself. I see it as I can remember what I looked like when I was younger. And, I want that bad. Not the perfect body or even really thin. Just healthy and be able to shop in any store I want and not search for the 'fat clothes'. It is way beyond depressing to go into a store with someone looking for clothes and thinking 'I don't think I can fit into anything here'! And for the physical reasons...to be able to run fast, workout hard, just use my body the way it was intended to.

What's your thoughts on this subject? Can you turn your negative talk into positive self talk? I can say the positive things to myself all the time but on some days it just doesn't work and the negative voice in in full force. It is one of the hardest things I'm trying to overcome. Not that it will go away when I get thin. I mean self image is a hard one. But, most of my negative self talk is when I see my reflection at the gym and compare myself to other hard bodies. There are some I really admire at the gym for their physiche and all that they do to stay healthy. Well, I assume that they are healthy cause they look fit. One lady, who is a body builder or maybe it's more of a fitness model type body....she inspires me. She isn't too friendly though as she works at the gym and can be a little short when she talks to you. But, for some reason I keep running into to her. Like when she is working out at the weights, I ask for her advice on getting my knee stronger. Or when she was next to me in Yoga, a talk to her later and she divulges that she is suffering from strong upper back pain. So, she is kinda friendly, I just had to make the effort. I admire her strong, toned arms (kinda like the terminator lady). She has this tattoo that looks like a bandana around her bicep. Impressive. I know that will never be me but I still admire it. The dedication to a sport, to her physical fitness.

As for the scales, I'm happy they are going down but I gotta wonder how much is water weight? As I've read that you can only really lose 1 to 1.5 pounds of fat per week. But, I will take whatever I can get, bring on more bigger losses. If I am wt training and exercising and eating right, I can't be losing muscle? I hope not anyways.
I am missing my long bike rides. Now that summer is here I don't have the luxury of my son in preschool. So, i need to find ways to include him in exercise when I don't go to the gym. I took him to the track at the school by our house. He rode his bike while I walked and I kept an eye on him. So, this will work for running but I can't figure out a way to bike with him and get an aerobic workout at the same time. We do have this 1/2 bike that you can attach to a adult bike and pull him but I have a feeling it would be hard for me as I have enough trouble getting to a decent speed on my own. I guess I will have to wait for the hubby sometime to go bike riding with us. It just hasn't happened this week to do his extra work duties this week and his training for the big 1/2 ironman this weekend. Maybe I'll try a spinning/cycling class at the gym. Have you ever tried one? What do you think of it? I look in that spinning room and they are usually sweating up a storm.

Anyway, need to get off of this computer, I'm spending too much time on it today before the kiddie wakes up and I'm off to check out my new wt watchers magazine. Have a great week!

7 comments:

Teresa said...

I've been going through the same process as well. Just can not hang on to those positive thoughts. It seems to be a human flaw. For example you could have 99 great things happen during the day and 1 bad thing. In the end the 1 bag thing ends up being the focal point of the day.

We are a work in progress. Lets hope eventually the positive sticks.

All the best on your journey.

Christine said...

I was thinking about this too. I am making it happen this time around after failing sooooo many times - but now that I have proven that I can do it - what happens if I crash and burn and put it alllll back on and then some?!? I would be angry, disappointed, embarrassed. I defintely have put myself in the spotlight at work and in my family - talk about pressure. My head is always swarming - will it get easier as the number gets smaller?

TrixieBelden said...

I totally know what you mean about the negative self-talk. I just put myself through the wringer last night. I think we have to start re-assessing what we value. You value the women you see at the gym. That's healthy. So, start to congratulate yourself for all the steps you take to be more like them. I think we get into trouble when we start to value thin for thin's sake. Trust me, I'm guilty of it. Positive self-talk starts small. With little celebrations. I think it make sense to focus more on positive self-talk than on stopping negative self-talk. I've heard it is easier to start doing something new than to stop doing something that is already a habit. Good luck! You are doing awesome!

Anonymous said...

If you really are interested in if you're dropping fat or muscle, you might want to try a Tanita scale (measures weight & % body fat... then do the math, keep track, compare one week to the next). It's not as accurate as doing one of those floatation measurements, but it gives you more info that you get with just a scale.
Emily (GatewayDreamer...Lessons, Thoughts, and Dreams)

Rebecca said...

OK girlie first off...I ADMIRE you for GOING to the gym. I like the Curves set up, but so a body pump class or all the weights and machines with all those guys around. Nah...guess I have to jog in place or place chase with my cats cause there is NO way I would feel confident enough to go to a public gym.

You're BRAVE!!!!

Kim said...

I'm horrible with the negative self talk. I don't ever remember a time in my life when I wasn't my own worst enemy. How sad is that? I find that I can be SO supportive of other people, and I hope to find a way to be that kind to myself someday.

Spidey said...

Any exercise is good. My child hates the gym, and will not stay in the gym daycare. So I go to the park and walk, play ball, etc., when I am with the child.