Saturday, June 23, 2007

friends.....and weight loss strategies

Thanks everyone for weighing in on my dramas in my life!! Sometimes, when I don't get enough sleep I have a tendency to write a long post on the drivel in my life. But, today, I feel over it (well mostly) and feel pretty good. There are some things I would like to discuss with my hubby more and it will happen soon. Anyway, I don't really think I need therapy, you guys are my own dose of therapy and of course, my friends that I use as sounding boards once in a while.

I was thinking about friends. I used to make some new friends and then be disappointed when they didn't live up to what I expect out of friend. I treat them how I want to be treated. But, some people don't have the time to be a good friend or don't really do all the common courtesies that a real friend would. Ya know, call you back, don't back of of plans they made with you, make time for you. I think this is why I went back to some old friends from high school. About 2 years ago one of my good friends moved back to the area and wanted to started a girls group of our old friends. It has been great and usually get together once a month and once in a while I'll get together more with one or the other of them. It's just the distance. I moved like 1 hour south of Seattle and I'm way out here. I wish I could have a friend on a daily basis or at least weekly but it really doesn't happen except for phone and internet contact. I'm working on getting more friends in the area as it seems most my neighbors are retired and I don't have much in common with them though they are nice.

I think this is one of the problems my hubby has, making good friends. He doesn't keep in contact with friends from the past (from California) and he doesn't have that college base of friends. So, he gets them from work, or from the activities he is in. I feel for him though as it seems he has a hard time finding a good, dependable friend instead of a fair weathered or seasonal friend. So, I try to support him in this relationship with 'joe' and it is ok for him to be friends but not necessarily myself with 'joe'. I'm hoping we can find couple friends with kids!!! But it is so darn hard.

Ok, on to the diet talk. Just finished the 'beck diet solution'. I wasn't really following all the guidelines. I have a tendency to read every book out there and get something from it but then not follow the book to a T. But, I did get several good tips from the book. I refer to my 'reasons to lose weight' when I am feeling weak around food or my emotions are making me want to eat. I use the 'no choice' word in my head to not make that bad food choice. When I start to feel jealous of some food that someone else is having that is high-cal, I remind myself 'oh well, you can't eat like that at the moment, because you want to lose this weight more!' So it is working to some degree. Here's some quotes from the book:

'Once you recognize that food won't make your problems go away, dieting will be easier'
'Once I take steps to reduce my overall stress, dieting will be easier'
'Once I acept that exercise has to be a permanent part of my weight-loss program, dieting will be easier'

I really have accepted that exercise is necessary evil for wt loss success. I actually do enjoy it sometimes. Maybe not right when I'm breathing hard and sweating but after as I feel a sense of accomplishment or that exercise high.

Here's some problems/solution quotes in the book:
'recognize that you just don't have control - or not much control - over other people. The only one you really have control over is yourself. You can change your own thinking and behavior, but you can't necessarily change other people'

on hitting plateaus -
Sabotaging thought: This just isn't fair. I've really worked hard. I should keep losing like I have up until this point.
Helpful response: I have a choice now. I can dwell on how unfair it seems that the scale didn't go lower. Or I can focus on how much weight I've lost up to this pont and give myself credit for all of the changes I've made in my thinking and behavior so far.

Sabotaging thought: It's okay to skip exercising today because I don't want to, I'm tired, and I'm too stressed out.
Helpful response: It's not okay. Exercise is an essential part of losing weight and maintaining my weight loss.

Sabotaging thought: It's too much trouble to keep doing all these things.
Helpful response: Losing weight is very important to me. It does take effort to do these things, but the payoff is tremendous.

I thought I would share in case it helps out anyone else on their wt loss journey! I've made my 5 for 5 days of exercise and may even go for 6 today or tomorrow when I have more time. I've felt like a single parent all week so the hubby will have to take over some duties tomorrow. I need some 'me' time darnit! I am off now in a bit to help my sister celebrate her birthday today. She is 5 years older than me. I've also talked the other sister and 2 of her kids to come. We will go to Anthony's (a nice seafood restaurant). I have a plan, to have a salad or some other low cal entree and no cake if I can do it!!!!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.


Rebecca said...

I so sympathize with your friendship thoughts. As we get older it is MUCH harder to make genuine friends. Poepl are too busy that you find you like, others are not 'true" friends. For me being single, I am a bout to go stir crazy. My best friend just found love. He was in my eyes the FOREVER bachelor, I get home from visiting my parents in Louisana and he's in love. My mouth hit the floor. He's wonderful--thoughtful, giving, caring, funny and loyal to a fault. Since, I am a teacher and have the summer off with the exception of a grad school class--this last week has been so EMPTY for me. My subdivsion is mostly married (with very young multiple children) or retired folks. I need to find friends soon or I will be absolutely nuts. I have been talking to friends at home and one of my best friends came up here for a week which was HEAVEN. I don't really have any hobbies ( I like photography---but what take another class???? )
I am not a bar person, I grew up with the French Quarter of New Orleans---what could a bar in GA possibly offer me now? Besides I am not much of a drinker.
YOur blog really grabbed me and hence I decided to vent.

FatMom said...

Wow, those are some great tips from the book! Thanks for sharing! You've done beautifully! 36 pounds?! Right ON!!!

Wanna_B_slim said...

I have been a slack blogger...I have just caught up on your last few posts.. You have had a tough time lately..
I am a jealous person and I struggle with the friendships like your husband has..
be strong and be open. You are right to tell him how you feel and hopefully he will understand..
well done on your losses..keep it will be in onerland real soon...

TrixieBelden said...

5 for 5 days of exercise is terrific! You go!

I find it interesting that you mentioned it hard to find friends. I, too, am having a hard time finding friends who really want to make time for me in their lives. Either they are married, or in committed relationships, or have tons of other friends, and they just don't need me around that much. Like for instance, I have no plans this weekend. Nada. I enjoy being alone, but not for days on end where the only personal contact you get is from the pharmacist when you pick up your prescription. But enough of me whining, this comment should be about you! :) Here are some ideas for finding friends: Can you join a book group? Is there a branch of Road Runners in your area? I'm sorry, I don't have a ton of ideas because I don't know how much time you have since you have so many commitments already. I guess my advice, which I will take once I get a permanent job, is to put yourself in situations where you can meet new people and build relationships. I wish you tons of luck! You deserve to find a close friend who will be there for you.

"The Captain" said...

10 pounds in 10 weeks is great. My wife exercises with my sister. I told the two of them, my sisters husband name is Jeff also, that the two Jeff's are unstoppable and they can't beat us in weight loss. My sister and wife say we are bad.

Spidey said...

I very much appreciate your quoting that book. It seems like it is a good book. I hardly ever buy any books, as they usually just accumulate dust and after a few years I trade them in at the used book store and I have about $400 in credits that I use to buy books for my family members, so somebody actually reads them.

Flo said...

During my weight loss journey I've read hundreds of books and like you, take a little from each of them. Weight loss is not one size fits all. You have to find what works for you. I have one small suggestion though. What helped me a lot in my relation with food is when I switched my thinking from food as something really good and started looking at it strictly as fuel (which it is). When I started doing tris I had to change my relationship with food since I could not eat cookies and expect to get up in the morning and run. I found a number of books on eating for endurance and that's how they look at food, it's nothing but fuel for the machine - you're body. Once I made the mental switch it really helped with the bingeing and sticking to my eating plan (I threw out the word diet:). Anyway, just a suggestion. It might help, I know it helped me a lot. I think because it took the power away from the food and gave it to me. It's only fuel. It's not going to make me happy, or feel anything thing special. It's only fuel.

Christine said...

Hey. Thanks so much for your support on my blog. I am very happy with my challenge results - something must have clicked with me. Not sure what to do when my ten weeks are up - I am a little concerned what to do when my challenge is over? What do I do next? What are my next goals? It kinda scares me to try and figure out what I do next. I do think that in the last few weeks I have lost focus - and have just been skimming by...

I know that it will slow down, I know that I will get frustrated. I just hope that I can hold it together. Take care and keep blogging. :)

Tully said...

I have only just caught up with your blog- seems like lots has been happening. It is great that you are getting it all out- venting can really help!

I know what you mean about having high expectations of friends. I feel like I am constantly disappointed by friends, but I don't know if I am being overly critical or just have unrealistic expectations. Tough one.