Negative motivation....it's working for me

Usually negative motivation doesn't work for me. I'm all for the postive reinforcement. But, that being said, I had a comment yesterday from my ladies group, actually the one friend I was close to in high school and still sorta am. We were all talking of our marital woes as girls sometimes do and one in our group is getting divorce. So I was talking about my hubby and his triathalons and how I know he wants me to lose the lard and get in better shape like I was in our early days. So I say, "I will lose it" and she says something like "or you may not" and I said "oh yes, I will". It seems this friend has said this 2 times now. She doesn't acknowledge or compliment that I had lost 30 lbs this year. It's almost like she doesn't want me to lose the rest of it. Now, she is only about 20 lbs overweight. Maybe it's because she is a bit critical (her words) and is a realist. I have been yo yo ing around with my wt for years! (or maybe I need to limit my time with her.)

So, today, it fueled my fire. My fire to lose this fat! I ran farther and harder than I ever had and then went to yoga and more walking later. I'm kinda thinking "yeah, I'll show her". She'll have to eat her words!!! Then for more negative motivation (my own) I was in yoga and thinking, "damn, I'm the biggest in this class". That sucks. Then I thought, well most are 1/2 my age. But then I know the instructor has to be 45 or 50 and she looks dang good. So, I know it's just a excuse. Sometimes I see some chubby chicks at the gym but on the whole, most of them are already slim and trim and mostly young but a few older. I really admire the older ladies (and the younger too) with the trim bodies and just zooming around the indoor track. They inspired me to be better and it's what I want to be, to achieve. That slim, active body. I had it once and I remember how it felt. I am active now but it will be so much better when the outside shows how hard I'm working. I just have to be patient. As I was jogging around the track you can see your reflection in the windows and I am so critical. It's like "look at those thighs, look at the stomach, yeck!". I am my own worst critic. But, I try to turn my thinking around. Like, "hey, at least I'm moving my arse 5 days a week" or "just keep going, your body will improve slowly". Patience, patience, patient. That's my mantra. I need to work on this more. I kind of overdid it today but I feel ok, I want to get the prize and goal weight so bad but I shouldn't be in a hurry to get to the finish line.

And continuing later with my negative thinking, we went to subway and had something light and then I saw this lady, prob. about 300 pounds and couldn't hardly fit in the chair her arse was so big. I'm like, I will never get to that. Too chubby for chairs? Too chubby for booths? What's next. I'm not making fun of her. I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who struggles with their weight as I do too. I felt sad for her. I felt sad for me. It makes me wonder how we just keep getting bigger as we get older and why we let that happen. I am changing for good, there is no ifs, ands or buts about it.

What are your thoughts to yourself or from others? What fuels your motivation to keep on being active and losing weight?

In other news, I went up to Seattle last night with the ladies and we did a 3 mile walk. It felt good to exercise twice in one day and some of the ladies are fast so it's good for me. I got there early, it's a park by Lake Washington. I saw some people getting ready to swim so I asked how far to the buoy and they said they are training for a tri. Me too! So maybe I'll get up there and swim in the lake because it will be easy to measure the 1/2 mile swim I need to do. I have been doing the swim in the pool but it's not the same. It's colder and it's choppy and murky and grassy. Yuck.

Well, I'm boring you enough so have a good weekend!!!!