Back from vacation

We are back from our mini vacation over the mountains to eastern Washington. We had fun camping by Lake Chelan and then went over to Winthrop to my sister's cabin. The first few days were really hot, close to 100 degrees (F) and we got a lot of sun but then it cooled way down to the 80's and then the 70's and got a lot of rain in Winthrop. (Here's a few pics of camping, swimming and of Winthrop....I mostly just took pics of my boy....funny how I never get in the photos...ha!)

My son's 7th birthday was the other day so we opened a few gifts and did some things he wanted to do such as putt-putt golf and went out to dinner. We are having a kid party here in 2 days and they will go to a gymnastics gym and jump around so that should be fun for him.

My son is quite the water bug and we went swimming all the time. He said I was the hero of the day when I dove down 25ft to retrieve a boat paddle someone lost. Guess I still have some free diving skills...ha. Made me remember the scuba diving days and the days of also snorkeling and free diving and seeing how long you could last underwater on one breath. We got some sun and I got a little burnt but not too bad. How I miss the sunshine.....as our weather is iffy around here. I hope the summer weather isn't quite over yet.

My hubby did something to the computer when he tried to download something and now the computer keeps popping up messages and is running really slow. I was amazed I could still get on the internet. I guess a trip to the computer shop is in order. I really hate it when the computer does this. We have the antivirus software but it seems it can't protect us from everything.

My intership is done for the summer so that is a big relief. Now I'm just getting ready for him to go to school and doing the yearly dentist and doctor's visits. I really wanted to stay an extra day on vacation but I knew I had things waiting for me back home. Got the post vacation blues today, I guess. ha. Hope you are all doing well and hope to get around to see what you all are up to!!

just feeling burned out

Sorry! Haven't been around the blogosphere much. I've been overworked and underpaid and too damn tired. Oh yeah, I don't get paid as I'm an intern. sucks. I am learning new things about xray and fluoro (barium studies, injections and the like) so that's all good. Maybe I'll get a bit of money this fall when I can work a little if I can fit it in with all the studying/school and interning.

I'm just counting down one more week till I get a break and then I will go camping like I talked about last time. I've been filling my extra time at night with getting a birthday party planned for my son and filling out paper and the like for his new school and daycare this fall. I'm really gonna miss the Christian school he was going to last year....he really learned a lot. So on to 1st grade at the public school and hope he likes it.

We did go to my parent's cabin last weekend but I forgot to take photos. I'm so slack lately. My hubby did do a race down there so here's a pic of him and our son so at least I remembered the camera then. My hubby wouldn't like this pic as he's acting goofy for sure. Oh well, don't think he reads this blog.



I'll try to take some photos when we do our camping trip. I like when you all take photos of where you go or what you do so I'll try to share.

We have our 17th wedding anniversary tomorrow!!!! Woohooo...it's a wonder we made it this far. Ha! No, just kidding. Maybe we'll go out to dinner somewhere but no big plans just to spend time with our son as he's been at Grandma's a lot.

Tell me what you are up to out there....and I'll get to your blogs here this weekend....and take care.

P.S. Anybody got any remedies for heel pain? I know it's from working on my feet full time and I'm trying different shoes but no luck so far. Anybody have ortho inserts made and do they work? I may have to go to the foot doctor as it doesn't seem I'm going to drop 50 pounds real quick. ha.

Another note!!! Does anyone know what happenned to Amanda from Australia and living in the Netherlands (I think) from 'what about your hips' blog?? Maybe she went private or doesn't blog anymore?? Miss that girl and if you are reading.....tell me how you are doing!!

staying positive

Trying to stay positive this week though my work brings me down some days. Just too much criticism and negativity. I refuse to go there....life is so much better when you concentrate on what is going right in your life rather than what is going wrong, don't ya think? That's my new motto anyway.

We went up to Seattle today and went to the top of the space needle. My son hasn't been up there and I wanted him to see it. Think it is 550 feet tall and it has a great view of Seattle and of the ocean/puget sound. Here's an old picture of it as I forgot the darn camera in the car....dangit.



I plan on going to the cabin this weekend and will take some pics then....just 3 more weeks left of interning this summer. I was surprised that the supervisor at my clinic said she may want me to work part time this fall after my interning hours. So, maybe I can finally make a little money out of this xray thing. We'll see....gotta always figure out about daycare and the like. I'm counting down the 3 weeks as we will go on a mini vacation and go camping back at Lake Chelan and maybe a side trip to Winthrop....a cute little western themed town as my sister has a cabin there so wouldn't cost us much. Here's an old photo of the town.




I'm looking out the back yard and some deer have starting hanging out in the fields in the distance and just saw a coyote too. There isn't much forest left with all the housing developments going up around here but nice to see the wildlife though they are prob. hungry.

Hope you all have a great week and keep it real. Oh yeah, wt watcher this week....I haven't been in a while but will go soon.

super power

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive. You understand people better than they would like to be understood. Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details. You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoursuperpowerbequiz/">What Should Your Superpower Be?

funny little trivia thing here to share.....saw it at Flo's place (step away from the cake) blog. Funny, some of this above does fit my personality, ha!

longing for the ocean

I don't know but today....I'm longing for the ocean. Maybe it's cause I'm a pisces, maybe cause I just love the water....but I wanted to go down to the ocean and I didn't. I made the choice for the day up to my son and he wanted a play date at his friends so that's what we did.

He went up to Grandma's tonight as we've been doing every week of my intership and my hubby and I were going through Seattle and I saw Lake Union and the ocean in the distance....and still we didn't stop. It was getting late. Ah, but I will get to the ocean...maybe tomorrow after work...there is a ocean not far away...maybe I'll take a detour for my soul, ha. Something about the water makes me calm and let's me forget my troubles.

But, the good news is that I did have some fun yesterday when I met up with fellow students in my xray program and we talked shop and shared our good and bad stories of our internship. I'm glad I'm meeting some wonderful women and men in this program as we are getting close as we spend so much time together these two years in this program, or more like 3 or 4 years for the prerequisites. It's nice to commiserate and talk to others that are going thru the same things, it helps a heep.

I was reading a blog from a link of someone else's blog....think his name is Whit and he was writing about an uneasy feeling he was having and about not feeling like where he lives is home. And also, that the uneasy feeling is unhappiness. I know just what he is feeling. I feel that too....and just made me think of all the steps I need to do to get my future career/school completed and then probably a move to a new city is in order. We will stay in Washington but definitely I'm getting a strong feeling I need to move and my hubby is up for it too. We'll see what the future brings. Now, I hope the economy/house market will cooperate in a year or more. ha.

Other than that, went to "The Hulk" this weekend and it was pretty good. What I really wanted to see was the new Batman movie. Maybe we'll see it this week as I heard it was good. I spent 1/2 of Saturday using the weed eater and helping out in the yard....just made me want to move to a condo with no yard work. ha ha...... What did all of you do this weekend?? Anything fun? Hope you have a good week. I can't wait to go camping in 4 weeks and get away for a while but for now...back to grindstone of work.

the student dilemma

One of the things that has been weighing on my mind lately at my internship, which I started in January, is how people treat other people. I've felt that I've always tried to be kind to others, almost to a fault sometimes and not getting my needs met. Anyway, when I meet someone that treats others callously without too much regard for their feelings, I just don't understand it.

The problem for me as a student/intern is to stay out of the fray. To stay out of office gossip as I'm just there to learn. It has been hard sometimes. But, now over the past few months there is one lady at work that just gets under my skin. She'll be overly critical and say things like 'you need more self confidence' and you 'need to develop a thick skin'. Now she has moved on to personal things....like she just knows where to jab. Like 'you seem unhappy?' or 'don't you like yourself'? I'm thinking 'what the frick?' what is she talking about. I've always done my job and by my evaluation I am doing well and got an A- last quarter and keep my personal life separate from work. So anyway, this lady is trying to get to me and being a student I can't speak up for myself...I feel like I have to take it and take it. Now, she isn't a teacher of mine or grading me but sometimes she jumps into the mix and wants to instruct me.

So anyway, I got peeved that she is trying to dig into my personal life and I talked to another person at work on how to handle the situation or deal with said person and the person I talked to in confidence went to the supervisor on her own. This morning the supervior talked with me and said it was not ok that how this tech was treating me and to steer clear of her. And, she wants to talk to the tech about it. God, this has gotten so out of hand....I guess I couldn't keep quiet anymore as I'm stressing about this even on weekends. And, even worse, the supervisor wants to talk to my school coordinator about the situation too. Damned if you do...damned if you don't it feels like. I'm interning at this site until December and I have to survive....I mean my mental health. So in the end, I guess it will get her off my back but she prob. hates me and will talk behind my back...and that's so not what I need but it's too late now. It sooooooooooo reminds me of high school and meeting that one 2 faced bitch you know is out to hurt you. They say they are trying to help you but I don't see it that way at all. I'm usually a good judge of character and I pegged this one from the beginning.

Anyway just venting....cause I can't get into all of it. I consider myself an easy going person so for someone to get under my skin is a rare thing. Usually, it's about them....about how they were treated as a child or what? Why would she want to dig into my life. I'm trying to be like a duck....and just let water slide off my back...it usually works but it's not working now.

So I hope your week is going better than mine. At least my hubby got home safe and sound from Alaska and that is a plus. I need to concentrate on what is really important in my life. Don't sweat the small stuff.....but sometimes the small stuff really adds up.

ok....one bright note....did go to wt watchers and down -2.6. Let's see if I can keep it up.

boobs are like magnets

Been out of the blogosphere for a while.....been busy with my interning/working and just tired every night!!

Had a great time at Lake Chelan last weekend. Wish I had some pictures and I brought my camera but noticed it was missing my digital chip/storage chip. Bummer! We had fun in the sun and just hanging with the family and going swimming.

I went shopping for a swimsuit the night before I left....and let me tell you it was pure torture. I'm sure some of you ladies will agree with me.....I hate trying on swimsuits!!! Especially if you aren't so svelte. I must have tried on 20 and finally found the basic black number....it covered a lot except it let the ladies....yes the boobs hang out a bit. Let me tell you....well, why not flaunt them if you got them, right? I never seem too but I guess they were last weekend as I got some long stares from some of the gentlemen at the pool. Boobs are as good as magnets I guess. I made my mom and sis laugh when I told them that an old boyfriend long ago said, "you should share them with the world". ha ha. I felt a little self conscious but I thought, 'hey screw it, just live a little for once'.

In other news, think I'm down a few pounds but won't weigh in till tomorrow due to work and my back issues I was having and just not feeling like going 1/2 an hour over to the meeting when I'm tired.

Got some bad news yesterday that my father in law has colon cancer and is due for an operation. I hope it goes well but you never know about these things. I tried to get a hold of my hubby as he's up fishing in Alaska but the cell phone reception is really iffy on the high seas of Bristol bay. I finally did connect with him to give him the news but maybe I should have waited till he comes home but I think time is of the essence with such news.

Other than that.....just hanging in and doing some things I need to do to stay healthy, physically and emotionally. What are you up to these days bloggers??????

going to chelan and thoughts on pain

Two more days of work and then I am heading for Lake Chelan! It is in eastern Washington and is a nice spot to go and enjoy the sun and the water and just mellow out and get away from the big city.

Here's a picture of it from last year:



yes....it will be nice....I need to get away from it all....even if only for a few days!

It's been a sucky week since Sunday as I strained my back really bad. Have any of you out there done that? Think it's one of the muscles on the upper part of the sacrum/pelvis. Have you ever strained it so bad that it's tough to just get out of bed?? Yeah, that's where I found myself Sunday night. And alone...as the hubby has went to Alaska and my mom has my son. I was thinking....god, what if I just couldn't get up to go to the bathroom....I kept trying to get up and it felt like 10 knives were stabbing me in the back. I had images of me in 40 years from now and old and decrepid and in pain. God.....is this what it's like to get old. Share with me any and all back injuries and how you dealt with them. I tried ibuprofen, icyhot (lotion stuff), ice and Doan's pain pills. Nothing seemed to work but the pain pills knock you out a bit with a sleep aid in them. God, never been in this much pain since I had a baby....that was worse of course. I have a feeling that this isn't the end of my back pain as once you injure your back people tell me it just reoccurs. Oh happy, happy, joy, joy.

Well, the pain is easing up after a few days but I still can't get comfortable sitting or laying down.....argghhhh. I'll be the first woman to invent a way to sleep while standing up. ha.

On a brighter note, leave me a note and tell me what you are up to for 4th of July weekend! It should be fun.

my dogs are barking!

Just trying to survive the week as I'm interning full time, 40 hours per week. My dogs are barking, my feet are so achy. I'm not used to being on my feet all the days of the week. It sure is harder than a desk job like I used to have.

I need to drop weight quick to help me with this job. I'm doing well as far as doing my compentencies/testing and should complete them next week. I like to get all the testing out of the way as I'm there for 8 weeks this summer and don't want to worry about having my xray/tests done.

I was thinking.....why do we blog??? Why do you blog??? Even if I don't have many readers, I think I blog cause I enjoy the interaction from you out there in blogland. I think it helps as years ago I moved out to the country and away from friends and family so it helps somehow. But why do we put in the work of documenting our lives.....it is a lot of work. Just a way to connect with others I guess.

Talk to ya later as I'm tired and don't feel like blogging......I did join wt watchers again so we'll see what Monday's weigh in brings.

Daveattle blog meet up!

I did go to the Daveattle blog meet up last night in Seattle. I'm glad I went, it was fun to meet you all! I have to admit that I was really nervous and that my stomach was in knots. And for what? You all were very friendly and wonderful people. I'll share some pictures of the blog meet up and I had a chance to meet Dave, Sizzle and her fella, Nicole, Tracy, Dustin, Matt and Scott, Vahid, Kristin, Bryan and Chris. Think that was everyone...... That's me in the black shirt with the blondish hair.....we did a few tatoo's but didn't get too crazy.....












I'm a little worse for the wear...I drank a little too much and got a little goofy like I do when I drink. It prob. wasn't too wise to drive and I stopped on the way home for a break and caffeine. Let's just say I rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks so when I have more.....ha. Now I'm looking for all your blogs to add to my favorites as you'll have a new reader.....

Thought I'd post now as I have to go up north to Mt. Vernon to meet my sister for her bday dinner and give the kid to my mom as I'm back to work tomorrow. Not looking forward to the 2 hour, 30 min drive each way and being back late at night but I have to do the family thing.

Well Dave, now you've created a blogger groupie and I'll have to go to Tequila con next year, well we'll see. I've got too many pictures from last night....so I'll put the rest of them on the side bar in my flickr page....

It would be nice to meet all you other bloggers out there!!! But I know it is near impossible as some of you live in Australia and New Zealand....but ya never know, I've always wanted to dive the Great Barrier Reef.

guard your heart and your mind

Back to the weight loss....yeah, I'm always starting again....but at least I keep trying. Here's a wt loss story to share http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?sc=17&SuccessStoryID=9851
I would like to be like this lady....we have similar wt loss goals. I am going back to wt watchers on Monday after work. I think I'm finally ready to do this. ha.

Well, I talked a little of doing the therapy type stuff and though I don't go into a lot of details on why I feel like I need to go I'll share some from time to time. One thing I'm working on is self esteem and body image. He (therapist) was talking about some things from the bible....he's real religious...and one thing he said is 'not to sit in judgement of others' as that would be acting like God. I said I try not to judge others but I judge myself. He said we are the most critical of ourselves. He said to 'guard my heart and my mind' from negative thoughts about myself. If you hear that old familiar voice saying something negative about body size or just other things you are not liking about yourself just stop it in it's tracks. Don't let it into your heart or mind or you will poison the well. I'm sure he's talking about think positive thoughts. Say daily affirmations that are positive about yourself....keep saying them. It's that whole cognitive behaviour type stuff. I know it probably works but I seem to have trouble with this one. I was never one to put up positive signs and say them. Sure, I've put up thinner pics of myself and tryed to motivate myself that way. A year or so back I read 'you can heal your life' or something to that affect and it talked all about this kind of approach I just never adapted it. Not sure why I'm having trouble....just sometimes it seems kind of cheesy but I know there is something to it.

I'm going to the blog greet and meet tonight in Seattle. I prob. only know about 2 bloggers....and don't know them very well but for some reason I feel a need to go and meet these people. I'm nervous though as I always am sometimes with new people. I guess a drink or 2 will be in order to get me talking. ha! I'm sure it will be a fun time. I was dissapointed that my friend, Kim, who was going as my wing man (so to speak) probably can't make it. I was looking forward to seeing her as I have been missing my monthly ladies get togethers (the old high school friends).

I start my interning again full time on Monday. I'm feeling a bit apprehensive for some reason as I know it will be a long summer of working and I have a lot of tests, called competencies to do to prove I can do certain x-rays. It will be challenging. Also, my mom will be helping care for my son so I'll be missing him the days he's up at my mom's (3 hours away) but they will be here from time to time and I get him on the weekends. I hope he is going adjust to the schedule these next 8 weeks. God knows it'll save me a ton on babysitting money.

We went to my parent's cabin the last few days. Only 3 of use went as everyone was busy working...here's a few pic of my son, he's really getting the hang of kayaking.


















Also, here' a pic of our toyroom...well someday it will be the living room...and why do we have a tent put up? We got a tent cheap at the REI sale and we have plans to go camping this summer so my hubby and son were anxious to put it up an try it out.








Tell me what you are up to in blogland this summer!?!! I've lost a lot of readers so comment if you stop by. Not like I have much interesting stuff to blog about but I like the interaction of all you bloggers! Have a great weekend!

The weekend

Thx for the comments on the last post. I know it's normal to have thoughts such as those and on to the next thing. I'm so over that today and feeling pretty good but maybe some things are better left as thoughts in my head, right? And, yeah, I pulled the post as it made me nervous....ha. Those of you that read it, read it and prob. a lot of you didn't catch it and that might be a good thing. ha.

It does wonders for my mood to be around all my family for the weekend. We had 2 graduation parties...one for my neice (from middle sister) and nephew (of my oldest sister). Ya, that's right I'm the baby of the family.

Here's some pics of the grads. My neice in pink and my nephew is the tall one in blue with the wild hair. He loves to play guitar in a rock band, ha! It is unbelievable that these kid are all grown up...and going on to college.I remember when my nephew was a baby was the year that I met my husband. Wow, how time flies.
Congratulations graduates!!!!!!!!!!!!










This week is my week off from school, so it's time for more house cleaning and then we are off to ride bikes and go to the park. I have some meetings/therapy type stuff tomorrow and then on Wednesday I think me and my boy and my mom and whoever else will go to their cabin. I need time away from this house this week as I'm bored already. Maybe my grades are out from the last quarter...but I'm pretty sure I got A's and B's.

I'm also working of a photo thing for my friend Dawn's (who passed on from cancer) daughter who will be 11. I hope she likes it...just some photos of Dawn and her daughter together and photos from the past. I called down to check on how their lives were going and I got the answering machine....it still had my friend's voice on it. It made me sad as hearing her voice cause it made me feel like she was still alive....maybe they can't bear to erase it if they don't have a recording of her voice...I couldn't blame them. I was wishing that I still had a voice mail message from her last year congratulating me on the tri race and how proud she was of me. I wish I found a way to record/keep that. Ugggghhhhh. I'm still sad about losing her but of course it gets better with each passing month.

I had a little time in my hometown growing up (which is on Whidbey Island). It really is a beautiful place up near the San Juan Islands and had some time to meet 2 old friends, one for breakfast and one for coffee. I liked seeing them both as it is far and few between that I get up that way. I had thoughts of moving up there someday after I get done with college (it's about 3 hours north of where I live) but my hubby shot down that idea. I guess it's not practical as there aren't that many jobs but who knows what the future will bring.

I'm posting a lot more this week as I have more free time.....next time I'll post about weight loss I suppose or about the online bloggers I will meet next week if all goes well. I didn't realize I might have to celebrate my sis's bday on the same day as the blogger meet up but I'll swing it somehow.

Have a great week!!!!!!!!!!

Had a good time in San Francisco

It was a quick trip to San Fran for the race. Here's a few pics of Alcatraz, my hubby and son and the infamous, Golden gate bridge. I didn't like the photo of me so it doesn't go up. ha! It gives me motivation to work out this week and start losing again. It was a good trip but only the weekend so we didn't get much time for site seeing but oh well. We got to see a lot of my hubby's family who live in Cali and he enjoyed that a lot. The weather was sunny and gorgeous and in the 70's so we liked that as our weather sucks here in Washington lately.
(Look at the pic of my hubby running....see the girl in the green top....she was the youngest to do the race (think age 11)....think my hubby beat her as she started the swim before him as they go out in waves/groups....but wow....this girl will be something if she keeps up these tri's!)

I just got done with my finals! Yes! I've been so stressed out and getting only 5 hours a sleep the last 4 days due to cramming for the tests and being out of town last weekend. Oh well, I'll try not to do that next time as it's too hard and I had to live on coffee lately. I've been getting those calf area cramps as too much caffeine I think!

This weekend is the graduation parties for my neice and nephew for each of my sister's kids. Should be fun. I got a chance to go up by Seattle/Lynnwood today and had a chance to meet with an old friend as I was picking up my boy from my mom. He's already done with kindergarten so we are starting on our summer vacation (mine is only 10 days, till next quarter!) but we will find some fun stuff to do like go to the zoo and do play dates.

Other than that.....I'm just beat and will take a rest on the couch if I can. (didn't happen as my boy wanted to ride bikes). Hope you all are doing well and comment, k??? Let me know if you are still out there in blogland....ha.

(Oh yeah, this is for you, Dave of blogography...though I don't think you read this blog....yeah, it's the Hard Rock that you like. We actually didn't go in there as we were meeting people at the restaurant down the way called wipeout.)

Excited to get out of town

Excited to get out of town to San Fran. this weekend. My hubby is getting really excited about his race/triathalon on Sunday by Alcatraz. I hope there are no sharks! I doubt it but you wouldn't see them coming if they were there. He's ready and fully trained that's for sure.

I'm stressing a bit as finals are Tuesday and Wednesday next week (yuck physics!) and I'm trying to pre-study as much as I can as I know I won't get much done in CA cause the inlaws and family will be there and watching the race and site seeing. But, I'll try on the plane but you know how it is if you have kids around....they want your attention but we'll see.

My last day of the quarter for clinical/interning is tomorrow so I'm happy I will have a short break from that. Can't wait till Thursday next week when all I have to worry about is keeping my son entertained as he will be out of school. Summer quarter will start soon enough on the 23rd but at least it will be a short breather. And also, it's like full time work...the interning (summer)...it will be 40 hours per week for 8 weeks doing xray but at least no homework that I'm aware of. That will start up again in September with the rotation of school and interning different days.

I'll try to take some photos of the city and of the race and post next week. I'll prob. take your advice and meet up with online bloggers it's just that I have so much going on right now...have graduation parties to go to and things with friends but we'll see. Have a great week!

Last weekend

Here's a few pictures from last weekend. Some from the ocean/puget sound down by the city of Tacoma. My triathalon man did some swimming and we just played around the beach. Then the one of my son going in the water is from the cabin that we go to sometimes. He said "mom, watch me do a backflip!" And this was the result. Ha ha. He's funny.

We had a good weekend even though the weather was mediocre but it wasn't too bad on Saturday. Not good enough to swim but that doesn't stop my boy, he swims in any weather. He's getting pretty good at fishing too.

Well, as usual this isn't much of a wt loss blog so I'll just keep blogging about whatever comes to mind. I'm still going to wt watchers but not losing much. I've been stressed with finals coming up soon and with my clinical intership as well and going to meetings/therapy type stuff so my head is not in the right place I think.

We are looking forward to going to CA on the 6th for my hubby's big race so we're looking forward to that. Just trying to figure out how to study for finals in the great city of San Francisco and visit with my inlaws and sister's in law. Near impossible I suppose. I'll try on the plane I guess.

A question to pose to you all.....If you had a chance to meet online bloggers, would you?? Have you ever?? I'm thinking of going to Seattle to meet a few in June but not sure. My hubby says 'isn't it best that with blogging you don't really meet the people?' I think he means that your free to share info without having to meet face to face or you're incognito. I don't know. What do ya'all think?

Feeling a sense of relief

Feeling a sense of relief as this has been a bitch of a week! Two tests, one in physics and did my speech and turned in my 7 page paper. Woooohooo! On to the 3 day weekend!!!

Gotta go....as it's Friday and my hubby....weird as this sounds....wants me to go watch him swim in the ocean down near Tacoma waterfront!!! I said I'd watch him so he doesn't drown or get bit by sharks. ha! His triathlon in San Fran. is just 2 weeks and 2 days away. I'll try to find my camera and take a picture though the weather looks like rain, yuck.

By the way....tried the Massage Envy place I was talking about. I had a gift card from Mother's day for a massage. It was good! I called and they said Manuel will be your massage therapist. I was thinking 'maybe I need a woman'. ha! I've only had one massage in my life. I walk in and there is this tall, muscly black man who said he was from Nigeria. Yow! He was pretty good though but I thought he pressed too hard. I like the relaxation massage compared to the deep tissue that's for sure. Now I'll try not to wait 2 years before having another....as that's how long it has been since my first one. Now I'm having fantasies of the rich life....where I could get massages weekly if not daily....workouts with a trainer....a chef in the kitchen and a cleaning person and a pool out back.....ahhhhhh, if only.

Have a great 3 day weekend if you have it off!!!! I wish our weather was nice like last weekend.

what's your thoughts on self esteem

This week is going ok. Been too busy for my own good with tests and now a paper due Friday and a big speech to give! I really hate public speaking but it is a small group. I did it last quarter and I survived and suppose I will this time too. I'm just feeling I don't know the subject matter as much as last time so I'll read some more before then and make note cards or something. It only has to be 10-15 minute speech.....wonderful.

Today, I am thinking about self esteem. First, I was thinking of it as I was reading Hilly's post at snackiepoo.com about how people make self-depreciating remarks about themselves. Maybe as a way to joke or maybe as a way to protect themselves from whatever comment they may make to hurt you. I was also thinking of this cause at my clinical site where I intern for my future career they said a while ago "have more confidence". Yeah, I guess, I feel that I could use more confidence but I feel I'll get it when I get used to doing more xray and especially after the summer when I'm interning 5 times/week that quarter. So, anyway, I was suprised when I was talking to my teacher, well really the tech at work that is one of them who is teaching me and we were talking about the hospital where I might be assigned to next year. I said there is XY hospital that I don't want due to the reputation. Now this hospital has so many stories from people I know and people I've heard of that have gotten mistreated there and so much negative people there so that's why I don't want it. My teacher/tech say "yeah, I hope you don't get it cause with you self confidence, blah blah....it wouldn't be a good fit for you" Something to that effect. Anyway, can't remember if she said self-confidence or what but it made me think. Hmmmmmm.....is that how she really sees me as a student? I suppose so or she wouldn't have said it. Is this something I can change? This lady did her interning at said hospital and hated it. So, anyway, I was thinking, that I will have loads more confidence in my abilities by January when I switch intern sites. I guess, I felt a little down as I felt like she was saying that I'm not a confident person. Maybe I'm not but I feel like I am in certain areas and not so much in other areas as I was talking about it previous posts of mine.

Anyway, what's your thought on this? Is confidence related to self esteem? Can you change something like that about yourself? Have any of you done that? I think I can in relation to the school and interning as it's a high learning curve and I always feel like I'm on edge and you get lots of critisicm. It's just the way it is to learn the profession.

And I was thinking....when I was younger, I had more confidence, more self esteem. It seems when my weight crept up and I had some other problems in my life, I took a beating. I changed a bit. I don't like it now that I think about it. Here's hoping I can get back to who I once was.

Anyway.....some days I wish I were someone else. And other days I think I'm fine just the way I am. In the wt loss front, I'm holding steady and no progress this week. I'm going to the gym here soon with my son and hope to get some kind of workout. Talk to ya later.

Had a loss

Had a loss this week at wt watchers....down -2.4! So I was happy with that. I don't think I totally followed the plan as I have so much other stuff going on but I've been sick and not felt like eating as much. So since ww weighs you in with your clothes I'll just keep my weight the same on the side bar as my scale says 225. I can't wait to see it go down further.

I had to get my spring fat pants down. I remember last year I was lighter and was going to throw these certain capri pants away and thought....no, I better keep them. As I was throwing away all my fatter clothes. Ha, now I'm glad I kept them.

I'm in a better mood than earlier this week. The counseling is hard as you really have to bare your soul and that makes me very emotional. But, I'm hoping it's therapeutic too. My doc gave me a questionnaire, let's call it a personality test. I hate these things....questions like 'are you kind to animals?', 'do you like mechanic books?', 'Do you ever feel like killing yourself?' Oh brother, I don't think these test tell anything. Yeah, it will prob. come out that I'm a little depressed and that my self esteem isn't as good as it can be. But, it's hard to answer some questions as True or False cause I have self esteem in some areas of my life, like school and work/interning but in other areas like body issues I don't. Anyway, not sure if he is the therapist for me....

I was reading some where that people with depression have a tendency to think about things going wrong in their lives or times when people have mistreated them and mull them over and over and it just makes them more depressed. What do you think of that theory? Could be some truth to it.

Well, I gotta get going I need to type out a 5 page paper, read 4 chapters and get to my dad's cabin to work! I don't have the time! Stress, much? yes a lot! Hope you are all doing well on your healthy journeys this week! We are supposed to get 82 degree weather today....wooooohooooooooo!!!!!!

Working on some issues

Just working through some issues these last few weeks. The money issues, self esteem issues, the weight, the depression.

I've taken a really hard, long, look at myself and feel like I'm coming out of a long coma and can finally see myself as I really am. It's taken me a long time to come to this point. Let's just say I've hit rock bottom this year and there is no way but up.

Without going into all the details and getting you all involved up in all my crap, let's just say I'm doing some group therapy these past 2 weeks and will start individual therapy tomorrow. I'm feeling loads better already. I think it's finally time to really think about some of what I've been fighting with has been depression. We'll see after I talk some with the therapist.

But, this is just one part of me. The other parts are functioning well. Being a good mom, wife, and daughter. Keeping up with the studies and doing well at college. It's all good there. It's just myself I'm not happy with. It's just myself I need to work on. To really see yourself as you are and not what who other people think you are. Maybe I've been keeping up a good circus...keeping all the balls in the air? Maybe I've been hiding my feeling and keeping the mask on. If you know what I mean.

Yeah, heavy stuff to deal with. But, I'm feeling hope that this is a way to get me back. A way to get healthy again. Maybe a way to get back to God. My spiritual side has been lagging for years and years and I find myself missing that aspect of myself.

The weight part, I don't think it's doing that well. I don't know, I'll weigh in tomorrow at wt watchers. It seems I'm concentrating on others issues now and this gets on the back burner due to being busy and too much on my plate. But, I've been sick this week with a cold as the kid seems to get everything at school and I get it too. Hope it's over soon!!

Hope everyone had a nice mom's day!! I did and got to see my mom and also got a gift certificate for a massage from my hubby. That's going to be awesome....now I just have to find some time to go, can't wait! Hope you are all doing well this week.

Thoughts on wt wtchers and on the IE book

I am thinking of going back to wt watchers here soon. I don't know, I'm conflicted. It does help me to stay on track to be accountable to someone about weighing in and hear encouraging words from a program/meetings such as this.

I had been reading the IE (Intuitive Eating) book and do like what they have to say. Here's a bit:

Respect your body

Body image: a waist is a terrible thing to mind

"Most of our clients are adept at being overly critical or hating their bodies. And putting an end to body worry and self-loathing is no easy task. Most of us have trouble accepting a compliment, let alone the idea of accepting our bodies. We have found that the notion of accepting your body was too much of a stretch for our clients as a beginning point. They feared that if they accepted their current body size, it would mean complacency, giving up, and getting bigger. It's one thing to lose the battle of the buldge, they'd say, but to totally give up would mean ultimate failure. At least there is honor and dignity in continuing the fight."

later the authors say....

"stop body bashing" such as "I hate my thighs" or "I have a double chin". Try to find something that you do like about your body even if it is only one thing such as your eyes or your feet. They also talk about what is a realistic weight to get to for your body type. Maybe it is above your ideal.

I'll talk about it more later as I gotta go pick up my kid from school.....
Have a great week. I'm doing pretty good this week!