ever get into a funk?

Do you ever get into a funk? You know that time of the month rolls around and you cry at the drop of a hat? You hate your life, your body, your choices. Usually it just last for a day or so but it's been 3 days of feeling like crap. Let's see, I cried at the library on Tuesday just from seeing a cute little innocent girl giving me the cutest look and then at the book store as I was reading a book about changing my life by changing my mind or how I think and getting more in touch with God. It wouldn't hurt for me to get to church and quit thinking of my woes. Two days with no exercise but I forced myself to go today and I did feel a little better after I worked up a sweat.

I was thinking of my friend who has depression and she takes some meds, (not prozac) to feel happy. I've always fought getting on meds as I hate to take medicine. Especially since she says she has no libido from being on the meds and just doesn't want to get intimate with the husband. I don't need something dampening what libido I do have. I think I just have the SAD (seasonal effect disorder) cause when I get some nice weather in the Spring or when I just went to California my mood does a 180. I've been trying to take an honest stock of my life and see that it really isn't so bad. Yeah, we have debt, but I have a great family of sisters and parents and a nice hubby and a son. I have my health and I'm improving it. I have friends though I don't see them often due to moving more south 6 years ago. Anyway, a list of what I'm grateful for does help some so I try to do it from time to time.

I am starting the tri training and doing hour or more of cardio 4 times a week and starting up biking and swimming and jogging again. I'm doing the baby steps to where I need to be. I need to check out tri training web sites but haven't felt like it. My friend, Kathy, who is doing the tri with me wants us to sign up for a biking or swimming seminar/training thing in Seattle. I think we will do the swimming one as we get to swim in the lake where the tri will be held and get some tips on improving our swimming technique.

I'm looking forward to my Vegas trip at the end of the month. I hope the weather is good, it should be. Not the best place to be going when I'm trying not to spend a lot but my mom is taking me and my sisters so that's nice. It will be nice to be with just the ladies and no responsibilities to deal with. What I'm really looking forward to is seeing my friend, Dawn, and seeing how she is holding up w/ the chemo. It's always good to see her as we can talk about anything without thinking 'what are they thinking about me' that I feel with some other friends. She's the kind of friend where you can be yourself and always feel better after talking to her. I hope I do the same for her.

Thanks to my blogger buddies for stopping by and giving advice on the money issue or just sharing about your $ woes, it helps! I just got the Secret dvd for my sister for her bday and I heard my mother in law is sending it to us. Has anyone read the Secret book or watched the dvd? What did you think? It sound like you just need to think and stay positive and positive things will happen for you. Then we will be happy, ha. I know there is probably something to that but sometimes it's easy to read but hard to put into practice. Hope everyone is having a good week!!!

Insomnia, debt and wt gain blog

Ok, the bad news is I'm up a pound! This is officially the weight gain blog! I haven't really been on program. I am exercising so that is something I suppose. I'm trying to have a good week starting today and see what next week will bring.

I've been having insomnia for the last few months. A lot of this has to do with worry and the main worry is our increasing debt we have. So, after talking at length w/ my hubby about the amount of debt we've decided to consolidate it and get a home equity loan. This won't get the monkey off our backs but it will make one payment rather than several payments. We also talked of selling the house and this is a difficult topic. I was worrying about next fall as I have to go to college full time/days and about how to pay for it. It is hard once I became a stay at home mom and student. Seems we still lived as though I had income coming in like before. Maybe once this loan is finalized I will get some real rest and quit worrying all the time. I also will get some type of part time job at night, hopefully in April to bring in a little extra income. I really don't want to move at this point. I mean this was our first bigger house as we had a condo before and I don't want to give it up and go backwards. The hardest topics seem to be money, sex and child rearing!!

I think this issue with money has had a lot to do with me not being able to really be successful lately on the wt watchers healthy living plan. I'm hoping now that will change that we are finally taking some action on dealing with this problem. Anyone out there had issues with money? How did you deal with it?

I hope everyone is having a good week!

The stranger.....and self esteem

A weird thing happened to me the other day. My son and I had just gotten our baggage at the airport and just went outside to meet my hubby when he drove up. This fellow was running with his bag and I saw him out of the corner of my eye as he we ran the other way as I heard the wheels of his bag making a lot of noise. All of of sudden I heard the noise stop and I just felt like someone's eyes were boring into the back of my head so I turned around and this guy was flat out staring at me. We locked eyes and the wheels turned in my head, 'is it an old lover (there were several before the hubby), no, was it an old classmate, no, was it an old friend, no, a scuba student or co-worker from the time I lived in the islands, no.' He kind of reminded me of Bob from the Bachelor show. Did you ever see that guy? He was on Oprah a few times too. He just kept staring and then we continued on our way to catch our ride. It was weird though and I was thinking, is he checking me out? I don't look 1/2 bad today as I didn't wear my usual black and had on new clothes. Does he think I'm his long lost sister, lover, etc? Is this the first time he's seen a woman as he's been in the amazon out in the wild? Ha!

I just started to think of my self esteem and body image and this made me think of all these years I've been hiding under this layer of fat. Not many guys will look at a chubby woman compared to a thin one. I've stayed under the radar. But, there are occasional times when a guy will look or talk to me. I remember when I was thin and I got a lot more attention, and sometimes I didn't like it. Of course, I have the attention of the man I care most about, my husband but when he compliments me I'm thinking "he's just saying that to make me feel good" or when we get some quality time "is he checking out my fat tummy or chubby thighs". Arrggghhhg....I really am sick of being down on myself about my size and how it affects my personal relationships and just going out and doing all that I want to do.

In other news, I have been exercising a lot but I still continue to make some undesirable food choices. What am I stuffing down? What emotion? I need to find a way to deal with it and it continues to elude me, this issue with food. Why can it not just be sustenance. Why can't I eat to live instead of living to eat???? The million dollar question I suppose.

Well, we are off to a kids bday party at a play place so that will be fun for my son and then maybe out to dinner or something. I'm starting my tri training and I'll talk more about it later. I'm determined not to be in last place at the danskin tri!!! I hope everyone is having a good week!!

Palm Desert

Here's some of the pics I took from Palm Desert. Palm Desert is about 10-15 miles from Palm Springs. The one of the golf course with the flag and sand traps was the view from the house. The house is the one on the right in the second pic. Of course golf is a big thing down here and my parents go a lot but all we did with my son was putt putt golf. We had a great time and the weather was mostly in the 70's but yesterday it was in the 80's so it was a bummer that we had to leave as the weather was heating up. I took a lot more pics but they are mostly family shots and zoo animals shots for my son.

We went to the desert zoo, swam a lot and went to a fun center. My son had a blast. The only down part was that both of us were still sick with colds but we didn't let that stop us. I wanted to stay longer but we had to get back. I love all the palm trees and there are load of cactus (I got more pics if U want cactusfreek). I like the adobe style buildings and there are some newer cities like La Quinta and Indio that were awesome. It did seem like a lot of traffic down there though.

Well, did get on the scale at home today and up a few pounds. I will go to ww next week and then post about it then. I haven't been putting the effort into the weight loss, especially on vacation but I will go work out today when my son is in school! Hope everyone is doing good on their healthy living even if I am not at the moment!!

Going towards the warm weather

My son and I are off to Palm Springs, CA tomorrow. Yeah!!! We'll be back on Monday next week. I'm hoping for some warm weather and it's forcasted for high 60's and then 70's and maybe 83 by Sunday. That would be awesome and anything will be better than the 30-40's we are having here. My son loves to swim so I'm hoping the weather will be good enough to swim outside. I've been to Palm Springs a long time ago when I first lived in California (Long Beach) with my husband when we first knew each other. I took a road trip over there with my mom way back then. It is a nice place and desert like landscape and palm trees and nice hotels, and lots of good golf courses. Of course, sometimes you see all the rich people and their cars, houses, etc. but it seems a lot different than say Hollywood. I will bring the camera and try get some shots of the scenery.

On the diet front, I didn't weigh in yesterday due to being sick with the tummy flu or something. I couldn't even get out of the house yesterday and that was challenging with a 5 yr old wanting to go to the park and play all day. We settled for playing outside for a while as I had to lay down part of the day. I sure am catching every cold bug and sickness these past 2 months. I'm sick of it. I'm doing a lot better today though we both have stuffy noses. I'm just hoping that we don't have trouble flying as far as getting our ears to equalize. The birthday weekend was good. We went out to eat Thai and had Phad Thai and panang curry and also to a restaurant called the Ram. It is a restaurant/microbrewery and I had something called Bourbon chicken and mashed potatoes. It was awesome. We had this giant piece of Mud pie but we all shared it wasn't so bad. I'm afraid the weight isn't budging but I know why -- just too much food. Too much good and calorie laden food. Though I sure didn't eat much yesterday so may have undone some of the damage. I got in some exercise today but it was just walking but better than nothing. The trip will be a challenge to eat right but I'll try my best.

I hope everyone is having a good week and I'll catch up with you next week.

sick to my stomach.....about triathalon, about cancer

No, not sick anymore with a cold or flu but just signed up for the Seattle Danskin Womens' triathalon in August. I feel sick with like butterflies in my stomach and wonder if I can do this! All I need to do is swim, bike and run. Seems doable, doesn't it? I can do these things separately, well maybe not run all the way yet but I haven't combined more that 2 of these different activities yet. I know if I can't do it all, I can walk in the run, that should be my focus at the moment. I've invited a few of my friends and have 2 takers so far so I'm excited about that. You really do the race by yourself at your own pace but it would be fun to see my friends at the beginning and end, or maybe start the race together as we will be in the same age group.

One of my main reasons for doing this is to raise money for breast cancer research as this is near and dear to me. My best girlfriend, Dawn, has been fighting the fight against breast cancer for a few years now. It's so hard on her but she is a strong woman but it's not going away. She got this disease at a pretty early age, in her 30's. Something has to be done to find the cure! I'm just a little emotional about it right now as I just talked to her recently (she lives in a diff. state) and she is going through her 3rd round of chemo in the past few years and she is so tired all the time. I just get so worried that I might lose her someday. This is the kind of friend I don't want to lose, the kind you can talk to about anything, the kind that has your back, the kind that keeps your secrets and you keep hers and never will divulge to anyone, the kind that helps you when your marriage gets rocky and you help her when hers is on the brink of divorce, the kind that will be there for you no matter what. Those kind of friends are hard to find. We went to high school together but got really close after high school when we lived together for a while. I just don't know what I can do for her but be supportive as much as I can from the distance/miles between us like I have been. But, on somedays, when I hear her talk, I feel I'm not doing enough for her. I also am going for a visit at the end of March for our annual trip to vegas and will see her then as she lives there so really looking forward to that.

Anyway, on the eating/diet front, it isn't going that well this week due to birthday celebrations for 2 days and just eating out too much and too much chocolate. Yikes. I need to get my butt into gear to start really training for this and drop a good amount of weight by August. My knee has been aching since I started up jogging again so I have to ease off of that for a while, but, I'm not letting up on the exercising. The elliptical machine is still ok and the walking isn't too bad. I hope everyone is having a good week!!

Just maintaining

Just maintaining this week and I'm ok with that. I have been off my regular routine as I've been sick a lot. I've started exercising again this week and will try for 4 or 5 times this week. I also need to get my eating in line and start eating more fruits and veggies. That's the goal this week.

I had a nice weekend and went to see the play 'Buddy' about Buddy Holly's life. It was really good and was mostly about the music. The main actor who played buddy was a local Seattle man who plays in the band the Dusty 45's. I've never heard of them but someone told me they sing rock-a-billy. I'm assuming it's a country rock kind of thing. Maybe I'll have to go check them out as he is really talented. We then went to the top of the Hilton and had a really nice dinner. It's nice to get some time in with my sisters, mom and some other women and do something fun. Sunday we went back up to Seattle as my hubby wanted to use his gift certificate I got him at this triathalon store. Chase and I played at Gasworks park that we've been to before (think I posted pics a while back) and then up to Greenlake to the playground. There is a running/walking path around Greenlake and it's about 3.3 miles. I should attempt to run that some day.

I've got a b-day coming up this weekend and we will probably just go out to dinner with my folks as they will be on their way down to Palm Springs, and it's count down to when my son and I will visit there at the end of the month, 7 more days......can you tell I'm excited to get out of town. It hasn't helped that it has been raining for like 10 days straight, sometimes the weather drives me crazy in Washington! I hope everyone is having a good week and I'll by to visit your blogs here soon.

Week not going as planned and about triathalons!

This week is not going as planned. I've been sick with another cold and just so tired and run down. You would think I wouldn't feed a cold but I have, I mean not a lot but some wrong choices. And only exercised today for the week as no energy at all but I guess that's to be expected.

Is anyone out there thinking of doing a first triathalon or a first run/race? I made a plan last year to do the Danskin women's tri in August (if I can get registered in time, it sells out fast when they open it to register.) What I would have to do is a 1/2 mile swim, a 12 mile bike and a 3.1 mile run. I've wrote about this before and I'm trying to focus on what I will need to do to train for this race. So far, I've tried to get my endurance up to working out (cardio) for an hour or hour and 1/2 and started jogging last fall. I have been very sporadic in my jogging and have never gotten about 1.5 miles jogging though I usually will go a couple more miles on top of that with walking and then add on the elliptical. So I feel I have the endurance but need the right training. I'm not sure exactly what that should be and I'm gonna do some more research and reading on the subject. Of course, what I need to do is bike more and swim more that's for sure. What have you all done out in blog land to prepare for a first event?? I'm a little scared about the whole thing or maybe nervous but I'm excited at the same time.

I'm starting right now on making this a better rest of the week. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot after Monday wt loss. Hope everyone is having a good week!

weigh in day

Went to ww yesterday and had a loss of -2.8 lbs! Wooohooo! Finally a loss, it has been a real long time after my month of gaining. I wasn't sure how the week would turn out as my exercise was great and during the week I ate pretty good but the weekend I didn't count my points and didn't really diet. So I am real happy with that. This helps my mood and motivation a lot and my outlook is better and I have some optimism that I can do this again. I'm still having ups and downs but I just have to keep on this journey.

Not much else happening, I'm still working on those darn taxes and almost done. I've gotten a cold again and I just had one 2 weeks ago! So I'm pissed about that. My hubby caught one at work and obviously it's a different virus. Sick of being sick but what can you do. My son wanted to stay at Grandma's another day so I have some time to get things done around here. I miss him terribly though even though he sometimes wears me out.

Here's a quote I got off the ww newletter, "If it isn't hunger, food won't fix it!" Think I'll put that on my page to remind me. Hope everyone is having a good week!

The weekend

I felt I was doing pretty good this week as I worked out 5 times this week, but, I have been having these strong cravings for sugar or maybe it's carbs and then I cave a little on the food intake. I'm not sure if I'll have a loss on Monday or not, we'll see. The weekend wasn't as good as I wanted. We just got back from going to my mom's (it's about 3 hours away). She fed everyone pizza last night and I indulged a little too much. It is one of my trigger foods. Arrggghhh!! And just seems every time I go to visit there I eat too much junk food. I got to see both of my sisters (as one was visiting for the night and the other lives in town) so that was nice. My dad bought a new van so we aquired his old Honda Odyssey van. It has a lot of miles on it but still runs good and the only bad point is my dad spilled gas in the back and it reeks of gas. We will have to take out the carpet and dump it I'm afraid as I don't think you can get rid of that smell. My hubby was feeling a bit woozy on the drive home in it as the fumes seem strong. It will be his vehicle as he has a real old truck and wants to get rid of that soon. We also did our taxes and I just have to finish them up. I really hate doing taxes every year and wish the government would make it easier instead of these blasted forms and itemized deductions, etc. every year!

My son's school has winter break and conferences this week so he is at Grandma's for a day or two so I get a little break which is nice. I'll go to the gym tomorrow and wt watchers, finalize the taxes and clean house (can't wait!). Just kidding, I hate cleaning house but it's getting real grubby around here. Sorry, just boring old news today.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

Devil vs. the Angel

Sometimes, it feels like a little devil sitting on one shoulder and a little angel on the other. These are things I say to myself. Maybe you can recognize similar things in yourself?

The devil says "you know you can't reach your goal, you haven't so far, go ahead and eat the candy" and "who cares what you eat, it will taste so good and make you feel good" or "you know you want that pizza, or fries or ..." or even worse "your getting older" or "your ugly". The angel fights back with "this is just a little blip in the road, you have lost the most wt you ever have this past year, keep going" or "just eat healthy for today, and it will make you feel good" or "work out and push yourself, you know it will make you feel better" and "you are looking so much better than you used to getting those 40 pounds off" and "keep going, these baby steps will pay off over time and you can get to goal if you really put your mind to it!"
I think we are our own worse critic and I'm trying to let the angel win out and hear the positive comments. Usually I can do this but then the old devil pops in with his negative comments but I refuse to listen to them now. It is doing me no good.

On the exercise front it is going well, I'm going to try to get in 5 workouts this week. I started on Monday and got in 3 so far. I'm doing an hour of cardio most days (walking, jogging and elliptical machine) and then 1/2 of weight training on a few days a week. I think I will start swimming again on Friday as that is a light day at the pool. I want to start biking again but get bored easily on the stationary ones. I would like to try a spinning class. Has anyone tried one? What did you think? I love to bike outside but not in winter. When spring comes we have a great trail we do that is up to 16 miles.

I am thankful today that my Mom made it back safe from her trip to Argentina and Antartica. She was on this cruise boat and hit a hurricane type storms and 60 foot waves. The furniture was flying all over the boat, even pianos and doors. The windows were getting blown out and water coming in. She said she knows what it feels like to be on the Titanic, she was really scared for her life. They can't figure out why the captain didn't delay the trip as a storm warning was in effect. She thinks he had major pressure from the travel company to stay on schedule but jeez the risk he took as the boat wasn't as seaworthy as it could have been. My mom loves to travel to unique and far away places but we worry about her sometimes and on this trip we didn't hear from her for 2 1/2 weeks due to no email access and that was hard.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good week and I am doing a lot better and the one day at a time approach is working for now. It seems the scale is moving down about 2 pounds so I'm hoping I can keep it that way.

Ouch...that hurts!

I decided to finally go to wt watchers and weigh in today. I haven't been in a few weeks and before that I would go but not weigh in and take the easy way out. I will rip this band aid off real quick as it will be quick and painless....UP 9 Pounds! Ouch, that is painful! I don't think I've weighed in since the beginning of January. It was a lot higher than I thought it would be but I knew it would be quite a bit. As much as I hate to go out of onederland, I have to face reality and I am up 10 total pounds from my lowest (of 198) in December. I need to quit avoiding the scale and wallowing in my unhappiness and do something about it. It is amazing how quick I can gain and how slow it is to lose sometimes but at least I've stopped the madness for now. I still have a ways to go in dealing with this SAD or winter depression/blues but I am working on it.

The good news is that I'm back on program today and exercising and eating pretty good. I feel like it could be a good wt loss week (I hope) and get a big loss and take a chunk out of that gain. My short term goals are to work out at least 4 times per week and that shouldn't be a problem and to stay on the ww flex pts program. My long term goal is to lose these 10 lbs by the end of March as we are going to Vegas then. If I can lose more and get to -50 that would be great. And a little longer term goal is to get to at least -52 or more by May 1st as that will be a year from when I started this journey. I guess I am thinking of that # because it would be 52 wks in a year and get an average of a pound a week and that would be nice. I know that some people think you should put a date to lose a certain # of pounds by but I feel it will help me at this point. If I don't make the goal, it will be ok too but at least I have something to work toward these next few months.

Did you ever see that movie 'What about bob?' Funny movie. In the movie the therapist gets Bob to do baby steps to get his goals accomplished. That's how I am right now, baby steps to the gym, baby steps by eating salad, baby steps by just looking at today for now and trying to be as healthy as I can. I'm hoping one day will turn into 2 days on program and then a week and then a month. I'm going to try not to be as strict as I had been last year and maybe slow down the rate at which I lose and ease up a bit as I feel that maybe the way I was doing it set me up for a binge.

The ww meeting today was about heart disease. She made it fun and it was a game of jeopardy and we answered questions about heart disease and we did really well. It helped me to bring focus to my main reason for losing weight. Not too look better and feel better though they are very important, it is for my health!! She said that if you are in the overweight range that you are doubling your risk for heart disease and if you are even heavier it is quadrupled. Yikes, hadn't heard it put like that before and it gave me a renewed focus for trying to live a healthy life. Also, the meetings help me a lot and I have support there with the ladies and with the leader if I need it, so I have to remember that and to keep on going matter what.

I really appreciate all of you that commented on my blog recently. It helps to hear words of understanding or encouragement and to hear what wt loss struggles that you have been through too! We all will go through ups and downs on our wt loss journeys, I think there is no way around it. Thank you so much and I hope everyone has a good week.

Rock Bottom

Ok, I admit it. I've hit rock bottom, hit a real low point. I didn't want to make this the wt gain blog or the negative, pessimistic blog but I gotta write what I feel. I fell off the wagon big time. He#l I can't even catch up to the wagon matter how hard I run after it. It's like I've jumped off the high dive in the pool only to find no water at the bottom. I'm laying there thinking "how the heck am I gonna get up, now I'm down and out?". My rationality was that I would eat some crap food and then it would be out of my system. So I had the terriyaki, the chinese, the burgers w/ fries, the taco's w/ mexi fries, the ice cream, the cinnamon roll, etc., etc.....but the real low felt like yesterday. The choice was go to the gym, go to the bookstore or go get some Pad Thai noodles. The noodles won out as I said to myself "you haven't had these in months and you know you want some!" I was eating them and I wasn't even hungry and got sad. This is past food enjoyment, is this punishing myself or what? It's strange to think I used the food to block out bad feelings about some things in my life. Numb myself with food. This is scary territory. I know it's not the lowest I've been. That would be last year in April when I hit 246 and felt real bad about how I looked. So for 8 months I was good, I was on the straight and narrow and eating well week after week with hardly any slip ups. Then when xmas came, I went off program. At first just a little, then down the slippery slope to the bottom. It's not just all about the food, I have other issues in my life and one or two bad thing seems to make my good intention and progress in my wt loss go by the wayside. My wt is fluctuating wildly from up 5 pounds, then down 3, then up, then down. Anyway, just wanted to get this all out and tell you why I haven't been blogging as often. So many of you are doing so well out there and thought I could just get myself out of this but it feels like depression.

The good news is today, I started anew again. I ate right, I exercised for an hour and 1/2. I'm feeling pretty good today compared to yesterday. My goals for next week, starting on Monday I will exercise 5 days per week and I will detoxify as far as eating natural foods and lean meats and quit the processed crap. I'll take it easy this weekend but I do have some social stuff with going out to this adult bowling center w/ 5 other couples. No kids allowed for this and my sister is going to watch my son for the night so that will be nice to have some fun time. Then the super bowl on Sunday but I'm not that into it but it usually involves eating something fattening. I'm off to take my son to a carnival night at his school. Should be fun for him. Everyone have a good week!

Recap from biggest loser seminar

I'm at the library as I have some free time but am away from home so thought I'd write a quick recap of that biggest loser seminar last night. One word, DISAPPOINTED! It wasn't what I thought it would be at all. First problem is that they pack 1000 people into theater seating so chairs are right next to each other and that's trouble when the majority of people there were overweight and couldn't comfortably fit into the chairs so lots of thighs squishing together with your neighbor! There was an local newsman as the emcee and then one speaker was the head of a medical company here and just the regular stuff about that we need to get healthy. Suzy Preston spoke for 10 minutes and half the time was joking about her nylons having a run in them and acting goofy and airheady and kinda flirting with the doctor (the head of the medical company). She also seemed real nervous and flustered. She didn't talk about your wt loss journey much as she said if we watched the show we would know her story. The one point she did make was you need a reason to lose weight. A permanent one, not a temporary goal such as a wedding or for your hubby. She said her reason was that she feels so much better about herself and confident now that she's lost the weight. She did look good and her hair is red now! Her hubby, Matt, was there but he was in the front row and there was about 1000 people there so I couldn't get a look at him.

Then Dr. Dansinger came out to talk and had kind of a funny intro about god vs. the devil and the devil is McDonalds and the like. He kept saying that we live in a obesiogenic(?) world and that convenienence food and fat food is everywhere and easily accessable and it is hard to be healthy. He showed a lot of charts and graphs on how the country is getting fatter and fatter and some charts you couldn't even see well. He did talk about a study he conducted comparing weight watchers, the zone, ornish, and atkins and said that on all of them you can lose some weight over the course of 12 months but the key is adherence to the program. He runs a wt loss clinic at Tufts Univer. and said he uses the biggest loser books among some others and has had success at getting people to lose about 35-40 pounds in 6 or more months. He said the formula he used for calories to be consumed on a wt loss program is 7 calories per pound of body wt. So, I think he means that if you weigh 200, take (200lb x 7cals = 1400 cals. per day). He also recommends working out 30 min 5 times a week at the minimum but an hour or more would be better. He showed clips of success stories from the biggest loser and stated several times that even though the average joe shmoe doesn't have personal trainers and can't go and be on the biggest loser show and away from everyone that you can do this! He said that the people who had lost wt on the show needed to keep on exercising most days of the week and for 90 minutes to keep the wt. off. He said that of the contestants that had been on the show that 1/3 have kept the wt off, 1/3 have put some back on and that the other 1/3 had gained about all of it back. He thought that was pretty good statistics considering they say that 90-95% will gain all the wt back. He equated the wt loss journey to climbing a mountain, like our rainier here, and how it's hard and there are pitfalls and treacherous terrain but when you get to the top the journey is so worth it and the view is beautiful (those aren't the actual words but that was the jist of it).

I feel that the info presented is out there in most wt loss books and I didn't learn anything new. I won't go to this type seminar again. I mean, I really didn't think I could learn anything new as I have read so many books on wt loss, fitness, diet. What I was looking more for was was a shot of inpiration to motivate me but it wasn't that kind of presentation. When I was walking out a lady was saying to her friend "I wanted more how to lose the weight, what I can do on a daily basis rather than all those graphs and statistics charts, I can get those anytime". I tended to agree.

In other news, I've been real sick with a cough and cold so no progress or news on the wt loss front for now. Hope everyone is having a good week!

Success story

Here's a ladies success story of losing 100 lbs and she still has some more to go. http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?sc=17&SuccessStoryID=9401
I get ww newsletters from time to time and like to read the success stories. Last time it was a lady that lost 19 pounds. I mean, good for her, but I just can't relate to a small loss so I like these bigger ones. The lady mentions having a inpirational leader named Janice. Hey, that's the name of my leader but I can't tell where this lady is from.

I'm back to jogging again. It's darn hard but I think I notice a slight improvement. I will try to up my distance a little each week. I am darn slow but that's ok. Everyone passes me on the indoor track but oh well. Some of them have so much stamina and seem to go a long distance but others are on the walk one lap, jog 2 laps, that I do for now. I'm doing more wt training and I am sore. I'm doing some hour and half workouts doing 1 hr or more of cardio and then wt training. I'm going to incorporate a little swimming and biking soon. The food intake isn't that great but don't think I'm gaining though I know I am going to be up for not weighing in for a while. I will face it this week and won't look back. I'm not throwing in the towel, it's just a hard time for me right now but I'll get back into the swing of things. It's a weird thing but as I am driving down the road as see restaurants and new places I haven't tried, I'm thinking "I want to eat that and that and that!". Not a good thing, I had gotten rid of that voice for quite a spell and now it's rearing it's ugly head again. I'm trying to figure it out and it takes time. Trying to fake it till I make it on the food front.

Can anyone give me a tip on how do to a hyperlink to a web site. It used to link on it's own when I copied and pasted but not anymore. Thanks.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

Biggest Loser Seminar

(Mt. Rainier right before sunset.....like the pink)

I signed up for this weight loss talk/seminar being held in Tacoma this coming Monday. They were advertising it at the Y and it is by Michael Dansinger, MD a expert on diet and obesity. I guess he was a consultant to the Biggest Loser show on diet and fitness plans that helped contestants shed pounds quickly and healthfully. Also speaking will be Suzy Preston from season 2. She is the one that married the winner Matt recently. She is from this area so think that is why she is speaking here. She will talk about her battle with weight, her experience as a contestant on the show, and how she continued to be committed to a healthy, active lifestyle - without personal trainers and tv cameras.

I really haven't watched this show much but it struck my interest and I know some you bloggers out there follow this show. I will let you know what it's like. I'm hoping this will give me some inspiration to keep fighting the weight loss battle.
Hope everyone is having a good week!!

WW dropout?

I usually don't go for the cutesy type stuff but this picture was sent from a good old friend and thought it was cute. I needed it today. Maybe I will go visit this old work friend of mine, I haven't seen her in a really long while and she is only and hour away.

As you could prob. tell my some of my previous entries, I haven't been feeling myself these past few weeks. Seems like my mood and other things going on in my life really have affected my weight loss progress. There is no progress. I didn't go to ww today due to being tired and really not wanting to go. I guess I'm in a time out period. I am feeling guilty about it though. I am exercising quite a bit but my eating is out of line. I'm not sure how to stop it as I don't feel in control. I'm not eating huge amounts or food just the wrong stuff. I would welcome any wise words of wisdom in how to get out of this rut if you have any previous experience with it. Thanks. I will go to the gym today no matter what as that always seems to help me. Well, I thought it could get me with the program and eating right but it hasn't. Really, I'm not quitting and I'm not letting a lapse turn into a large gain just dealing with some personal stuff and a little depression though I'm not sure of the cause. My hubby things I'm distant and unhappy lately and my son is asking if I am cranky today. I need to take notice and do something about it, I'm trying. Another blogger, Jen, was talking of SAD (seasonal affect disorder) and with all our yucky weather sometimes I think I have this. It's due to not having enough sunlight and it can affect your mood. Of course, I think we feel the affects in the winter around here. I really haven't spent too much time outdoors due to hating the cold. I guess it's something to think about. Palm Spring is only 6 or more weeks away.....why do I feel like hopping a plane to Maui?

I been tagged! And other workout stuff

I really haven't been in to blogging lately as it just seemed to me this week I was saying the same old crud. About doing well on the diet and exercise and then not doing so well with it. Was going to write about the zen of weight lifting and how I'm getting into it. I will do a post soon about positive or negative motivation thing/pictures I've had up for some time on my pantry door. One is a fat picture that I hate when we went to Hawaii a few years ago and we had this luau pic done of everyone and I just couldn't believe how fat I was. The other is of me on my honeymoon at a normal weight. I have them up side by side for years on the inside of the pantry door but I rarely look at them. The other day I saw them and was wondering, 'did this ever do me any good as far as motivation?' I'll try to scan them or something to show you or get them on disc so I can post them. My workout has been good, I've been doing long workouts a few days this week and doing about 1 and 1/2 hours and some days and feeling pretty good though I need to pick up some new running shoes....hopefully tomorrow!
I've been tagged by Amanda at 'What about your hips' (sorry can't figure out how to do a hyperlink right now). I enjoy reading her blog as she is one of the most honest and real bloggers out there. Here's the tag:
A- Available or single? Available or single? Isn't that the same thing? I am married :)
B- Best Friend? Her name is Dawn and she lives far away and we really don’t see each other but once a year but I still count her as my best friend though I have others as we can talk about anything and just really have a good time together.
C- Cake or Pie? Chocolate pie or boston cream pie.
D- Drink of Choice? Diet coke but drinking more of the flavored waters.
E- Essential Item? Lately, workout clothes and running shoes.
F- Favorite Color? I like any kind of blue, especially Caribbean blue but like the dark sapphire shade too.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Gummi Bears!
H- Hometown? Oak Harbor, Washington, usa.
I- Indulgence? Chocolate yogurt but lately ww ice creams.
J- January or February? February... valentines day and my birthday month!
K- Kids and names? Yes, Chase.
L- Life is incomplete without? Family, friends, and my health.
M- Marriage Date? August 1991. Man, we’re old married farts.
N- Number of Siblings? 2 sisters Shawn and Denise... both older than me.
O- Oranges or apples? Like them both! But if I had to choose, we love our applies out here in Washington, usually like the red delicious or the braeburn.
P- Phobias/Fears? Snakes, spiders, mice.
Q- Favorite Quote? "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.” Or “It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up.”
R- Reason to Smile? When my son or hubby says ‘I Love you’ for no reason.
S- Season? Summer... love the sunshine and warm days.
T- Tag three people! Christie, Sarah (living to feel good), and Fat bitch (if you are reading this) and Spider63! Ok, that was 4 people, oh well.
U- Unknown fact about me? Can’t think of anything too unusual, maybe that I was a scuba dive instructor for years and lived in far way places like Hawaii and Cayman Islands. Seems so long ago now.
V- Vegetable you hate? Brussel sprouts, or cooked spinach. Yech.
W- Worst habit? Nail biter sometimes.
X- X-rays you’ve had? Chest xray for physical, seems to live in the Caymans it is a requirement also that you have an hiv test that is negative…seems like they don’t want anyone working there that is sick. Funny because if they are so paranoid then what about the millions of visitors that can fratanize with those workers? Ha ha. I’ve also recently had a back xray due to a fall I had last spring and also an xray of my finger when I broke it.
Y- Your favorite food? Love pizza or most kinds of pasta but really limiting these types of food lately as they are trigger foods for me.
Z - Zodiac? I’m a pisces and that seems to fit me. I love the ocean and sealife and live in a dreamworld (just kidding) and can be wishy washy and change my mind a lot or have trouble deciding on something and I think I have quite a bit of intuition about people sometimes.
More that you wanted to know I’m sure!! Have a great day!

no weigh in

I admit it, I was a big chicken this week. (bawk, bawk!) I used my "no weigh in" coupon they give you like every 6 months at weight watchers. I didn't want to weigh in, felt that a gain this week would really hurt my morale so I used it. I didn't miss the meeting though. This week wasn't about weight loss but it was a once a year meeting where you spend your fake money you made all year by losing weight on particular weeks or for meeting goals you set. It was like an auction where you bid on things, such as pretty bowls, mystery gifts, haircuts, massages, etc. I ended up getting a mystery bag that had a makeup bag set in it and a gift certificate toward a haircut. It was kind of fun but nothing to do with weight loss really.

I worked out hard yesterday and it felt pretty good. Started jogging again but my toe is bothering me. I think it may be time for a new pair of running shoes. I have asics but thinking maybe they don't really fit my foot well so may try getting some new balance this time. Think I will go to the new balance store but it is a ways away from here. Here is an article mostly about exercise http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm?cmi=2424228&cid=1&code=24429. And here is another one on diet tips http://www.nutrisystem.com/newsletter/weekof/010707/story2.cfm?IID=9087&fc_c=BFpXACA6LtcO&fc_u=AEXhV2. I get these newsletters and some are from wt loss companies and though I don't do their diets sometimes I get some helpful tip from these newsletters.

We got the stinking snow again! Seems each time we get ready to go to preschool, it snows. That's the 4th day of cancelled classes now. Arrgghhh. I notice that on weeks such as the holidays with no school or with the snow days that I get off track on my working out and healthy eating plan. I like the schedule! And when he is in school I get 2 hours to myself and that I miss. If the roads are ok, I will go to the gym as he is supposed to go swimming class later but we'll see if it still is on.

I will weigh in next week! I have to. I guess I'm in a time out period right now and I guess that's ok for now, I'm not going to beat myself up over it as that doesn't accomplish anything. I'm going to work on a list of "things I look forward to when I'm at my healthy weight" or something. Hope everyone is having a good week!

Feel like I'm climbing a slippery mountain

Here is Mt. Rainier from the view from the back of our house. Some days you can't see it very well but today it's out and it's beautiful. I especially like looking at it when it's late afternoon and the sun is going down and the mountain has a pink hue to it. Awesome. I hope that sucker never blows cause we'll be in trouble. You never know cause, Mt. St. Helens did years ago but I lived farther away then. Ash even came as far north as I was then about 5 hours away by car.

Well, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain these past few weeks. One step forward, two steps back. Exercising like crazy, then not exercising much at all due to weather. Eating good, then eating crap food like long ago, eating out way too much and too late at night. Not sure how I'm gonna get my head right. I haven't gotten really out of control but it's a reminder how far I need to go to get my head, body and health in order. Sometimes, you lose your way a little and it takes a while to get that mojo back. I mean I want this, I want to get to goal and to a healthy weight. What is holding me back?? The million dollar question I suppose. All I know is I can't throw in the towel as I really have made quite a bit of progress this past year. What the he*l is it? Fear of failure? Couldn't get my daddy's love? Self esteem telling me I can't or don't deserve it?? I tell you it's mind boggling some days and I get tired of the fight. But what is the alternative?? Going to a fatter body and not moving as much and feeling like crap?? NO WAY! I'm not going back, hear that fat! It's war and I will win this time. I think exercise is the key for me to stay on track so off to the gym in a few minutes as the roads are better.

On a happier note, my son and I are going down to Palm Springs at the end of February for my bday. My parents and another couple are going down there (snowbirds) instead of Arizona this year. I hope it's warm, and I can't wait!! My sis is going to Maui this summer and would love to go but don't think it's going to happen. It's for their 25th wedding anniversary and they are taking their boys too. Would be fun too as we still have some friends on Maui since we lived there years ago but most have moved on. Sometimes you get that island fever. Believe it or not, it is paradise but I got the island fever too and couldn't stay too long. It is so far away from family and from everything. You can't just get in your car and drive too far. Just around the island. I do miss the laid back atmoshere and slower pace of life, that's for sure! Have a great week everyone!!

Snow again

We have had snow again in Washington the last two days! We have been busy building snow men and going sledding. My son is happy there is no school but he's bummed if we can't make it to his swimming lesson. Here's a picture of chase and his snowman and one of our view out back. Usually we have a beautiful view of Mt. Rainier out by those trees but today there's clouds in the way. We are kinda out in the country and near a few of the last remaining farms in our area. They have done major development and house building north of us. We are worried that if the old farmer out back ever sells or passes on, the property will be sold and then there will be a view of a bunch of houses some day. We do have a wetland that buffers a little.

I haven't been to the gym the past few days due to the weather and I suppose sledding isn't cutting it. So, if the weather doesn't improve I will try to get on my treadmill or do a exercise tape. Sometimes I don't feel like working out at home I find it boring and easy to procrastinate. The gym gets me motivated, as long as I just get in the door! I hope everyone is having a good week!

Latest update and felt need for a separate private blog

I thought I'd update that I'm up a pound this week. No real surprise there for me. I have been a little off track since Christmas. But I'm not sweating about it cause I know I can get it off. If not this week then next for sure! It seems some of my food cravings or past addictions have come back. I have felt so in control most weeks since I began this journey on May 1st.

I actually made a post called 'the dark side of addiction' having to deal with the past and some of my family problems, specifically my father, and how that has affected me today. After putting it on this blog, for all in blogland to see, I thought better of it. It was too real and too painful for me to share with the world. Now that I've got your interest, ha! I decided to create a private blog where only a few can see. This will help protect me and my family with things I'm not ready to share with everyone and in case any of my family have found their way here. If you really feel the need to read it, leave me your email and I'll let you see it.

I will keep this blog for the intention that it was created - for a weight loss and fitness journal and a few details of my so called 'life'. This will still be my main blog. I hope everyone is having a good week!!!

Working it

Went to the gym 3 days in a row and very happy about being back on track with working out. (Love the endorphin high!) I did some punishing workouts, I mean longer for me at 1hr 45 minutes for 2 days and 1hr 30 today. Doing mostly jogging, elliptical and other cardio but started doing weight lifting again yesterday. I felt I needed to up the intensity and really get going on trying to get my fitness to a higher level. I talked about it before but my goal is to do the danskin mini triathalon in August so I want to step it up this year. I think I need a training schedule and will come up with one soon so I can incorporate jogging, swimming and biking. Now I just have to figure out how to keep the motivation going, some days you gotta dig deep as I like to call it!

Funny thing is that because I was tired today, thoughts of food kept on popping into my head. Especially comfort type foods like mac n cheese, pizza, potatoes and couldn't relate it physical hunger just emotional? Or because I was tired? Once I started doing my weight lifting then I focused on that and forgot about the food. Once in a while I find myself fighting this battle with thoughts of food, food that isn't so good for me. Usually I win this food battle and it goes away. Funny how it always comes around when I don't sleep well. Anyone else notice this pattern in themselves? Here's an article about 'killing your food cravings and taming the beast within' http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm?cmi=2078473&cid=33. I think a lot of us already employ these tactics. I wish it was easier at times and we just want to eat healthy all the time but temptations are everywhere and they aren't going away. I didn't get to my size by hating food that's for sure!!

In other news, nothing too exciting happening in my life right now. We want to go up the mountain and try some snowshoeing or go sledding and we will one of these weekends. How's everyone doing out there on their working out and wt loss this week? Not sure if I will see a loss next week as I'm making up for lost time.

No excuses

Here's some of my favorite gifts from xmas. It's one of those ipod nano's that I'm gonna wear on an armband to work out with some tunes and a ironman watch to start timing my running or swimming. I'm psyched to start using them tomorrow!

I didn't weigh in today as I had to go up north of Seattle to pick up my son as he decided he wanted to be up at Grandma's with his cousins for some new year's eve fun. I don't think I'm going to WW this week and I am offering up no lame excuses, though my regular monday meeting was on a holiday. I probably should go just to get by head in order as I feel myself slipping at times on my healthy eating plan. Nothing major except for maybe that Red Robin bbq chicken burger, or those quesadilla chicken roll ups or that Dave's BBQ Chicken burger w/ fries! Yikes! See a bbq theme here. Ha! But I have been having good days too with eating healthy veggies and salads. My weigh in at home shows me up a pound up so I will attempt to get that off this week. I got in 2 workouts last week and will strive for 4 this week. My hubby was home all week and we ate out more than usual and the holiday, yikes. We were both pretty lazy this week compared to our usual weeks. We didn't make it up to the mountain or to a movie, just spent some good quality time together and had a quiet new year's eve at home. (Maybe these are lame excuses!)

Here's a photo of us at xmas eve at Mom's. She said, "Patty, you don't have to hide behind anyone anymore!" Old habits die hard I suppose. I hope everyone has a good week!!

Back to working out

Finally got my mojo back as since about xmas eve I was losing a little of my motivation and drive. Think it was all the sweets and great Christmas dinner and wanting to just hang out with family and not do much of anything. So...forced myself to get to the gym yesterday and did a long, fast walk and a little of the elliptical machine. I need to get back into doing my yoga and more weight training and I will this week. We are back to the usual schedule next Tuesday when school starts up again for my son and then I will have more free time to work out!

Christmas time was great to see my family including my mom and dad, 2 sisters and all their families. One of the nephews got the new Wii game systems that lets you do active games while holding the console. It was kinda fun to try the bowling, tennis and baseball games. You feel like you actually are burning a few calories. We came home a couple of days ago and now are thinking of going up to one of the mountains and go sledding in the next few days. We've been a little lazy though and haven't gotten too motivated to get up early and go. Today, we may go to Seattle to the big IMAX theater and watch 'night at the museum on the big screen' or will just go around here to the regular theater. Also, will go get my haircut tomorrow as I'm hating it lately!

Good news was that I did get some comments on my weight loss so that's always nice. But, sometimes, my mother tells everyone and that gets me a little embarrassed at times with people I don't know well or don't want to talk about the wt loss. No big plans for new year's eve but we will do the party poppers and toast at midnight with our son as he enjoys that! Said it before but Happy New Year's to all of you, I can feel it's going to be a good one!

Early happy new year to you all!

Hope everyone is having a happy holidays. I sure have and have been out of town at my mom and dad's. I did indulge on xmas and feel slightly guilty about it but I deserve to let go once in a while and not think about food and the scale for one day. May have done some damage but nothing that can't be reversed! I did get in one day of exercise and will go again tomorrow. I did not weigh in this week due to my wi day being on Mondays and so it hits both holidays! Lucky or unlucky not sure. But I will try to wi on next Tuesday I suppose. I should to stay accountable and not rebound back up!

I finally got my high speed internet working and it's marvelous! Like night and day, I can finally watch a email clip/video in real time. Waaaaahoooo!!! Now I'm trying to figure out how to copy all my favorite places such as all your blogs and all my email addresses but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. Oh well, I'll figure it all out or retype all my favorites into the new system. It's a drag but I'll survive!

Wishing you all a very happy new year!!!

Visit to Seattle

Here are some photos from our day out in Seattle. It was sunny on the way up there and soon as we got out of the car the wind was blowing and it starting raining after we were at this Gasworks park. This is the view of Seattle facing South from Lake Union not from the ocean. We went up to the triathalon store that was nearby and we were having fun at the park until chase fell in the grass and got mud all over him! We tried to wash what we could off in the bathroom but there are a lot of homeless people hanging around and sleeping in the park and I felt a little uneasy as they were pandhandling. I notice that Seattle does have a lot of homeless people, and it's sad. I don't give them money anymore since once or twice I did and I saw them go to the store and buy some booze. Once in a while I will give them some food though as I feel for their plight.

Anyways, we had a good day and then we went to the Pacific Science Center (by the space needle) which has lots or stuff for kids to do. They have a dinosaur exhibit and butterfly house and lots of science type experiments and toys. They have the Dead Sea scrolls exhibit but that was extra so we didn't go as I know he would be bored. I would love to go to that and to the 'Bodies' exhibit downtown after just taking that Anatomy course. Well, we'll see if we get there or not. Sometimes I love Seattle and sometimes I hate it. My hubby wants to live there someday, like in dowtown Seattle but at heart I'm still a small town girl or at least the suburbs! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

article about eliminating your trigger foods

I'm a posting fool lately now that I have some free time! I came across this article called 'beat the bad habits that are beating your diet' http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/cmi_2423445/cid_7/code_24429/ and was kinda surprised that this lady recommends eliminating trigger foods from your diet, and I think she means forever! Most people just say eat in moderation and don't eliminate your trouble foods cause then you just want them more. I kinda believe in that, I mean not totally eliminating trigger foods but I just eat them occassionally as things like pizza or pasta or sweets sometimes make me just want more of the food. What do you think of this article? Give me your thoughts. I like at the end how she says the tortoise not the hare will win the race in the end. Sometimes it is a slow and long journey to get healthy.

Ready for Christmas?

I am just about ready for Christmas, exept for some baking and maybe getting one more present. I bought a lot of my presents early as I hate the crowds at this time of the year. We did go to the mall though for a while on Monday as I was meeting my mom there to pick up my boy. We went to this restaurant called Macaroni Grill. It looks like it had a lot of high fat italian items on the menu so I had a 1/2 sandwich and a salad so that wasn't too bad. I always have trouble deciding how many points for meals when I eat out if I don't research it first. I have really been trying to eat most of my meals at home because then I really know how many calories I'm consuming. The one present I have left to get is for my husband. He wants triathlon type wear which is hard to find. He says the regular sports stores or REI don't have what he's looking for so I may have to go up to Seattle tomorrow to this tri store to get a gift certificate. It's so out the way though. But since my son is out of school for vacation maybe we'll make a day out of it. I'll take him to the Seattle aquarium or the Seattle Science Center. I'll try to take some pics if I see anything interesting or just pics of Seattle in general.

We just had the hdtv and digital cable hooked up. He said he couldn't hook up my high speed internet to the guest room cause it has no cable. Of course, it can be done but for another $100 or so and by someone else. That sucks! I really like having the computer room away from the tv area but may have to move it back down there as the only other cable outlet is in my room and I don't want the computer in there. They really went bare bones when they built this house, just 2 cable outlets and 2 phone outlets! The cable guy was complaining about his leg and sick and coughing everywhere. He didn't seem to be able to answer all the questions I asked him or didn't understand them. He hooked up the tv and then went to espn2 and I swear he was just vegging out watching tv!!! I was thinking, like "hello, you are working here". I actually had to prompt him by saying something to get him out of his football trance. Ahhhh, men....

I want to say THANK YOU to all my blogger friends for your kind comments. It's really cool to connect with other people that are fighting the fat war too. A special thank you to Marshmallow for you cute fireworks pictures she put up for me for onederland. I don't know why 200 to 199 is such a big deal but it is, it's a milestone for me.

Not much else happening so I will go and I hope everyone is having a good week!!!

It's all good!!!

Today is a good day for 2 reasons, 1 is that:

Onderland, you are finally mine!!!! That brings me to 198.2 pounds. I worked hard this week and ate on target and worked out a lot as I wanted to see a loss this week. So maybe last week's gain was water weight, not sure. But I am dang happy! I'm going to try my best to not go back into the 200lb category....I hope forever if I can!

The second reason that it is a good day is that I got an A in my Anatomy/physiology class!!! Woooohooo! I wasn't sure I could pull out an A but finals went real well so I'm pleased. I have to wait for spring to apply to my 2 yr school and am pretty sure I will get in for the fall start. Heck, I figured, if I retook my anatomy (2 quarters) which I had a B in and got A's then they have to accept me if I'm close to a 4.0! This school is taking a long time though (about 4-5 years) because it's taken me 2 yrs just to do the 8 prerequisites due to only taking one class or two at a time. It's seems like a long haul but I know I can do it. Hope everyone is having a good week!!!

Getting some perspective

A few days ago, I was at the gym as my usual routine and going around the indoor track. I was obsessing over the number over the scale and how the numbers aren't going my way and can't seem to break the 200 barrier. I came around the track and saw a lady hobbling back and forth and using a walker and had a peculiar gait. I instantly got a new perspective. God, I felt so self absorbed. Here she was, barely getting around the track while I worried about a silly thing such as a number on a scale. I stopped to say hi to her and we had a little conversation. She was so happy and smiling and wanted to know how I was. I felt like crying as I went around the rest of the track. Maybe having a emotional day, but I realized how lucky I am just to have my health and be able to move freely. I've noticed quite a few people at the Y that have some disabilities or just some physical challenges they must face every day. I stop now and say hi to them and offer to help if they look like they need it on a weight machine or one fellow needed help to get his cup off the back of his wheelchair and to get some water. Talk about getting some perspective!! Sometimes I think, I could do so much more and help people out and I do it in little ways for now. Sometimes, I think God or some other force gets me to stop and realize, life is about so much more than ourselves. So, think I need a gratitude list.

Things I'm thankful for:

my health

the love of my family

my friends

my freedom

the ability to go to school again

the beauty of washington, the sea, the mountains

honesty, with myself and from others

the kindness of strangers

the holiday season and being with family and remembering the reason for the season!

my blogger buddies!

Of course, there are many, many more but gotta get going!!! What are you thankful for?? We have to do xmas cards and then will go to the gym and my mom is babysitting today so we will have some time for some fun too if we get all are work done today. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

Progress photos

These are my progress photos so far! The one where I'm in the white shirt is around my starting weight of 246 and the black sweater is me about 2 weeks ago at 201. It's kind of hard to see the outline of my body on the after/progress photo but at least I got a start here! I notice some change in my waist, chest, and face and actually starting to have collarbones again! Thanks Christie for the hint about flickr and how to get it to post here. For my next progress shot maybe in another 20 lbs, I will try to get better quality photos to see the difference. I really wish I had taken photos right when I started this journey in May so I could have cool comparison photos but I hated cameras so I found a photos from about 2 yrs ago. I was able to find some of me at Easter last April but they weren't close up shots so they didn't really work well. Oh well!

I didn't get my high speed internet or get to have my weekend without our child due to a big wind storm we had hit our area last night! We lost power for 20 hours and just got it back a few hours ago! It sucked but it seems the storm has moved on. We were a little bummed out but what can you do. My mom's was going to babysit but she lives on a island and they got hit hard! Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

exercise, exercise, exercise

Concentrating on exercising this week and of course, counting my points. I'm trying for exercise 5 or 6 times this week, starting with Monday. so far, today will be 4. I'm jogging again and still finding it very hard. My back has been bothering me and not sure why. Maybe it had to do with sitting on my butt by the computer last weekend. Yesterday I jogged 1 mile and walked 2 miles, then did a 30 minutes on the elliptical. I was a sweaty mess. I'm trying to increase my cardio and see what I can do but without hurting myself. I've been exercising since May consistently so I'm gonna push it to the next level and see if it jump starts my weight loss.

The scale was showing progress yesterday and jumped down 2 pounds but it seems that as soon as I eat out (did the ww entree at Applebee's) then it's back up 2 pounds. Oh well, hopefully if I watch it this weekend I'll see it go down by Monday. I really was thinking of moving my weigh in day to later in the week as it seems that my Wednesdays I recover from the weekend but I like my leader so I'll stick with Monday's. Too bad the holidays fall on that day so I'll have to figure what to do about that.

Here's a cute white christmas song at http://badaboo.free.fr/merryxmas.swf and if you need a wt loss succes story, here is one at http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?sc=17&SuccessStoryID=9301. I'm finally gonna get high speed internet tomorrow. I had been putting it off due to not wanting to pay more but the slow connection is driving me crazy and I caved in. We will also get digital tv and the hdtv box due to an early xmas gift of a bigger tv and the reception is a little fuzzy!!! I wish I had time to watch tv but the 5 year old wants to watch cartoons!! I would have like to see that biggest loser finale but I haven't been watching it from the beginning due to night school so I'll check out their web site. Well, I hope the faster internet connection will help me with my photo posting problem. I've tried everything from different web sites to clearning the cache from the computer but no luck!

We are looking forward to the weekend as Grandma will babysit our boy and we will have date night!!! Woooooohoooooo!!! Actually we are going to this new higher tech bowling alley and they cater more to adults on Friday nights and we will have some cocktails and we will meet up w/ 5 of my ladies groups and their husbands. I'm looking forward to it but my hubby isn't. He's not a drinker anymore and I think he doesn't like some of my friends. But oh well, I've gone out w/ his friends on occassion so it's payback time! And it will be fun, I tell him. Then maybe saturday we will do some alone time and go to a movie or something so looking forward to it! You know what I mean if you are parents! Have a great day. I'm gonna try to get some more xmas shopping done today!

Weight watchers changes

Still haven't read through all the ww book of all the changes that are happening but the biggest one seems to be how many points you get each day. There is a new formula (more personalized by person) that includes your age, your weight and your daily activity at your job, and your gender. It boils down to that men will quite a few more points and women can go up or down. I got one more point but will lose that when I get below 200. It seems every 10 lb category you get to you lose 1 point. Before, for instance, if I went to the 175-200 range I would have to go from 26 points at the 200-225 range and then down to 24 points at 199. Now I have 27 pts and will go down to 26 pts at 199 and then 25 pts for 189. I guess I like the system. It all works the same though as they are just playing with the points. You still get the extra 35 weekly points if want them anyhow. (Now that I've really confused you about points and you prob. don't care if you aren't on ww!) It's funny cause it seems every few years they change the points system but basically it's just another way of looking at it. It seems the core program had a few more changes like limiting what snacks you can have each day. The weight goal ranges seem to pretty much stay the same, they maybe added like 1 pound per height. It didn't seem like that big of a deal to me like I thought it would be. They say if it's working now, what your doing, why fix what isn't broken!

They also changed the starter kit. They used to have one that looks kinda like a small purse but now it will look like blue lunchbag. Our leader says it's because a man (for the 1st time) is running wt watchers and says more men are joining and that they will feel more comfortable with a lunch bag looking kit. We all thought it was kinda dumb and looked around the room of 50 people and there is 1 man! ha! I think more men would come but maybe they don't like talking about their feelings or they think there will be a room full of women, which there is. I think it's great when you see a couple there together. It seems they lose faster when they are both on the program.

I'm still trying to solve my photo problem and not getting them to post to my blogger. I will attempt it later when I have more time. Have a great day!

Switching to the beta blogger!

I was in the old blogger since last summer when I started this blog. It kept prompting me to go to the new beta blogger and I didn't. I decided to today (create a google account) as I'm having trouble posting to any blogs outside the US. It had been giving me the "not a secure site" when I posted to blogs in Australia, New Zealand and Netherlands. So thought maybe it was because I wasn't in the new beta blogger yet! So, if you have trouble making a comments to my blog I found it still works if you click on the 'anonymous' tab to make the comments. Not sure why there's issue w/ this!

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Good news and bad news

First the bad news, for some reason I was up 1.6 at weigh in yesterday. And today I seem down back to where I was last week. I'm not sure what's happening but I know I just can't wing the program. I had a extremely stressful week this past week with finals and it didn't help I had to sit my butt in front the computer for 3 days. So, not enough exercise, eating out (though I made good choices) and not really tracking my points made me not successful. I went and had a hard workout yesterday and got over my negative feelings and felt a lot better. Exercise is a mood booster for me.

The other bad news is that I can't get imageshack or my blogger to upload pictures yesterday and today. I have a slow connection speed but I can usually upload some pics. Any advice on another site or way I could try? I have the pics on my desktop but have to get them converted somehow. Or it could be an imageshack site problem but prob. more on my end. I want to post some xmas type stuff and maybe to get motivated again, some progress shots that I have ready.

The good news is that I got an A+ on my lab final and have to wait till this weekend to see what my physiology final will be. There was a buttload of essay questions and she will have to grade that by hand. It took me 3 nasty days to finish that and I wasn't a happy camper!! I'm kind of teetering between a B+ and a A- so we'll see what happens.

Try out this snowglobe xmas site http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm, it's kind of funny. And this http://www.asilentnightmovie.com/ which is pretty xmas movie about silence and peace. Hope everyone is having a good week.

Procrastination!

I'm being the queen of procrastination today! I need to finish my final online but finding everything else I would rather be doing! We went and got our Christmas tree. It was at this ranch/farm place which we thought it was the kind where you cut them down yourself. It ended up being already cut trees that were a good price and they had all kind or animals on their farm, like rabbits, cats, shetland ponies, emu's, goats, sheep, exotic birds, and dogs. Look like they also have a fish farm in the summer with a small lake. My son really enjoyed it there as we don't have any pets yet. We will some day and he says he wants a turtle or bunny but we'll see.

Being the queen of procrastination, I went to a Christmas play up in Seattle called 'White Christmas' which was good and then out to dinner at this place called 'Elephant & Castle'. It was an english pub/restaurant and everyone had fish and chips except for me! I was trying real hard to stay away from fried foods and the french fries so I had a chicken sandwich and salad. The guy wasn't listening when I place my order (which he read back to me) and brought the fries and not salad!! I hate that! He brought me the salad later but of course I had to have a few fries cause they were staring at me!! I don't want them on my plate or I'll eat some. Hhhhmmppphh. Anyway, real bad and slow service but it was busy night as seems all the restaurants are busy in Seattle before xmas as everyone is out shopping and going to parties so we couldn't get into some places we wanted to even though we called ahead. But the company was good and also got to see some 1st cousins at the play who live quite a few hours away who we hardly ever see these days!

It is nice see some people I haven't seen in quite a while and get comments on my weight loss. The problem is I have never been good at taking compliments so I have my standard answer, "well, I'm working on it". How is everyone holding up during the xmas and holiday party season? I'm back to my test now and fear that I will have no wt loss this week due to sitting on my butt in front of the computer the last few days! I did get in some exercise this week but not as much as I wanted to. I am looking forward to the ww meeting so I can hear what big changes they are announcing about the ww program. Have a great week!

seduction style quiz

This site is kind of funny, check it out, got it off Chunky to spunky's site and saw it on others. I'm the midas touch, ha ha. It is geared more to single people but it's fun for us old married folks too!

Christmas questions

I'm doing my final on the computer but it will take me like 12 hours! Just what I want to do on a Friday night and all weekend, blah!!! So I'm procrasting and taking a blog break. Here is a Christmas questionnaire. Please do one if you want to! Hope everyone is having a good week and I'll visit blogs soon!

Merry Christmas to you all!Getting to know you this Christmas!Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Don't be a scrooge!!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? hot chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? wraps them

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? white outside, colored on tree

4. Do you hang mistletoe? no, sometime my mom will though or my grandma used to when she was alive and we would try to get people to get under it by mistake and kiss em!

5. When do you put your decorations up? early to mid December

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? mashed potatoes or special cheesy potatoes that my sister/mom make!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? getting and rec. gifts and seeing joy it brings, spending the day with my family

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? grade school, think my older sisters spilled the beans

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No, Christmas Day

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With ornaments, lights, sometimes tinsel type rope, (not the tinsel that gets everywhere!)

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it except when I need to get somewhere that day!

12. Can you ice skate? yes, but it's been ages

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? diamond pendant necklace, or when I was younger ski's or a vacation

14. What's your favorite thing about the Holidays for you? getting together with family and having time off from work/school and no stress on xmas day

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? pumpkin pie or chocolate pie/or choc. lush/cheesecake!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? seeing the xmas light show and going to xmas eve church service with my mom and other family

17. What tops your tree? An angel

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Both equally

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? "chestnuts roasting on an open fire, jack frost nipping at your nose", what is the name of that song?

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? yum, like the berry flavored ones.

Have fun with this... Now that you know your blogger friends a little better, copy and past this but change all the answers to your own. Then post it on your blog for all of us to see. Happy Holidays, a little early!!!

Trying not to let stress get the better of me this week!

Looks like Santa has his own weight struggles too!!

I'm trying not to let stress get the better of me this week. I have two finals and not enough time to study for them it seems! Of course, it might help if I would get away from this computer as it seems to distract me.

I saw this article about using prayer to lose weight. Hey can't hurt http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm?cmi=2423485&cid=7&code=24293 maybe I'll try it! We ate out last night, mexican, as I've been craving it! I can tell when I go out to eat now that I don't feel as good after a higher fat meal as compared to the regular low cal dinner I usually have now! I can't seem to find enough time to exercise this week to to a field trip yesterday for my son and my mom visiting but I'll attempt to get in a walk today! Hope everyone is having a good week!

so close I could cry!!

Only lost -.6 this week and this brings me to 200.2. Darn, I thought I'd make it to 199.9 at least! I exercised 6 times last week and was in the points range though at the higher end. I really want to get to 199 and leave the 200's forever! I know it will be next week, it's gotta be. The wt loss has really slowed for November compared to all the other months for some reason. Ok, no whining! So what I will do to get at least a pound loss a week, if I can is: 1) exercise as higher intensity at least 4 out of 6 times this week (at at least 70% max heart rate), 2) Journal my points/food every day, no exceptions! 3) Throw out any crap in the house that I may eat!4) increase wt lifting to 3 times per week at least!

I'm hoping this will get me back to losing a lb a week w/ out these little losses!!! It seems the quicker I want the wt loss to happen and the harder I work, the slower the losses go. Back to turtle pace. Patience I know! I hope I can get all I want to get done this week but it's a busy week w/ field trips, 2 finals in school and my mom coming for 2 days and a play on the weekend and a party. Think I'll have to opt out of the party as I school has to take priority right now. Xmas shopping will have to wait till next week! How's everyone else handling their stress this week!!!

(P.S. A lady at weight watchers was outside in her car on the side of the ww building and put on the gas instead of the brake and crashed into the building and made a 3' by 3' hole in the brick!! She is ok though but it happened right before the meeting! Maybe she really didn't want to weigh in!)

The Good and the Bad

Thought I'd talk about the good and the bad that has happened to me recently. Saw an old friend/boyfriend around Thanksgiving and he saw I had running shoes on and said, 'are you running?' and I said 'yeah, just a little' and he says 'you've lost weight haven't you?!' and I say 'yeah, I am working on it'! So that made my day! He is big into triathalons and doing a marathon this weekend and did the 1/2 marathon that my hubby did. They are friends and once in a while will do a tri together. He knows him through when they worked for my dad fishing in Alaska. It's not weird though and I like his wife too.

The bad was that I was going through photos from before the weight loss to some different months since and was thinking, 'man, you are still really fat!' And it just bummed me out I took another one last night and I do see quite a bit of improvement but I still have a ways to go. I just needed to get a reality check and know this is going to take a quite a while to get to goal. But do you know what I mean, you think, 'hey, I'm doing good and feeling good and looking better' and then you see a photo and it shows how far you still have to go! I will post the photos in a few weeks when I get down to -50. My before picture is not on digital so I'm still figuring out how to get my scanner to work so I can post the comparison shot. I wish I had done something like 'half my size/pastaqueen'. She has some great before and after's. She has the same pose and you can rotate her photos in 360 view. I'm afraid I'm just not that teckie and will have to do just regular shots. She also has the one where you can overlap your previous photo with a new one. Cool. Since I didn't start really with a posed before photo, I just found a candid photo my mom took. I sure tried to stay out of photos when I was heavier. The camera was like the plaque! But once in a while a photo got through. I should try to also scan this photo of when we went to Hawaii a few years ago. We all (my family and sister's family and parents) went to a luau and they take your group photo and when I saw it I was mortified by how I looked and knew I had to do something! I didn't recognize who that fat woman was in the picture. That couldn't be me?? Evil twin, ha! Of course, that turned in to a few years of losing 20 and then gaining 20 and the yo yo dieting again! A good thing it is different this time. There is no quitting this time and no skipping wt watchers meeting cause of a possible gain. That would be my downfall, it was in the past. I had a terrible pattern of dieting in spring and fall and then falling off the wagon during the holidays until spring again. It's no way to live and I think they say that yo yoing in weight just maked you fatter, I mean fat tissue vs. lean tissue and screws up your metabolism.

We had a good time last night going to my old high school state playoffs. The Oak Harbor Wildcats won the state championships in the AAAA. Awesome!!! And it was like old home week, as we were walking around looking for a my mom and dad and to find a seat, I saw like 6 or 7 classmates from the past. What a blast from the past!! Too bad there wasn't more time to visit but it was so crowded, I think the whole town came to the game plus alumni!!

Today, my hubby is putting up the xmas lights outside and maybe we will go find a tree. He wants to go cut one down somewhere and prob. will go to an xmas tree farm. And, I am attempting to study as have a big lab test on the brain, nerves, ear and eye on Wednesday that I'm not ready for yet. I keep on finding better things to do! Hope everyone is having a good week and I'm hoping for some kind of loss tomorrow at ww!!

I've been tagged! 4 things about me

I've been tagged by Feisty Roo,

Four Things About Me

4 Jobs I've Had

Administrative Assistant, Hotel sales manager, scuba dive instructor, airline resv agent

4 Movies I watch over and over

(seems I never have time lately) Wedding crashers, matrix, point break, american beauty (I'm a big Keanu Reeves fan and like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaugh too!) These aren't my all time favorite movies but didn't want to think too hard this morning!

4 places I have lived

Washington state, California, Maui, Cayman Islands (among others! I had a terrible habit of moving a lot when I was younger but it was fun too!)

4 Tv Shows I watch

(I can't find time to watch any shows due to my 5 yr old controlling the tv!) So arggggghhh, cartoon network, funniest home videos, grey's anatomy

4 Places I've been on Vacation

Hawaii, Bonaire, Cayman Islands, Sweden/Austria(but since having a kid just get to vegas or other states)

4 Websites I visit Everyday

sometimes blogger friends, aol news, horoscopes, my school website/online portal

4 Favorite Food

pizza, mexican food, thai food, choc. ice cream (no wonder I'm dreaming about these foods as I'm not eating them!)

4 Places I'd rather be right now

Maui!, Mexico, Caribbean, Galapagos (never been but want to go someday!)

4 Favorite Band/ Singers

right now kinda like, Jack Johnson, Howie Day, Hinder, Black Eyed Peas/Fergie

4 Bloggers I'll tag

Christie, Fat Bitch, Marshmallow, Living to Feel Good