The mysterious headaches....and other thoughts

I had two days off of exercise on Friday and Saturday. I was feeling sick this weekend with bad headaches. I was at my dad's cabin on Saturday and Sunday and this cabin is an old cabin. I'm starting to think my headaches were related to that cabin as the headaches would start if I was inside for a long time like when we watched a video. Then the headache would ease up when I was outside for a long time. The cabin doesn't have gas as I was thinking carbon dioxide or something but we did used the indoor stove that night. Weird, but anyways it kept me from working out. I did do some biking on Sunday but the headaches wouldn't let up. Then I took a pill and we left for home and whala the headaches were gone. (I rarely get headaches and these felt like migraines, kind of like someone hammering in my head!) No headaches today so it's just weird! We'll see if I get the pain again as we are going down there this weekend.

It is nice to get away for a night or the day to this cabin. I meant to take a picture of it. The cabin is just an old money pit but the lake is nice and we can use the boat if we want. It gets to be a bit of mad house when a lot of people show up but we can use the trailer. It would be fun to put up a tent as my boy would love that so maybe we will.

I did get in 65 minutes of biking today on that country trail I showed pics of long ago.

Here's one:



I went a different route as I don't like biking the secluded part of the trail due to the 3 stooges. Think I wrote about them before. Look like country bumpkins who are homeless on bikes. They have harassed me in the past. I thought a chubby chick wouldn't get bothered but I did. It makes me wary. I saw women today on this part of the trail as I drove by and was thinking 'don't they ever get worried on this trail all alone?' I sure did when nasty guys start making suggestive comments. yuck. I just realized that being fat has often buffered me from guy's advances or comments and that is one plus to being overweight, ha!

Tomorrow I will swim and then run as that race is near and I want to be as ready as I can be. I'm still having some knee trouble after the biking. Think it is the patella-femular or something. Just below the knee cap but I'll do the best I can. I have been weight training and trying to build up that area but not helping much. My friend, Kathy, who is doing the race is also having knee trouble too. But, I have a feeling it won't slow her down any if she can help it!

On Friday as we were getting ready to go to the movie I get these conversations with myself.
Let's call them Angel and the Devil. Or the Thin me vs. the fat me.

Fat me: Let's have some popcorn and candy at the movies!
Thin me: You are doing so well lately, don't have any!
Fat me: You can afford to have some, your diet has been excellent!
Thin me: You don't want to undue all your hard work!
Fat me: It's just a little popcorn and candy, what harm can it do!
Thin me: Plenty of harm! You know that sometimes eating the fat food will send you into not caring at all and on to more fat food!
Fat me: You can work it off tomorrow!
Thin me: You are getting close to Onederland and leaving behind the 200's forever, why risk it?

Uggghhhh. I hate these kind of voices in my head. It is so hard to be totally on plan and strict cause then I get the little voice, "have some...." of whatever treat I'm craving. So I did cave and have some popcorn but no candy and didn't eat all the popcorn. I need treats once in a while as long as I am healthy the majority of the week. I just have to get over that guilty feeling if I indulge once in a while or have a higher fat dinner. (Had brats the other night!) It's just the way it is. I wish I could always eat salad with plain chicken or whatever but sometimes I want the good stuff. The mexican food, the thai food, or whatever. I just have to get that balance. I guess I have been getting the balance by exercising a lot and that enables me to maintain or lose a pound. So, I will keep plodding along.......why does it seem so hard some days?? It makes me think I still have a long way to go on beating my food demons and be able to lose and maintain a healthy weight, I think.

What are your thoughts out there in blogland on creating a healthy balance. Do you have it under control. Is it still really hard? What do you do to override the 'fat me' voice that wants what is not in the best interest of your healthy wt loss journey?

Food for thought

Been kind of in a funk lately and can't seem to shake it. Maybe it's the hormones, don't know. Did get out to see my ladies group last night and we met for drink and dinner by the Seattle waterfront. It was a nice night as the weather was great. I was worried about what food choices I would make. But, it wasn't a issue as I ate earlier in the day and then really wasn't hungry for dinner so just had a side salad, and oh yeah, 2 beers. Ha! But felt like indulging a little with all those microbrews they had to choose from.

It's good to see the ladies and talk about what each of us have going on in our lives an it helps to ease our loads I think. Better than therapy, ha. It's free therapy to be with friends. But, I also feel a little saddened when talking of Dawn and the cancer. I'm saddened that I will lose her soon and not one comes close as to the quality of friend I have in her. Ya know, just the way I can relate to her and share myself without feeling judged. The way she knows how to listen and ease my pain that I may being going through. To just feel loved as a friend, unconditionally. That's a rare find. Ugggghhh. I look to my other friends and it's hard to really open up about private stuff but we do share some. I think people are afraid to get really close and share as it makes them vulnerable. At least it is that way for me.

Anyway, as I was up late, I took a day off from working out today. I have been exercising for the last 6 days and it is time. I took my son to the movie 'underdog'. It was kinda cute but stupid too. I used to like the underdog cartoon so long ago. We then went to a local park as he loves to play at the playgrounds. Now we just ate dinner and I bought these turkey burgers from Costco. Not too bad and they are 200 calories a pattie. You doctor them up with sauces and they are pretty good and a good alternative to veggie burgers. We're trying not to eat out so much to be more healthy and to save money. We have a lot of expenses coming up with my college tuition and my son's tuition for school.

I was reading an article about junk food. It was saying how junk food is like poisoning our bodies. I guess that's true if we choose the fried, greasy stuff. But they do have some healthy choices too. It said to use food for fuel (heard this a lot from others) and I understand the concept. Use food to fuel my body so I can work out and get good results and to get healthy. But I can't just see it as fuel, I have to get enjoyment out of eating. If it was as easy as using it to fuel our bodies we might as well be robots. Ha! Ok, maybe that is extreme but it is how I feel somedays.

Not sure what else we are going to do for the rest of the weekend. We may go to my dad's cabin though the weather is cooler and in the 70's so may not feel like swimming. We thought of going to Seattle to check out the upcoming Danskin tri's route that I will have to run. But then I realized this weekend is Seafair and the Hydroraces and airplane or blue angels show so it will be a mad house in Seattle so we probably won't do that. Maybe we'll go up later this week and check out the area and then bike at Seward Park. They have a nice 3 mile loop that my son can probably do on his bike. They also have a set swim course there so I can practive my open water swim again. I have been practicing in the lake by my dad's cabin but Lake Washington (where the race is) is more murky and green goo in there so that's good to swim in it. I am getting a bit nervous as an email was just sent to me saying "16 more days to the race". Yikes, it's crunch time. But, I am just about ready. I mean ready as I'm ever going to be.

The scale seems to be going down more and may be finally getting the results I want from all the working out and eating right. But today, I wasn't totally on track. Ya know, movie popcorn and the like and little snacks here and there. It seems when I'm tired I tend to crave more crap food. So back at it for tomorrow as I want to see those results I've worked so hard for.

Here's a link to an article about fitness:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness_articles.asp?id=340
I like what they had to say about not to expect fast results.

Ok, I'll quit boring you as it seems my mind is here and there today. Have a great weekend!

Weigh in for today

My weigh in for today is down a pound! So 208. It is going so slowly.....I must have put in around 600 minutes of exercise this week so was expecting a bigger loss. Oh well, all those hormones a going. But, I am happy to see the scale start to move downward again. I really want to be under 200 by the end of August so we'll see what happens. I know I'll get there someday.

We are having some nice weather this week so we went to an outdoor pool that has a small lazy river/tube thing and one waterslide. My boy had a blast and the weird thing is that we sat right next to a preschool kid and his mom from last year's school by accident. So we chatted a bit but never really got to know each other last year. It felt good to get out in the sun. I have been too focused on working out and getting to the gym everyday that I haven't been enjoying the sun so we did that today.

I got in swimming and biking yesterday as I'm intensifying the workouts in duration and speed (even though I still at am turtle pace, ha!). I will get in some yoga or running tomorrow and will see the ladies group tomorrow night for drinks or a movie. That will be fun, I haven't seen these ladies in a while and at least 4 out of the 6 will be there so that's good.

Not much else to say today! I have been moody this week and trying to change it around but I tell my husband it's the hormones, ha. I hope everyone is having a good week!

Good weekend

I had a good weekend. Friday I went to Seattle to look at a running store (road runner) and a women's clothing store called Title Nine. They have some cute clothes for outdoor wear, running and also yoga. It kind of reminds me of REI wear if you know that store we have up here in the northwest. They also have the super Enell bra and had to get a different one for my race. I bought one off ebay but it was a little tight so got the next size up and it is good. (Their motto is 'the bounce stops here'! Not quite but it is the best bra/best support one I have ever seen.) I found a few running type shirts and surpised that I can fit into their xl size at the regular store. Maybe, I am making some progress. I didn't even attempt to try on the shorts or workout pants but I will when I drop more weight. I can't wait to wear all the cute, smaller running and workout wear. After the shopping we went to Greenlake nearby and my son had a good time at the playground there. They have a 3.3 mile loop around the lake and maybe we'll make it back up there this summer to ride around it or walk it. I used to go there when I was in my 20's and single. It is quite the place to meet people or to just be active or to take the kids swimming.

Being away at my dad's/uncle's cabin took my mind of my problems and the illness of my friends and family. I do appreciate all that I have and that I have my health. But, this doesn't help much when I see others suffering. I know we all die someday but it's hard to see it in action and watch friends and family's health start to erode. To see how tired they are, to see how the chemo affects them, to see them having aches and pains and know that is the beginning of the end. But, I know it is better to have time to say goodbye it just sucks when someone is young and hasn't had a full life. It saddens me greatly.

I did get in my workouts this weekend. I did the brick workout. That's the 2 of the 3 events for the upcoming triathalon. It's only 20 days away! Yikes! So I chose to do the 1/2 mile swim and then the 12 mile bike and to try out my workout/tri outfit and what I will wear. It went well but it is odd to be dripping wet and then have to get on your bike. I mean you towel off but you try to hurry and put on your shoes and helmet and go. I'm glad I practiced it as I realized that I forgot a few things. Like to get my sunglasses or have some tissue or whatever as I get out of the water and feeling waterlogged. I'm having problems with my goggles, they fog up so easy. I'm trying the usual scuba tricks like spit in them (yuck I know) and other remedies. And for some odd reason they don't really fog up in the pool, just the lake. Maybe the temperature? Not sure. So I will try other goggles or my no-fog liquid stuff I use for scuba. I also realized I hate my bike seat and want one that is cut for a woman to take some pressure off the ummm, ahem, personal areas and my butt. We'll see if it makes a difference on long rides. I also got my 3 mile run in on Sunday as it's getting down to crunch time to be ready for this race. I kind of do a run/walk combo and that's all I can do at this point but oh well. My family was funny as they can't believe that I'm so active lately. They look at me like I'm this alien creature but they do give me the standard 'that's great' comment. They don't seem to want to join me though. Of course my hubby would but he was busy watching our boy and swimming.

This week we are busy with swim lessons for my son and all kinds of getting ready for all the birthdays in my family this week. I'm also gearing up for school next month (college) by getting all my immunizations I will need to intern at the hospital. I feel like a pin cushion with all the needles/shots I've been getting and it isn't over yet. I know it is for my own good and everyone has to do it if they work around sick people but it seems like overkill with the shots.

I'm hoping to have a wt loss this week but ya know, having that bloating icky feeling that all us women get so we'll see. I thought really increasing my exercise to 6 days a week that the wt would be falling off....but no!! It is frustrating but I do need to log my food and will do that soon. I'm just dragging my heels on it as I don't enjoy tracking my food. I have been making pretty good choices and not eating high fat meals.

I'll get together with my ladies group on Thursday and do a movie or something in Seattle. I would rather just get in some walking or other activity but one of my friends wants to go to a chick flick. I don't get to many movies so I guess that will be alright. Seems like it will be a small get together as everyone is busy this summer with vacations and the like but that's ok.

Everyone have a great week and thanks for all the comments, it helps.

My emotions are all over the place

Having a down week. I don't know if it's the after effects of visiting Dawn or what. Maybe it's thinking about her cancer, maybe it's about my uncles' cancer. Maybe it's about hearing an old acquaintance (who's child went to preschool with my son) got into a serious car wreck in Idaho and is in critical condition. Her 3 children were killed. I don't know how anyone can go through that and want to live. I heard it through the grapevine of mommies and that her older child wasn't with her and at least was with her ex and was spared. There was also another lady in the car who used to be the president of our co-op preschool and I haven't heard her fate. I heard that this lady I know husband will take time off from the military and help to nurse her back to healthy if possible. Though we weren't close and she moved away a bit ago it was just devastating to hear.

My mood has been down and I've been short with people, especially my hubby. I spent the whole day cleaning the other day as I thought we were having a guest. The old friend of mine by hubby does tri's with was coming over but he didn't. That's fine with me but I cleaned the house, made up the extra bed, etc. etc. so he doesn't see how piggy our house can get and for no avail. I mean, it's nice to have a clean house but I found myself crabby.
I have been getting stuff done around the house and getting rid of old clothes and clutter. I have been exercising a lot and will go for 6 days this week today. It helps my mood for a while and then I'm in the dumps again. My friend Dawn had went for an MRI when we were visting with her. I was surprised she was getting a test on her back. That she thought it might be discs in the spine. I knew what it was and she told me the results. The tumors in her bones are growing. I guess I was surprised cause it is a given what is going on in her body with the cancer growing. My mom says "so, she still has hope". I guess that is what it is...hope. We are all, including her, wishing, praying and hoping for a miracle cure but deep down I know it is unlikely to happen. It's rare that it happens.

For some reason, I'm thinking of a little pill that will make all these emotions easier to take. Like depression has overtaken me. But, I do not like the way drugs can alter your brain. I think it is healthy to experience the raw emotions. I just don't know how to stop feeling the pain. I know it won't stop as people I love are suffering. I know, such is life. Why does it have to be so damn hard some days?

I am going to do something different today. I will take my boy to Seattle or to the Tacoma waterfront and try to make a good day. He has been good about going to the gym with me but today is a sunny day and I need to do something fun for him. We do go to playgrounds etc, play outside, bike ride together but I feel I need a change of pace. We will go tonight to my dad/uncle's cabin and spend the weekend there. There is a boat there, the lake. My mom said she will come. Everyone else in the family is busy. It is forcasted for the 77 or 73 so it will be ok. Not hot, but not too cold. I will do my 'brick workout' in preparation for the triathalon. The brick is doing 2 workouts back to back. So I will swim the 1/2 mile and then do the 12 mile bike. I need to so this to see how I perform. I won't add on the 3 mile run yet. I have been running this week but a combination of walk/jog. I jog 1 1/2 miles and then walk the other 1 1/2 miles. I don't seem to be progressing more than that on the running but oh well. I will do what I can do. I was really hoping to run the whole distance in August but it may not happen and that is ok.

I hope you all are doing good on living your healthy journeys! The scale is driving me crazy as I expect it to show a loss as I'm exercising a lot. I guess I need to keep a food journal but am resisting. Do you keep a food journal? Have a good week.

Maintaining....that's all I can do right now

I liked this surfing smiley above cause made me think of Hawaii as my sister and her family are going to Maui tomorrow and I want so bad to be there and go surfing or try windsurfing. I'm tyring to fit in her suitcase but she ain't having it! I said 'do you have room at your condo you are renting?' and she is like 'no!' ha ha. She has saved for 2 years for this trip and her 25 yr anniversary is this fall. It is nice she is taking her boys, they are 20 and 17 and they will enjoy the water sports. If it was me I may just take my hubby! I mean we get no time to be alone and do romantic trips, ha.

Anyway for the weight things, yeah....
I weighed in this morning and am maintaining....still at 209. At first I was disappointed but then I thought back to the stressful week I had with my friends and that I was up 2 lbs over the weekend and then lost it the last 3 days as I have been working out every day since Sunday.

Oh well, moving on...I'm tired of thinking about it but I also am tired of going on vacation and then struggling to lose weight. That shouldn't be an issue now as I have no more out of town trips, just local stuff. So, there should be no excuses not to drop more poundage. I am at the end of 2 weeks of my 12 weeks challenge with about 20 ladies on the internet. It is a good challenge and as I mentioned it is divided into equal teams and running like the 'biggest loser' show. I want to contribute more to the team so hopefully that will keep me on track.

I saw this test on spark people. Try it out. It says I am an emotional eater. Ha, no surprise there! Link is at:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/personality_profile2.asp

Part of my results said that:

emotional eater
"The main problem you face is eating when you're not hungry or eating to satisfy something other than hunger. "Food for your mood" can cause your diet to vary a great deal. Too much of your eating is driven by boredom, stress, or dejection - you might even find yourself in the kitchen, open cookie bag in hand, and not know why. Mindless and emotional eating for you can be caused by any number of reasons. It is likely you have more weight to lose than most or have grappled with weight most of your life.
A tendency for this personality type is to yo-yo on dieting and swing through "all-or-nothing" extremes (e.g., I've blown it already this meal so why not have dessert?) A few spoonfuls turn into a snack turns into a binge…especially around the high stress holidays."

Ah, yeah, about the yo yo dieting and blowing it around the holidays...that is totally me!!

And here is a spark success story:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/community/success_matt_denise.asp
It helps to see that people can really get to goal and gives me incentive to do it. But, what I would really like to see is if after 5 years they are still at goal and haven't gained it back. I like to see that it can be done but also that they can really change their lifestyle and change for good. That's what I want for myself.

I hope everyone is having a good week. I'm off to swim as that tri is just around the corner. I am getting nervous cause a lot of my family will come to watch and I'm more like the loner type and don't want anyone to watch. Or maybe it is fear of failing and then they will see it. I know deep down that I won't fail if I train enough and if I don't get an injury but ya know....

Take care.

Vegas visit with friends

Just got back from Vegas last night from my trip to visit my friend Dawn. My friend, Yvette, went with me. We were all good friends in high school and I've especially gotten close to Dawn in these last 10 years. As I talked about before, we were there to visit Dawn as her cancer is progressing. She is getting more easily tired and was having some back and hip pain. I'm pretty sure it is the cancer in the bones. We did go with her to get her MRI to see if she is having any disc/back problems but I'm pretty sure it's the cancer in her bones. I was surprised she was having the test done as she has stopped all her treatments/chemo because they are not working. I'm not sure if I will be down there again but I may if she needs me. Here are some pictures of us when we went out to dinner and then out by her pool in our flashy flamingo sunglasses!






















We had a fun time but a very stressful time! Dawn is the one with the short dark hair in the middle of us. Ooops, I cropped out her backyard with a nice pool and trees but I didn't like the full body shot! ha! I'm going to use one of my pictures and put it in a frame for each of us. I couldn't find the perfect shot so I'll have to use one of these unless Yvette has some better ones. I bought some Margaritaville and flamingo picture frames for each one of us to have. We also bought matching silver and diamond (though fake) rings that we will all wear to remember our time together and to remember Dawn when she passes away. We had a chance to meet Dawn's good local friend in Vegas and got some reasurrance that she will help us stay in touch with Dawn's daughter if her husband doesn't want us to when she's gone. It was good to meet her good friend she has become close to and know that she will be there for Dawn' s daughter as we are so far away. It was weird to talk of these serious issues when Dawn was just sitting there listening. She and others excused themselves and the tears were a flowing. It's just unfathomable that we will all lose our good friend. I'm still having trouble coming to grips with it and probably always will.


We had a good day out by the Flamingo hotel pool and we rented one of those cabanas where they give you the tent like cabana and fridge and tv and phone and drinks and fruit and all the lounge chairs. We swam in the pool but didn't spend much time in the sun as it was like 109 degrees! Her daughter enjoyed the pool and the few water slides and waterfall they have there. I really didn't take many more photos except for this shot of Vet and me by the flamingos and a night shot of the Paris Hotel.

























It was also stressful as Dawn and her husband were fighting a lot and Dawn need to vent to us. It is a very stressful time and he is very selfish and inconsiderate. I don't think they ever really recovered from him having an affair 2 years ago. She is very concerned that he won't be a good role model for his daughter and is really concerned for her daughters welfare. He really doesn't spend much time with her and doesn't interact with her all that well. We witnessed a major meltdown with her daughter and lots of whining and it was a screaming mess. Vet and I didn't know what to do so we just went outside. It is understandable that she is in turmoil that they all are but I've never seen a 10 year old throw a major tantrum like a 2 year old would. She did just find out last week that her mom doesn't have that long to live but it is also because she is so spoiled and they don't know how to discipline her. It is not right for me to intervene but I hope they can all go to therapy and try to cope as it is a war zone some days. It is so stressful that my friend was screaming about an altercation she had with her husband over her daughter breaking a glass and getting cut and him yelling at the daughter. I've never seen my friend lose it like she did in front of us. I mean screaming in torment that she has went back to this man after the affair. The regret over even having married him. There is a heck of a lot more to this story and we just didn't know what to say to her. If she wasn't sick, I think she would leave but she won't at this stage. But the stress is so high that I fear it will accelerate the cancer even more and the time she has left. It is good news that she is getting a nanny/housekeeper that will help with duties as she is getting more and more tired.


Anyway, just had to get that out and my friend Vet and I were actually relieved to be going home. We did get in a little gambling and some drinking and such and had some fun too. I started out good on the trip and was eating healthfully but it was hard as my friend would eat the chips, candy, fast food and offer me some. I held strong and said no. I did get to the gym and paid the fee to work out and got in an hour and 1/2 workout and did cardio and weights. I had insomnia bad down there so why not just go to the gym. Think it was all the stress and worry for my friend and also my other friends snoring! ha! The last 2 days, I started to stress eat so now today I am home and back on track so we'll see what Wednesday's weigh in brings. Seems like I'm up on the scale but I'm doing damage control. Houston we have a problem!!! Someone likes to stress eat.

Hope you all are doing well this week and I'll check out your blogs soon.

Early weigh in and off to Vegas

I am having a day early weigh in today as I won't be around a scale or computer tomorrow as I'm going to Las Vegas tonight. I lost a pound!!! So, that puts me at 209. I was hoping for more as I did like 600 minutes of exercise of something crazy but it's not to be. This is the first week of my 12 week challenge so I hope to have continued loss and get to that coveted 199 by the end of August or so.

I will have a sizable challenge when I go to Vegas to visit my friend Dawn. It is the land of buffets and drinking at all hours. I know that my friend Yvette (Vet) who is going with me plans on drinking, a lot. She calls me and says "I hear drinks are pricey down there" and I said yeah, ya know, $5 beers and $7 or more fruity drinks. So she wants to bring a bottle. I said no, we can buy one there, liquor stores abound. I don't know if she drinks a lot or she will think we need to drink as we are consoling my friend Dawn who has terminal cancer. I really don't know what to expect as this girl and I were good friends in high school and haven't really spent much time together in 20 years!! So, I'm hoping that it all goes well and we get along. I really don't want to get plastered every night. I want to go to the gym at the hotel and try to be semi healthy this week. I just have to lay the ground rules! Ya know, when you go on vacation/share a room with someone it seems you are glued at the hip 24/7. But, I need that exercise time and cause it will be 110 degrees or something and I won't want to walk in the heat and they don't have lap swimming in the pool, I need to go and pay and go to the hotel gym. I checked it out last time I was there in May. I meant to go but the drinking and staying up late to gamble got in the way. It was hard to get up early at all and later in the day I didn't feel like going!! So we will see what happens. Vet says she doesn't like to gamble or like the heat so I was thinking 'what we gonna do but just talk or drink or eat?'

We don't have any shows planned though I would like to go to a comedy one or something. We just will hang by the pool and mostly hang out at Dawn's house to visit. She is about 20 minutes from the strip and she has a nice pool/house too. We will try to limit our time in the heat and thank god they have air conditioning.

Anyway, I'm off to pack as I always do it last minute. It drives me crazy how I procrastinate in this area! At least my laundry is done and I just have to figure out what to bring. I got a new outfit and my pedicure, manicure, and hair cut and blonded, ha! Now I just need that brazilian waxing! Ha, just kidding. Never tried waxing, have you?

I am feeling tired today. I slept like 4 1/2 hours. I stayed up till 1am as I was in the blogging world, I am addicted! And I had to get up early to take my hubby to the train so that I can pick him up later to take me to the airport. Now, I can't go back to sleep. I hate when I feel like crap when I am starting a trip and I can't sleep on a plane. My mom is watching my son so I know he will be safe.

Thanks for all your comments about my last post and doing the open water swim. I am comfortable in the water, always have been. What I really need to work on is my own thoughts about my body. I don't show my lack of self esteem in this area to others (well mostly), it's all internal. I was talking a bit to my friend, Kathy, (the one doing the tri with me) about trying to lose more weight and she is always full of advice. Ya know, eat your salad with the dressing on the side. etc..We all know the drill! It's just making the right choices consistantly that is the real challenge for me. Anyway, lately she has been having troubles with low sodium and potassium and has been to the hospital twice in these past few weeks. She was feeling sick from dehydration when she was out on vacation back east and now at home. The doc said drink more gatorade and electrolytes not just water. She was bemoaning the fast that she couldn't drink much gatorade as it has 200 calories per serving. I was thinking "what the frick"? This thin women can't work in 200 calories of gatorade into her diet? Is she suffering from anorexia or what? She seems to me to be deathly afraid of gaining any weight. She was chubby once long ago at about 12 year of age or so and has been rail thin ever since she dieted way back when. She is athletic and always has been and voted 'most athletic' in high school. I am really surprised she is not taking the doctors advice! I told her to look into electrolyte powder or pill form as they are low calorie or so I've heard. Anyway, it just made me realize that even thin people have their own eating/body issues.

I'll check back in with you all on Sunday when I get back! Hope you are all doing well out there in blogland!!

I was walking down the beach....

I was walking down the beach yesterday up in Seattle at Lake Washington. I was following a few skinny ladies that seemed to be going my way. We were all heading to the open water swim clinic to prepare for our upcoming triathalons. I felt a little out of place. What am I doing with these slim triathalete women? What was a chubby woman like me really doing here? Why do I have to wear this tri suit that makes me look awful? Where are the the other chubby women? I hate when those negative thoughts come into my head! I banished them for the day. Who cares if I was fatter? I was trying to get thinner and fitter. I was so nervous though as I didn't know what to expect today and how I would perform. I was here to improve my swimming skills in open water and venture beyond the calm pool. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was trying to be open to the adventure, this learning experience.

When I looked around at the group that showed up they were mostly women in their 20's through 50's and mostly fit but a few heavier women too. I was happy that my friend was going to be there for some support and to quell her own nerves about swimming in the lake. At least it wasn't the open water and those kind of waves or salt water. We listened to the coaches give us advice on what we would learn that day and what they hope we would accomplish. We broke into beginner, intermediate and advanced groups. I thought, well, I guess I am intermediate as I am a pretty good swimmer. So we got in the water and swam in groups of 2's so the instructor could see our form. He said mine was good. I felt like we were racing against each other, already the competitive spirit coming into play. I was a little surprised as I don't really consider myself a competitive person. We learned to sight ahead to the buoys or flags that we were aiming for and worked on swim technique and watch the instructor for some tips on style of swim. At the end of the workout we got to swim a 300 yard course as fast as we could doing the crawl/stroke or whatever stroke you wanted. (I will need to swim 750 yards in the race.) We started out in a big group of 50 or 60 and I got the unfortunate place of being in the middle of the pack. I should have started at the back or the sides and I paid the price. I got kicked in the head, kicked in the shins and everywhere. I fell back and tried to find a place where I wouldn't get hammered. I did the crawl for a while but later became tired and did the side stroke and breast stroke. I was suprised how tired I was becoming as I was trying to move fast. In the pool I move pretty slow I guess.

I was having trouble with the goggles and they were fogging up but at least they weren't leaking. I had to stop several times to clear them of the fog as I couldn't see where I was heading to. I finally came around the final bend and headed into the beach. I had fought some icky green, slimy sludge for 1/2 the way and was happy to be in the deep water. I finally made it in and prob. about the middle of the pack for finishing. My friend was waiting and cheering me on the beach. This from a woman who was scared to swim in open water and said she is a beginner. I couldn't believe she beat me! Why did I care? I guess because this is the one sport that I would always excel at compared to her when we were kids. I couldn't help but feel like a slow slug. Who cares that she has been swimming for months at pool lessons? Who cared that I probably outweigh her by 70 pounds? I just felt disappointment. I suppose it is because she said she is a bad swimmer and I know she is way fast on the bike and can run the miles we need to run in the race. So it is a given she will beat me overall in the race. We have a complicated past, where she was always competitive with me and said how much better she was than me. (I think it is because she has 3 brothers!) We were on the tennis team together and she would remind me weekly how good she was. Why the heck am I thinking of this now? I asked her to do this race with me? This is the present and not the past, she is different than she was long ago. What is wrong with me? Am I mourning the younger, fitter, scuba lady I was before? The fitter, younger athlete I was in high school? What?

I have a long way to go on this weight loss journey and I can't expect myself to be fast in sports. It gave me the itch to be better. The longing to be at a lower weight so I can become really, really active at a higher level. I am active now but more at a grandma type level. Well, ok maybe I could beat a grandma on the bike but I go at a slower pace than some. We got to meet an awesome tri lady who is one of the coaches. She came by to talk as she knew my friend from the swim classes. She is thin, strong and positive. She probably doesn't know it but I want to be just like her. I want to do tri's at a whim and be able to perform well athletically. I want that thin, healthy body. I want that body confidence that she exudes. I want that tri tatoo that she has. I was suprised that I had these feelings. Not surprised that I want a body like hers but surprised that I want to be like her in that she was done with her swimming earlier and then was doing more tri training with someone and then running later. She had her numbers painted on her arm as she was doing the Seafair triathalon on Sunday (today). I want to be active like her not this chubby woman that I had let myself become. Maybe I am changing. Hmmmm.... Or maybe it's because I was in an active place with bikers, runners, swimmers all around. So many fit people in Seattle.

Well, that is the way I am feeling today and we will see what the future brings. I am excited for the race in August and I know I will finish it. Maybe not at a good time but I will finish. Maybe I'll do this tri every year for my friend Dawn to raise money for cancer. Maybe it will be other tri's. Maybe I'll use it as a tool to really improve myself. My body and my mind. I have a lot of work to do. I really, really need to work on jogging more as that is my weakest sport! I can't run the 3 miles yet but I guess I'll have to walk some if it comes to that.

Ok, this is going longer that I thought today. I am happy that I exercised 6 days a week this week!! I will try to take today off as we may go down by a lake and enjoy the day. I am unhappy that the scale is not reflecting all my hard sweat and working out this week. Maybe I shouldn't get on that scale every day as it must be fluid retention cause I haven't been drinking enough water. Maybe I'm eating way more than I think and am thinking of journaling it all down again though I hate to do that. I'm trying to stay positive and just appreciate how far I have come from a year ago. Trying to quit thinking of the negative. I know that positive thinking is one of the keys/secrets to getting this weight off. Why is it so hard some days?

I hope everyone out there is having a good weekend!

insight/motivational

I joined spark people for this 12 week challenge to communicate with the others who are doing the challenge too. Today, this article came from spark. Maybe you've seen it already.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=388

I liked the quotes:

'The trouble is, we get so caught up in trying to do everything that we retreat inside ourselves'

'It’s important to you—to your health, your goals and your family—that you take some time to exercise and plan healthy meals. You should treat it that way and give yourself permission to take that time without feeling guilty'

'Besides, is anything on your to-do list really more important than your health?'

I was just talking about how important my healthy should be and is to me. Thanks for your comments about my friend Dawn. I offered to go with her to the caribbean if she wanted but she said her trip last week to visit her dad in Wisconsin was her last flying trip. She is just getting tired I think. She did go to Lake Havasu, AZ (by car) this week as she always wanted to go there but it is hot, hot, hot down there and hope she is liking it. I'm not looking forward to the 110 degree (celcius) heat that will be in vegas next week.

I had a dream about being in a shady part of some big city. I was dodging bullets and bad guys and then I was trying to get to a better part of town and so I was all like James Bond and I tried to shimmy across a monorail/train type track. Only to get towards the end and realize a train was coming. I tried going back the other way and in order to avoid being hit in a minute I would have to drop to the water and maybe die anyway. I woke myself up from that one! Of course, I think it means something is coming down the pike and I won't be able to miss it. Prob. from all my thoughts about Dawn and her limited time left on this earth. Sucks. But what can I do? I will just be there for her as I would want another to be there for me if it was I who was in the very unfortunate situation.

Well, in trival news not much going on today except for trying for my 5 for 5 days of exercise. I also will get a haircut. I never seem to change it much! Maybe some day I will cut it all off and try a short style. Not ready yet. Then I'll get some more blonde in tomorrow. I prob. am a lt. brown color if I let it grow out but not ready to go back to that color yet. I like me some blonde at the moment.

I did have a no scale victory in that I exercised 2 times yesterday. Did some swimming and walking and later biking with the family though the biking was just a casual pace. My mom was saying that when I started jogging more the wt would just fall off! Ummmm....not the case as my wt loss is slow most weeks! But, I will attempt to run today. I'm am now tracking my exercise time from the start of the challenge and attempting to at least exercise 150 minutes per week and I am exceeding that this week. I'm also going to track my measurements too so I can can see some lost inches.

What's everyone's weekend plans? I'm going to try to make it an active one and not one centered around eating out. ha!

feeling a bit down

Feeling a bit down today. It has to do with my friend, Dawn, the one I told you about that has terminal cancer. I just get a bit down after I talk to her. We talked of her final plans to be cremated and spread somewhere in the caribbean. I think she wants her hubby and friends to go there and spread the ashes. It just make me sad cause she always talked of us going to the caribbean in our older ages and renting a house. Usually, her scenerio would be just us as older ladies and no hubbies. I think that is because she has had so much turmoil in her own marriage.

She told me she finally told her 10 yr old daughter that she is dying and that was extremely hard. She also told her father and some siblings. I encouraged her to tell the last brother who is a bit estranged from her. I want them to have time to see her when she is feeling ok still. She told me she is in therapy to deal with these emotional issues due to her dying. She thinks her hubby isn't handling it well and he won't go to therapy. He never would for marital therapy so it doesn't surprise me that he won't go to talk about cancer either. She also told me she is battling her mother in law as she thinks Dawn should have a grave and so that her daughter can visit and remember her. Dawn told her that her own mother (dawn's) has been gone for years and she doesn't get a chance to visit her grave (as it's up her in WA and she's in vegas) and that she talks to her everyday. Talks to her spirit of heaven or what have you. That you don't need a grave to try to remember a lost loved one. I totally agree and he wishes should be followed. I'm pressing her to get a will in order as they don't have one and I want her wishes noted for herself and wishes for her daughter to spend time with her side of the family each summer. Doesn't mean the husband will follow it but it is a safeguard. I don't know why she is hesitating. He hubby is a lawyer for chrissakes and can draw one up with no trouble I'm sure. Maybe she thinks that all the money is his anyway but come on.

With all this talk, of course I am down. I can't stand losing a best friend, it is torture. No other friend measures up to what I have with her. She is the only one I can totally relate to and we can tell each other anything. The hole is big in my heart and just keeps growing and I just don't know how I am going to get through this. Our trip (me and an old friend) to see her is next Tuesday and I am looking forward to it and I know she is too. We will see how she is feeling for real when I see her. More tears will be shed, that's for sure. Enough dwelling on the negative for today and I can't help but hope for a miracle for her but they are far and few between, I know.

In other news, I started my next fitness/wt loss challenge yesterday and am doing well so far. I am going for my 4 out 5 exercise days today. It is easy this week with me having some free time due to my son's soccer. I'm thinking he needs more activity later this summer, maybe the super soaker swim camp! And mommy gets more time to work out!

I have a swim clinic this Saturday up in Seattle. It is by one of the coaches for the Danskin triathalon. I hope to learn some better swim techniques and to practice the course. I heard that the swim portion of the race is being reduced so I'm happy about that. Actually, I would rather see the run portion reduced as that is my weakest point! My friend Kathy will do the swim things with me so that will be fun. Our weather has been great this week and hot so I am enjoying that.

Hope everyone is doing well on their healthy journeys this week.

Finding reasons to keep up my motivation

I was thinking of my last post and how I said I would try to just maintain through next week as I will be in Vegas to visit my friend who is sick. I guess I was thinking it would be easier to not worry so much about what I ate or drank cause there will definitely be some eating and a drinking. But, I think I was feeling this way as I just got back from vacation and was feeling not so motivated after my week of taking it easy. I have decided that it's best to keep on trying to lose. No time off for good behavior!

I was thinking 'am I happy at my present weight'? Heck no! When I jog I am not happy about my jiggling thighs, tummy and arms. I'm not happy wearing tank tops cause of the jiggle. But, I bit the bullet and have been wearing them these fast 2 weeks. Who cares who sees me? Who cares if I'm not happy about my upper arms? It is damn hot out for washington in 90's celcius and it's stupid to be covering up all the time. I'm tired of shopping around like last week and seeing some cute top but not in my size and thinking 'next year I will be in that size'. I want it really to be the last year that I say that and really mean that and accomplish that. I made progress this past year but it hasn't gotten me to the regular sizes yet. I know, good things happen for those who are patient and stay the path!

I want that body confidence back that I had long, long ago. The feeling good about how I look and not really thinking about it much. The way I had so much energy and working out wasn't a chore. The cute clothes I could wear when I saw them in any store. The catching myself in a mirror and thinking I'm not half bad. The ability to see what my body really can do. To see that there is an athlete inside of me wanting to get out. I want that back...bad!! I've made progress but there is lots of room for improvement. I want to push the limits further. I want the best body that I can have.

So, some things I will do:

start the 12 week wt loss challenge tomorrow at 'Kim under Construction's blog'/weds weigh in
keep working out 5 days per week
drink lots of water
eat my fruits and veggies
stay positive and try to keep negative thoughts to a minimum
continue reading motivational books, magazines and wt loss stories on the web
start recording my measurements again and comparing them from when I started this journey

I can make a lot of progress in 12 weeks if I put my nose to the grindstone. I am going for 15 pounds lost during this time. It is a tall order due to my slower wt loss progress from my last 10 week one but it can be done. I upped my exercise intensity this week. I worked out with jogging, walking and wt training to 2 hours on Monday, and went biking today for an hour and 1/2. I will swim tomorrow. That triathalon is just around the corner on 8/19 so I need to be as ready as possible. I really want to drop more pounds by that tri as it will make it a little easier with less weight. I am going/trying to be under 200lbs by 8/31 so we'll how that goes!

Let me know your weight loss goals or reasons to do this. I know we have done this before but it is time for me to do it again to keep on my weight loss journey. No more 'stinkin thinking' and thinking I can take a break. I need to keep on keeping on this weight loss journey as it is very important for me to be healthy. It affects all areas of my life and if I don't have my health, what do I have?

This post turned out to be more of a motivation kick start again for me but thanks for reading my drivel. Hope you all are having a good week!

Trip recap and weigh in

Aiiiieee! I was thinking my mom is like landmines! In that every time I am on vacation or just around her the food is there. She likes to snack but she's thin! So we had the chips, some pizza, a burger, a drink or 2. But, I decided to just relax and take it in stride and enjoy myself. So, the weigh in is up a 1/2 a pound. So that brings me to 210. Well, that's not too bad and for my 10 week challenge that is a 8 pound loss. I wanted more but I will try harder next time. I think I will maintain for a bit or try to lose a little but wait for another 10 week challenge until after my trip to visit Dawn in vegas next week. I have a feeling it will be trouble to try to lose that week but we'll see what happens.

Ok, for the trip recap. We left on Monday and headed over to Chelan. It takes over 4-5 hours to get there but took us a bit more with stops. There is a cute town on the way when you get over the mountain (stevens pass) that is called Leavenworth. It is a bavarian village and all the buildings must have that bavarian/german kinda look. It is a tourist trap but it is a cute little town with high mountains all around. We then went to Lake Chelan which is about mid-Washington and about 40 minutes from Wenatchee. Here's some pics of the lake and of my son and me and my husband.



















We had a lot of fun and we enjoyed the swimming and some putt putt golf and just laying in the sun and reading. It was really hot in the 90's and up to 100 so it was a little hot for me! I did get in some walking and biking but not too much cause the heat zapped my energy and my boy doesn't like to walk to far. My sister and mom were with us so that was good to spend time with them too. This lake is really clear water and cold but we enjoyed it compared to the murky lakes we have around here.


We then went about an hour and 1/2 up the road on Friday to the town of Winthrop. My sister and her hubby have a cabin that her hubby built there up on a hill above the town. It is a cute town with a western theme. We spent time walking around looking at shops, at Pearygin Lake and hiking around a bit and down by the river. We really wanted to go tubing or rafting down the river but didn't have a float or couldn't figure out how we could all go without one of us missing out and having to be the one to be the pick up at the other end. Here's some pics of the town and of the cabin and of a deer that was out front in the morning!

It was cool to see all the wildlife out here. There was a deer, an eagle, hawks, groundhogs, and horses. Lots of deer and a ban on hunting in the area so the deer are pretty tame but will run if you approach them. Also, this cute brew pub above I really wanted to go in. It's an old school house but we didn't as the hubby doesn't drink but we had a nice dinner at a place called Duck Brank Inn. I have more photos but shared the best but will put them on the flickr on the side bar here.

Well, gotta get going as my son starts soccer this week for a 5 day clinic. So should be fun for him and I will get back into my working out! 3 whole hours a day, woooohooo!!

Hope you all are having a good week and I'll check out your blogs soon.

The tri wear I may wear

You are probably thinking, what has she got with a bra on her web site?? I'm showing you the tri suit my mom got me for the August tri I'm doing. And the handy dandy enell bra I got of ebay. This bra is the ultimate for no bouncing for us larger endowed ladies. And the tri suit? Oh my god. It shows every flaw you got just like a wetsuit would. It is thin material but I'm immediately self conscious when I put it on. It did give me more incentive to drop some more weight by race day. I know everyone says just go out there and do the race and don't think of what you look like but hey, this is the real world and I will worry about it until I'm all sweaty from the race and then maybe I won't care. This suit can go from the swim to the bike and run but maybe I'll get a little tank top to put over for the bike. It ain't a pretty site, ha! Spandex is not my friend.

I had a pretty good Friday night and went out of town to stay with a friend who is getting a divorce. She wanted to kick up her heels and go out dancing. It was a good band called the 'Retros' and played 80's music so that was nice. My friend, Kim, was a dancing machine so it was a bit akward as I had to make small talk with some guy friends of her. Nothing like feeling like your young and clubbing again and your friend won't come back to the table much. And we drank way too much and we felt like crud the next day! I won't do that again anytime soon. Here I thought she wanted to talk about her problems with the soon to be ex but that's not really what happened. Anyway, I was a bit of a babysitter for her that night.

Yesterday, I went with my hubby and son to my dad's cabin. We weren't planning on going but we said 'why the heck not' as the weather was finally decent up here. My son ended up having a blast cause a lot of my cousins (uncle's side) were there and he got to swim with them. I also got a chance to visit my uncle who is fighting cancer and doing the chemo treatments so it was nice to get some time with him and the others.

I am off tomorrow for my vacation to Lake Chelan and will check back in with you all on Monday the 9th. It will be good to be gone for a bit. My eating wasn't stellar over the last 2 days so I'm packing up my cooler with low cal food to take with me to the hotel. So, hopefully, I'll stick with eating right this coming week and get in some walks, swimming and some biking later in the week.

Hope you all are doing well this week! The 4th of July will be a challenge that's for sure. I'm in my last week of my 10 week challenge so I will weigh in next week a little late.

The insanity of weight loss

A while back after I wrote that recent post about dieting and to 'not keep doing what I always did' and about the things I learned along this bumpy road to a healthy weight, I got a troll that visited. It is a nasty fellow (I believe) that trolls some blogs I visit and makes nasty comments to those of us trying to lose the lard! Anyway, since I have visited their sites, I start to get the troll visiting my site and I see on others too. It doesn't bother me that much as I just delete them. I don't need the negative energy as it doesn't help me and I'm all about the positive side of things. I think it is sad when people deliberately try and hurt people due to their size. They must not have much of a life if they have time to go out and just blog negative things on people's wt loss blogs? Crazy! But...that being said I thought I would share part of the comment as it is my topic for the day.

The quote was something like "the definition of insanity is to keep doing the things you've always done and expect a different result. Just quit eating, fattie." Or something to that effect. So in rebuttal to this I say, as I said before that each time we lose weight or rebound up in weight we learn something about ourselves. And, each time we lose, we get a little closer to our goal weight. Yeah, sometimes it seems like the impossible goal when you have a lot to lose. But, each week we do get closer to the goal. So, I really disagree with that statement as we try things a little different each time. We eat more or we eat less or we exercise more or try different foods or try to change our habits for good. We read books to learn about how the mind works and how it can be beneficial to losing weight or detrimental if we doubt ourselves or are too hard on ourselves. I really believe in the quote 'change your mind, and your body will follow'.

As for the second part, 'just quit eating'. Ah, if that were only possible. Like a drug addict or alcoholic that can just stop cold turkey and try to quell their demons, stopping eating is not an option. Should we live on 500 calories of lettuce and carrots to lose? Of course not! We would eventually wreck our metabolism and if we didn't eat we would damage our organs and eventually die. So, the troll quoted doesn't really have a clue.

Anyway, in other news, I am walking every day and plan to swim tomorrow. My back is just not getting better and is especially stiff in the morning. And you know when you turn to get out of your car, I feel like someone stabbed a knife in my back. My hubby says it's the sacrum part of your body or maybe it's the lumbar vertebrae or muscles attaching to it. So, I'm trying the Ibuprofen and just trying to stretch a bit. Maybe I should not do any activity at all but walking doesn't hurt if I do it later in the day. So, I will continue to take it slower but I'm getting a bit antsy to get better and continue on with my training. The darn race is 8/19!! But, I still have time. I need to jog some more and be able to run 3 miles which I can't yet but I will get there when I feel better.

Thanks for the advice on eating out. I have been limiting going out to eat as I seem to get swayed sometimes by what others are having and change my order as I don't want to feel deprived. But, I can't just eat anything, I'm trying to drop this fat! I can't order a pizza or share one as I can't stop at 1 piece. The portion control is another hard one to conquer. Especially if I am at a mexican restaurant and they have those huge portions. I have never done the 'cut 1/2 of the order and put it in a box' but sounds like a good idea though I have never done that but have heard it recommended at wt watchers when I used to go. But, in general, if I stick to the places with lo cal options, I tend to choose those items. I read in one of my books that people who lose and maintain their weight loss have a tendency to eat the same few breakfasts and lunches and change up their dinner. They said it is because it is best to limit your choices and it's easier to stay on track. I guess I agree with that analogy cause if I am at a place that has a huge array of choices, I don't always make the good choices.

And lastly, any of you get back pain occasionally? What do you do about it? I rarely get it but when I strain my back every few years it takes a while to go away. Maybe I need to stretch more. I know I need to lift with my legs instead of the way I hurt it as I was just lifting my bike with my arms. Maybe I need to strengthen my tummy muscles though I do tummy exercises but maybe not enough.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Weigh in... and what do you do about eating out?

For my weigh in today, I am down a pound!! A little wooooohooooo! I expected a smaller loss due to the big loss I had last week. Oh well. I was looking through my old weigh in records which I started in May of 2006 when I first stared wt watchers. I would see a trend of losing for 3 weeks and then a slight gain, maintain or slight loss on the 4th week a week before the t.o.m. (ya know what I mean girls!). So I am happy as this is that challenging week......So I'd like to say goodbye to the 210's and beyond forever!! Can't wait till I can say that to the 200's!

I haven't deviated from what was working before. Lots of exercise, eating right and the like. I did slow down the last few days and doing mostly walking and did a shorter bike ride yesterday due to my back muscles hurting. I hope to resume more intesity in my workouts again sometime later this week along with some weight lifting and maybe yoga. I don't want to stop my activity cold turkey as I don't want to fall into a rut. I want to keep this exercise thing going!!!

I have a big challenge coming up. I will be going out of town on Monday next week and prob. not coming home till Sunday. We are going with my mom and sister to eastern Washington to Lake Chelan. It is a small town, resort area with a huge lake. We used to go there every year for holiday and it is lots of fun. It will be different to be there over the 4th of July holiday rather than my home town and mom's house where we usually go. I talked my husband into taking a few days off and so he will meet us there later in the week. I also asked my sister if I could stay at her cabin up in winthrop for the weekend. It is only about another 45 minutes from this Lake and their cabin is lovely. Her hubby had the land for years and years and finally built a cabin a few years ago. They love going there and getting away from it all. The town has the look of an old west town and is cute. I especially like if you go up in the mountains and you can see lots of deer which is cool. Once in a while you'll see one around the cabin. It's cool to get away from the city life and out in the country. I'll search around for a photo of the cabin...I'll find one around here somewhere and post it later.

Anyway, the challenge will be to eat right with all the eating out I will be doing! Especially Monday through Friday when we will be at a hotel. I plan to bring a cooler with a lot of healthy food and snacks inside and maybe bring my bike to ride. How do you all handle eating out? If it is a new area and restaurant I just try to make the best choice possible like having the dressing on the side or ordering salads or fruit or grilled chicken or the like. Like yesterday, after biking a bit, we went to Panera bread restaurant. They have awesome panini sandwiches and other fare but I opted for the vegetable soup and side garden salad. It's not really what I wanted but it was tasty. I was at some calorie site a while back, think it was 'calorieking' and the calories for this restaurants sandwiches was sky high! Like up to 900-1000 calories for some of the sandwiches! I was really surprised by that. I guess it wouldn't be too bad to do the 1/2 sandwich and salad or soup combo sometimes.

Do you often go out to eat? Do you limit your eating because of dieting? I have really been limited going out to eat lately unless I have to. Sometime I'll pick Applebees as they have food choice that are wt watcher items and have the points all figures out. The food isn't too bad but I was disappointed in their low cal salad. Also, sometimes I'll pick Subway sandwiches as I know they have a lot of low cal choices. (For you guys down under in Australia and New Zealand this prob. is like greek to you, right? Or do you have any of these chain restaurants there?)

Hope everyone is having a good week and I hope to get in a swim or walk today. Ok, not hope. I know I will exercise today!!

I've been tagged

I've been tagged by WannaBslim so here it goes.....

Instructions: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place.Then add your blog to the bottom slot...like so...

1. The Fat Lazy Guys Log
2. Sandie Bee
3. Diet Coke Rocks
4. Wanna.b.slim
5. Angelfish24

AND NOW FOR THE QUESTIONS:

What were you doing ten years ago?
We had just moved back to Washington after living in Maui and then Cayman Islands. It was the end of our scuba diving career/teaching as we decided to come back to reality, ummm, I mean the US and civilization and quit being beach bums and to settle down some. (now I wish we stayed longer! ha!)


What were you doing 1 year ago?
Going to college part time and also working at my son's preschool part time. Also, started this diet/healthy living quest about then.


Five snacks You Enjoy:
1. fruit
2. wt watchers or other low cal ice cream
3. yogurt
4. south beach bars for some protein
5. pea pods/carrot sticks with dip (but I'd rather have chocolate, ha!!! if only it was a low cal food)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Little Red Corvette, Prince
2. Lips of an Angel, Hinder
3. All I wanna do, Sheryl Crow
4. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz
5. Sitting, waiting, wishing, Jack Johnson

Five things you would do if you were a Millionaire:
1. Pay off all my debt and my house
2. Increase retirement fund
3. Increase college fund for my child
4. Do some traveling
5. Help out family

Five Bad Habits:
1. yo-yo dieting
2. emotional eating
3. sometimes indecisive
4. too nice
5. procrastination

Five Things You Like Doing:
1. Being with family
2. hanging with my friends
3. scuba diving
4. bike riding
5. getting some sun, and riding or driving a speed boat

Five Things You'll Never Wear Again:
1. Bikini
2. leotard
3. super high heels
4. fat pants (ha! some day!)
5. curly hair/perm like I had in the 80's, ha.

Five Favorite "toys":
1. my computer
2. my cell phone
3. my digital camera
4. scuba stuff
5. my new bike stuff/accessories, running shoes, my nano ipod, sport watch, ha! (Can you believe it.)

TAG :I tag....Sarah at Living to feel good, Spider63, and Celtic Girl (if you haven't done this tag before!)

Don't do what I always did before

What is the saying? Do as you always do, and you will get what you always got. Or something like that. What I mean is, why have all these years have I yo yo'ed up and down in weight? One time I got down to 170lbs with wt watchers but eventually after my goal of a vacation, I starting slowly ballooning back up, little by little.
I think it is a tendency to do the same thing again and again. First, usually I would join wt watchers and then diet like crazy. I would stick to the program totally and just about perfectly and lose pretty rapidly or at least pretty steadily. Then at some point I would go off the diet say 7 or 8 months later and eat too much one day. Then it's was every week I would eat too much. I would have all the food that wanted but hadn't been eating. Then the yo-yo syndrome, up then down and then up again on the scales. All the while probably messing up my metabolism even worse than just if I kept at the same weight. So some things that I've learned:

1) Don't be totally gung ho on a diet without having some foods I really enjoy, be they hi calorie every once in a while
2) practice moderation not perfection
3) keep up with the exercise matter what, if I miss a week I get right back to it
4) forgive myself for a relapse and then continue on with my healthy journey to be at a more healthy weight and fitness level
5) Don't ignore it when the scale starts moving up continuously. Take action and don't wallow in pity about how I can never get to my goal weight
6) there really is not getting to a goal and then going back to my habits that keep me heavy, I have to change for good if I really want this - to be at that healthy weight
7) Stay positive, don't go to the dark side....it is not the way for me. The force is strong with me. ha ha. (my son is watching star wars at the moment)
8) find ways to work on my self esteem that have nothing to do with weight loss. Learn a new skill, take a class, be a better person, be kinder, be more compassionate, be more understanding
9) stand up for myself when I am hurt. Deal with my feelings, don't turn to food!

Anyway, just some of what is going on in my head. I want this to be the last time I have to take off a significant amount of weight. It would be heaven to make it to goal and not have my wt fluctuate more than 5 pounds. This yo yo-ing of weight in the past is exhausting and has to stop!

In other news, I have decided to take down all my personal/relationship posts. Due to personal reasons. Due to thinking about it to much. Due to feeling to open and raw. Due to family that may want to read it. The people who saw the comments and commented, thank you, thank you. A lot of what you said really resonated with me and helped to see I am not a crazy lady just that I'm a normal woman who is sensitive and deserve to be treated right. So thanks for that.

I pulled my back yesterday when I was lifting a bike on my bike rack. I didn't use my legs to lift so now I am paying the price. I will slow down some this week due to the pain but I'm sure I can still get in my walking every day but maybe not the running or biking. Oh well, that's life.

My hubby did really well in his 1/2 ironman and decreased his time by over an hour from last year's triathalon. Thankfully, we have a little break in the tri's for now but he will have a big bike race up a mountain next month. He really enjoys his athletic endeavors so I support him in that as he will support me in my new career path.

I hope everyone has a good start to their week. I am still on track and had a pretty good weekend, eating wise even with the birthday lunch with my sister.

friends.....and weight loss strategies

Thanks everyone for weighing in on my dramas in my life!! Sometimes, when I don't get enough sleep I have a tendency to write a long post on the drivel in my life. But, today, I feel over it (well mostly) and feel pretty good. There are some things I would like to discuss with my hubby more and it will happen soon. Anyway, I don't really think I need therapy, you guys are my own dose of therapy and of course, my friends that I use as sounding boards once in a while.

I was thinking about friends. I used to make some new friends and then be disappointed when they didn't live up to what I expect out of friend. I treat them how I want to be treated. But, some people don't have the time to be a good friend or don't really do all the common courtesies that a real friend would. Ya know, call you back, don't back of of plans they made with you, make time for you. I think this is why I went back to some old friends from high school. About 2 years ago one of my good friends moved back to the area and wanted to started a girls group of our old friends. It has been great and usually get together once a month and once in a while I'll get together more with one or the other of them. It's just the distance. I moved like 1 hour south of Seattle and I'm way out here. I wish I could have a friend on a daily basis or at least weekly but it really doesn't happen except for phone and internet contact. I'm working on getting more friends in the area as it seems most my neighbors are retired and I don't have much in common with them though they are nice.

I think this is one of the problems my hubby has, making good friends. He doesn't keep in contact with friends from the past (from California) and he doesn't have that college base of friends. So, he gets them from work, or from the activities he is in. I feel for him though as it seems he has a hard time finding a good, dependable friend instead of a fair weathered or seasonal friend. So, I try to support him in this relationship with 'joe' and it is ok for him to be friends but not necessarily myself with 'joe'. I'm hoping we can find couple friends with kids!!! But it is so darn hard.

Ok, on to the diet talk. Just finished the 'beck diet solution'. I wasn't really following all the guidelines. I have a tendency to read every book out there and get something from it but then not follow the book to a T. But, I did get several good tips from the book. I refer to my 'reasons to lose weight' when I am feeling weak around food or my emotions are making me want to eat. I use the 'no choice' word in my head to not make that bad food choice. When I start to feel jealous of some food that someone else is having that is high-cal, I remind myself 'oh well, you can't eat like that at the moment, because you want to lose this weight more!' So it is working to some degree. Here's some quotes from the book:

'Once you recognize that food won't make your problems go away, dieting will be easier'
'Once I take steps to reduce my overall stress, dieting will be easier'
'Once I acept that exercise has to be a permanent part of my weight-loss program, dieting will be easier'

I really have accepted that exercise is necessary evil for wt loss success. I actually do enjoy it sometimes. Maybe not right when I'm breathing hard and sweating but after as I feel a sense of accomplishment or that exercise high.

Here's some problems/solution quotes in the book:
'recognize that you just don't have control - or not much control - over other people. The only one you really have control over is yourself. You can change your own thinking and behavior, but you can't necessarily change other people'

on hitting plateaus -
Sabotaging thought: This just isn't fair. I've really worked hard. I should keep losing like I have up until this point.
Helpful response: I have a choice now. I can dwell on how unfair it seems that the scale didn't go lower. Or I can focus on how much weight I've lost up to this pont and give myself credit for all of the changes I've made in my thinking and behavior so far.

Sabotaging thought: It's okay to skip exercising today because I don't want to, I'm tired, and I'm too stressed out.
Helpful response: It's not okay. Exercise is an essential part of losing weight and maintaining my weight loss.

Sabotaging thought: It's too much trouble to keep doing all these things.
Helpful response: Losing weight is very important to me. It does take effort to do these things, but the payoff is tremendous.

I thought I would share in case it helps out anyone else on their wt loss journey! I've made my 5 for 5 days of exercise and may even go for 6 today or tomorrow when I have more time. I've felt like a single parent all week so the hubby will have to take over some duties tomorrow. I need some 'me' time darnit! I am off now in a bit to help my sister celebrate her birthday today. She is 5 years older than me. I've also talked the other sister and 2 of her kids to come. We will go to Anthony's (a nice seafood restaurant). I have a plan, to have a salad or some other low cal entree and no cake if I can do it!!!!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Trying to stop the negative talk

Don't know why I'm thinking of this today but.....do you think it is worse to be thin and then get fat or to always be fat and struggle with your weight?

I don't know. I fall into the thin till I was about mid 20's and then got married or maybe even before starting putting on a few pounds, say 10, 20 or 30 and then lose it. Then gain again, let's say 10 pounds a year and then lose some (scuba jobs) but never get really thin and then really blimped up after having a child.

I think it is really painful either way. I think it is really painful to be overweight in this world. The looks you get, the comments from strangers or even friends or family. But mostly, the negative talk in my own head about letting myself go. That is a tough voice to squelch! I am reading some books that help me see that this negative talk is destructive to me and maybe even why I have not been successful all these years in getting back to a healthy weight. Something to ponder. Change the mind, change the body. I can see myself at a healthy weight. I can do the visualization trick that wt watchers says to do. You know, imagine yourself like on a beach with that healthy body and loving life and yourself. I see it as I can remember what I looked like when I was younger. And, I want that bad. Not the perfect body or even really thin. Just healthy and be able to shop in any store I want and not search for the 'fat clothes'. It is way beyond depressing to go into a store with someone looking for clothes and thinking 'I don't think I can fit into anything here'! And for the physical reasons...to be able to run fast, workout hard, just use my body the way it was intended to.

What's your thoughts on this subject? Can you turn your negative talk into positive self talk? I can say the positive things to myself all the time but on some days it just doesn't work and the negative voice in in full force. It is one of the hardest things I'm trying to overcome. Not that it will go away when I get thin. I mean self image is a hard one. But, most of my negative self talk is when I see my reflection at the gym and compare myself to other hard bodies. There are some I really admire at the gym for their physiche and all that they do to stay healthy. Well, I assume that they are healthy cause they look fit. One lady, who is a body builder or maybe it's more of a fitness model type body....she inspires me. She isn't too friendly though as she works at the gym and can be a little short when she talks to you. But, for some reason I keep running into to her. Like when she is working out at the weights, I ask for her advice on getting my knee stronger. Or when she was next to me in Yoga, a talk to her later and she divulges that she is suffering from strong upper back pain. So, she is kinda friendly, I just had to make the effort. I admire her strong, toned arms (kinda like the terminator lady). She has this tattoo that looks like a bandana around her bicep. Impressive. I know that will never be me but I still admire it. The dedication to a sport, to her physical fitness.

As for the scales, I'm happy they are going down but I gotta wonder how much is water weight? As I've read that you can only really lose 1 to 1.5 pounds of fat per week. But, I will take whatever I can get, bring on more bigger losses. If I am wt training and exercising and eating right, I can't be losing muscle? I hope not anyways.
I am missing my long bike rides. Now that summer is here I don't have the luxury of my son in preschool. So, i need to find ways to include him in exercise when I don't go to the gym. I took him to the track at the school by our house. He rode his bike while I walked and I kept an eye on him. So, this will work for running but I can't figure out a way to bike with him and get an aerobic workout at the same time. We do have this 1/2 bike that you can attach to a adult bike and pull him but I have a feeling it would be hard for me as I have enough trouble getting to a decent speed on my own. I guess I will have to wait for the hubby sometime to go bike riding with us. It just hasn't happened this week to do his extra work duties this week and his training for the big 1/2 ironman this weekend. Maybe I'll try a spinning/cycling class at the gym. Have you ever tried one? What do you think of it? I look in that spinning room and they are usually sweating up a storm.

Anyway, need to get off of this computer, I'm spending too much time on it today before the kiddie wakes up and I'm off to check out my new wt watchers magazine. Have a great week!

Weigh in....happy camper today

Ok, not tooting my own horn or anything with the little rocker above (I just thought it was cute!) but my weigh in for today is 210.5 pounds !! That makes a loss of 3.5 pounds!!! Wooohooo!!!! I can't believe it. I never get a really good loss. But these past 2 weeks I have worked out harder than ever before and the eating has fallen into line. I'm psyched to keep it going!!! Maybe I have a chance to get my 10 pds in 10 weeks challenge by July 4.

We were going to go to a pizza (chuck e cheese) playdate today and thankfully, the other mom wants to go to a playground instead. I won't have to be tempted by the pizza. It's not even good pizza it's just pizza in general that I have trouble with. If I take my son later, as he's still wanting to go there later, I will do the salad bar. I have control over what I put into my mouth. I should also try to control what my son eats to some points as he's little chunky.

I watched the 'celebrity fit club' finale that I taped on dvr and I was taping it to watch Ross, do you know him? The one that works for The Jay leno/tonight show. He's funny and he lost 41 pounds on the show and now a total of 50 pounds all together. They also had Maureen (can't remember her last name) who used to play Marcia Brady long ago on the Brady Bunch. She lost a lot of weight too and looked awesome. But, the observation that bummed me out last night was that Ross's starting weight was 214 pounds!!! And he looks like he is not a short man. Do you ever do that? Think of your weight and compare it to a man or to a fricken football player????? Something's not right with me weighing as much as a man. I know, I will get below 200 sometime in a month or so and then I will work my way down the scales.

I was also surprised in the triathalon for a regular sprint one, if you don't race with your age group you can race as a 'fattie'. Of course they call it the 'Athena' class is you are over 150 pounds. Or the 'clydesdale' if you are over a certain weight for men (not sure what the weight is but prob. 200). At first, I was thinking, that's fat phobia!! But I guess I can see if you have an overweight woman and want to race in your age group and don't want to be compared to a thin woman that is prob. faster, you can race in the chubby group. Kind of depressing as 150 is my goal or possible 145 as that is the wt watcher top goal weight for a healthy bmi.

I'm also having major insomnia. I mean I could not get to sleep all night!!! I finally got in 3 hours this morning and thank god my son doesn't get up early. I don't know what is going on, I'm not really stressed or anything. I did work out later than usual though.

I'm going for 5 days exercise this week so I start on Monday with my count and got in 2 workouts so far. I will try for my third today! Ok, gotta get going to that play date. Have a great week!!!

trip to emergency

Had a scare last night with my son. He got his thumb caught in our honda van's door. It looked bad and dented so we were at emergency for 3 hours last night! It is puffed up good but the good news is it isn't broken. I'm so relieved. Those automatic side doors aren't supposed to close on anyone's hand it's supposed to open back up. We will be more careful with the automatic door opener and how the door was getting stuck at about 6 inches out. My hubby didn't know my son was right there and he closed the door to get it reset and to open again and we hear the scream. arrgghgh.!!! Nothing like feeling helpless when your child is hurt but he was a trooper. I got to see the xray tech in action and that is what I am studying for so I was checking out what he does so that was one plus!

We were having the worst luck yesterday. First, I lost my cell phone and later we were running late to get home as we were swimming at the gym. The phone rings on my way home at 7pm and I find my phone in between seats in my car. It's my hubby and he worked late and missed the last commuter train as there is only 3 and doesn't have his bike he normally rides. He was running to train for the big race this weekend. So, he can't possibly run back 22 miles or whatever it is but he ran halfway. So away we go 1/2 hour up the freeway and finally find him on the biking trail. Then back to his van at the commuter/parking lot and then the finger accident. Argggghh. day from hell. Oh well, it's over and hopefully he will heal soon.

We were going to go bike ride as it's a decent day but he says his finger hurts so we will do something else. Maybe back to the gym. I do sometimes hate putting him in daycare and feel guilty for that hour but I need my workout time! And it is good daycare. On the diet front, it is going well and will see a loss tomorrow I will post it on Wednesday. I'm confident, huh? I have been weighing in daily so I'm seeing it go down some. I've had to tone down the intensity of the exercise the last few days due to my cough/cold. It wouldn't be good for someone to see me hacking on the elliptical machine. I hate when people come to the gym sick so I'm taking it easy and will walk today.

I'm thinking of buying the tanita scale. My scale fluctuates sometimes within minutes on my cheap digital so I want to be sure of what I'm weighing. I'm also getting anxious to lose weight faster!! I want this lard off and down under 200 lb now! But I know, I know, patience is the key. I can't get down about having to lose this same poundage again, it does me no good.

Hope everyone is having a good week!